Talk About A Group Of Hypocrites
“My parents told me I was allergic to sugar and would die if I ate it. They even went and brought ‘alternative snacks’ to my school teachers like carrot sticks and peanuts for them to stock up for me and hand out when the other kids got birthday cupcakes.
It’s not the worst thing they could have done to me, but it sucked. I totally believed them until I went to visit my aunt and realized that ice cream and M&M’s were amazing.
The weirdest thing was that until the fifth grade, I believed in the Halloween fairy. I still got to dress up in a costume and go trick or treating for hours, but at the end of the night, I would leave my bag of candy outside my bedroom door, and overnight the fairy would take it and leave me a new bag full of crackers and fruit snacks and other ‘treats.’ In reality, my parents just ate all my candy.”
Ask Your Father
“My mom would always say, ‘I don’t know, ask your father.’ This was usually followed up by dad saying, ‘What did your mother say?’
The constant deflection had me figuring out a lot of things on my own.”
The Checkout Candy
“When my family would go to the register after shopping, there would be lollipops and chocolate there that you had to see to exit the shop (unlike the stuff in the confectionary aisle).
So, my mum would tell me that the checkout was where they kept all the stuff that didn’t taste nice. I didn’t ask for suckers at the checkout very often.”
“I’ll Be Right Back”
“My mom would always say things like, ‘I’ll be right back’ at the grocery check out line. As the conveyor belt would come to a complete stop moving the groceries, the cashier would tell us the total.
All the while, I would be cursing my mother for taking me to the grocery store in the first place.”
The Birthday Check
“‘I took that birthday/Christmas check from Grandma and put it in your college savings fund.’
There was no college fund. I had to pay for it myself. I still don’t know what happened to those checks.
I didn’t actually realize how messed up and abnormal it was until much later. I thought it was within the range of normal. It turns out it wasn’t. It wasn’t actually nearly as big a deal as everything else that went on. It’s not like I expected the twice a year $10 to $25 check from my grandma to fully fund my higher education.
It was the lie that hurt me the most.
I’m no longer in contact with her. This isn’t even in the top 100 reasons.”
The Perfect Role Model
“‘I’d never do [insert reckless behavior from your youth].’
Meanwhile, at a family gathering, my aunt told me stories of how my mom, who was also an RA, was doing keg stands with her residents at an Ivy League school.”
That’s The Reason For The Adoption
“‘I love you, and you are very important to me,’ should be, ‘I love your healthy organs, and they are very important to me.’
Ten years later, I found out that she only adopted me because I have the same blood type, and she wanted someone to feel indebted to her and donate organs since she’s had an ongoing battle with cancer. She adopted me just to harvest my organs.
Needless to say, I didn’t give her anything. The second she found a guy that’s willing to put up with her crap and willingly agreed to give her organs, I was ignored.”
Just A Few Of His Mother’s Lies
“One night when I was playing Pokemon on my Gameboy Color, and my mom ran into the room saying: ‘Your Gameboy is broken, I’m going to take it to get fixed.’ ‘But mom, it’s working just fine, I’m playing it RIGHT this minute.’ ‘LISTEN! I SAID I NEED TO TAKE IT IN TO GET IT FIXED RIGHT THIS INSTANT. I JUST HEARD ON THE NEWS THEY CAN EXPLODE AND THAT’S WHY THE BATTERIES KEEP DYING!’ ‘Mom, I never heard that ever about Gameboys.’
She proceeded to snatch it out of my hand and left me crying while she went to support her habit.
When I would go to see my aunt, she would ALWAYS give me $100. So I had this wall unit in my bedroom and I put a lock in one of the doors where I would hide my money and other valuables.
One day, I came home from school and noticed that something was wrong. ‘Mom, what happened to my lock on my wall unit?’ She said, ‘Our house was broken into and we were robbed.’
At the time, we had a lot of expensive fancy crap in the house. Big screen TVs and the like. ‘But nothing else was taken. They broke into the house, went straight for my room and broke the lock and took only MY money?’ ‘Yes…’
Those were common lies told to me by my mother.”
The Lie That “Permanently Scarred” This Relationship
“The worst lie my mom ever told me came when I was in my early 20s. I had just come out as gay to her, and after a week of really vile screaming and vitriol, she had a change of heart.
Here’s the lie: ‘What are you talking about? I always knew you were gay. That’s why I was so supportive and kept asking if you liked boys. I remember in college when I joined the gay rights movement and my father got so angry with me.’
The lie was beyond absurd. It’s a complete rewrite of her own history. Like… it’s not even plausible. She was a really vile homophobe up until that point, but just shifted her whole reality. No one that she knew in college (and I know a good number of her college friends) will back her up on the whole gay rights movement thing. She’s still awful to me about it now and tells people that I reject her motherly love.
I’m not unwilling to forgive her, but she demands that I apologize to her and make it up to her. Nope. That is the lie that permanently scarred our relationship even more than the years of nastiness.”
This Mother Is Tired Of The Lying
“For some reason, moms all act like being a mom is so easy (especially when you have your first baby). Now, maybe I just had a more difficult baby, but I hated motherhood for the first year.
All of my friends who had kids just talked about how perfect their babies were, so I just smiled and acted like everything was peachy too. That is until one person decided to be honest about the terrible time she was having, and I told her I was having a bad time as well. And she just cried with relief, and said, ‘Oh my god, I thought it was just me.’
It’s not just you.. we’re all sleep deprived and tired of listening to crying and having a bad time, but EVERYONE LIES ABOUT IT! Why do we have to lie and say how great it is when in reality, babies are awful. Like 10 percent of the time, they’re quiet, and sweet, and smiling and snuggly and adorable. The other 90 percent, they’re screaming at you, and waking you up, and throwing up on you.
If you’re having a bad time and it seems like everyone else but you has the worlds most perfect baby – don’t worry, they’re just lying.”
Well, That’s A Little Racist
“I grew up in the deep south. When I was very young, my mom told me that I couldn’t drink coffee because it would turn me black.
I think she was just blindly repeating what her parents told her when she was little. It’s the deep south version of ‘coffee stunts your growth,’ as wildly inappropriate as it was in hindsight.
Unfortunately, there was a quiet undercurrent of mild racism in every aspect of this part of the country, so innocent people say things that they don’t quite comprehend all the time.”
Don’t Go Breaking Young Girls’ Hearts
“This is one is on me, but I have to lie to my 6-year-old daughter quite often when I say things like, ‘Your dad can’t pick you up for a visit today because he has to work.’
She’ll figure it out eventually, but I won’t be the one to tell a young girl that her dad is choosing his flavor of the week or a party over spending time his own daughter.
Right now, she’s too young to understand that people aren’t just straight up good or bad. Sometimes, good people do bad things, and sometimes bad people can do good things. I figure she’ll be a young adult before I can tell her what really happened if she wants to know. I don’t want to poison their relationship, but if I catch her dating someone similar to her father, we will have that talk to help save her from some life-changing decisions.”
I Don’t Think Birthday Parties Are Supposed To End Like This
“Every time I had a birthday party when I was a kid, my mom would take all of the presents that people brought and put them in a bag. She called it a ‘grab bag.’
Then at the end of the party, every kid would take something out of the bag home with them leaving me with no presents. She told me that all birthday parties were supposed to be like that.
You can imagine I was slightly peeved when I finally realized that she was lying all along.”