Bullies can make their victims' lives a living
I Hope Lenny Works For Commission
“Third through sixth grade, this punk Lenny made my life miserable.
Fast forward to just after college, I am making real money for they first time. I go to a shop to buy a high-end sound upgrade for my new car and guess who is there? Lenny; crappy shirt, tie and all.
He shuffles up to me and I say, ‘Hiya, Lenny. I’m here to buy, but not from you.’ I walked over to another salesman and requested his assistance instead.
I spent over twice as much as I intended to, sort of my version of both middle fingers in the air. The look of hatred on his face as I pulled out the credit card made 8-year-old me very content. Worth it!”
Who Does That?
“I was flat-chested all of middle school and early high school. One guy was relentless when he picked on me. Years later, he ended up trying to sleep with me at a party I hosted (unsuccessfully). I guess having large breasts made the difference for him.”
The Bully Barber
“I was bullied by this massive guy when I was 15. He easily had a foot and 2-3 stone on me. Went on for about a year and then kind of fizzled out. Nothing too harsh, just the occasional bloody nose.
5 years later, I wander into a new hairdresser in town to get a standard trim and here’s the guy cutting hair. He was incredibly apologetic and explained how he’d been so confused and angry because he couldn’t admit to himself that a massive, tough guy like him could be gay and want to be a hairdresser.
He had the final laugh though as he offered me free highlights to make up for things and I looked like a tool for the next 7 weeks”
I’ll Take The “Power”, Venti
“In middle school, I was absolutely tormented by this girl – she spread nasty rumors, manipulated other girls against me, did the whole ‘cold shoulder-refuse to acknowledge and ostracize’ deal. Eventually led to a host of social anxiety and insecurities that took a long time to recover from.
Years later, I ran into her at a coffee shop. I was the one to approach her – not aggressively but it felt amazing to be the one in ‘power.’ I spoke positively and congratulated her on getting into a great school. It felt great to be the better person and it was obvious that she was really uncomfortable and nervous to be around me.
Plus, she had developed a wicked unibrow.”
Wow, What Horrible People
“I was bullied in high school by a clique of girls. They made fun of me for being a dork, nerdy, a virgin, etc. They lied to other people about me hooking up with various undesirable people and even made up a story about me soliciting a male prostitute. Two of them were especially mean and both of them worked at restaurants my family liked to visit. When I’d go with my family, these girls would make rude remarks to me, embarrassing my parents and I. My mom and dad had both been conventionally popular in high school and wondered why I couldn’t just get along. They finally stopped taking me when they’d go to those restaurants.
Man, I am not going to lie, I was furious at these girls. I left the state for college and cut-off all contact with everyone from high school — everyone, even the people I’d sort of liked. I never spoke to them again, I deleted facebook, I had zero social media presence just to detach.
And college went great. I mean amazing. I was involved in so many groups, I created a volunteer program, campus loved me, I was in the local news for my volunteer stuff, had an awesome roommate I liked so much I lived with her all four years and met the guy I married. I graduated with a 3.96 and a double major, then won a major international scholarship — and then another one. It was a blast, total paradise.
When I came back to my home state after I graduated, I thought one day in summer to check out what had happened to the two meanest girls. Looking back, it was hard to even believe that had ever been my life. I mean I had to ask a sympathetic teacher to leave her door unlocked during lunch so I could hide in there and eat by myself. That’s how bad it was.
One of the girls is just…okay. She’s unmarried, showing her age a bit, working at Home Depot, and living with her parents. She looks like she clubs and has done some soft porn. Whatever.
The other one is dead. I found out she’s dead through the first girl’s twitter feed. I checked out the funeral home listing and eventually found the county coroner’s report. She died in a motel of mixed drug intoxication.
I don’t really feel anything about either situation. It doesn’t make any of it better. None of that time can be given back. My teenage years were miserable and that won’t ever change. It doesn’t bother me now, but an immense emotionlessness surrounds the whole thing like I’ve felt every possible feeling about it and I have nothing left to feel.”
Make It A Large
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“I used to get made fun of in grade school for my clothes and shoes because my parents couldn’t afford to buy me anything new. There was one guy, Miguel, who was the worst about it.
