This is some serious tea. Friends reveal all the juicy details of what happened before the nuptials were said. Content has been edited for clarity.
Keep It In The Family
“I didn’t even have a date for our wedding yet, and I already couldn’t take my mom’s heat. We knew it would be sometime in September of next year. I already picked out my colors and my bridesmaids. I chose my bridesmaids based on the relationship I have with them and how they made me feel.
I chose my two sisters, a close friend, and my step mom, who I saw more as a third sister. Well, my mother became furious I had chosen her as a bridesmaid. She said it would look bad. That I needed to choose my cousins instead. I hadn’t talked to my cousins in years. I had no idea what they have been up to. I saw them once last year during my father’s memorial service.
I planned on inviting them for sure, but not as my bridesmaids. Again, I wanted to be with people I was closer with. I tried to explain to my mother how I felt, but she just kept going on about how I should have my wedding, and if I didn’t take her off my bridesmaid’s list she would not be attending.
I was really upset and shocked to hear words like that come off her mouth. She was always saying she would do anything to make me happy, and how much she loved me. Well, this made it clear that she was making my special day about her.
I never understood her hatred against her. My parents split years before he met my stepmom and she had been nothing but nice to me. I was already stressed and annoyed at this that I had even considered a courthouse wedding to avoid drama.”
Wish You Were There
“My father had not accepted my marriage. It was not love at first sight for my husband and my father as it was for me and my husband. No, it was a long two years of courtship. My father was a very close-minded person, nonspiritual, and hard-headed to a fault. He only saw things in black and white. He never accepted that things changed sometimes, times change, that people were not perfect and it meant his daughter was not perfect either. He couldn’t accept it.
It was hard realizing my father would not walk me down the aisle. I was so upset about it, my heart broke more every day he didn’t speak to me. He was always such a hard man to talk to even though I knew he loved me very much and was a very good father growing up. My dad provided everything in life I needed. Not the things I always wanted maybe, but I never went to bed hungry or never did I not have a roof over my head or clothes to wear. I remember fun times and fishing trips, Bar BQ, and summer days when we would go swimming at the lake. Some really good memories. Unfortunately, my dad had his limits and his vices. And ‘drinks’ was a vice that always threw us off at times. Even so, he never missed a day of work due to drinking. He was the hardest working man I’ve ever known, up to the day he died.
He was so strong in character too. I watched him be strong in the face of many scary things growing up. He was my hero and he was always there for me. But not this time, it was this one thing he could not get past. Me marrying a man he was sure did not love me, who he thought was using me and would never marry me.
To him, it was not a reality I could be assured of. He was so hurt by me when he found out I was pregnant with ‘that man’s’ child. He was so mad he saw red and was sure ‘that man’ was going to run off and leave me and the baby homeless. Well, he was wrong. And all of my family knew it wasn’t like that but I couldn’t tell him that because he didn’t want to hear it. He was in this state of denial and hated my soon-to-be husband and me for getting pregnant. It was just too much of a bitter pill to swallow.
Well, our wedding day was soon approaching and my dad was still hard-headed. The invitations went out.
I said, ‘See daddy, we are getting married.’
He refused to open it.
I bought my wedding dress home and said, ‘See dad, I am going to be a bride.’
He refused to look at it. Everything I tried to show him, he rejected. So I decided one day to show him my heart. I couldn’t stand the thought of walking down the aisle without my father, so I called him on the phone one day. And as hard as it was to do, I poured my heart out to him. I was sobbing but I had to tell him or I couldn’t go on anymore
‘Daddy,’ I said. ‘Please daddy don’t leave me alone at the church. I need you to be there just like you were when I was a little girl, I need you more now. I’m not that little girl anymore but I still need you! I am getting married on March 31st at six pm and I want my dad to walk with me down the aisle. That’s all you have to do for me dad and I’ll never ask another thing from you again. Please daddy you’re breaking my heart! I know I’ve broken yours too but we have to get past this. Please dad don’t leave me alone, not now.’
I sobbed into the phone. I didn’t hear much back on the phone that day, so I just hung up the phone and wept with an even heavier heart. My mother told me later it had been a long time since she had seen my father cry but she said he was crying hard that day. I had just begged him to walk me down the aisle and still, I never heard him utter a sound.
So, on the day of my wedding, I was devastated by this and also as nervous as I could be. Nothing seemed to have gone right with the planning and the weather was bad. We had to move the outdoor reception to an indoor reception at the last minute. We all were running late. I felt like throwing up and worst of all, what I dreaded most was walking by myself up the aisle to meet my husband without my dad. There was no one to give me away, no one to give me their blessing. It was just me against the world walking today. I was the saddest I had ever been in my whole life.
