You're walking down the street when you see your neighbor waiting for the bus. You rush up to them cheerily saying, "Hey!" while waving like a loon. As you get closer to them you suddenly realize that it isn't your neighbor at all. It's a horrifying experience that I'm sure we've all been in. The people in the following stories have experienced this but their stories are on a whole higher level of mortification.
Almost Getting The Boss Fired
“I used to work in a pretty casual office environment and everyone that worked there were pretty good friends – we would hang out outside of work quite a bit, etc. We always messed with each other, threw things at one another, that kind of thing.
We hired a new guy (Curtis) who was pretty straight-laced and a little uptight. In our shared office, we had a box fan on the floor, and the boss came in and saw our friend and coworker, Brent, with his back turned to the door, slightly bent over, adjusting the controls on the box fan. There’s only one other guy in the office, sitting at his desk, doing his thing, and watching this event unfold.
The boss sneaks over to Brent and proceeds to give him what was described later as a ‘hateful’ wedgie. The boss has a solid grip on the waistband and is practically lifting Brent off the floor with repeated upward yanks of his underwear. The boss looks over at the other guy sitting at his desk and is like, ‘Yeah, check out what I’m doing to Brent!’ He then notices the look of horror on his face as he’s sitting there.
As the boss is yanking on underwear, he gets a little confused at why the other guy isn’t laughing. He looks back to Brent and realizes that, of course, it’s NOT Brent, but the new guy, Curtis (this was like his second day at work).
Hardcore apologies follow, I mean, he can’t apologize enough.
The boss calls me later, really worried, ‘I ASSAULTED that guy today at work, what am I going to do? I have zero explanation for it. If he goes to Human Resources, what am I going to say? That I thought it was some OTHER employee I was giving a wedgie to?’
Thankfully, Curtis was understanding and didn’t really raise a stink, and although none of us work there anymore, we still refer to ‘mistaken identity’ from time to time.”
Mom Will Ruin The Mood Quickly
“My fiancé and I were visiting her sister who lives in New Mexico. We live in Tennessee. Her sister is super conservative so during our week stay there, I bunked with my fiancé’s nephews and she bunked with her niece.
As we were driving back to Tennessee my fiancé and I started to message each other via Facebook of all the dirty things we wanted to do to each other cause we had not even spent 5 minutes alone together. At the same time, my fiancé and I are messaging, my mom is also messaging me telling me to be careful and to give her updates on where we were.
At the time my fiancé’s profile pic was a pink ribbon for cancer awareness and my mother a picture was a pink flower for the same reason. I send a message that said, ‘With that naughty talk, you are getting a spanking when you get home.’ I thought I had sent this to my fiancé, but I sent it to my mom. I was horrified and I sent a message immediately after telling her that was not for her and that I was embarrassed. It took her about 20 agonizing minutes to message back, ‘Ain’t no way anyone is spanking me, especially you.’ Thank god my mom has a sense of humor.”
Sorry, Not Sorry
“The grocery store I worked at had a couple who were by far the worst people I have ever dealt with. They would start their complaining as soon as they walked in. From the grocery carts to a piece of garbage in the parking lot and would not stop until they walked out the door. One afternoon they came in wanting peppermint ice cream in the middle of the summer. My grocery store had it’s own brand of special ice cream with a new seasonal flavor every month or two. I told them we didn’t have it and kind of smiled thinking he was joking.
They weren’t and called me rude and walked away to go find a manager. I stock a few more boxes of frozen peas and as I’m standing there I hear the guy I’m working with asked what happened and I assume it was him standing in the fogged up freezer door. I said, ‘It was the idiot couple again. I wish they would go to another store.’ I close the door and it wasn’t the guy I was working with, it was the husband. He shrieked, ‘This is unacceptable!’ and stomped off. Think Joe Lo Truglio in ‘I Love You, Man’ high pitched voice.
About 5 minutes later my really cool and relaxed manager called me to the manager’s office. He asked me about it, I denied it and so did the guy I worked with. He says that is what I thought and dropped it.”
And You Are?
“I once went to a meeting in lieu of my boss. I had looked at the invitees and there was a new VP of HR I would be meeting. So, when I walked in, I held out my hand and introduced myself to the only woman in the room.