Around this time last year, I went to a McDonald’s and saw him behind the register. I had just gotten freelance work, which could potentially lead to getting hired, at a company I really liked and was wearing a suit. He didn’t recognize me, but I definitely knew it was him, especially because of his name tag. I didn’t confront him or anything because it was years ago and we were kids, but I thought it was interesting how different our lives were.”
The Best Revenge
“I saw one of my bullies on the subway once. Fortunately, I looked fantastic that day, and I happened to be engaged in sparkling conversation with a very attractive man – in French (he’s gay, and a co-worker, but she doesn’t know that). I just continued my conversation without a second glance in her direction and got off the subway at my stop, which happens to be in a good neighborhood.”
In The Walk-In Freezer
“I was 15 and moved to Philly from Texas. I had a pretty strong accent and had never been out of the state before so I didn’t know what to expect socially. On my first day of school, I had the bad judgment to wear a Dallas Cowboys jersey thinking people will just laugh.
Throughout the day, I got a few dirty looks and a few ‘you’ve got balls’ comments. The last period goes by and I’m waiting for my bus out front when this huge guido comes up and starts talking trash to me. I tell him to piss up a rope and he knocks me out with one punch. He gets suspended and I’m told not to antagonize things.
Time goes by and he’s a constant pain in my life, bullying me around on a weekly basis. He outweighed me by about 75 pounds thanks to his steroid use and large temper to match. I got beat up many times thanks to him and his manipulations. We graduate and I don’t see him for a few years.
I had always been into cooking and decided that’s what I wanted to do with my life, so I went to culinary school and started working in the industry. I worked my way up the ladder quickly thanks to focus, a willingness to sacrifice a social life and hard work. A few years later, I was the executive chef of a small bistro and we had a policy of taking a prisoner on work release from the county jail as part of a rehabilitation program.
The owner was a great guy who grew up without guidance and made some bad decisions early in life that got him thrown in jail for a few years. He got out, got a job as a dishwasher where the owner of that place saw some promise and took him under his wing giving him the life lessons he never got from his family and so on. This was his way of paying forward what he got. We had gone through a few guys that seemed to do well and so far the program was working out well. One day we were slated to get a new guy and guess who walks in the door. He doesn’t notice me at first but then is introduced to me as his direct boss.
The owner starts to introduce me but I interrupt saying that we already know each other quite well and need no introductions. I told the owner about our history not leaving any details out and he asks me what I want to do. I tell him to give me a few minutes in the walk in (large walk-in refrigerator that is soundproof) with him and it’s all good.
I take him in there and ask him why he was in jail and where he was in his head. I also told him how I would treat him was up to him and that this could go well or he could turn right around and go right back to jail. He ended up breaking down and spilling his heart out. Between drugs, an abusive household and having no real friends in school due to a total lack of social skills, he had no idea how to have a real relationship. He told me that the days he would beat me up were the days after his old man would beat him when he got drunk. His life just went downhill after school and he ended up getting busted for dealing.
I told him to clean himself up and I’d do my best to show him how to get his life together. He ended up being one of the hardest workers I have ever seen. Five years later, he ended up being my sous chef. He has his own restaurant now and we guest chef at each other’s place all the time. I wouldn’t trade his friendship for the world.”
I Remember You!
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“I saw a bully from middle school in my local Shoprite. He had a lot of problems. His mom had a heart attack, he had a car accident and suffered serious back injuries.
When I first recognized him, I exclaimed, ‘I remember you! You were such a jerk to me in middle school!’ We laughed, and he told me the above. He apologized for acting like he did. He said something about this stuff happening to him because of how he treated me, but I was nice and I denied it.”
Smooth As Butter
“I ran into my high school bullies by accident.
During college, I was for a short while in an exchange semester in a town close to where my high school was.
I was going on a date or doing something before a date where I was with the girl who I was interested in and she had brought a girlfriend. Which I thought could have become interesting. Spoiler: Yes I ended up dating her but not her friend. Looks-wise, I’d say a 7 and an 8.
Anyway, we’re in this bar. Guy comes up to me. From high school, he knows me, he was seriously part of the ‘in-group’. I recognize him instantly.
I act like I don’t recognize him at all. ‘Excuse me, do I know you?’
