Some cheaters consider their affair to be the biggest mistake of their life. The feeling of guilt is what keeps some people from even cheating in the first place. These women, however, regret nothing. They've cheated on their partner and stand by their decision. They all have different reasons for their betrayal. Do you agree with any of them?
"Yes. I have been having an affair for over five years, and I do not intend to stop. I love my husband, but he does not satisfy me and refuses to make an attempt to do so. I don't love my affair partner (in fact, we have so little in common I'm not sure if we're even 'friends'), but we have such great physical attraction it doesn't matter at all. He will do all the 'nasty', 'dirty' things my husband won't and without making me feel ashamed for wanting it. I have never felt so open and free and close with my husband as with my partner. My partner touches my skin so intimately that it feels like devotion or worship. He gives me pleasure and uses my body for his own so unreservedly that I feel both possessed by and in possession of him. Our time together feels more like play than illicit relations, and for the life of me I cannot see how such joy can be a harmful, shameful thing. I regret nothing. I will not stop meeting this man because cannot imagine not having this pleasure, fulfillment, and validation in my life."
"Yes, multiple times, and it started day one. I have an extremely high physical attraction drive and I keep friends with benefits in multiple cities. I travel for work frequently. I cheated while we were dating and slept with two guys (threesome) the night before our wedding."
"I have and still am. I got married to my husband three years ago and everything was fine. Calvin is 10 years older than me. I was 25 when we get married.
He is a good guy, but one thing I can't stand is his obsession with fishing. He always leaves me alone for fishing with his friends. He used to go for two to five without coming home. I thought it would just be temporary, but after five months of marriage, he never changed.
I am a teacher. There is a new teacher that started working at my school named Jack. He is my junior in college, and we began to get close. We exchanged numbers and texted each other. After two months of being so close, we finally decided to be in love.
Due to my husband always being out, I took the chance to go out with Jack, and one night, we both made a huge decision to go further with the relationship. We checked into a hotel and slept together for the first time.
Since then, we have both always make love together. I know this is crazy, but I decided to have a child even if it's not my husband's. I don't mind if Jack is the father.
Two months later, I got pregnant. Calvin was so happy, but would still leave me alone to go fishing. I don't mind at all anymore because I already have a new husband to be with me.
During my pregnancy, I used to stay and sleep at Jack's place. We really enjoyed our unofficial marriage together. Now, I already have two children and they all belong to Jack. I never regretted it and I'm still dating Jack. He wants to have a third child with me."
"I cheated on my husband once. He totally didn't deserve it. Luckily I was never found out. I am suffering for it though, as my ‘lover’ soon tired of the game - so I finished it - realising (too late) that my feelings towards him weren't reciprocated. Serves me right for being foolish enough to stray into infidelity.
Do I regret cheating? Yes, but only because the aftermath of my failed romance hurts me deeply.
No, I don't regret cheating on my husband because he _never knew _and was therefore never hurt by it. If he ever found out, it would have course been a different story.
I had no justifiable reason to cheat. I wish I knew why I took the opportunity when it presented itself.
My affair was a one off, and no, I still don’t regret it. I don’t not regret it (as some people assume) just because it wasn’t discovered.
Whilst I am rather ashamed at my lack of integrity, I don’t regret having an affair, as I believe that it has breathed life into my marriage. I am far less complacent in my relationship with my husband now that I realise what could have been lost. The lessons I have learned have ensured that I make certain that we make time and effort to do more together and have fun - together - despite the sometimes mundane constraints of everyday life. It would have been the worst outcome (for my husband) had he discovered my betrayal. It would hurt him deeply, which I never want. I believe that he may have forgiven me eventually... but he would never have been able to forget. I don’t wish that burden on him. My concern is for him - less so myself.
