Family or not, when it comes to children, people need to respect the parent’s wishes on their rules. However, some in-laws think otherwise. These parents share the truth behind they don’t trust their in-laws with their children. Content has been edited for clarity purposes.
Day With Grandparents Gone Bad
“She wasn’t officially my ‘in-law’ but she is my son’s father’s excuse for a mother. Now, me and X (we’ll just call her that in my post) got along well at the start. My mother kicked me out not long before my 17th birthday (I live in the UK) and I had nowhere to go, X suggested I come to live with them. Cool. Nice of her.
Fast forward maybe a year. And she lost her marble at me and her son for going Christmas gift shopping before we’d paid her her rent. We’d paid it three days before.
We ended up going to live with his dad.
When I was 21, I had my son. At first, X was a brilliant grandmother. She doted on my son and her granddaughters. I couldn’t fault her until my son was about 18 months old. My son was incredibly advanced for his age. He started talking at six months and by 18 months could hold a conversation like your average five-year-old with a highly developed vocabulary.
She took my son and her three granddaughters out for food one day, but then my son was brought home by the police. Apparently, this crazy person had an argument with her tipsy husband, neither of whom was supposed to be drinking around the kids, and screamed at him that she was going to kill herself. In front of the kids. Literally. She would take her life in front of the kids.
My son didn’t understand what had happened, but when he was walking around saying ‘I’m going to kill myself’ because I told him ‘No.’
From then on, I knew I had to stop him from seeing her, so we did.
She turned into the spiteful, vindictive woman she’d been before I had my son, when he was two he started nursery. Not long before his third birthday she contacted social services and told them my son was neglected and she wanted custody.
They did a full investigation and I was cleared the same day. She then tried to pick him up from the nursery without my consent. Thankfully I had already set up a password agreement with the nursery.
This nonsense went on for a bit until we threatened legal action which we did and we got a restraining order. She eventually stopped and we didn’t hear from her again.
But, she had told everyone she worked with and everyone she knew how I was a neglectful and immature mother who was unfit to take care of her child.
My son is now 10, 11 next month and he’s a brilliant, happy kid. He now has a wonderful little sister that he absolutely adores. He hasn’t seen ‘grandma’ in years. She did try to see him at his dad’s sister’s wedding about three years ago, but her son reminded her that if she even so much as SPOKE to our son, we’d have no problem in getting that restraining order again.”
“I’ve never liked my sister-in-law much. She’s my husband’s half-sister. She’s loud, rude, has two kids that my in-laws raise, swears constantly, and just isn’t the type of person I would ever want to hang out with.
In January 2018, my husband and I were invited over to my in-laws to watch the Super Bowl. This was before we had kids. My SIL and her kids were there because she was living with them at the time after being fired from yet another job. She usually yells at her kids in a way that I find inappropriate, but this night it was bad. She shamed her 12-year-old in front of everyone for not taking her depression meds on time. She screamed at the three-year-old for doing three-year-old things and told her to shut up.
Finally, the three-year-old tried to hug her and she yelled at her, ‘Get the heck off me!’
I stood up and told her and my in-laws that I refused to be in a house where children were treated this way and left with my husband (he’d had enough of it too). My SIL followed me out to the car, screaming that I had no right to tell her how to raise her kids. She called me a hag and other horrible names. I was in tears and actually afraid she was going to hurt me. My husband and I drove away.
She continued to send me nasty texts until I blocked her about how I was stuck up and she hated me.
Fast forward until today. I refuse to speak to her. We now have two kids of our own (two years old and four months). I don’t want them around my SIL. She has apologized to me and says that she wants to meet her nephews. My husband and I don’t want her around them because of the way she swears constantly and the way she treats her kids. My in-laws think we are being unreasonable and unfair because ‘that’s just the way SIL is and always has been.'”
“My son and daughter-in-law stopped her parents from seeing their children when the two oldest were five and three. Her parents refused to believe the oldest child had life-threatening allergies, to eggs, tree nuts, and legumes. Twice their refusal to believe put the five-year-old in the hospital with anaphylaxis.
She took her mother to talk to the allergist and the mother refused to believe ‘her grandchild’ could have devastating allergies. The final decision was made when my daughter-in-law was visiting her parents and in front of her, the grandmother handed both children peanut butter cookies she had made with not only legumes (peanuts) but with eggs as well.