He reminds me… I act like my memory is very fuzzy on his identity. He cannot believe that I did not recognize him.
Anyway, a few minutes later I saunter over to their table. About half of the ‘in group’ is present. Sausage fest. So I catch up with them:
Exhibit 1: never went to college. Facts are fuzzy on whether he finished high school. (This was a private school, so serious wastage of cash by the parents I guess. Not that college is the end-all be-all or necessary for success. But it was the goal for everyone in that private high school/society.)
Exhibit 2: went to college. And is fat, and has horrendous acne. I’d feel sorry for him if only he hadn’t been such a massive bullying jerk back then.
Exhibit 3: dropped out of college when his girlfriend had a baby. Hey, nothing wrong with that, I just got the gist that this was not according to plan and that he was not particularly happy.
Anyway, I don’t stay very long at all and return to the girls.
We then move on to the club (one of three and the popular one. Small town). Turns out, so did they. I leave with both girls. Jaws meet the floor.
Next day – we go to the same club, at my instigation. I had a feeling that that was their regular hangout. So, I asked the girl to bring along her friend again. Which she did.
Yup, they’re present. Sitting down, not talking to anyone or to any women, nor dancing. Just drinking.
I ‘accidentally’ wonder over. They just can’t hold it in any longer.
They complained that I ‘hog’ all the women and that I should have brought them over. I shrug it off. As if their opinion still matters.
One of them asks if she’s my girlfriend (without specifying which one). I lie. With a completely straight face.
‘Yes. Both of them.’
Jaws met the floor.
We leave
Not seen any of them since. Best two days ever!”
Family Rivalry
“Through my later years of high school, I was bullied by this guy incessantly, and he always knew just what words to say to cut me in the worst way. He knew and understood me better than most people and had a knack for using that knowledge against me.
What’s funny is that our families have always been rivals. Our grandmothers are frienemies. They attend church together and laugh and hate each other. His mom and my aunt were always put against each other. His sister against my cousin. His brother against my sister. This lasted up until he and I were put against each other. What was the competition, you ask? Well, who was better? We competed against each other in the academic realm.
Well, now I’m a sophomore in college after winning valedictorian in high school.
Plot twist: we’re now dating and discussing marriage.”
Running In To His Attempted Murderer
“I’ve told this story a bunch of times, let me see how far down I can simplify it: when I was 13, my school’s basketball team tried to kill me. No ambiguity, they gloated about it when they thought they had finished me off as they were jogging away.
Over 30 years later, I was working as a rent-a-cop and some guy in my building who’s working late came to sign out. He said my name sounded familiar, I didn’t recognize his. But then, comparing histories, he mentioned that he played basketball at my school the same year I was there. Suddenly, his face got all weird and he got really quiet.
And I said, ‘We were kids back then. Whatever happened wasn’t our fault.’ And I stand by that. If a group of 13 and 14-year-olds try to kill a fellow 13-year-old and are smug about it afterward, it’s because one or more adults told them that junior high school sports are important enough to kill for and because adults who should have been protecting me didn’t do so. I still carry a grudge against the adults, not so much against the bullies themselves.”
How Does The Bully Tip?
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“I am a hairdresser and recently my middle school bully came in to get a haircut. It was bizarre, he acted like we were old friends. Naturally, everyone says he probably had a crush on me in middle school and that’s why he was so mean to me, but that dude made my life hell. He called my house nonstop for like 6 hours one night. I hated him, but he did tip me $20 though, so all is forgiven. I am easily bought.”
Meeting The Girlfriend’s Friends
“I was bullied at summer camp. There were two summers specifically: one was before I entered fifth grade, and one was before sixth grade. (I was miserable enough to leave camp early the second summer).
I was also a very socially awkward kid who would say or do whatever it took for attention. Add being overweight, under-athletic and crying at everything loudly, I was a ripe target for bullying, I suppose…
Fast forward about fifteen years. I grew up and out of most of my awkwardness. I was no longer a chubby kid. I had more self-confidence. I was dating this woman (who eventually became my wife). Things between us were starting to get serious. She wanted me to meet her best friend who would ‘approve’ of me enough to bless our budding relationship.
