We all have our weird habits that we have grown accustom to. But once you start dating someone those habits aren't living alone with you anymore.
“I’ve seen some specialists about it…”
“I only gone number 2 once a week or less often, they are always massive (like a couple feet long) and are very difficult to flush. I eat fairly normally (not great, not awful) and I’ve seen some specialists about it that say as long as it’s not impacted and comes out without a ton of effort that it should be okay, but I’ve had people walk into a massive turd that I was letting sit for the day since its a lot easier to get them down if they get softened up by the water first and freak out many times.”
“The uncertainty is exhausting…”
“Constant doubt. That you really want to be with me, that you’re not just agreeing to be polite, that you’re not just with me out of convenience. Even when I know I’m being ridiculous. The uncertainty is exhausting for me, too. In a relationship it is very mentally draining and I wish I could just tuck it all away into a deep dark corner of my brain but even when I do it seeps right back out until I’m sitting at my desk at 3am googling ‘how to tell if she still loves you’. Self doubt is what I have specifically. I always think any little change that is not expected is caused by something I did or did not do. I f**king hate it but I’m getting better at keeping it tamed as of late.”
“Decided to replace entire lawn with…”
“You know how everyone offhandedly mentions these projects that they’re ‘totally going to do someday’? Or maybe you make some minor comment about how something could be made better, but kind of shrug it off, not expecting anything to really be done about it? I have a tendency to actually do the thing, even if it’s maybe not the best idea. Or sometimes just… weird unexpected things without warning. Some things that come to mind: (1) Saw a dog online that needed a home. Dog was in Mississippi. I’m in Ohio. Drove to Mississippi and obtained dog. (2) Suddenly decided toilet paper makes me angry. Ran new hot water line through walls to install a bidet. (3) Adopted a handicapped catfish. And an axolotl. And a bearded dragon. (4) Girlfriend lamented that she can’t have pickles due to cucumber allergy; learned how to pickle things and made a dozen jars of zucchini pickles. (5) ‘Someone gave me this pipe and I think it would make a cool vape.’ ‘But you don’t vape. You know nothing about vapes or vaping.’ ‘True’ But that didn’t stop me. (6) Decided to replace entire lawn with eco-friendly no-mow steppables; destroyed section of yard to farm plugs of these plants which I will later transplant to fill the whole area (in progress). (7) ‘What the h*ll are you doing?!’ ‘Well you said you didn’t like that this switch doesn’t work that outlet so I rewired the apartment for you’. I have a problem.”
“We’ve been married for 8 years…”
“This is true, from my perspective. I’m not all that attractive and very uninteresting. But, my wife I guess seems to disagree since we’ve been married for 8 years.”
“Some people think I’m ashamed or embarrassed of them…”
“I need physical intimacy to feel noticed. Not just hanky panky, but hugging, touching, any sort of contact. If I go too long without it I start to feel lonely, and I return affection both through that, and gifts, but I’m really bad at public displays, which makes some people think I’m ashamed or embarrassed of them.”
“I have never in my life stopped sweating…”
“I have a weird problem I can’t really control. No matter what I’m doing I can’t stop sweating. Literally, I have never in my life stopped sweating.”
“I have no chill…”
“I have no chill. Go jogging – I’ll run until I throw up. You like French movies – I will obsessively learn the history and read everything ever written. Go to dinner – I have studied the wine list and have thoughts. It is either something people love or hate.”
“He is a saint…”
“I have paranoid schizophrenia. I have audible and visual hallucinations on a daily basis, and a very hard time dealing with emotions. My husband and I have been together five years. He is a saint.”
