There's a lot of reasons for a couple to go to counseling; there are communication issues, one of them cheated on the other, or they just really need to talk to a third party. Whatever the reason may be, going to see a counselor can make a huge impact on the relationship. just ask these people.
Dad Tried To Keep It A Secret
“My biological parents went to couples counselling once, and the therapist apparently asked them why they were there because he didn’t think they had a relationship worth counselling (As in, he thought they should just break up since they didn’t have kids and weren’t married).
They proceeded to have an unplanned child (which turned out to be me) and then my dad married someone else before I was six months old. He didn’t tell my stepmom about me (however, she eventually found out).
Hearing about the couples counselling years later from my dad was a little surreal since I already knew the outcome. I guess the therapist couldn’t have known, but maybe he could’ve given them different advice?”
“We Still Think Of His Advice”
“My husband and I went way back in the 1990s. A good guy. We still think of his advice.
Our main issues? Communication, of course. We learned that our presumptions of the other person’s understanding were based on our own points of view and prior life experiences. That we’d ‘translate’ what the other said instead of ‘hearing’ what they’d said, and our translations were usually wrong.
And our individual points of view, based on our prior life experiences were laden with so much emotional baggage (family, friends, expectations, etc), and some needed to be unloaded, or at least understood.
The counselor also said that many people ‘fail’ counseling because they’re not willing to answer the tough questions, let alone ask them. And that, yes, we both tended to overanalyze and beat an issue to death, but that since we were both like that, it likely wouldn’t be an issue–and that we likely made the best decision with the available information, at the time of making (but needed confidence in doing so).
He was great.”
“Never Had More Respect For A Counselor”
“My first marriage was a roller coaster of a ride. I married a bipolar woman that refused to take her medication because in her words, they made her ‘feel blah.’ She insisted on counseling. We go and the counselor doesn’t take her side and blame me for everything, so she blows up on me when we leave. She insisted that the counselor was a sham, so we go to another. Same deal but worse because this counselor calls her out on not taking her medication. So she wants to go to another one.
We schedule and she makes an excuse to skip, but insists I go. So I go and for several visits, it’s just me. The counselor then gets my former wife to come to for one for just her. The next time I go to the counselor, she looks me in the eye and says, ‘I think we need to start preparing for the probability that your marriage could fail.’
Never had more respect for a counselor than her right then. She wouldn’t tell me what my wife said to her during their session, but she cared enough to give as much warning as she could. Without counseling, I would’ve been blindsided.”
“Sorry Counselor Lady”
“I was a stupid client to a marriage/couples counselor. When my (now ex) boyfriend and I were both 16, we had only been dating for six months or so when he cheated on me with a mutual friend. His mom INSISTED we needed to go to couples therapy because of what he did.
She made us an appointment and drove us there. We couldn’t just, you know, break up like normal teenagers do. We had to sit through an hour-long session with a counselor instead.
Sorry, counselor lady.”
“All She Wanted Was A Little Help”
“I knew a young couple who had just gotten engaged, and they immediately went to couples counseling. However, it was not because they were having problems, but because they wanted to prevent any sort of problem from the start. My pastor was the one who got the chance to counsel them.
Needless to say, about 15 years later, their marriage almost fell apart because the wife was going through major postpartum depression. She could barely function and ended up moving back home with her parents and her kids for about six months while her husband was going on as if nothing was wrong. The wife kept blaming herself for not being subordinate to her husband according to how ‘Christ would have wanted.’
All she wanted was a little help with wrangling three kids, one of which was a newborn, the middle kid was in diapers, and the oldest was just finishing potty training. The wife lost a lot of weight, and when I saw her suffering, I wanted to reach out but I didn’t feel like it was my place to put my nose into their business, so I didn’t say anything.
They eventually got back together, and they act like nothing ever happened. Of course, the kids are all now in school, so the wife does housewife things and her husband works at the university as a professor of theology.
Weird times.”
She Did Not Expect To See That
“My marriage counselor committed adultery with my then-husband while the kids and I were out of the country on vacation. He was joining us later because of some work things. Those emails were fun to read.
Apparently, they would meet at the beach for their ‘sessions’ usually around 7 pm, and someone would bring some bubbly drinks.