It turned out she was also sitting in for the boss, the new VP of HR. It was the HR rep who handled a bunch of really difficult situations for me, both personal and professional. I had known her for years.
I had to pretend that I had lost a contact. There was no socially-acceptable excuse and, at the time, I didn’t even know what face-blindness was. I thought I just didn’t care enough about people to commit their faces to memory. I went through the first 40 years of my life thinking I was just a jerk.”
RUN!
“When I was about 18 and my cousins were 14 and 16, I decided a girls day of shopping was in order. At a store in the mall, I had to use the bathroom and they said they’d wait for me.
Just as I finish, I hear my two cousins whispering and they both shuffle into the stall next to mine. We always play jokes on each other, so I assumed they’d pop out and surprise me. I go to the sink to wash my hands like normal. Then I wad up a whole mess of paper towels and run them under the sink water. I then run to their stall and whip it over the top soaking them and all I hear is HEY and OMG. I’m giddy that I got the drop on them first and dash outside…running straight into my two cousins who were still waiting for me.I made them run with me until we were far away before I explained why we had to run.
Sorry mall strangers.”
In The Olden Days That Would Get Your Head Cut Off
“I was at an international conference. I saw somebody from Spain I thought I knew who was a visiting professor. He was passing me and I waved casually and said, ‘Hey, Pablo.’
Then I realized that wasn’t Pablo. That was a visiting member of the royal family of Spain. He was the president and CEO of a very large Spanish bank. This was one of the most powerful and influential people at the conference, and I’d just called him, ‘Pablo’. I figured this was the equivalent of somebody from Spain calling me ‘Joe’ because I was from America.
I knew I had to apologize. I went over to a friend and asked him what the gentleman’s name was so I could beg forgiveness. When he saw who I was pointing to, he said, ‘Oh, you mean Pablo?'”
A Guy Can’t Even Go To The Washroom In Peace Anymore
“Was at a rest stop with a buddy of mine and we both enter stalls to pinch our respective loaves. Apparently, without me knowing, he chose a different, cleaner stall.
As I was finishing up, I hear this horrific grunting and poo explosions next door. Of course, I have to harass ‘my friend’ in the otherwise presumed empty bathroom.
‘Way to punish that toilet!’
‘What have you been eating?’
‘… How about a courtesy flush?’
‘Oh man, that reeks!’
I exit the stall and my friend is already out washing his hands. He had heard me harassing someone and assumed it was our other friend. We left quickly.”
Keep Your Hands To Yourself In A Public Bathroom
“I was having dinner with some friends at a steakhouse. My buddy’s meal didn’t agree with him, so he excuses himself to the restroom where he proceeds to take a massive dump. A few minutes later, he returns to the table looking like he had just seen a ghost. ‘Was it you? Was it you?’ He asked.
Apparently, while he was sitting in the stall, a man stepped up to the adjacent urinal. He was only able to see the guy’s feet, and the dude was wearing jeans and cowboy boots. I was also wearing jeans and cowboy boots.
Thinking this poor guy was me, my friend reaches under the stall and grabs the guy’s pants near his ankle. He’s tugging on them while saying, ‘What are you doing over there, (my name)?!’
A deep voice responds, ‘I ain’t (my name).'”
Maybe It’s Best To Stick To A Hand Shake From Now On In Public Places
“In Union Station in Washington, DC, my girlfriend was going to meet my train from New York City. She wasn’t at the gate, so I went to the main concourse. There she was, at a store looking at earrings.
I came up behind her, put my arms around her waist and kissed her neck. She screamed. Same hair, same jacket (Schott motorcycle jacket, a la The Ramones), same height (5’4”), same footwear (Red Converse All-Star Chuck Taylors). Of course, it wasn’t her. ‘God, I’m so sorry, I thought you were my girlfriend from the back.’ My clean-cut looks and sincere apology got me off without an assault charge. I later found my girlfriend, who was running late. We crossed paths with my unintended victim and she understood with a smile.”
Starting The Relationship Out On A Painful Note
“I was standing in line alone waiting for my food at this restaurant last February. I saw this really pretty girl approaching me from the corner of my eye and I was excited that this girl was about to talk to me. She came up to me, slapped me in the face as hard as she could, then walked away. I was, honestly, in pain and very confused.