“I just stop caring for everyone after…”
“I eventually become too comfortable and cold. I’m still in the relationship, but I’m essentially a shell of who I was at the start. I’ll still do things to make them happy, but rarely do more than necessary to keep them around. Eventually they realize they’re wasting their time and break it off. I act sad for everyone but I’m always usually pretty happy because I finally have as much time to myself as I would ever need or want. I’m sure this makes me sound like a bad person or maybe just a normal human being to some, but I think it’s probably my worst quality. I just stop caring for or about everyone after enough time. I’m amazed I have friends or family that still like me and want to spend time with me.”
“I’m a terrible introverted extrovert…”
“I’m a terrible introverted extrovert. She struggles to get me to go out, but whenever we do I have a blast and usually thank her for getting me to go out and do whatever. I’d be annoyed as sh*t by that.”
“I regularly cry, laugh, and scream in my sleep…”
“I regularly cry, laugh, and scream in my sleep. I developed this after I was married, luckily. My wife and i actually sleep in separate rooms (not a dead-bedrooms thing, she just can’t get sleep) because of it. I also backhand and punch my bed really hard, like full force man-hit. It wakes me up. I developed the hitting-the-bed thing after we stopped sharing a bed, thank god!”
“I just don’t know how to be in a relationship…”
“I just don’t know how to be in a relationship. I think I treat them more like friends rather than boyfriends. I want to seem casual like I’m handling it but then I’m too casual. I couldn’t stop calling him ‘dude’. He said he wanted to be called something more special than my guy friends. Sorry dude. I don’t know how to relationship. :(“
“I’m great at making good first impressions on the girls but…”
“I’ve been called an extroverted introvert. I’m good at getting along with people and being friendly when I have to be, but at the end of the day, I really rather sit around alone or with only my closest friends/loved ones. Humorist every person you come across is f**king exhausting. I’m great at making good first impressions on the girls but I hate when I start getting thrust into scenarios involving the girl’s people and I have to start the friendly humoring again.”
“Somehow my wife finds this charming…”
“Dating me is basically like dating a 60 year old man in the body of a thirty year old. Clubbing? Pass. Celebrity gossip? Keep walking, lady. WWII history trivia? I’m listening. Somehow my wife finds this charming.”
“Some people find it needy and weird…”
“I like to talk. It doesn’t have to be constant all day texting but I like catching up in the evening on the phone if we haven’t seen each other. Some people find it needy and weird. I think its not too ridiculous…”
“I am petrified that someone would walk in on me…”
“I used to go to a park near my house because I couldn’t flush the dumps at my house. But now with Pokemon GO, I can’t exactly do it because there are so many people there constantly and I am petrified that someone would walk in on me.”
“That went over as well as expected…”
“I need my space and peace. I love being reclusive, it helps me ‘recharge’. My gf said she understood it at first, but now I think it’s starting to get on her nerves. I told her she should get a hobby rather than wanna be up under me all the time. That went over as well as expected.”
“I like to get on these pity party trains…”
“I like to get on these pity party trains every once in a while where I think I suck and question everything. That dude must really love me to put up with it.”
“I’m a mortician…”
“I’m a mortician. Doesn’t sound like much but it makes A LOT of people surprisingly uncomfortable. Doesn’t help that I have a dark sense of humor.”
“When it’s that time of the month…”
“When it’s that time of the month… just don’t talk to me. But talk to me, otherwise I’ll think you hate me. Which will make me angry. And I’ll cry. Then I’ll laugh about how silly I’ve been.”
“I need two blankets one to go over me, and one to hug…”
“My sleep habits…. I need two blankets one to go over me, and one to hug. It needs to be cold, pitch black, and completely silent. (no cell phone noises…. No snoring, no blinking lights from anything) I will not sleep and will become a huge b*tch if these things don’t happen.”
“Meals are embarrassing for me…”
“I’m allergic to a lot of foods. Meals are embarrassing for me and I hate to burden others with my food restrictions.”
“I keep everyone out to protect them as I self-destruct…”
“I shut down when stress and anxiety get to me. I s*ck at coping, and in my efforts to save the ones I love, I keep everyone out to protect them as I self-destruct.”