I only saw the emails between them because my phone had died, and was watching Netflix on his. He was asleep and up pops an email from her. Which was odd. I read it and saw them. I took screenshots, sent them to myself, marked hers unread.
I decided to wait until morning to take action.
So the next morning, I loaded the kids into the car during breakfast. Announced we were going out. My husband and his parents were looking at each other, confused thinking I’d lost the plot. I said I’d email ‘You all when I arrive at somewhere with WiFi’ (we lived abroad).
That was when the penny dropped for him. His father was so mad that he’d just let me get up and take the car like that during a meal. The kids were confused. So I took them to a popular indoor play chain that serves breakfast. We had a blast. My ex was FURIOUS that I took screenshots and sent them to the counselor and CC’d him in an email titled ‘I think my husband is having an affair.’
Unfortunately, that isn’t what broke us. But he did convince me to let her keep her job. I told everyone about her. She couldn’t keep her rent in our affluent living area, so she left and went somewhere else. At least I will never have to see her again.”
The Unseen Communication Issue
“My ex-wife suggested we go to marriage counseling because she felt we needed to work on communication. I was slightly confused since we never really fought about anything, and I didn’t know that much was amiss.
So I went with her and we had several sessions. After a while, it basically turned into just parenting classes since we didn’t seem to have any issues to work on.
Then one day she tells me she’s into both men and women, and is going to go sleep with a married couple she’s been friends with for a week because that’s the only thing that’s going to make her happy.
It would have been nice to know in marriage counseling that that was the real issue she was wanting to work on, since I had no idea she was struggling with her identity. Guess there really was a communication issue.”
“You’re Going To Kill Me”
“I once made my husband sign a contract that he would NOT bring home any more dogs from anywhere. This was after four or five ‘rescues,’ all with various weird behavioral issues. Since I worked from home, I always got the honors of taking care of them, while also having small children (I love dogs as much as anyone ever could, but it was getting to be a little too much).
The final straw that caused the ‘contract’ was the dog he brought home that took running starts and knocked down closed doors in our house.
He ended up bringing home another dog after the ‘contract,’ and told me ‘You’re going to kill me,’ before bringing it to the house. She was starving and in bad shape. Was a sweet dog that we had for a long time.
Never went to counseling over his animal hoarding, but maybe should have.”
He Even Had The Therapist On His Side
“I was in couples therapy with my ex-husband.
He was abusive and manipulative, a heavy drinker and narcissist with a hideous temper.
Just to mess with me, he would gaslight me by saying IN THERAPY that I gaslighted him. The therapist was convinced I was the abuser trying to manipulate the sessions in my favor.
When I didn’t remember some things my ex-husband brought up in session (because he made them up, but I was so strung along that I didn’t understand what was going on at the time), it just looked like I was feigning ignorance.
After it was over and I had kicked him out at last, all of these little realizations came over me, including that one. I saw the therapist on my own a few times after that to try to get sorted and he was appalled.”
“It Got Really Weird At The End
“I ran into an ex-girlfriend after being broken up for a long time. We decided to go to couples counseling as friends to clarify some stuff from the past.
We went to the session. Talked about some heavy stuff, but then ended up being very supportive to each other and laughed and stuck up for each other in a weird way.
At the end, the counselor guy was just staring at us sort of dumbfounded and said something along the lines of ‘Uh, you two clearly need to get back together.’
I just remembered his face. He was looking at us like we were idiots. I think the idea of a post break up couples counseling as friends might have been a new thing as well
We got back together for about two weeks. I was away for work, and she went on a vacation with another guy. When I found out about it, she said ‘she didn’t know she wasn’t supposed to.’
We were very much in love for quite a few years but at the end of our relationship, she really started acting weird. She started acting out in crazy ways, cheating on me while I was at work and blaming me. She even started a weird alter ego, and she would get mad at me over literally nothing at all. It got really weird at the end.
This was five or so years ago. Last I heard, she had quit her job and sort of lives like a hobo. I friend of a friend mentioned her one time and I found out she had gotten a ticket for driving while under the influence and had cheated on her current boyfriend.