Also, they had just called my order number so I had to make a decision to either run after this mysterious slapper woman or get my burger. I was really hungry, but just a little more curious. I chased her into the parking lot, and yelled, ‘Hey, I don’t know you!’ She turned around and I noticed she was crying. She had just realized I was not who she thought I was and said, ‘I’m so terribly sorry, I thought you were my ex-boyfriend.’
She then went on to tell me how he cheated on her and left her when she needed him. She said she would take me out for dinner to apologize. We went out that weekend and ended up dating for 3 months.”
But Will You Buy Me This Toy?
“I was in the Disney store with my stepdad when I was 6 and I saw an awesome Mickey Mouse toy that was literally the most amazing thing I’d ever seen – I ran over, picked it up and turned around to start looking for my stepdad. I saw a leather jacket and thought, ‘Yup that’s him.’ Then ran over, put the teddy in the basket and grabbed his hand to drag him over to the counter. I pulled him about 15 yards to the check out to purchase my new toy when I saw my stepdad out of the corner of my eye and immediately had a meltdown moment.
I turned around to see who I had kidnapped and saw an attractive blonde lady laughing her butt off while I turned red. I wanted the floor to swallow me; the most embarrassing thing to happen to 6-year-old me. Now, whenever I see attractive blondes I have this feeling that they’re judging me.”
Now You’ll Know How You’ll Really React If You Really Get Kidnapped
“I was actually the ‘wrong person’ in the story for this one. I was sitting in my mom’s car with my little brother waiting for her to finish up with the shopping a few years back. Apparently, our car had looked quite similar to another man’s car, because he had hopped right in, sat down, and proceeded to try and put his keys in the ignition.
I pretty much just sat there quietly watching him for a minute or so before I said, ‘Hey there.’ The poor guy jumped nearly out of his skin, turned to me, thought for a brief moment, (obviously English wasn’t his first language), yelled, ‘Sorry! Wrong car!’ Then ran off. I got a pretty good laugh out of it, although looking back… If he ended up being a kidnapper, I did not react correctly.”
Those Girls Would Be Useless In A Zombie Apocalypse
“After my friend’s zombie-themed party was busted by the cops, we decided to head to the bars to finish the night, while dressed up like zombies. Well, my buddy calls and tells us he parked down the street and to hurry up and get in the car. Well, my brother and I see my buddies car so we run and jump in the seat and say something like, ‘Drive! Go, go!’ This is followed by the deafening sound of two girls screaming at the top of their lungs. Turns out my buddy managed to park next to the same make, model, and color car. I felt bad for those girls, they just had two guys covered in fake blood just jump into their car and it wasn’t even close to Halloween.”
Always Watch Were You Put Wet Hands
“I was out at a bar with friends. No way to dry my hands after using the restroom, so I come out with wet hands. I approach a buddy of mine from behind, grab his arm with my still wet hands and say, ‘Dude, can you help me get my quarter out of the toilet?’
Dude was not my buddy – didn’t know him at all.”
Everybody Grows Up
“I saw one of my friends from third grade once walking down the street with his mom. I slapped him on the back and said, ‘Remember me? We went to elementary school together!’ He started crying and I realized, ‘Oh wait, he would’ve grown up too.'”
Then The Entire Family Collectively Threw Up
“My in-laws had six kids. I was married to the eldest. Forget the occasion, but we all went out for breakfast one Sunday. We took multiple cars. We park and start walking towards the restaurant when a girl in front of us leans into her trunk to get something. My father in law says, ‘Check out the butt on that one.’ At which point his youngest daughter stands up and turns around. Hilarity.”
That’s The Kind Of Misunderstanding That Will Get You Arrested
“I was getting picked up to go to the laundromat once. I saw my friend’s van outside and I rushed out to put my laundry bag in like I always do. It took me a solid minute to realize that as I was struggling to shove this giant bag of dirty clothes in the back seat, there were 6 very old people, staring at me with the most stunned faces I’ve ever seen. I just backed away slowly, pulling the laundry bag off this poor guy’s lap, and dashed back in the house. I’m pretty sure they thought I was going to rob them.”
