We all lie, but mom's have a special way about doing it. Do they feel bad about telling their child Toys 'R Us is closed? Not in the slightest.
Telling the Truth
“If you tell me the truth, you won’t get in trouble.”(source)
Mom Haircuts
“That she did a great job cutting my hair” (source)
Maybe
“‘Maybe’ That’s a mother’s longest alternative spelling of no in English”(source).
The Sugar Allergy
“My parents told me i was allergic to sugar and would die if I ate it. They even went and brought ‘alternative snacks’ to my school teachers like carrot sticks and peanuts for them to stock up for me and hand out when the other kids got birthday cupcakes. Not the worst thing they could have done to me, but it sucked. I totally believed them until i went to visit my aunt and realized that ice cream and M&M’s were F–CKING AMAZING. But the weirdest thing was that until the 5th grade, I believed in the halloween fairy. I still got to dress up in a costume and go trick or treating for hours, but at the end of the night i would leave my bag of candy outside my bedroom door, and overnight the fairy would take it and leave me a new bag full of crackers and fruit snacks and other ‘treats’ while in reality my parents just ate all my candy” (source).
Ask Your Father
“My mom would always say ‘I don’t know, ask your father.’ Which was usually followed up by dad saying, ‘What did your mother say?’ The constant deflection had me figuring out a lot of things on my own” (source).
Mother May I…
“‘You can have X when you’re Y years-old.’ A lie, because in a few short months later your younger sibling will have the same thing” (source).
Later…
“My mom would always say ‘We can do that later.’ Then, no surprise, ‘later’ never comes!”(source).
The Checkout Candy
“When my family used to go to the checkout after shopping there would be lollipops and chocolate there that you had to see to exit the shop (unlike the stuff in the confectionary aisle). So, my mum would tell me that the checkout was where they kept all the stuff that didn’t taste nice. I didn’t ask for lollies at the checkout very often” (source).
Equal Amounts of Love
“‘I love both of you equally.’ Pffft little brother ain’t got sh–t on me” (source).
“I’ll be right back.”
“‘I’ll be right back’ says mother as you’re in the grocery check out line, as the conveyor belt proceeds to complete conveying all the groceries, and then the nice man tells you the total. All the while you curse your mother for taking you to the grocery store in the first place. Still no sight of mom”(source).
I’m fine…
“‘I’m fine, don’t worry about me.’ A headache, she’s fine. Doing the chores alone, she’s fine no need to help. Crying after a fight with dad, she’s ok go to sleep. Mothers are really tough. At least mine was” (source).
The Birthday Check
“‘I took that birthday/Christmas check from Grandma and put it in your college savings fund.’
There was no college fund. I had to pay for it myself. Still don’t know what happened to those checks”(source).
Dinner’s Ready…
“‘Dinner’s ready’ followed by ‘Now set the table as you’re here'”(source).
Only 5 minutes…
“‘I’ll only be 5 minutes!’ This one is particularly deceptive if they are walking into a shop” (source).
The Perfect Role Model
“‘I’d never do [insert reckless behavior from your youth].’ Meanwhile at a family gathering, my aunt tells me stories of how my mom, who was also an RA, was doing keg stands with her residents at an Ivy League school” (source).
The Missing Toy
“I don’t know what happened to that loud obnoxious toy you love to play with every waking moment” (source)
Toys’R’Us Is Closed
“If the R in ‘Toys R Us’ is backwards, it means it’s closed. Savage” (source).
The Last Piece…
“‘I don’t want the last piece,take it!’ Just remember that most moms love their kids and will always put their wishes behind their kids’ wishes” (source)
The Easiest Birth
“My mom would always tell me I was the ‘easiest physical birth out of all of the kids.’ I felt proud until at the age of 18 I was told I was adopted” (source).