My daughter-in-law knocked the cookie out of her daughter’s hand and told her mother and father they would not see the children again. Her parents sued, demanding grandparents’ rights and alleging their daughter was making up the allergies to be interesting. My daughter-in-law provided medical records including results of allergy tests and hospitalizations. The judge ruled against the grandparents.
Before the court case, she had let the grandchildren talk on the phone to their maternal grandparents but that stopped after the court case when she heard her mother tell her daughter who was then seven on the speakerphone that grandma had left her a present on the porch but ‘Don’t tell mommy.’
The daughter went out and found a large peanut butter cookie with icing piped on it saying, ‘I love you.’
I am sure they did but their stubborn refusal to refuse to believe in the danger they were putting their grandchild in got all contact removed. They also lost all contact with their only child and the other two grandchildren. It was sad.
You bet we follow the rules BOTH of our kids have for their children, to the letter. What they can and cannot eat, where we can take them, and what movies they can see. The child is now 12, a lovely child, and now is old enough to ask what is in any food. She knows what she can and cannot have and why and she carries an EpiPen and so does whoever takes her anywhere.
IT was terribly sad.”
“They Also Judged My Daughter”
“I keep my daughter away from my in-laws. It’s been four to five months since they last saw her and she was 16 months old. I decided to cut ties with my in-laws as they caused way too many issues with my parents and me when my daughter was born.
I expected my in-laws to be super excited about their only son having his first child. But nope, they were disappointed that we were having a girl and not a boy. Pathetic. That was the first red flag for me and that was not the last red flag I saw.
They also never claimed my daughter as one of her grandchildren as they said they already have so many from their ‘blood daughters’ and I am not one of their blood daughters, I am their daughter-in-law. Of course, I realized this wasn’t good but anyway, I still allowed them to get to know our daughter when she was about three months old. They met her and were ‘happy’ to see her but they were more excited to see their son (my husband). They honestly hate my guts and do not like the idea that I am the mother of their grandchild. It’s sad.
Also, sister in law told my husband and me to never look for her parents anymore and to stop talking to them. So, we did. We stopped talking to my in-laws and never asked them for anything, but then they came along trying to fix things so we agreed to try again.
My in-laws overall decided that nothing was going to get fixed between us so we just went back to the beginning without fixing anything. We have so many issues between us and none of them have been fixed because they take everything up the butt. They also judged my daughter just because she doesn’t look like her other grandchildren.
My daughter has light skin and light brown hair like me, as I am her mother, and of course, she is going to have some characteristics from me and her father (my husband). It hurt to know that they would always judge her when she was eight months old because she was only a baby!
Anyway, I cut ties with them and now they are suffering and are super depressed that they aren’t allowed to see our daughter anymore. It’s their loss and if they try to go to court for their grandparents’ rights, it won’t work. My husband and I take full responsibility for our daughter and we have no issues with each other. Issues are with the grandparents.
So yeah, you can cut ties and keep your children away from toxic grandparents, it’s okay. People do it all the time. I plan to stay away for a while until my daughter is old enough to decide if she wants to meet them again or not. If doesn’t care nor question it then I will not force her to meet some people that were so rude to her mother and to her when she wasn’t even born yet! So pathetic but hey their actions caused this and it’s their loss. They will realize that they made a huge mistake. Save your sanity! Save your children from possible mental and emotional abuse. I will continue to save mine. Good luck out there!”
The Grandson’s Decision
“My second husband passed away at age 39 from lung cancer. Our children were two, three, and five years old.
None of his family came around much except his brother who broke into my house and stole items that he could pawn for dope money. They did not check on the boys, they didn’t send birthday cards, Christmas cards, or write letters. All of them lived within a 20-mile radius.
Jumping ahead several years and my oldest son was a junior in high school. He won an award for coming in second in the state in Algebra and Calculus. He was on the front page of the newspapers and I was so proud of him.
A couple of nights passed and there was a knock at the door. To my surprise, three of my inlaws stood there. I asked them what did they want and they acted mortified that I didn’t invite them in. They said they wanted to tell my son congratulations and take him out to dinner.