Always Make Sure You Have The Right Butt
“My wife and I were at her sister’s house, and I walk into the kitchen, where I saw my wife talking to someone (I forget who). Anyway, I started caressing her butt. As she turned around, I was mortified to see it was her sister, who looks exactly like my wife from the back, apparently. We all laughed about it, but I was completely embarrassed.”
Kind Of A Break And Enter
“I came home a little inebriated to my new apartment. When I walked in my roommates were having a small gathering so naturally, I began introducing myself to all the new people, ‘Hi. I’m (my name). I just moved into the third bedroom.’ The first three people just said, ‘Hi.’ But the fourth person said, ‘No you didn’t… Who are you?’ This was about the time I realized the posters on the wall had changed and the couch looked a little different. I lived on a third-floor walk up and only walked up two floors before opening someone else’s door.”
Sometimes You End Up Just Digging Yourself Deeper
“I was sitting in my university’s library computer lab and I feel a hand lightly rubbing my back.
A girl behind me says, ‘Hey, baby!’ in a slow, seductive way and starts to sit down next to me. I turn around and her face turns into a look of horror.
‘Oh, God! I’m so sorry! I thought you were my friend, I didn’t mean it! AH! I don’t mean to say that you aren’t good looking… I just mean… I’m sure you’re really nice… I’m just… I am so sorry!”
And off she went. Sometimes less of an apology is better.”
Flattered, But No Thanks…
“I had just gotten a new phone, so I had lost all of my old contacts, including my boyfriend’s.
He sent me a message on Facebook with his number. I put it on my phone as the first contact. Sent him a text saying something like, ‘Hey babe, it’s me.’ Another random, ‘I love you.’ Text. Well, turns out he was running late from work that day. I texted him something like, ‘Hey babe, working late again? I miss you sweetie pie!’ No response. I called and no answer. So I left a voicemail. ‘Hey honey, I miss you. Let me know about the time you’ll come home so I can have dinner made. Love you, babe!’ About an hour later, I get a voicemail from my ‘him’. ‘Hey uh…so I’m very flattered by all of lovely texts and voicemails, but, I’m not your lovey honey sweetie pie, hope you hear from him soon!’
I was mortified.”
The Things Awkward Family Dinners Are Made Of
“One of my wife’s friends told us she walked up behind her husband while he was doing the dishes and grabbed his package. Turns out it was actually her father-in-law.”
Helping Strangers Make Healthy Choices
“I was shopping with my wife in the grocery store. We were trying to eat healthily, and I catch her in the cookie aisle getting a jumbo pack of Oreos. I say, ‘Honey, we don’t need that!’ She turns around and it is a complete stranger, same haircut, and jacket. I stammer out, ‘Oops I’m sorry…’ but she interrupts, ‘You know, you’re right. I don’t need this!’ And puts it back.”
Scaring Children, One Pool At A Time
“I was 21 when I was hanging out with my family and my uncle’s family around a public pool outside a hotel. My cousin was 7 years old. I surprised him by coming from behind, tossing him in the air and into the water. When I turned around, I saw my cousin standing beside my uncle who was staring at me with disbelief. Standing next to them were two horrorstruck parents wondering why I had randomly tossed their child into the water.”
Always Play It Off Like It Was A Joke
“I was sleeping over at someone’s house and he was being very annoying. At around 9 I was so fed up I texted another friend, ‘Hey wanna hang out I’m at (this guy’s) house and he is being a whiny child.’ I somehow sent that to the friend whose house I was at. I tried to play it off as a joke but I think he knew.”
Just A Friendly Stranger Helping People Grocery Shop
“I was with my wife at the grocery store a few months back and we were getting ingredients for tacos. I had the next ingredient, black beans, which aren’t particularly light, to place in the basket she’s holding.
So I turn around from where I’m standing, see her to my back left with her back towards me, reach around her and place the can in the basket. I then turn around to look for the next ingredient, grab it, turn around and as I’m turning I see my wife all the way down the aisle. ‘How the heck did she get there that fast?!?’
I turn to where she was just standing. Not my wife. I then scurry to my wife, grab her basket, put it on the shelf and proclaim, ‘We have to go, we’re eating pizza tonight.’
I still wonder what that poor girl thought when she got to the cashier/home and found a rogue can of black beans.”
Points have been edited for clarity