Affairs aren’t black or white. Unless you are in the situation, you have little real understanding of it. I would NEVER have believed that I was capable of cheating, but I did and now that I have done, it is about damage limitation. I have suffered (I thought) with a broken heart and deservedly so. I don’t want my husband to suffer from my actions, I hope he continues to live in happy oblivion - with a happier (and more grateful) wife these days.
Affairs aren’t necessarily all about physical attraction like is often portrayed in the movies. Somebody once recommended that I listen to ‘Rethinking Infidelity’ a Ted talk by Esther Perel. It really resonated with me."
"Well. I feel compelled to answer. Here is my story….
I was in my mid-20s and married to a man I did not love. I probably thought I loved him, but the fact of the matter is I was pregnant when we were wed. We broke up not long before I found out I was pregnant, and I spent some time in the company of a man I worked with. I had no idea he was the father of my daughter and wed my husband. My husband drank a LOT, and adding in other factors, I became resentful and unhappy. I started seeing a co-worker of his, and my new neighbor witnessed his presence when my husband was gone. I had been (not necessarily mistakenly) candid with her about my thoughts concerning the paternity of my daughter, and one day she told me if I did not tell my husband about both secrets, she would. And she did. I needn’t tell you how devastated and angry (among other things) this man was. We split, and I moved in with my mother, and he with his family. After 10 or so days, he started coming around. And his drinking only increased. One day he was unusually wasted, though this man held his drink like no person I have ever known.
My sister was entertaining a young man who had arrived on a motorcycle, and was asked not to give my highly wasted husband the keys; he had no idea how to ride a motorcycle! I think that since he held his drink so well that this kid really had no idea how much my husband had drank, and behind our backs, offered him the keys. My husband did not even complete the short loop around the block before laying down the motorcycle and sliding into a parked car. The motorcycle followed close behind. The trauma doctor said even had he been wearing a helmet, it would not have mattered. He died shortly thereafter. There are no words I have found - to this day - 25 years later, that can express the agony of realizing what I had done. I will never understand how I could have been so selfish on so many levels…..
I can only say that I do not spend time with men who are in a relationship of any kind, or who are the exes of any of my friends, current or former. But it was entirely too costly of a way to learn about the sense of responsibility, hedonism, morality, and a host of other concepts on how to be a human being."
"Long story short: My wife has cheated. She doesn't know that I know.
A little background about us. I'm 35, she's 32, and we met six years ago, been married for four and a half years. We both are from India and have had an inter-faith marriage. She's Christian and I was raised Hindu.
We met through a dating app and instantly hit it off. I was doing well professionally, a trader for medical goods, and she was a happy painter, did reasonably well despite having a few lull months here and there.
As we talked more, I realized that she's had a glorious past. No relationships as such, I'd say zero, but the fooling around had been more than plenty. And it's pretty uncommon for Indian girls. Not that there's anything wrong with that. A girl's life is her business. This really attracted me more towards her because she felt liberated due to her freedom. Oh, and the stories of her past, those were incredible.
Soon enough, we were doing each other like wild rabbits and our role plays were downright filthy and disrespectful. All I can say is, we tried to outdo each other every other time. And boy, she brought the competitive best out of me, because I was constantly thinking about her past and wanted to do better than any of her previous partners. I had to bring my A-game every time we slept together. And she would not stop, it felt like we were addicted to each other.
Our compatibility had become so awesome that we didn't really see the emotional and the intellectual compatibility. For example, we both were hugely narcissistic, she was a hard-core Christian, and I wasn't. And a lot of other qualities that'd make us totally incompatible.
I'm pretty sure she hadn't strayed off. She had been loyal, apart from a few instances of messaging strangers. Yes, she brought them up to me by herself. That was prior to marriage, too. And given our libido, we didn't consider this cheating as long as the other partner knows.
Here comes the fun part, all these years I've known that she's crazy and could really not trust her. I knew that one of these days, she's going to lay with someone else. And the more I thought of it, it'd arouse me. Now, let me add that she's not good at covering her tracks and she's got a very poor presence of mind. I had her FB password because she used to access FB through my laptop at times and to access her profile all I needed to do was open my laptop.
