Coming out of anesthesia is a little different for everybody, but when people get all loopy on it, it's just downright hilarious!
It Only Makes Sense
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“I was coming out of an induced coma in the hospital and saw my (divorced) parents standing either side of me, in a white room with a doctor in a white coat standing at the foot of the bed.
The doctor asked if I knew where I was. Knowing my parents basically hate each other, the only logical conclusion my drugged up brain could make was:
‘I’m in a mental hospital.'”
Such A Delight
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“When I was coming out of anesthesia I was very concerned about whether or not I was ‘a delight’ to deal with. I’d had jaw surgery and my mouth was wired shut, so I was essentially asking the nurse, through clenched teeth, if I was a delight. She said that yes, I was a delight.
I was happy for a while, but later she called the nurses on the floor I was being transferred to to stay in overnight and she didn’t mention that I was a delight. I was very hurt. ‘You…you didn’t tell them I was a delight.’ I almost started to cry.”
Going Beserk
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“I got my wisdom teeth out and woke up halfway through, so they dosed me a second time. When I finally woke up post-op, I demanded my teeth back, and trashed the office because I thought they were shamans who were going to use my teeth for dark rituals or something. Then I puked. Mom told me after. Good times.”
…He Needs More Rest
“My dad woke up from heart surgery and they were asking all the questions, what’s your name, what’s the year, etc. They asked where he was and he said, ‘THE SEVENTH CIRCLE OF HELL.’
They let him rest up after that.”
Workplace Harrassment
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“When I came to in the recovery room, there was a male nurse beside me. I sang in a singsong voice, ‘I’m not wearing underpants, I’m not wearing underpants!’
He quickly left and I only had female nurses the next two weeks I was there.”
Jessica’s The Best
“Wisdom tooth removal, and my mom is my ride to and from the procedure. Before the surgery we get a basic preoperative rundown describing the process, what to expect immediately afterward, and what to expect while I recover.
The nurse who conducted the pre-op prep just happened to be very attractive. Her name was Jessica.
From the pre-op rundown, Jessica guides me to the operation room and my mom goes to the lobby to await my return. About an hour later, I come-to, and am greeted by my mom and the operating team laughing around the chair.
Apparently, in the early stages of regaining consciousness, the operating team asked me about my ride home, and I told them that Jessica was my ride home. I wanted Jessica to take me home and take care of me.
A nurse went to hail my mother from the waiting room and called, ‘Jessica? Is there a Jessica here? No Jessica? Ok, [Name]’s mom, are you here?'”
Making A Move
“When I woke up, what I said amounted to a combination of incoherent babbling and attempts at getting my doctor into bed. In my defense, she was smoking hot. She thought it was funny.
My wife, however, was not nearly as amused.”
Watch Out, He’s A “Booper”
“After getting my appendix out, I repeatedly booped my nurse on the nose. But at a sloth-like pace. So I’d slowly reach up, tap her on the nose, and slur out ‘boop.’ She thought it was hilarious.
After I got my gallbladder out, I spent two hours asking what time it was every five minutes. I also profusely apologized for another patient cursing loudly down the hall because the nurses were so nice and they don’t deserve that.”
Part-Time Hospital, Part-Time Starbucks
“My mate woke up in the recovery room and asked the anaesthetist, ‘Is this where I can order a latte?’
The anaesthetist replied, ‘Sure!'”
He Promised!
“I had to have surgery for the third time due to complications from my Crohn’s disease. The first two surgeries I had in the years before, they just cut me open, removed the portion of diseased or damaged bowel and sewed me up. This time they tried something different. Instead of using stitches or staples to close up the incision, they used a wound vac. I wasn’t made aware of this until after the fact and had never even heard of a wound vac before. So, when I came to in post-op, still very much out of it, I asked the nurse, ‘Is it over? Did they sew me up with stitches or do I have staples again?’
She told me, ‘No, you have a wound vac this time.’
I said, ‘What the heck is that, is it like a Dirt Devil or something…and where the h— is my dog? He told me he’d be here!’ She later told me that was the funniest thing she’d heard all day.”
It’s Alive!!!
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“When I had surgery, I woke up really needing to pee. The nurse had to get me a bedpan to pee in while I loudly shouted, ‘Make sure the hot doctor doesn’t see me peeing,’ while he was still in the room.
