College is a crazy time for everyone, especially for the freshman experiencing dorm life for the first time in their lives. These firsthand stories of the crazy things that happen in freshman dorms will have you both laughing and reliving the "good old days."
Mason Jars
“The roommate of a female friend of mine had lived a very sheltered life. She was homeschooled. She had very few friends and hardly left the dorm room except to go to class. Her parents live two hours away so she would go home on the weekends. When she did she always brought several boxes home with her. Between visits home, no one ever saw her go into the restroom. She wasn’t dirty and did not smell bad, but apparently never bathed.
After one semester, she could not take it anymore and left. Her parents came and helped her move out. She left in a big hurry before the RA came to check out the room. When the RA did come to inspect her side of the dorm room to make sure everything was in order she checked the closet. In the closet, they found several of those boxes. The boxes were full of mason jars. The jars were full of excrement.
This girl apparently never used the bathroom. When her roommate was out at class or hanging out with friends she would poop and pee in a jar. When she went home she would dump them there. I guess her parents did not even know about this and she could not sneak the last batch of poop jars out with her. How she managed to pull this feat off without making a godawful mess or smell is beyond me, but my friend had no clue.”
They Trolled The Entire Buidling
“I was sitting in my room reading when I started hearing some really loud moaning. At first, I just thought some girl on another floor was getting railed but it didn’t stop and sounded like it was happening in the hallway.
I went out to see what’s up, followed the sound down the hall to find a small group of guys had put an adult video on a big screen TV in their room, hooked it up to a stereo system, and were just blasting it for the fun of it. They weren’t even watching it, just surround-sounding the video to troll everybody. Good times.”
A Mountainous Pile Of Mattresses
“All the beds were being replaced in an aging freshman dorm. At the end of the year, we had to haul our mattress downstairs and put it in the large lobby. I was staying till the bitter end, and by Thursday, there were a good 200 mattresses just lying in a pile.
So, one morning, we woke up at 3:00 am to hear someone saying, ‘DUDE THE COPS ARE HERE! PEOPLE ARE JUMPING OFF THE BUILDING!’ Some enterprising fellows had dragged all 200 mattresses outside, arranged them into a large landing zone and were jumping off the roof and falling six stories into a mountainous pile of mattresses.”
Metamorphosis
“I was walking to a party and saw a guy wrapped up in a yellow tarp. He saw the group of us, stared directly at us, and yelled, ‘I have completed my metamorphosis. I am now a beautiful butterfly!’ He threw the tarp off and ran naked into the night.”
Bouncy Balls
“RA of a freshmen dorm here. The grossest, most outrageous one was poop. On the first day of classes last year, a friend RA gets a call from a resident, ‘I think my roommate’s dead.’ She goes to the room and discovers that the kid’s roommate had gone out the night before (his first night away from his parents) managed to get so wasted that he came home and pooped all over the floor.
So, of course, she steps in it. She described it looking a lot like deer poop, like little balls. Just makes me think of this kid coming home, pulling down his pants, and crapping brown bouncy balls that bounce all over the room.”
Sandwich At A Party
“My freshman year at college, I started a semester late. Having visited my friends at my school so often in the fall, and getting just a taste of some of the partying/good times they were having, I felt the need to catch up as quickly as possible. It got to the point where I was going to check out parties where I either didn’t know anyone/knew no one well, by myself, without my typical safety net of friends.
I was at this house party after the third week of classes. The people there were pretty cool (they gave me drinks without asking for cover, so I loved these people). I’m walking around, trying not to be socially awkward. When I walk into the basement, where an impromptu dance floor is set up. Seeing more drinks, I walk around the floor, which is populated with the most oblivious people I have EVER met. Lo and behold, I see a guy standing awkwardly next to this classy pool table, eating a subway sandwich. His buddy on the floor, a typical bro, yells at him ‘Still going?! NICE!!!’
The guy by the table gives a power fist in agreement, and then I see, from under the table, the petite hand of a girl, also waving in agreement. Only then do I notice his funny face was his O-FACE. Shocked, I chocked it up to college, got smashed, and texted everyone I knew about it the next morning.”
Lack Of A Bottle
“My roommate my first year of college was too lazy to walk to the bathroom (directly across the hall) to pee at night, so he would pee in two-liter soda bottles then dump them in the morning. One night, he was incredibly trashed when he came home. So much that his friends had to help partially undress him and get him into bed.
I was almost asleep when I heard him get up followed by something that sounded like water falling. Yes, he was peeing, however, being so inebriated he didn’t have the bottle. So he was peeing on the floor. I flipped on the light and asked, ‘WHAT ARE YOU DOING?’
