Whenever you tell your parents you're gay, it definitely is a difficult and scary thing to do because you have no idea how they're going to react. These stories showcase the unique way people have came out to their parents.
“Awkward silence…”
Me: “Mum, Dad, I’m gay.” Awkward silence. Mum: “You know we will still want grandchildren.”
“‘I know, gas prices are outrageous’…”
My mom asked me if I was gay and I said yes. Later when she was pumping gas I saw she was crying. I got out of the car and said, “I know, gas prices are outrageous”.
“We were watching Billy Elliot and I…”
I texted my mum, and then I bailed out. I was in my English class when it happened, and I don’t know why. We were watching Billy Elliot and I just felt like I had to do it. Having them not know was really making me panic. I skirted around it for a bit, just saying s**t like ‘I have to tell you something’, ‘you’re going to hate me’, etc. I never actually texted the words ‘I’m gay’, instead, after I said ‘you’re going to hate me’ she said ‘I could never hate you’. I replied with, ‘you hated [sister]’. That’s the last message I sent, and she didn’t reply after that. I ran out of my English class because I was having a panic attack. When I got home I just sat in my room, and a few hours later when my mum got home she came in my room, she didn’t say anything and she just put my favorite chocolate on the end of my bed. Bad: Making me worry by not texting me. Good: Not making a big deal out of it.
“Just like the South Park episode…”
Mom told the whole family and asked for advice, told me she still accepts me and loves me and we both cried a bit. My dad and I did not talk about it, he just gave me some extra allowance money… yes, just like the South Park episode.
“‘I wasn’t born yesterday’…”
My dad’s exact words were, “I wasn’t born yesterday.” Later he said he was disappointed because he thought that although they were divorced, my mom still should have been able to tell him important stuff like that. My mom is a narcissist. She was okay with it, at the time she had more gay friends than I did but, she still had to make it all about her. So to sum up, dad did everything right, mom did most things right but not everything. The one problem they seem to have is telling other people I’m gay, which does annoy me, since it’s been almost 10 years sinceI came out.
“They even offered to pay for our wedding should we get married…”
Kicked me out. No more financial support. That was their dumb move as before that they could manipulate me with money. Our relationship improved after they couldn’t manipulate me anymore. I had a job and moved in with my girlfriend and was happier than I had ever been. Planning on proposing to her this summer. Also my parents have done a 180 since then. My mom texts my girlfriend instead of me, dad invited us and girlfriend’s family up to the lake house this weekend, etc. They even offered to pay for our wedding should we get married.
“No more sleepovers…”
“We know. No more sleepovers.” I was 17.
“I panicked, but swallowed my fear and told them…”
Pretty chill. I panicked, but swallowed my fear and told them I was lesbian. My dad was like, “…and?” My mom needed a little time to get adjusted, and I had to cancel my language exchange in Russia, but overall pretty good.
“All it took was a threat of complete family breakdown…”
Bisexual here, but 98% of my dates have been with men. Told my parents when I was 16, they didn’t believe me. I went back into the closet until I was 25. Told them again. This time it took. They reacted poorly, but at the time I was 100% independent and there was nothing they could do about it. They did, however, ban my (then) boyfriend from ever stepping foot on their property. Fast forward a couple of years, my brother hears what’s happening and tells my parents “either you accept [TamponShotgun and his (now) fiancé] or I’m cutting you out of my life”. Complete 180. They start inviting my fiancé to family functions and treating him like a human being and all it took was a threat of complete family breakdown.
“A woman lover on the side?…”
Woman here. When I told my mom, she looked a little confused for a while, then said, “Well couldn’t you just marry a gay man and have a woman lover on the side?” Uh, no. Not doing that.
“‘Yeah that’s fine’…”
I told them a little offhandedly – I basically just said “Hey I’ve been dating somebody for a while, and I’d like you to meet him – is it okay if he comes to dinner with me when we meet up in a few weeks?” I doubt it was really much of a secret by that point – I was in my 20s, had never dated any women, and my mannerisms are a little stereotypical – but they were basically like “yeah that’s fine” and got on with what they were doing. To their great credit, my parents have never treated my sexuality as anything particularly noteworthy; they just happen to have one kid that likes to date people of his own sex, and the rest don’t, which is how it should be, if you ask me.
“I came out to my mom poorly…”
My mom cried and kept trying to tell me how I was actually straight and providing examples. I’d never dated a boy. I’d only kissed one once. She didn’t get very far. From then on it just remained something we didn’t talk about for six months until I was dating someone and then it was “hanging out with Sydney.” “Be home by 9.” And a conversation at one point where she said “but she look like a guy!” and I just replied by saying I liked butch girls and walking to my room with my snacks. I was 17. A year later/7 months ago I went on my first date with my current girlfriend and my mom heard about it through the grapevine and asked why I didn’t tell her. I told her I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. She scoffed and said it didn’t matter of she was uncomfortable because it was my life and she wanted to know about it. Now she’s good about it. Still a little awkward but she’s nice to my girlfriend and respects our relationship. She appreciates how much my girlfriend helps me with my anxiety and everything I’ve been dealing with lately too. She did, however, get extra drunk the first time I slept over at GFs house. So baby steps. I came out to my mom poorly. I had been at the worst place in my mental health and she discovered a dismantled disposable razor in the garbage and asked if I was self harming. A small part of the reasons I told her for it was that I was that I’m gay and knew she wanted me to be straight. I was right but she came around and our relationship recovered over time.