It was wrist surgery, so they did a nerve block which numbed my entire arm. After peeing all over myself because I forgot to pull down my pants, I started screaming because my arm ‘had a life of its own’ and was flopping around everywhere.”
Total Softie
“I got to take care of my boyfriend after his wisdom tooth surgery a couple months ago. When he woke up in the recovery room, he yelled that anesthesia was, ‘the f—ing best thing ever,’ and when I told him he needed to be quieter because there was a young kid in the spot next to us, he just stared at me and then Hulk-roared. I could hear the kid’s family laughing at us.
When I was driving him home, he cried really hard and kept petting my hair because I was ‘so pretty,’ hugged my arm and wouldn’t let go, tried to grab the steering wheel so I could change the music because he ‘didn’t trust his Spotify and this way we won’t crash,’ and when I told him to hold his phone so I could see the navigation (so he would stop trying to grab the wheel), he started crying again because he felt like it was the most important job ever.
There were a LOT of tears.”
Now That’s True Love
“I was home for a winter break from college and had to have minor surgery on one of my eyes.
Apparently on the car ride home, I was still really messed up, I cried and cried and cried and begged my mom to take me to buy me queso. Apparently I was so obnoxious that she caved in and bought me chips and queso on the condition that I stop crying and that I couldn’t eat them until everything wore off.
So I sat in the car holding the bag of chips like a baby until we got home. When I got home, my mom tried to put the food in the fridge, but I started crying again and asked if I could take it to bed with me.
She was so fed up with me at that point that she let me. So I crawled into bed with my chips and queso, took my pain meds, and pretended to go to sleep. When she left the room, I got out my phone and started Facetiming this guy I really liked and had been talking to.
I had just gotten out of surgery, my hair was in a bun, I had no makeup, I had a giant patch over one of my eyes, and I had been crying all day. To top it off, I started eating the chips while trying to talk to him. Half my face was still numb, including one side of mouth. So I’m trying to talk to him, making no sense, snot pouring out of my nose, and chips and queso falling out of my mouth as I attempted to chew.
Miraculously, he still liked me and thought it was pretty funny. He also didn’t screenshot me which is a plus. We’ve now been dating for two years!”
The Yodeler’s Romantic Crisis
“My dad’s a doctor. He once had a patient who was a professional yodeler. The Yodeler got a new pacemaker put in and was put into post-op to recover. He spent the entire time yodeling. The story goes on, however. The yodeler was married, but also had a girlfriend, and both showed up to check on him. My dad said it was one of the most bizarre thing he’d ever seen, the wife and girlfriend screaming at one another all while the guy was yodeling as loud as he could, oblivious to the situation.”
Teeth, Please!
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“I asked for my teeth before being put under, and when I woke up, I was so obsessed with getting my teeth back. They mistakenly threw them in the medical waste bin. I made them get them out. Threw the biggest fit of my life in this post-op haze. Thought they purposefully kept them for some nefarious purpose. B—-es weren’t gonna keep my teeth.”
Quite The Troublemaker
“My dental surgery was a nightmare. Apparently I decided, halfway through the surgery, that it was time to play tag with the surgery team. Thankfully they managed to grab me before I could take off running around the operating theater and slapping people. I tried to do it several times. Each time, they grabbed me and pushed me back in the chair until I blacked out again.
I also sat upright in the chair and slowly counted upwards in Japanese, with my eyes open and staring. I couldn’t remember how to count in Japanese when I was conscious, so it was extra creepy.
Afterwards, when they put me in a wheelchair, I grabbed the wheels and tried to race out of the building like it was on fire. I would wake up, grab the wheels frantically, and slump over asleep again. I did this multiple times, but never stayed awake long enough to pull the Grand Theft Auto I so desperately believed I needed to do. The whole time I had the most mortified, miserable look on my face like my best friend had run me through with a knife. My brother, heartless prankster that he is, recorded the ordeal and showed it to me the moment I woke up for good and was in my right mind.”