The thing was — The best friend was seriously dating a guy. I recognized his name straight away: he was one of my camp bullies.
I expressed this to the woman I was dating. I’m sure she told her best friend, and her best friend told Mr. Bully. I was nervous. We were meeting them for brunch one Sunday morning. How would I act around him? I felt that I had grown up — what if he rehashes everything and I revert back to my crying, sensitive self? What if it affected this relationship approval which appeared so important to my girlfriend? I was a wreck on the trip to their place.
We knocked on the door. I stepped back a bit letting my girlfriend take the lead in introducing me. The door opened. The two of them were standing there. My bully looked like the same kid, just taller and filled out physically. And he was smiling.
‘We just got engaged!’ And then there was ring showing and squeeing from the two women.
I reintroduced myself to my bully. He smiled and gave me a strong handshake. ‘Great to see you again!’ We had the superficial conversation about sports, work, etc. However, it was obvious that we were treating each other like strangers rather than process what had happened years earlier. And honestly? I was okay with that. We got the proverbial ‘blessing’ from her to continue our relationship. We both took part in their wedding.
Maybe six months later he brought up the subject with me hesitantly. ‘I was just stupid back then and was dealing with my own issues.’ He apologized. I told him it was okay and to move on. Mostly because I wanted to close that chapter myself and move on. And not picture me as that kid again.
We see each other every so often when our wives get together. Good guy. I wouldn’t really call him a friend, but we’re good company for each other around the barbecue grill…”
Gift Of Karma
“All through my junior and senior year of high school I was bullied by a girl, or rather a she-beast, who was a year younger than I. It was especially frustrating because she would harass my girlfriend and me usually after school while we walked to our cars. She-beast didn’t like us because she became friends with my ex from sophomore year and thought it was her duty to make our lives horrible. There wasn’t much I could do because she was a girl, double standards and what not. During she-beasts high school career she was objectively attractive, short, petite, dark skin.
So whatever, I graduate and I don’t see her for a few years while I’m in college. I have no idea what her situation is 5 years out of high school and honestly, I had not thought about her in years when I ran into her in a Qdoba. I was in line to begin my order not paying attention to who was behind me when she tapped me on the shoulder. ‘Excuse me, is that (my name)?’ I turned and it took me a few moments to recognize who I’ve been sucked into a conversation with. She had gotten fat, like really fat, the kind of fat that makes your forehead and cheeks so big that you can hardly see.
I could hardly contain my excitement about how fat she had gotten that I guess I was grinning like an idiot, which she took as me being happy to see her. ‘I didn’t think you would be happy to see me.’ she remarked, ‘I was so mean in high school. You look really good, what have you been up to?’
I told her the 5-second version of my awesome life and job, then politely asked her the same. It turns out she got knocked up right out of high school and the baby was taken by CPS. The father left her and she worked full-time at a plastics plant outside town. At this point, she notices that I’m still grinning, even bigger than before.
I’m enjoying her tale of sadness so much I can’t even pretend to be sympathetic to her situation. She stops talking when she notices how much I’m enjoying her terrible life story. There was a bit of an awkward pause while I decided if I could be a mature human and try to relate/sympathize.
I didn’t, I couldn’t. I had been given a gift from the Karma gods and I know better than to be ungrateful. I looked she-beast right in the face as I told her the following, ‘I’m so happy for you, it seems that your life turned out a little better than I had hoped for. Have a nice day.’
I felt like one of those guys that just walks away from an explosion without looking at it because I just turned around and continued to wait to order my tasty burrito. I didn’t have the chance to soak up the reaction of my critical hit, which is the only thing I regret.”
The Bullied Becomes The Bully
“This is kind of a mutual bullying thing. A girl used to bully me in 6th and 7th grade. For example, one time on the bus, she unzipped my backpack while I wasn’t looking and then went out of her way to get everyone to laugh at me when all my stuff spilled out and rolled around the bus. In 6th grade, it didn’t really bother me because I had my own friends, but in 7th-grade depression hit me and I had a much harder time coping with it.
In 8th grade, I started making friends again, and she started her usual antics and I snapped and retaliated by posting flyers about ‘Lost pig – (bully’s name)’ all over the school (she was a bit overweight). Then a few months later on a ride home, she said something rude to me and all of my friends started laying into her about her being overweight. The comments were really mean, and while I didn’t join in, I didn’t stop them either. She left the bus crying and we never saw her in school again.