The counseling part was still very useful. I recommend counseling to anyone who has persistent relationship problems. I think the idea of a post-break-up counseling session is not a bad idea either (if it was a serious relationship). Saying things out loud to a stranger can make you realize how dumb a lot of stuff really is.
I’ll always cherish the good years with that girl. We had a very fun and interesting world together. I hope she is doing well. I learned a lot from that relationship which set me onto the path of a much better life and a much more mature outlook on communication and relationships.”
He Turned Things Around On Her
“I listened to my ex-boyfriend when he urged counseling after I busted cheating on me with one of his friends. He was a master manipulator and he quickly fooled the counselor and me.
The result was the worst mind messing of my life and extreme financial exploitation. Never ever again will I have faith in a psychologist or be convinced to fully trust another human. He easily used her as a tool against me. Those were the darkest days of my life.”
“Why Did You Even Ask?”
“My parents really could have benefited from getting couples therapy. Apart from them having a broken marriage and fixing it with a second baby (which was me) the final straw was my dad asking my mom whether she wanted a red or white drink during our Christmas meal.
My mom refused to answer because ‘after 18 years of marriage you should know what drink I like!’ (I hate passive aggressiveness). After a long back and forth snappy comments, my mom eventually burst out that she wanted white, and how my dad was an imbecile for not knowing which she wanted. To which my dad responded: ‘Well, you only got red here, so I don’t know what you want me to do.’
This didn’t help in my mom’s outburst, ‘THEN WHY DID YOU EVEN ASK?!’
At the time, I was 12. I was heartbroken because this was the kickoff to my parents getting a divorce, but in hindsight, when I talk to my dad about it, I can have a laugh. It was after all the best troll he ever pulled.
My mom is still bitter about it, 16 years later.”
It Was A Blessing In Disguise
“I had a lot of issues with my ex-husband, and we needed to see someone about them. Somehow, I would be apologizing for my anxiety and defensive reactions and everything in the session and he would be seemingly supportive. Then on the drive home, he would ambush me with how he ‘really felt.’ Then, during the next session, I’d start to mention the things he brought up on the ride home the previous week and it was, ‘We’re here to fix you honey, not me.’
I thought things were bad before but little did I know they were about to get a lot worse.
The counselor switched me to a solo session where he warned me that it would be really difficult to try and hold a relationship together with an unstable person. Soon after I switched to solo counseling for my anxiety, my ex-husband texted me while I was at the counselor’s with my phone off. He told me he was moving out, getting a job and would send for his things.
Within two weeks of him moving out, I was feeling less physical symptoms of anxiety, the crushing twisting feeling in my chest was going away. He often called, usually leaving messages while I was at work, and talked about how miserable he was at his new place. One night, he actually called when I was available and talked about himself for 45 minutes straight, then asked how I was.
I started to say I was ‘doing well,’ and was about to talk about my work when he started shouting at me over the phone that I was spiteful and lying just to hurt him because he knew how I was miserable and nothing without him. After not dealing with that for two weeks, it was a real wake-up call. That was our last phone call.
A couple of weeks later, he sent an email that he was moving back in. I reminded him that he had texted me that he had found a place, was getting a job, and would send for his stuff. I had boxed his things in the intervening month and that he would not be unpacking them where I lived. If he moved back in, I would be moving out. I filed for divorce once we’d lived separate for a month, different states have different rules about cohabitation and divorce. The counselor had me go through all his written communications, texts, and emails, looking for falsehoods, gas-lighting, broken promises, flip-flops, hurtful hyperbole, etc.
Then he had me refute them. I was not weak without him, I was not useless, I was not stupid, I was feeling better, I was successful, I had friends, etc. By the time I was halfway through my divorce, I no longer had any symptoms of anxiety. I have only gone back to counseling once over some stress from a work conflict.
Four years later, and I still get defensive and have to remember that I’m not being set up or trapped into being wrong when there’s a disagreement or misunderstanding. Sometimes people have different opinions and are not trying to force you to agree, and sometimes words come out garbled and the message isn’t clear, that isn’t a trap, it’s life and it’s okay.”