When my sister-in-law and I arrived at the church I just couldn’t believe my eyes. There was my father in his light blue suit, the one that matched his beautiful blue eyes. The one that made him look so handsome. He was staring at me all the way as I walked up to him without saying a word. As if we had rehearsed it 100 times, he took my arm and tucked it gently under his, and led me to the altar to meet my new husband.
The priest asked, ‘Who gives this woman to wed this man?’
My father said, ‘I do’ and kissed me on the forehead, and sat down next to my mother.
I felt like I had just landed on heaven’s doorstep. My world was magical again. I could finally enjoy my wedding day. As my husband led me back down the aisle to the door of the church, everyone threw rice and cheered. My husband saw my father, reached out, and hugged him. I was shocked, but he sure did. My dad was a little surprised too but didn’t push him away, so I was happy. My dad didn’t join us at the reception to celebrate but he showed up for me at the altar and he gave me away. That was all that mattered to me. I finally had his blessing.
In the weeks and months that followed, my husband and my father became fast friends with a solid bond that lasted up to his dying day. I knew now my dad saw the same person I did in my husband. He was a good man. I could not have been happier in life, that was until of course the birth of our beautiful baby girl five months later. My dad loved her too.”
“This one was a real toughie for me. But my best friend made the run-up to my wedding a real nightmare.
I worked for her husband, and even though she was my best friend, she persuaded him to fire me. Not because I’d done anything wrong but because she didn’t think it was appropriate to mix personal and professional relationships.
I didn’t have a problem with this as a principle. But she had just sat there and smiled while we were all talking about employing me in the first place, and never said a word. She just started to get at him behind my back. He insisted he wanted me to do the job since I was good at what I did and his business needed me. She told him she’d leave him if he didn’t fire me. They’d been married just over a year. He tried to call her bluff and she just went upstairs and started packing.
Faced with a choice between your wife and your personal assistant, you had to choose your wife. I didn’t hold it against him, although it was really hard to lose my job just before my wedding. He warned her if she cost me my job, it would probably be difficult for her to continue as my maid of honor and the arranger of my hen (bachelorette) party. But she just grabbed her phone and texted me her resignation, not giving any reasons.
How do I know all this was going on? Because her husband told me. He was desperately embarrassed by the whole thing, but she just carried on being as nice as pie to my face while knifing me in the back.
In the end, I spoke to her about it. She denied it, even though her husband had told me this is what had happened. And when I said she should take responsibility for her own actions, she threw her food at me while we were at a cafe, made vile comments about my son, and stalked off. I haven’t seen her since, although she did send her husband around to demand an apology from us. I was not quite sure what we were supposed to have apologized for, but my fiance refused to do anything of the sort.
Fortunately, I have other good friends who stepped in at the last minute to arrange the party and to be my maid of honor. In the end, we had a wonderful day, but no thanks to her.
I felt so sad I lost my best friend and I still miss her. But I don’t miss the drama.”
“We eloped to the county courthouse.
We told no one in advance except our witnesses and their spouses. No family. No family drama.
We had only the tiniest morsel of any kind of drama.
We got married on a Friday morning, not knowing Friday was Pretrial Motions Day at the courthouse, and therefore had to stand in a lengthy queue of Portland’s finest criminal defendants and their counsel to get through the metal detectors and into the building. But we had allowed enough time, so we were calm.
We sailed through and went up to the judge’s chambers. We were joined by the best man and his wife. Then my ‘best woman’ arrived, alone. She told us that her husband had been turned away from the building because he had been carrying a Leatherman tool and a bottle to celebrate. Neither of which was allowed in the building, so he needed to go back to their car and stash the prohibited items.
Complicating matters further, since my friend was disabled, they had entered the building together through the handicapped entrance, which was much quicker than the long queue. When he was turned away, the guard told him to come back to that entrance and she would remember him and admit him, since he was not disabled and therefore not technically eligible to use that entrance. But it took him longer than expected and a different guard was on duty when he returned, so he had to stand in the long queue.
Luckily the judge had a light schedule that day and was able to wait until our whole party was assembled before we began the ceremony.
Everything else went according to plan.
After the wedding, my husband tried to reach his family to let them know. His mother and sisters were on a flight to Heathrow on their way to Namibia to visit our niece, who was teaching English there. This was around 2006 and none of them were carrying cellphones that worked outside the U.S. He emailed them and asked them to phone him if they got the message. But none of them did. We saw my family the next day and told them in person. His family didn’t find out for a few more days.”