I politely told them if it was left up to me, I would shut the door on their faces but since he was 17, he could make his own decision on this. I didn’t know it but he had been standing behind me and heard the whole conversation. I just assumed he had just walked up to the door. He opened the door and they told him how proud the family was of him and they wanted to take him to dinner.
My son stood there and then said, ‘How can yall tell me that the family is so proud of me yet not a single one of you ever helped my mama while we were growing up?’ Then he slowly shut the door In their faces.”
“I married the man of my dreams two years ago. We’re having trouble having a baby, and my parents-in-law, and brother-in-law and his wife aren’t helping. Before I go any further, my husband’s family is from a wealthy background, and having a boy as a first child is essential to them, which adds to my stress. Because my husband’s older brother is infertile, we are the ones who are under pressure. I became pregnant last year and gave birth to a healthy baby boy on Christmas last year.
My father-in-law forced me to quit my job and stay at home just to make sure the baby was safe. When we announced that the baby would be a boy, everyone was overjoyed and began showering us with gifts, making my sister-in-law envious.
Christmas has arrived, and we are seated at the table when my sister-in-law begins discussing IVF, which is not openly accepted in our country. When my father-in-law said no, she became enraged and vented her rage on me, who was eight months pregnant at the time. She insults me and shows my husband and in-laws a photo of me and another man hugging at a birthday party I attended before becoming pregnant. My in-laws believed her and began calling me names, as did my husband, who stated that he wished he had never married me.
My water broke as a result of too much stress, and I had to give birth despite being only eight months pregnant. I gave birth alone because my husband was too disgusted to even look at me, but they immediately took a DNA test after the baby was born. (Luckily he is healthy and has no health problem)
My parents, aunt, and uncle, and cousins came to see me and discovered that the man I was hugging was my cousin who had cancer. I hugged him that time because he announced that he was now cancer-free.
The DNA test results arrived, and it showed that my husband is the father, but when my father discovered the reason for my premature birth. He began to yell at them. He was so upset that he demanded that I divorce him and cut ties with them. I didn’t let my husband’s grandparents see my baby after I was discharged.
I don’t want to divorce my husband because the only mistake he made was saying hurtful things without first hearing my side of the story. I’ve been quiet and preoccupied with caring for my son for the past six months. My brother-in-law recently divorced his wife.
His family is still attempting to contact me and apologize, but I’m not giving in. I’d already suffered enough trying to please them and follow all their traditions and stuff.
They always write me letters telling me that I’m making them suffer by not allowing their grandchild to meet them and that I’m denying my son the luxurious life he deserves.
My husband is on my side and tells me to ignore them, and that we have agreed not to spoil our son with material things, but rather with the love and care that every child needs.”
The Whole Family Bad-Mouthed Her In Front Of Her Kid
“My spouse wouldn’t defend his family and sided with his family even when they were wrong. The in-laws manipulated our daughter into thinking ill of me for years and my soon-to-be ex-husband didn’t want to be the bad guy so he let his family say whatever came to their mind to my daughter and sometimes to me and he would excuse any/all behavior. But if the shoe was on the other foot he would have a problem if my family said anything to him and I didn’t correct what they said.
My in-laws have made up so many lies about me based on my spouse’s half-truths. Which I call the half a sandwich method. An example of half a sandwich method I use with my clients is: Susie made me a sandwich and she put cheese, and mustard and you are left wondering what is on the sandwich. Susie made me a sandwich and she put mustard, cheese, ham, lettuce, tomatoes, and this amazing sauce besides the mustard that we tried this one time. Great sandwich
See the difference in the sandwich method?
My in-laws are told version one of the half a sandwich and then they run with their conclusions after they’ve spread their own twisted tales and my spouse is in agreement with their fantasy stories instead of protecting his wife and child.
So I took it upon myself to just throw a frickin fit and say, ‘I’m tired of our child going to their house, and when she returns she treats me like trash.’
I had to retrain her to behave like she was supposed to before she left.
The funny part is it takes a lot to get me upset and if I raise my voice slightly then I am told I throw a fit all the time and if my in-law(s) came down they would say that I do it all the time.
I couldn’t handle the manipulations of my child and as she got older she started to see what was going on and decided she didn’t want to go to their house because the in-law(s) were picking on her and making fun of me and she had enough.