It was known to both of us that she's still in touch with her ex-lovers, even after two years of our relationship, and about 6 months of being married. She'd message them in front of me, and I can be sure that, she hadn't made the move on them yet. All because she was getting it regularly from me and at that point in time, my work travel was really not frequent. So she could control her desires.
A few months go by, and I start traveling more often. This is the time, I keep an eye on FB Messenger. I leave for Delhi and bam! The messaging starts, with one of those younger lovers. Obviously, I can see it all happening. She's oblivious to the whole thing, and they decide to meet the next day on the pretext of work. I call the wife that evening after she had been chatting with her lover, and ask her about the day. SHE LIES, THROUGH HER TEETH. She talks about how she'd go to work the next day. She thinks she's being careful by not using WhatsApp or SMS. Meanwhile, I've been taking screenshots of this on FB messenger.
I had to stay in Delhi another week and all I could do is monitor that messenger. And what I found out that week was shocking, the lovers just piled on and on. The number of messages was just too much. By this time, I had way too many screenshots that I didn't bother collecting any. From the messages, it was clear that she had multiple escapades. I was not angry, which was strange.
When I came back home after roughly ten days, the guilt she had was giving me goosebumps. Of course, she never came clean about it. I started monitoring the messenger more and I could see chats where she's clearly defending me.
Selfish of her. But I was no Saint either. A few years down the line, I pretended to be dumb about her affairs and by this time, a few of her friends who really like me, didn't approve of her behaviour. They were not the type to poke their nose in our relationship.
A few more months pass by, I decided to befriend one of her lovers, unbeknownst to her. He knew who I was and he literally pooped his pants when I tracked him down at the pub he regularly goes to. I'm a little big, so it took me a good 10 to 15 minutes to tell him that I mean no harm. He was married too, and after knowing that I have evidence of what he and my wife had been doing, he was ready to help me out in any way possible. First thing I had to tell him was to not reveal to her that I know. He readily obliged.
He would from time to time tell me about her. How many she slept with when I'm not around. That was a funny thing, she'd only engage in this when I wasn't in town. She'd never do it if she had her in-laws or parents to take care of. It started becoming clear that she's just doing it out of addiction. And the love making after my out-of-town visits were out of this world.
Remember her friends, who didn't approve of her behavior?! One of them had gotten really close to me out of pity, and she was going through a terrible marriage which was going to end soon. One thing led to another, and I slept with her. There was not a single fantasy/position we didn't try out. She confided in me that my wife isn't faithful at all. I brushed it off saying, oh that's just her guilt talking, because she betrayed her friend.
All in all, throughout the marriage she's slept with about 20 guys and I know this for a fact and as time went by, it reduced exponentially. As much as I know now, she hasn't been doing any. But the guilt kills her, because from time to time I come clean about things like I flirted with a receptionist or secretary, totally made up, and the guilt would eat her from inside. And she'd give me a glorious time.
Apart from her friend, I also had an episode with her sister. Didn't go all the way, but the sister backed off.
All said and done, I love my wife's high libido and also I'm a big terrible person. I feed on her insecurities. Eventually, I do think I'll tell her because it's pure evil not to. But it's too tempting to keep our arrangement as it is.
The problem is that I still don't think if we truly love each other. I wouldn't torture her if I did. I would have come clean to keep our marriage open.
The friend pays 'visits' now and then and life seems great!! For now."
"He wasn't my husband, but he was my boyfriend of seven years.
While I felt horrible for sleeping with two different men, and I felt even worse the moment my boyfriend found out the truth, as of today, I don't regret it.
I don't regret it because it got me out of a relationship where I felt trapped, and also, it made my boyfriend hate me to the point where he will never contact me again.