“For my first wedding, I was forced to invite his cousin to be one of my bridesmaids. Actually, my mother-in-law invited her and then told me after the fact. I did not like this cousin and would have been happy to have any of the other cousins or my fiance’s sister be a bridesmaid. Not this one, but I was stuck with her to keep the peace.
I showed her the bridesmaids dress I had selected that all of my other bridesmaids had agreed upon and she ‘said’ she was fine with it.
As everyone had different body shapes, we had all agreed upon a mid-calf length so the dress would look good on everyone which she also agreed to. Rather than buy the dress at the store, my mother-in-law insisted we have the dresses made by this seamstress who had done work for the family before and was a family friend who would be much cheaper. I was a bit dubious but since everyone liked the idea of saving money, I went along with it.
The first initial meeting to take measurements went well and she said she could make the dress look exactly the same with the same fabric and color as in the magazine. Everyone gave her a deposit and we waited to hear from her. A month went by and then another, but since I still had six months to the wedding, I wasn’t overly concerned. But I gave her a call to find out how the dresses were coming along. She said they were coming along fine and we would be ready for our first fitting in a month. A month went by and there was no word from her. I waited a month and then called her because now it was only four months until the wedding.
At this point, she admitted she was having problems finding the material for the dress and I immediately said, ‘Ok, we are now running out of time and we’ll have to order the dresses from the store as we have just enough time.’
But no, she wasn’t willing to give a refund of the deposit because she had already bought the underlay material for the dresses but was not able to find the chiffon overlay material in the correct color. It was either each girl take a loss of their deposit or find another dress design where we could use this cheap underlay material. All the girls voted on selecting another dress style, which I did although it was not as lovely as my original choice. We again all agreed upon mid-calf length as with the other dress.
The dresses were finally made, and a week before the wedding we all went in for the final fitting to ensure that all of the dresses were the same length. All of the bridesmaids were there except for the cousin and we waited for her. After an hour, the others went ahead to have their dresses measured and still the cousin didn’t show up. The seamstress was acting offside and I suspected something was up so I said I’d wait and one of the bridesmaids offered to wait with me. An hour later, the cousin showed up and looked absolutely shocked to see me and the other bridesmaid. Then the truth came out. The dressmaker took me aside and told me the cousin wanted her dress substantially shorter than the other girls’ dresses. As in above the knee. We’re talking around seven or eight inches shorter. She snarkily informed me that as the cousin (as were all of the other bridesmaids) was paying for the dress she had to do what the cousin wanted.
I was enraged at the sneakiness of both the dressmaker (who knew all along but never said a word) and this cousin, who I didn’t even want to be part of my wedding party to start with.
But I held in my anger, smiled sweetly, and said, ‘But, of course, you need to do what she wants. But, if her dress is even one-fourth of an inch shorter than the other bridesmaids she will not be walking down that aisle as a bridesmaid. So do you really think she’s going to pay you for a dress that she will be unable to wear?’
I then shut up and continued to smile sweetly. I will never forget the look of shock on that seamstress’s face. She hung her head and mumbled she would ensure the dress was the same length as the others. So standing beside my one remaining bridesmaid the dress length was measured exactly the same. The cousin was very sour throughout but never once admitted to me or even brought up her little failed ploy. Choosing my battles carefully, I let it go because on the day of my wedding her dress was exactly the same as the other girls. She ended up walking down the aisle but was ignored by the rest of the wedding party because they all knew of the sneaky and outrageous stunt she tried to pull.”
Down To The Last Detail
“Two interesting situations I had come across in planning a wedding that caused some drama. The first was, while in the early stages of planning a wedding, the bride and her mother got into an argument about how to decorate for the wedding reception. The bride’s mother wanted Hawaiian decor because the family had lived in Hawaii for a time. The bride however didn’t feel the same about Hawaii as her mother did and she wanted a more simple country decor. It was a bit awkward as the two disagreed. I had to side with the bride because it was her wedding day and I felt she should be able to say what she wanted most. The mother of the bride finally relented and let the bride decide on what she wanted for her wedding decor.
The second time was when I was setting up the cake table decor at a wedding I had designed and decorated. I had created a type of gazebo nook over the table with branches, fabric, and lights. I used other decor elements as well inside the nook so it didn’t just look like a cake table. The cake was set inside and it was ready to go.
The groom walked into the room and started demanding I change the setup because he wanted the cake topper (which was way too tall to set on the top of the cake. It was meant to sit next to the cake) to fit on the top.
