She Has Assumed Control
“Soon after getting together, she moved into his apartment. She turned his spare bedroom/office into her music room. Next, she turned his garage into her yoga studio. She never did yoga. She preferred his car, but would not let him drive hers, meaning there were many nights in which he was stuck at home while she was out with her friends. She controlled his drinking. The few times he was out, he was allowed ONE drink (which she usually drank), while she got totally rat-faced. She often stayed over at other guy friends’ houses because it would be ‘too late to drive home.’ She planned an elaborate holiday trip, which he paid for, to visit her ex.
The relationship lasted a little under a year before she broke up with him because he had turned 36 and she only dates guys who are 35. According to her, 36 is waayyyyy to old.
We’re still not sure what she was good at to make him stay. Being super religious, she definitely wasn’t good in the bedroom. Frustrated friend brought this up often. Couldn’t cook, didn’t clean, all she did was things she wanted. She had this obsession with ‘creating her personal brand’ and everything they did had to put her in the spotlight.”
He Came From Humanity’s Garbage Can…
“My sister-in-law (my wife’s sister) has always had weight issues, thanks to her parents who always called her ‘little fatty’ growing up. They didn’t let their kids play sports because they didn’t want to have to deal with practice/games, fed them heavy, fattening food their entire life, and punished them for not finishing their plate. They’ve literally called her ‘little fatty’ since she was like 5 or 6, which is way before a kid has any say in how fat they are.
At 21, she went rummaging through humanity’s garbage can and brought home the first piece of garbage to show her any attention. Within 9 months of meeting him, they were married. Within a year she had his baby.
This guy has it all. He is openly rude to her and her family in public and in front of her parents. He has about a fifth-grade-level education and zero plans to improve himself. He has a baby with another woman who he never sees and never tries to. He has a drinking and gambling problem. He also makes sure it’s a ‘his money/her money’ situation and gives all his money to his parents who are better off, his nieces, and on drinks and gambling, so my sister-in-law, who does now make a lot, basically supports them. He insists on living in the filthiest, most dangerous part of town, even though they have dealt with several break-ins and they could live closer to her parents for less than they pay now. Speaking of her parents, they are basically raising his baby because she works and he just stays out as much as possible.
I figured they would not last a year, but now I fear she will never leave him and the kid is going to turn out super messed up. I’m worried because she’s basically letting her parents (the ones who messed her up and treated my wife like dirt) raise the baby. She drops the baby off there at like 6 am, works all day, feeds her stupid husband, and picks the baby up after 6 at night. The baby gets separation anxiety from its grandparents rather than its own mother now.”
“I was living with my former roommate ‘Bob’ and another guy in quite a decent place for a good rent at the time. We had all known each other for years and surprisingly did not run into the usual friends-to-roommates stuff that happens… until one day when Bob revealed that he had been chatting online with this girl from New Brunswick, Canada for a while and he had quite the interest in her. He was planning on flying out there to see her in the following few weeks as he was smitten.
OK, fine. Have fun.
He went away for a week and then came back all smiles. After dropping his bag off in his room, he came back out to the living room and started gushing about this person he finally met in person. He loved her. He asked her to move in with us and she would be there in three days. This had not been discussed ahead of time and both of us other roommates were strongly against it and also floored he would even try this. Yelling ensued. He sniveled, he begged, he cried that he was ‘in love!’ Finally, we relented. She could stay for a bit, but if it did not work out, something would have to change.
Three days later, the ‘thing’ arrived. I’m not kidding. I’m a fat person myself who could never claim to be very attractive, but at least I make an effort to be presentable. She arrived looking like a poorly built troll whose hair was dipped in fryer grease. She had BO that could be detected from 10 paces away. She had a face with more acne than skin (no surprise seeing as she probably never washed) and halitosis like a green dragon’s breath weapon.
Holy moly!, I thought. What the heck is Bob doing with this nightmare facsimile of a human being? I mean, from a neutral viewpoint he fits the standard definition of a fairly attractive person, so what’s going on? Surely, since he met her online, what was inside had to be much better than the packaging. She was probably one of those people who was not blessed with the external looks, but was a great person, right?