“Happier Than I’ve Ever Seen Them”
“I remember my mom telling me about my parents going to marriage counseling. The root of everything was my dad felt unfulfilled in his life, he is a drummer and spent most of his life playing in bands. But he gave that up when my mom got pregnant with my sister. He still had a kit in the garage, but barely ever played it. It took them three sessions to understand my dad just wanted to play in bands again and he didn’t know how to tell her because he thought she would be opposed. My mom loves live music and going out, and she and I have no idea why he thought she wouldn’t approve.
That was about 12 years ago, and my dad is now pursuing music full-time in a three-piece instrumental progressive rock band with his best friends, and my mom is his biggest supporter. They go out to his gigs multiple days a week, they have a whole new set of friends that they love, and they’re happier than I’ve ever seen them.”
That Was Quick
“My anger management group facilitator told us a funny story about a couple that came in for counseling. The husband wanted to write a book. The wife said she would work and do everything around the house for a year while he worked on his book. So he quit work and wrote his book while she did everything.
The book got published and was a hit. The publisher asked him to do a book signing tour. The wife was furious. She had supported him writing the book and she was done. They came to the appointment and explained the situation.
The therapist asked the wife, ‘So what would it take for you to be ok with the book tour?’
She said, ‘A trip to Hawaii with my sister.’
The husband was like, ‘Really? Done.’
The appointment was over in five minutes.”
“Come On Girl, Run”
“My ex-boyfriend made an appointment for us when he got his side girl pregnant. I was 26 and in grad school, lonely, stressed, and horribly gas lit, and went along. At the time the therapist would say ‘if he hasn’t changed by now he’s not going to change. Usually I’m trying to keep people together, but I’m not sure I can now,’ and I would get mad. Now I look back and think, ‘Come on girl, run.’
We broke up about three or four months later. It hurt unbelievably for a bit at first, but after some time, distraction, and actual effort to move forward coupled with a year of deciding to just be single, I am now doing phenomenally. It’s so easy to want to keep something even if it’s disgusting and poisonous, because you don’t see all the lying and cheating. You see the cute falling asleep together and hand-holding. But staying is worse than leaving sometimes, and I am just so happy to be out of that and as far away from that dumpster fire of his life as possible.”
Both Parties Were Happy
“My wife and I continually got into the same argument. It was always about me being a homebody and wanting to leave social gatherings early, and her always wanting to stay until we are the last ones there. I felt like she never appreciated the fact that I was willing to put in a good four or five hours of social effort before wanting to leave, and she felt like I was always asking when we were going to leave.
After having the same argument year in and year out, we took it to a counselor. We finally decided on a compromise that works for both of us. If it’s her family/friends get-together, she gets to decide when we leave. If it’s mine, then I get to decide when we leave. It’s hard to separate frustration, anger, resentment, and overall negative feelings from a discussion sometimes, and counselors can help with that, while also providing communication tips.”
“She Was Insufferable”
“I had a guy friend whose now ex-wife dragged him to couples counseling because he was ‘too nurturing,’ and she wanted him to be ‘more of a real man.’ She actually complained about how when her female friends sat around complaining about their husbands, she couldn’t join in, because my friend wasn’t an emotionally stunted man-child.
Halfway through their first session, he told her he wanted a divorce and walked out of the room. That was right after she’d been telling the therapist about how she’d known he wasn’t an archetypal ‘man’s man’ when they got together, but that she’d always thought she could change him into ‘a real man.’
My goodness, she was insufferable.”
He Couldn’t Help But Laugh
“My dad spent the last twenty years of his career as a prison psychologist partially to escape marriage counseling. He really loved his career, but this was one story that made him quit.
Husband and wife are dysfunctional, husband was morbidly obese and prone to constipation. They dealt with it by hooking a water hose up to the tub faucet and giving him an enema over the tub. They were doing this and the wife goofed and flooded her husband with pure hot water. He freaked out and fell into the tub. As a result of his fall, he split the back of his head on the faucet, and started screaming about his butt being on fire while the wife could do nothing but laugh hysterically.
They told my dad this with a straight face and asked him what they could do about it. He started laughing too and couldn’t stop even when they stormed out. Between that and a few other things, he decided it was time to bail and he quit a couple of months later.”