He got even by destroying all my property. I lived at his house, and I lost everything. The only things I left with were the clothes on my body, my wallet, and my car. Although I could have tried to do something about it, I understood his anger and didn't want to add any more drama to the situation.
It also taught me a valuable lesson: Don't spend your time building someone else's life, because when it's over, you will be left with nothing. Now it's my time to focus on myself."
"Yes. A little background.. I've been with my husband for six years now. He's cheated on me with a few women, and I have forgiven him each time. Why I chose to forgive is another story.
My job is different, and we had a man start in my office and he would be there for a year. He's still got three more months to go. It's a small office and we talked a lot. I started really liking him. He was already super good-looking. Took him three months to say anything that made me think he was interested in me but when he did, I was honestly pretty happy. We exchanged numbers one day and things led to us sleeping together the next day. We hook up pretty regularly. It will end when he goes back to his normal job. But in the meantime, I'm having fun and not regretting it. I wasn't out looking to cheat initially, but when the chance arose I took it."
"I have had 13 affairs with women who cheated on their husbands. Only one husband found out and I stopped after he called me.
Most of the women stayed married, three that I know about got a divorce.
I can not be sure as why they did it. I am still friends with most of them that I am still in touch with.
M I met at a conference and we ended up in bed. The affair lasted several years where we met once or twice a year at conference. We are still in touch although she is now single.
V was a college friend and we had 3 encounters. She initiated. College ended and I moved away.
L was my supervisor. I think she was bored with her controlling husband.
C was my assistant and in a loveless and unfulfilling relationship. She is still married to her husband. The affair ended when he found out and called me asking to stop. There were children involved.
R was a colleague, I think she wanted to experience another man as she married young.
C was bored with her husband who was nice guy but just boring. They divorced.
C1 was a colleague who was bored with her controlling and mean husband.
P I am not sure. We had flirted a lot and one night we did it.
N we used to meet together to practice French. This led to us sleeping together.
L1 was bored with her nice but unimaginative husband. I think their physical attraction may have been routine as she seemed to want to try more unusual experiences.
L2 Nice husband but there was not enough romance in their relationship.
D she was on a rampage, sleeping with anyone she could. When we slept together I did not know until after that I worked with her husband who was a real nice, but quiet guy.
H was a one off at a conference. She initiated.
A higher drive than husband, low self-esteem, curiosity, accidental, needing attention may all have been motivation but only they could say."
"I'm not a cheating wife. I'm the 'other guy.'
Currently, I'm seeing three people who are married. Actually, one of them is partnered up. I've been with other married people before, it's been years now.
They all regret it. At one point of another. Nevertheless, none of those feelings get in the way of what they do with me. I've seen enough that, to remember them now, I feel a bit of disgust in the back of my throat.
Why does a married mother cheat on her husband? From what I've seen, they all have a different set of reasons, but some reasons do repeat themselves in each case.
'He changed…'..he's not the same man she married yrs ago, she's not happy about it. It doesn't matter that the husband is a good guy.
'Physical attraction…'…she's not happy about that. I truly believe that if a person hasn't slept with different partners (safely) as in 'taste as many items in the buffet line' then, that person will eventually feel like 'has missed out on something.' So, they have to try stuff later on.
A married person who cheats is an idiot. They choose a dangerous action to fulfill something that they can't comprehend well and risk everything in their lives to do so. Especially the children…
How can the spouse take the cheater back? I say don't. When you're cheated, your spouse is not respected, definitely unappreciated and has just been made a complete fool out of. Why stay with someone who cheats?
The cheater is a coward, an idiot, a selfish being that just wanted some warped self gratification at the expense of those who love him/her. If you're not happy in your marriage, work to make it unhappy. Counseling, therapy, shops, time apart, etc, etc. And if all that is done, and you still want to leave…do it. At least you tried. Later on the kids will understand it better rather than knowing that one of their parents cheated.
Personally, I don't get why people want to be married."