A few minutes of conversation with her killed that idea dead and then ran over it with a truck to be sure. She was loud, she was rude, and she was dumber than a bag of rocks. In the first 20 minutes of meeting us, she told us an anecdote that cemented that she was a horrible, self-centered person. She told us how awful her previous roommate was just before moving out here to British Columbia. A few days prior, she came back to her apartment to pack and found her roommate throwing all her stuff out from the third story balcony whilst screaming at her. What a horrible roommate, right? All Trollface did was tell her roommate a few hours before that she was moving out to British Columbia and stiffing her on the rent – 2 days before the end of the month. Why was she so upset? It quickly became apparent she lacked self-awareness or empathy.
That was the tip of the iceberg. She sat around all day while eating our food while Bob was at work, messing around on Bob’s computer, and generally being a useless lump/parasite. We had discussions about the situation that went nowhere. Finally, two months later, after a particularly vocal discussion, we all parted ways and found other places to live as none of us could afford the entire top half of the house on our own.
Bob moved to an apartment in the burbs with her and she continued to sponge off him, found work temporarily, got fired from that, and eventually found an illicit substance connection out in the burbs. She started up a speed habit and got Bob to try it too. This took Bob to bad places. While that went on, she got pregnant. Plot twist: it was not Bob’s – it was the dealer’s! A massive trailer park style drama show ensued before she finally exited his life. He spent a couple of years picking up what he could of the wreckage of his former life, but has never been the same since.”
“He Loved Bragging About What A Prick He Was…”
“My friend’s former boyfriend loved bragging about what a prick he was. He treated her like dirt and never seemed interested in her, until he found out how rich she was. One of her dad’s companies was sold and the news was public, so her dad couldn’t keep his name off the Forbes list.
Then, he publicly declared that they were together, after three years of toying with her. At every family event he was at, he just treated it like one big networking bonanza. He did not seem to have a clear job but claimed he was in finance. He claimed to be ‘working remotely’ while freeloading at her parents’ place for six weeks and happily treating all their household staff like they were his employees.
We all tried telling her. Even though we were like sisters, she actually told me, ‘It’s OK if you don’t like him. You don’t have to.’
Her father reminded her that it was in their family constitution that any potential spouse must be thoroughly vetted by private investigators first. He gave her the courtesy of warning her that he was going to do it in exchange for her agreement that she won’t tell him while the investigation is going on. She confidently agreed, completely believing he would come clean.
Yeah, the imbecile was cheating on her. She was a mess for the longest time but fortunately, she’s fine now and married to the most awesome guy ever.”
“The Hold He Had Over Her Was Crazy”
“When I was in high school, my best friend started dating a fellow that was known to be a piece of garbage, but she was in love and we could not convince her that it was a bad idea. He started beating her almost immediately, but that did not deter her at all. He would take her car and pick up other girls, but they were just ‘friends.’ She got him a cell phone in her name and ran up enormous bills that she could not pay. He gave her herpes, and we thought, ‘Okay, maybe now she will leave him.’ Nope. She ended up in the hospital as well with complications. He told everyone she gave them to him.
Once he was street racing in her car and smashed it up and she forgave him, even though she couldn’t afford to get it fixed. He took all her money. We begged and pleaded with her to leave him and she said she would, but then secretly kept seeing him. Then one night we went to a community dance and he started strangling her in front of everyone. It took three huge guys to get him off her and the police were called. He was wasted and probably could have killed her if we didn’t intervene.
He ended up leaving her after that and she was devastated. The hold he had over her was crazy. What was even crazier were the girls who got together with him after all that happened, knowing fully well what he was like.
“Lowlights” Of A Marriage
“Here are the lowlights of my friend’s marriage:
-His schedule is set by her.
-His money = her money. He has zero input, and she is awful with money. He recently drained his 401k so they could pay off credit card debt. Three months later, she bought a new car. Three months after that, they went on a two-week international vacation.
-He runs all her errands, including driving 40 minutes out of the way to bring her lunch because she ‘forgot’ to bring it.