Every time I thought of her during the next 15 years, I felt really guilty about my part her hypothetical suicide. A couple of months ago, I went into my bank to make a large bank transfer for an upcoming vacation and she ended up being my teller. I honestly didn’t recognize her at first beyond thinking she looked familiar. She had lost her extra weight, and during the chatting, she seemed very insistent on letting me know she also went on large expensive vacations, but I didn’t think much of it until I left and saw her name at the bottom of the receipt.
Of course, she messed up my bank transfer. I’m not sure if she did it on purpose or not, but I ended up complaining to a manager, very politely and getting all the resulting fees refunded. I’m not sure what happened to her as a result.”
Facebook Can Bring Unpleasant Memories Up
“I was bullied in elementary school a lot. Two girls, in particular, were the worst. They always pitted my friends the few I had) against me, passed around weird rumors and even so much as beat me up just because they didn’t like the fact that I could sing and they couldn’t.
One of them ended up going to the same high school as me, but she left before the year was done. The other one went somewhere else.
I completely forget about them until Facebook becomes popular. Suddenly, I am getting all these friends invites from people from my past. Two of those invites, the bullies. Since nobody knew how to use their setting at that point, I snooped their profiles (but did not add them). One was a single mother of 3, pregnant with number 4. The other didn’t end up graduating high school and worked at Tim Hortons.
I noticed a trend with most of the bullies I came across in my life. All made poor decisions (including being mean people) and all ended up with kind of a poor situation. It seems that they relied so heavily on making other people feel bad about themselves that they never were able to do anything worth it. Maybe they just didn’t have any ambitions for themselves. Who knows?
To Jennifer and Melanie, who made my life miserable when I was a kid, you got exactly what you deserved.”
A Bully In The Family
“My childhood bully was/is actually my step-sister. My sperm donor married her mother.
She tormented the hell out of me out of sheer jealousy. I have a rare auto-immune that required a lot of attention as a child and she could not stand not being the attention getter. She does have mental health issues but so do I and I handle mine. She chose to ignore her own. She would often come into my room at night, hold me down and threaten to hurt me. It led to a serious and on-going issue with sleeping. One night she put a loaded gun to my head and threatened to kill me.
No matter how many times I told my father what happened, nothing was done. He is the type to avoid conflict like the plague. The fact that his cowardice almost cost me my life was it for me. Since that day I have had basically no relationship with my father. It has only been recently (in the last three years) that I have even had regular contact with them. Holiday visits and such.
Luckily my step-father is the greatest man to ever walk the planet and I had someone show me paternal love and guidance and how a true parent should be.
I have held back from confronting her, however, because her life is s—. She got pregnant in high school, has two kids now by two different men, has three bad jobs, still lives in the awful town in which I was born, her marriage is a joke and she is tens of thousands of dollars in debt.
Meanwhile, I have two college degrees, an amazing job in a town I love, a significant other that I balance perfectly with and the cutest cat in the history of cat-dom. Whenever the anxieties and doubts that she caused me raise their ugly head, I look at my life and what I have done with it and imagine that as the biggest diss I could ever give her.”
Victim Volley
“I was bullied for about 10 years, 5 years of those by Kenny. I had switched schools and was doing much better, and actually had some good friends.
About 4 years after I had last seen him, there was a volleyball tournament between different schools, and he was on a team competing with mine. And so it turned out, we matched against each other. The moment he saw me, he shouted, ‘Oh I know him, we’re definitely going to win now!’
What he apparently didn’t know, was that in those 4 years he hadn’t seen me, I had changed from a small and skinny guy, into a 6’2, 165 lbs guy with a 124 mph tennis serve.
The first time I saw his face again, all the memories came back to me, and for a bit, I was scared again, until one of my friends told me, after I had explained who Kenny was, that I was now taller and stronger than him, and that it was time for some revenge.
Every time I had the opportunity to smash a ball when standing at the net, I would aim for him. The 124 mph tennis serve meant that I had an incredibly strong smash as well, which terrified him.