I spent the next 30 minutes cleaning up all of his pee and trying to air out the dorm room. I thought I had it cleaned up pretty well, but it still smelled like pee in there for about a week.”
Ground Beef Gone Wrong
“My roommate was from a farm. He had a cow that was butchered, and he brought back the ground beef for some delicious burgers. He even cooked them, which was awesome. What was a lot less awesome was when we forgot about the extra meat and left for break.
The college shuts off all the power, and we did not listen to the warnings to check the fridge. When we got back and opened the fridge just a little, the most awful scent of rotting death filled the air. We shut the fridge and duct-taped it shut, never to be opened again. We did, however, leave the fridge where it was for the rest of the year and left it in there at the end of the year.”
What Legends Are Made Of
“My friends enjoyed throwing full-on parties in their dorm room. Not the usual five or so people standing around, but their dorm room packed wall-to-wall, black lights and strobe lights, music rattling the windows, the full deal. As the year went on, they got more and more adventurous since they never actually got written up for anything. Well, towards the end of the year they decided to go all-out and throw ‘the biggest party the dorms had ever seen.’
They installed a pole in the middle of their dorm room, set up a small drink station in the corner, and had enough speakers to shake a skyscraper. Just before the cops showed up and gave all of us community service, my friends were able to crowd surf from bunk bed to bunk bed. Apparently, to this day, new freshmen who move into their old room hear about some crazy parties that used to happen there.”
Superbowl Sunday
“On Superbowl Sunday, there was a bunch of stuff going on in the lobbies of different floors of my dorm. So I was hanging out on one of these floors, I forget which, but this girl comes up and she seems wasted — she was having trouble walking and was slurring her words. She goes back to her room, which was on that floor.
Approximately 30 minutes later, two girls come out into the lobby asking if we’ve seen the RAs. They haven’t been around so the two girls run off looking for them. Shortly after that, I am informed that the wasted girl from before has been getting violent in her room. She jumped off her bed onto her roommate attacking her and tried to punch my friend Grant. The RAs come up and they are getting attacked by this girl too, so the residence life coordinator calls the police. They come and drag this girl out through the lobby into the elevator — she wouldn’t stand up and walk on her own and was screaming for them to let go of her the entire time. We watched her get carried out to the police car from the window.
The next day she moved out, claiming that she didn’t remember any of that.”
They Never Came Back To School
“A guy on my floor was a big drinker, as most of us were. Well, one Friday night, we hit the clubs uptown. He left early and disappeared for the next two days.
We found out later some people picked him up pretending to be a door to door service for inebriated services. Some of his buddies even helped him into the van. It had a sign on the side they said.
These people were not university employees, they drove him to Indiana to a barn, beat the crap out of him, and stole his wallet and all his money from an ATM. They broke his arms and orbital bone and then dumped him back uptown early in the morning. He was in the hospital for like two weeks. They were arrested eventually and charged with kidnapping and attempted murder. That guy never came back to school.
Another story: We have a McDonalds that is a twenty-minute walk from the bars, but if you take the railroad tracks it’s like ten. A group of kids I knew walked there and lost two of their group. Just assumed they went to hook up. Turns out the guy passed out on the tracks and the girl passed out in a backyard not far away. The kid got run over by a train and she was in shock because he woke up and saw what was left of him on the tracks. That was a mess.”
Mom To The Rescue
“I did my undergraduate in Canada at McMaster University.
One night, after serious amounts of partying, we decided that it would be an awesome idea to hotbox my dorm room because obviously, that won’t get you kicked out of school.
So we proceeded to tape up the windows, the vents, and bust out about five pipes and a couple of joints between around 15 people.
Suddenly, I got a phone call from the girl that lived near the elevators who said that she had heard our RA talking on the phone about the campus police being in the lobby and waiting to be let in. Apparently, an RA from another floor who was doing rounds ratted us out.
Anyway, I freaked out and told everyone who was there and they ran out of the room, so I was left in a smoke-filled room, panicking because the police are on the way. So I called my mom.
Yup, I called my mom freaking out, and she told me to calm down and not open the door. The cops started knocking in the middle of my phone call, and my mom told me to just stay quiet and not open the door.
Needless to say, it worked. Apparently, they weren’t allowed to just walk into my room, and they left. I laid low for about an hour and went to my RA to confess. They were SUPER cool and just let the whole thing slide.
Then I had to call my mom back. She showed up at my door the next day. There’s no fury like a Caribbean woman scorned. I got such a tongue lashing, I wish the cops had just arrested me.”