“‘I think you’re a cute guy’…”
Mother found a note I wrote to a guy that I was finishing up, the whole “I think you’re a cute guy.” She freaked out. My family didn’t talk to me until one day (2 weeks later) right after graduating high school. My step dad and mom sat me down, told me he needed me to move out that night. They allowed me to keep the few clothes I had purchased myself. But had no car, no money, and a dead phone. They allowed me to make one phone call to get a friend to get me but then I had to stand by the road off of their property. Years pass, I didn’t speak to any of my family they didn’t reach out for contact at all. Until one day out of the blue, my grandmother calls. She apologized for not standing up to my mother. She also said what mother would throw her own minor son out on the street because over being gay. She said she didn’t understand the “gay thing,” but she still loves me more than her own children. My grandmother’s relationship grew really strong after that she gave me her extra car, sent me money to clean myself up and get a better job and apartment. Eventually she got really sick, so I made the decision to move into her spare room and take care of her between working 2 hours away. She passed way January of this year, she was the true voice of love and tolerance. I miss her greatly.
“Turns out my new friend was a prostitute and my dad just paid…”
My very conservative, quite homophobic father took me to Thailand for a graduation gift. On the plane ride over we laughed and joked about how I was the tomboy of the family, and I was the most manly despite having three brothers. One night of drinking at a sketchy open-air bar, he found me making eyes at a very lovely young Thai woman. Daddy gave me a very hurt confused look as he saw me kiss this beautiful young woman. Attempting damage control I started to explain. “Daddy, you know how much of a tomboy I am? Well part of that is I’ve gotta love the ladies!” Dad nodded sagely and proceeded to have a word with the bar manager. Money was exchanged. Turns out my new friend was a prostitute and my dad just paid for her to come back to my hotel room…. geeze dad…thanks?
“‘Haha, Told you!’…”
I told them, and my Mom looks at my dad. “Haha, Told you!” I love my parents…
“They told me they’re always there for me…”
I was in 8th grade and just wrote them a letter explaining I was bi. A few months later, I was texting another gay guy at school. They found out, I got grounded all summer (I got grounded every summer since I was stupid enough to keep texting guys). I really wish they would’ve just let me be me. The only people who had a problem with it were them. Before I officially came out to everyone, my parents told me, “You really think your friends’ parents would let you hang around their kids if they knew you were a homosexual?” It has now made me super nervous around parents and teachers because I feel like they secretly hate me. But I also got cancer when I was in the last few weeks of junior year. So I don’t know if they still hold those beliefs. I live in the south, and I’m too sick to get a job and move out. I’m not sure if I should bring it up or not. They told me they’re always there for me, but after they said “YOU’RE not disgusting. Homosexuality is disgusting!”, that never really goes away.
“She told me that she already knew…”
Mum: “Are you doing anything tomorrow?” Me: “Actually… I am going on a date?” Mum: “With a guy or a girl?” Me: “A guy” Mum: “Ok”. She told me that she already knew and told me about other gay friends she knew. Overall extremely supportive! Came out to my dad in a similar way.
“The trust in the family was betrayed…”
“I didn’t tell my parents; they approached me about it after my mom found the key to my locked desk drawer, opened the drawer, found my journal that I’d been writing in for years, and proceeded to read the entire thing. I was at my boyfriend’s place at the time, under the pretext that he was just a friend. My mom, not knowing how to react, had my dad read the journal, as well. She then called my sister. So, in the course of a day, I went from being safely closeted to having my entire family knowing intimate secrets I’d be hesitant to share with even my closest friends. I come from the stereotypical conservative Christian household, so you can imagine how well this all went over. After returning home from my boyfriend’s house, my mom asked me to come into the living room to talk. I somehow immediately knew what was about to happen, so I tried to prepare myself. “I want you to tell me what makes you think you’re a homosexual.” These were the exact words my mom spoke twelve years ago, and I’ll never forget them. Suddenly, the ladybug crawling along our coffee table became the most fascinating thing I’d ever witnessed while my brain tried to elicit a response that didn’t say something to the effect of ‘I like s**king cock.’ My mom cried, my dad yelled, the trust in the family was betrayed. I had a rocky relationship with them while I lived there, so I moved out at my first opportunity. Things have improved considerably since 2004, but we still have an unspoken agreement of don’t ask, don’t tell. I plan on changing that at the family reunion in September when I bring along my boyfriend of two years.
“My mom looked at in me disbelief…”
My mom looked at in me disbelief for a second, then proceeded to say “….are you a top or a bottom?”
“My dad said, ‘Duh.’…”
My mom didn’t believe me, thinking I was trolling her to see what they would do if I really was gay. She continued to not believe me for six months, even after I started dating someone. My dad said, “Duh.”
“‘Don’t tell your grandmother’…”
I drove home for the weekend, told them I needed to talk to them, and told them. They took it…okay. I was worried because my mom had a history of making homophobic comments. My dad only said “be safe”. What was good? They didn’t freak out, or cry, or get angry. They trusted that I knew myself well enough to know that I was gay (i.e. they didn’t go the “maybe you haven’t met the right girl!” or “it’s just a phase!” route). What was bad? They said “Don’t tell your grandmother” so for years I had to pretend my bf (now husband) was just a good friend who kept coming home for holidays and whom my nieces and nephew called Uncle. When I got married, my family traveled for the ceremony, except for her (she was pretty frail) – so they told her what was going on, and she had figured it out, and was amazing about it. I sort of wish I could have all those years back to be open and honest with her.