-Six months into the marriage she made him abandon his only 2 hobbies, hunting and fishing because it is cruel to animals. She is a large woman and not a vegetarian.
-He must respond to text messages within minutes no matter what he is doing.
-He gets motion sickness if he is not the driver in a car, but she insists that he rides passenger because of one accident he was in six years ago. She is the scariest driver I have ever met. She speeds with her phone constantly in her hand.
-He gets verbally put down in public and private settings.
-She complains about him every chance she gets, yet he never says a negative word about her.
-He has had zero fun time in the past three years.
-He stays home to watch the kids while she goes out to bars or events several nights a week.
-She is huge into multi-level marketing stuff (pyramid schemes) and even attends big conventions in other cities when they happen.
The list goes on and on and on…
Our circle of friends is pretty tight and we all see him look absolutely miserable, exhausted, and crabby every time we see him. He looks like he is pushing 55. He is only 40. We all want him to get out of his abusive marriage, but anytime anyone even comes close to saying anything he gets extremely angry, defends her and starts being a prick to everyone.”
Love Is Blind, Even To Evil
“We were 17. He met her at a Walmart. This girl was a hypocrite if there ever was one. Holier than thou and judgmental, but also trying to get knocked up at 16 by anyone she could proposition, including his friends and my brother. She was also a control freak, jealous, you know the drill.
We begged and begged him to get far, far away from her. Who wants their friend to be a teen dad and tied to a loony forever? The best we could get from him was that he promised not to get her pregnant. She was pregnant within a year and they got married. They had two more kids but finally broke up a few years ago.
We are 28 now. They are separated and had court-mediated child support established. But the kicker is he STILL will not divorce her. She lives with another guy and had that guy’s baby but my friend just won’t file the papers. She won’t either because of a bogus law that requires him to pay for a baby that is not his, because they’re married and the law says it is even if genetics say otherwise. He COULD hire a lawyer, file for divorce, and get a court ordered paternity test that would ‘de-establish’ his paternity and no longer have to pay for the one that is not his. He would HAVE to divorce her for that to happen, not just get the test. However, he won’t file. Why? I don’t know. I certainly have my theories. But, until he decides to do that, he’s financially responsible for 4 kids even though he is only the father of 3.
He made his own choices, and many of them were the wrong ones. But, it is also not as simple as that since she was (and probably is still) emotionally abusive. He was always told how useless he was and that he was not worth anything and that he couldn’t do anything right. I never heard her say a nice thing to him. The dude needs a lot of therapy, but sadly I don’t see that happening.
It’s both sad and frustrating.”
“A Slow Ticking Time Bomb Ready To Go Off, But Won’t”
“‘Date’ is probably not the right four-letter word to use here, but I had a friend who was head over heels for a guy who was basically just using her as a toy for years.
She would maintain his house, take care of his pets, and, basically, bend over backward for him for anything, both figuratively and literally, because she thought it would make him love her eventually.
The thing was, it was not mutual. He did not like her like that. He only saw her as a ‘friend’ which he openly admitted to both us and her, but she didn’t get it. She was in denial. He would also constantly berate her right in front of us. He was very quick to anger and would often try to intimidate and threaten people who were disagreeing with him. He was not stupid, though. He would never make actual threats of violence, just raise his voice a bit, move closer to you to skirt that line. He was a very fit guy, so it often worked.
This went on for years, which amazed me the most because I have never seen a friend’s with benefits relationship go that long. Usually, someone eventually says, ‘Forget this,’ and moves on by then, but she did not. He kept dating other girls, which would emotionally destroy her, but she’d stick around and keep taking care of his stuff for him. Then, the guy and his girlfriend would break up, so they would go back to their situation, which she was seemingly content with since it meant they got to be together in some capacity. Then, he would find another girl to date and they would go back to square one.
To this day it is the most bizarre, semi-abusive relationship I have ever seen. I haven’t spoken with her in a while, so I kind of wonder if they are still doing this. The whole thing feels like a really slow-ticking time bomb ready to go off, but it just won’t.”