He tried to rearrange things and because the topper was so tall he realized too late that his way wasn’t going to work. The mother of the bride apologized several times for his behavior and was pretty put out with him. I tried to rearrange as best I could but didn’t feel the cake table was as pretty as the way I first designed it.
The mother of the bride and I laughed about it later. We both felt it wasn’t his place to take over as he did. But what do you do when the unexpected happens? You roll with it and smooth it over with laughter. Being flexible could be a good thing when you have to be.”
“Two years after my husband passed, my son called and told me he was getting married. He lived out of state at the time. I asked when and he stated the following year. My younger son was still living with me, going to school part-time, and working. I was struggling with all the financial debt my husband left me. I was able to borrow money from my retirement plan to pay for a gown, tux for my son, and a place for both of us to stay since it was out of state. Thank heavens my friends let us borrow a car to drive to the state. When I offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner, which is customary for the groom’s parents to do, I was met with a disgusting remark from the bride’s father saying ‘I got it covered’ in a nasty tone. I was so humiliated, that I wanted to cry. To this day, I will never forget it and the way he said it. I was financially broke and the bride’s father knew that, but still treated me with disgust.”
“This wasn’t my wedding. It was the wedding I was the maid of honor in, for my friend ‘Bianca’. Bianca had an older brother ‘Harry’, and his wife ‘Jessie.’ Bianca had decided on a kid-free wedding expressly because Harry and Jessie’s two sons were such rowdy hellions. They got hammered all the time and didn’t watch them. Bianca knew her mother would be stuck with watching the kids at the reception and didn’t want that.
So Bianca told Jessie.
Jessie protested and said, ‘The kids will be fine.’
Bianca had heard this before and knew differently.
Jessie called her up one day in April and said, ‘We will have to bring the kids to the wedding. I can’t find a babysitter.’
The wedding wasn’t til October, so Bianca said, ‘Keep trying.’
Then Jessie told Harry if the kids couldn’t go, no one could. Not even Harry, who was supposed to walk his sister up the aisle. Jessie said if Harry went to the wedding, don’t bother coming home after. So Harry had a decision. Keep the peace at home, or miss a family wedding. He chose the whole family would be a ‘No’ on the RSVP card.
Jessie pulled this kind of thing every time there was a difference of opinion about what they would do. They eventually split up. But this was hard on my friend Bianca.”
Over My Head
“I was a senior in college and was getting married during Christmas break. My mother did almost all of the planning, which was fine by me. I was busy and had a three-hour drive from home. She would call and consult me about certain things. My mother wanted a kneeling prayer bench up front for us to kneel and pray at during the ceremony. I wanted none of it. I was nervous about the long wedding dress and veil. I did not want to trip or mess it up. I told her I did not want it. She presented her arguments, but I was firm—no kneeling bench.
When we got to the rehearsal, there was a bench. I tried to protest, but my mom had made up her mind and we knelt. No tragedy happened and I am long over it. But that was my drama with my mom and so typical. My mother was a shy woman to everyone else, but she ruled her home like a queen. She has been gone for over 30 years now and I still miss her.”
Bit The Hand That Fed You
“After over a year of planning and changing dates, my son and his fiancé had a wedding on November sixth. The bride’s parents had limited means, with two other daughters and a couple of grandkids. This would be the second marriage for the bride. Long story short, I paid for 90 percent of the wedding. I did this willingly and with great pleasure because the groom was my son and only child. My husband actually tipped the officiant 100 dollars for his services. Two days after the ‘wedding,’ the bride told me they didn’t plan on getting a license and legally getting married until January due to ‘tax reasons.’
When I asked her if my son knew about this, she said, ‘No.’
So I was reeling from this new information. And we kind of hung up because she had to go to work. It came out later he did know about this, along with her parents and the pastor, for two to three months.
I was livid. I would have never agreed to this fraud and they knew it, which is why they didn’t tell me. I had been supportive of these two for years only to be so disrespected. I was destroyed. The final stab was everyone (son, bride, bride’s mother) ghosted me when I was trying to get answers. I literally drove 500 miles to confront them, and the door slammed in my face at her parent’s house.
Then I had to bang on the door at my son’s house, while the bride yelled ‘Go away you stupid shrew!’
My son had finally let me in and I asked two questions of them. Who knew? How long had everyone known? The answers were two to three months and her parents and (at the service) the grooms’ dad (my ex-husband). Y’all don’t know me but please tell me I was not being overly angry about this?”