One of the in-laws, mass-emailed the entire family lies about me passed on what her brother (my spouse) told her and shared lies, and added her own bits and pieces to the story. I got calls and so many apologized to me and said to expect that from this family. They will hurt someone else knowing that one of them hurt someone else.
I don’t regret my decision. I think in a way they do because our daughter hasn’t been over to their house in years and they don’t come over to our home anymore.”
“They’re From Another Generation, They Don’t Understand”
“My husband and I got married eight years ago and have two wonderful children. Our oldest, whom we’ll call them ‘A’ was adopted into our family when they were three years old and our daughter, whom we’ll call her ‘C’ was only one year old.
A has never been ‘boyish’ and C is very much a girly girl, A loves playing Princesses and dolls and such with her. I don’t care for rigid gender roles, whatever makes them happy makes me happy. When A was seven, they told us they were a girl and we took the necessary steps to figure out what we should do. A has been living as a girl for the last two years now.
Now, the problem is my in-laws. They refuse to use the right pronouns and keep calling A their grandson. Obviously, we explained to A that some people might make mistakes now and again and it’s not something that she should take offense to when it’s an accident. This, however, is not an accident. For her birthday they bought her a grandson card and the most stereotypical masculine toys possible (toys she’s never shown any interest in for her whole life). This rightly upset her.
They have never been overly accepting of her because she’s adopted and not their “real grandchild”. I’ve wanted to cut them off since they said that 5 years ago.
They came to visit my husband for a few days (we live about 150 miles away from them) and during their stay, they berated A for her clothing, any toys she played with, being called she, basically if it was feminine they insulted it. I cut their trip short and said they aren’t welcome in my home ever again. My husband, though upset at this, agrees if they can’t respect both of our daughters they don’t deserve to be in their lives.
Some people have said that what I did was overly harsh and cruel. Saying ‘they’re from another generation, they don’t understand’ and other stuff. People have said we acted irrationally and it’ll only hurt our daughters more when they lose their grandparents without having that relationship with them, significantly as A might ‘grow out’ of this.”
“I got along with my inlaws very well until we had a baby. My in-laws decided they could take my baby whenever they wanted without asking me and wouldn’t return him when he was crying. They would come over three times a week – mostly uninvited, sometimes even late at night.
My MIL arranged my baby’s christening without my permission, made the guest list, and didn’t invite my parents.
My husband failed at setting boundaries, so in order to protect my child, I had to speak up. They tried to blame me and made me believe I was having attachment issues and that I needed therapy. I literally thought I was the one going crazy.
Also, when I pointed out any disrespectful behavior or comment, they would always deny the bad intention. Everything was always a ‘misunderstanding,’ ‘oh, we didn’t mean to,’ ‘oh, we didn’t know,’ and ‘it’s normal, we are family.’
Two days ago, we went to our in-law’s house and there was already a lot of tension built up. Honestly, over the course of the past year, I got so used to the tension and passive aggressiveness, that I thought it was just another day at the inlaws’.
When we were eventually about to leave, I went to say everyone goodbye.
Suddenly my FIL stepped back and said, ‘Forget it. I won’t say goodbye to you.’
I was in shock. We left immediately.
I thought about refusing to see them (and not letting them see their grandchild) until I get an honest apology.”
She Cares More About Her Son Than Her Grandchildren
“I’m divorcing my husband this year because he gambled all our money away and left a huge amount of debt. This is not the first time he gambles. We’ve been together for 11 years and he gambled more than 10 times already. But the last straw was when he took my sister’s money.
My sister and her husband have helped us through a lot, she even gave us money to start our own business. We trusted my ex to manage some amount of money but then he wasted all of it and he’s not even sorry.
I’m disgusted with all of his actions. I just can’t take it anymore. So I divorced him.
But his family didn’t take my decision nicely. They are so sure that this is all my fault and that I need to give him more chances. And then his mom texted me very angrily saying that I and my children will get our karma. Like, really?
Before this, I still try to keep a good relationship with my in-laws because I don’t want my children to lose family members (father, grandma, grandpa) just because I decided to divorce their father. But, I guess I’ll just not see them again for the rest of my life. It’s their loss, not mine.”