“We Did Not Need To Say We Told Him So”
“I had a friend who met a girl while on a snowboarding road trip through British Columbia, Canada. She was working at a local bar at the time, was from New Brunswick, and was a free spirit, but in a weird sort of way. Instead of being adventurous, she was more into being a bum on the beach or a cave in Alaska sort of free spirit.
They did the long distance thing for a while and she ended up moving in with him in our hometown. I got a strange vibe from her and did not really like her. I could also tell my other friends did not like her either and his parents, who are normally quite tolerant, did not either.
Then, I found out she was into coke. How did I find this out? We had another friend who lived in the apartment below them and I was visiting him while she was home upstairs waiting for my buddy to get home from work. She got high and thought it would be fun to see if she could jump onto a tree branch about 15 feet away from their second story balcony. We were sitting in the living room when we, suddenly, saw her body flop down on the porch.
She was fine, but she started making plans to go back to New Brunswick. He took it as an opportunity to road trip across Canada and start his life out on the East Coast with her. He quit his job to leave British Columbia. The day before he left, we had an intervention with him. About six close friends of his from high school, including myself, all told him it was a bad idea. We could not get to him and he left anyway.
One and a half years later, the relationship had soured to the point at which she would just look at him and tell him she hated him. He got into coke too. His truck blew its engine in Ontario on his way back to British Columbia. He was stranded there in New Brunswick and couldn’t find a job that could get him ahead. He came to his senses and made a plea with his parents. His dad flew out there, bought a new engine, helped him put it in, and they drove back across Canada. He was a 240-pound muscular man when he left. When I saw him again, he was maybe 145 pounds at most.
We all still took him back into our circle. We did not need to say we told him so. He already knew it. All he needed was his support back and we gladly gave it to him when he needed it. He got on his feet again and we are still best friends to this day.”
In Love With An Exotic Dancer
“A buddy of mine started dating an exotic dancer and was absolutely smitten with her. There is nothing wrong with that profession, but he was just kind of at a different place in life than her and we all knew there was no way it was going to work out. He could party, but she was absolutely wild. We all tried to gently point this out to him, but he wouldn’t hear any of it and got upset with us for ‘trying to sabotage his happy relationship.’
As things moved forward, she started having angry outbursts and literally just ran away almost every time we would hang out. Still, he persisted with the relationship.
Eventually, she was ousted from her apartment for not paying rent. To all of our dismay, my friend invited her to move in with him. I had never facepalmed so hard in my life, but he’s an adult and can make his own decisions. It ended several weeks later when he came home to find she had thrown all of his clothes and belongings out the window and onto the sidewalk in a tantrum and tried to kick him out of his own apartment. He finally saw the light.
Funny side note: a week before he met her, my girlfriend at the time and I were out drinking and she commented on how she had always kind of wanted to go to an adult club, so we made the hazy decision to call a limo and go. It turned out to be the club my friend’s ex worked at on a night on which she was a regular, so I probably saw her fully revealed before he did.”
She Is Done With Her Sob Stories
“I have a ‘friend’ who dates guys she knows none of us like just for attention and then throws a fit when we state we do not like them. I mean, storming off when we refuse double dates, dragging them to parties just to sit in the corner and make out with them (or worse – straight up straddle them on the couch), asking us why we refuse to hang out with them, and then having more tantrums when we tell her why.
She dates guys who have invalidated her gender and have wildly different views than the ones that she is absolutely radical about, ones who refuse to communicate with any of us, and vape just obnoxious amounts. Most recently, she dated one who she falsely accused of assault. When these fall through, she then expects all of us to baby her, until a week later when she gets another, despite sobbing about the last one a day before.
She’s a freaking disaster. She actually has gotten professional help but only for depression and anxiety, they gave her meds but half the time she doesn’t take them. I don’t think she would ever seek help for a personality disorder because that would mean she isn’t always the victim in everything and it isn’t just everyone being so mean to her.
I finally cut her off when she lied to me about having an eating disorder to get my attention. I suffered from an eating disorder from the time I was 12 to when I was 16 and she knows that full well and how much it affects me.
And I may not have liked the dudes but a lot of them deserved better than her. I’ve actually bonded with a few of them after they broke up. I still hang out with two, and let me tell you it drives her freaking insane.”