My team ended up winning the match, after which I shouted: ‘Hey Kenny, I thought you were so sure you were going to win?’ That once sentence, that one time of getting back at him was enough to make him snap. He went berserk and stormed for me in a fit of rage.
Bring on that 124 mph serve again, and that moment right there was the first person I ever punched. It was also the first time I saw someone go K.O. All it took was 1 hit and it was all over. All the fear, the years of tormenting, they were all over.
Now I would like to say, I don’t like fighting and haven’t punched anyone since said punch, but when people say ‘violence is not a solution,’ I disagree. It’s the only way to let go of all those memories. After years of being used as a punching bag, simply saying ‘Yeah we’re okay,’ does not do the job. It simply doesn’t.”
Would You Hire Your Bully?
“I moved to the US from India when I was 14. For the most part, people in the US were friendly and welcoming towards me. But, I didn’t have a good time in high school. I was bullied a lot, but most of it was low-level teasing and jokes except one guy, ‘Adam.’ He was the vilest, cruelest and meanest human being. He bullied me relentlessly. He called me lots of racist names and bullied me physically as well.
He egged me while I was walking home, ripped up my turban (I am Sikh), punched me and threatened to ‘blow up my house’ because rag-heads like me were responsible for 9/11. He made my life hell and I begged my parents to go back to India solely because I didn’t want to face him in school.
Anyway, things got much better when I went to college (far far away from the small town where I lived) where I interacted with educated, open-minded people. I worked hard to pursue the American dream and I now own a successful real estate/construction business.
My company was hiring for a variety of construction jobs. I normally don’t get too involved with the hiring. My superintendent, Sam takes care of the actual hiring and I trust his judgment.
One morning, I walked into work and saw Adam (I confirmed it by accessing his application) along with a bunch of other guys waiting outside Sam’s office. I asked Sam about it and he said he was interviewing crew members and Adam had applied to do masonry work. I didn’t say anything but asked Sam to let me know who made the cut before making the offers.
Well, I saw Adam’s name on the list. Seeing him brought back those long-buried memories of his bullying. I’ll be honest, I didn’t want to hire him and I had the power to do so. But, I was also conflicted. Why was I still bothered by Adam? Who cares anymore right? Forgive and forget right?
After thinking about it over the weekend, I was leaning towards not hiring him. This decision was based on the fact that I had employees of different races and ethnicities. I owed it to my people to provide a comfortable work environment. For example, most of my masons are Hispanic or Eastern European. Many of these guys don’t speak any English. I didn’t want to force them to work with a guy with a known racist and violent past.
I did consider that he was a changed man. After all, most of us have grown up and matured since high school. But I just didn’t have the time to monitor him and make sure he is not being a bully to his immigrant co-workers.
Before I struck him name off the list, I wanted to get Sam’s opinion too.
I went to work and talked to Sam. It went like this –
Me – Hey Sam, I need to talk to you about Adam, one of the bricklayers we are planning to hire.
Sam – Oh yeah, I was going to talk to you about him too. He left a voicemail for me refusing to move forward with the hiring process. He didn’t want to submit to a drug test when he ‘knew he was going to fail.’ Adam’s own words.
We have a very strict drug policy and his refusal to be tested eliminated him from further consideration. So in a way, Adam made the decision for me.”
Best Friend Turned Bully
“I had a situation occur when I was in sixth grade. This guy who’d been my best and closest friend for a few years suddenly just completely flipped on me. We went from hanging out practically every day after school to him telling the rest of the class I’d taken a dump in his pool. Couldn’t have been less true, naturally – but I was never a hugely popular kid, and pretty much everyone chose to believe him and not me. All of a sudden he had all the friends and I had basically none. It was torture for a number of months; especially as he seemed to relish the company of his new friends, and making fun of me.
A dozen or more years later, out of the blue, I get a hand-written letter from him. (My parents retaining the same home address and phone number for 35 years paid off.) In it, he was very apologetic and lays most of it at the feet of his older brother, who he says was torturing him at the time. My then-wife points out that it has many of the hallmarks of someone who’s at that step where you have to apologize to everyone in your past before you can move forward. Might be the case, but it still helped settle a lot of bad feelings that were still lurking in my soul.”