The Best Disney Experience Ever
“When I woke up from having my wisdom teeth removed, they were just putting my chair up and for some reason I yelled, ‘Wooo! This is the best Disney trip EVER! I want to ride this ride again!’ My dentist laughed and I said, ‘What are you laughing St. Goofy? You’re the most realistic Goofy, I love Goofy.” Then I yelled again and tore all my stitches and back under I went. My mom has it on video.”
Not A Big Fan Of Jason Aldean
“Before they put me under, the nurse turned on some country music for them to listen to during the procedure. I started talking about how pop country was not my favorite, and we had friendly banter back and forth about. They started the IV, and I said, ‘Oh great, now I am going to have Jason………………………..F—in’ Aldean stuck in my subconscious for the rest of my life, Thanks Doc!’ They start cracking up, because there had been a 45 minute gap in my sentence.”
Well, Where Is It?
“I was on depression medicine around I got my wisdom teeth removed. I told the staff I might burn through anesthetics faster than a normal person because of this. They laughed it off and told me not to worry about it. Apparently, I woke up waaaay sooner than expected after the surgery and was found stumbling down the hallway yelling, ‘MY NOSE…MY NOSE, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY NOSE?!!? WHERE DID YOU TAKE MY NOSE?'”
No, No, I’ll Totally Remember!
“I was sedated for an endoscopy a few years ago. Apparently when I woke up, I was trying to be as coherent as possible, and was asking the doctor what he found. He told me I wasn’t going to remember anyways, but I insisted I would. I then tried to tell them I could walk myself to the car instead of being wheeled out.
Upon waking up on my couch later, I asked my mom what the doctor found. I had no idea why she was laughing so hard.”
So Many Pretty Unicorns
“After having surgery a few years ago I apparently had been ‘woken up enough,’ so they were moving me to my recovery room. Though I was still pretty in and out of it, I remember this. My surgery was just after Valentine’s Day and the two nurses who were transporting me were talking about what their husbands got them as gifts for Valentine’s Day. I just opened my eyes and without any real detail all I could say to them was something about ‘I got a dozen unicorns,’ before passing back out.
My boyfriend got me a bouquet of plushie unicorns, so I really did get a dozen unicorns but they must’ve thought I was crazy!”
Great Timing
“I promised myself I wouldn’t say or do anything stupid like I would see in all those Facebook videos. But the day comes where I have back surgery and when I woke up in recovery I looked over at the nurse and said, ‘You’re hot, what time is it?’ She answered. Then not even a minute later I asked the exact same question like my life had been rewinded or something. ‘What time is it?’ She laughed instead of answering.”
Squirrels And Ice Cream?
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“I came to after going all the way under to get my wisdom teeth removed, and apparently I said something to the tune of, ‘I need squirrels to go on this ice cream,’ before passing out again. I also drooled all over myself and in the wheelchair ride to the parking lot and became convinced I was going to Disney World.”
Heavy Hitter
“I fight when I come out, have since I was a kid. I hate being put under because of it. I’ve had to warn every doctor/dentist I work with. I had emergency surgery a few years ago, and I forgot to mention it. Called some poor nurse a b—- and screamed at her to get me out of bed so I could take a leak. I do not know where the anger comes from. Once the anesthesia fully works it’s way out of the system, I’m fine. But, for a few minutes I’m scary.”
There Can Only Be One!
“When I had my wisdom teeth out, I apparently tried to fight another patient (they also had the little ice pack things tied to their cheeks) while chanting, ‘Now we have to fight!’ Pretty sure my logic was, ‘There can only be ONE.’ My sister just laughed and pushed me back into the wheelchair every time I tried to get up.”
Hello, Nurse!
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“I had to have my tonsils removed when I was like six and, when I woke up on the gurney outside the nurse station, I bolted upright and asked, ‘IS IT OVER?!?’ Nurse laughed and said yes, and she hand fed me ice chips and grabbed my stuffed bunny for me to cuddle. Best nurse ever.”
Life’s Greatest Questions
“When I’m going under, I get stupid philosophical. Last time, I asked the surgical team, ‘What if motorcars didn’t have motors and were just cars?’ and, ‘Why is the moon?’ before singing ‘Unicorn Wizard’ as I passed out.
When I woke up, as always, I got flirty. I turned to the nearest nurse and said, ‘Are you a donut? Cause you’re all curves and sugar,’ and said to another simply, ‘You’re a babe!'”