The Bride Took More Pleasure In Categorizing Her Friends Than In The Groom’s Presence
“First: groom abandoned bride at reception to drive off and collect his kids from his ex and take them somewhere. Was gone for hours. The bride ended up sitting in a circle of old friends getting hammered with us, putting on a brave face. The marriage lasted less than 3 years.
Second: Second marriage for both. Guests were mostly her friends; in the weeks leading up to the ceremony, the bride moaned frequently about how ‘my life will be over soon,’ ‘I have 34 days of freedom left,’ etc. like Martha Stewart counting down the days until she had to report to prison. Groom seemed adrift and lonely at his own wedding, hopped from table to table during pre-ceremony drinks assuring her friends that we all had complete freedom to continue talking to her after they were married as if she were a lawnmower we were free to borrow.
Bride segregated wedding guests—mostly her own friends—into an A-tier invited for the ceremony and sit-down dinner, and a B-tier invited three hours later for dessert and dancing only. The bride took more pleasure in categorizing her friends than in the groom’s presence, informing us A-tier guests during dinner that we were the ‘cream of the crop.’ B-tier guests, including groom’s few friends, showed up before dinner was over and stood out in the rain hammering on the windows while we finished our salmon. Groom seemed to disappear at that point and bride ended up wasted on the dance floor, doing the electric slide by herself, sloshing Chardonnay everywhere. They were divorced in less than 2 years.”
That’s Why You’re Not Supposed To Start Drinking Until After The Ceremony
“It was a disaster from the start, although it was also the most extravagant wedding I have ever attended. Had to cost well over $100k. There were many mixed drinks before the reception and the groom was smashed. One of the bride’s best friends from out of town complimented him on how great his eyebrows looked and he replies back with ‘What are you trying to say about me?!’ Then he tries to kick her out even though she was just being polite.
After that fiasco, he keeps drinking and it was time for cutting the cake. So normally you just cut the cake and maybe rub a little into each other’s faces. Nope, he baseball pitched the cake straight into her face. I’m not exaggerating, everyone went completely silent. He was so hammered he wound up to about the back of his head and let her have it. It actually is comparable to what a 5-year-old boy looks like when he throws a ball. The bride runs out of the reception bawling her eyes out and her father follows. Her brothers start to get in his face but it was quickly calmed down. Once she returns, the groom decides its time to make an apology over the mic. You can guess how much of a disaster this turned out to be. Incoherent nonsense.
As the night is ending, the groom is outside with her brothers and dad trying to fight all of them. Yup, the marriage was annulled the very next day.”
If At First You Don’t Succeed, Please, For The Love Of God, Don’t Try Again
“I married a man I knew didn’t really love me and had been abusive to me in the past because I just didn’t feel like starting over again and he knew the only way I’d take him back is if he knocked me up and married me. No, it wasn’t wise. None of it was wise. It was all stupid, I accept that. I’d spent almost my entire twenties with the guy, I was past 30 and desperate to get married and have a baby, and he was willing.
Our wedding was an absolute disaster every step of the way, but I grinned through it. Our photographer showed up late and was not professional, the pictures stunk, my sister/bridesmaid is a compulsive liar, got wasted and told a bunch of people I violated her as a child, my father didn’t use the nonrefundable ticket to come that I bought him because it was more important to be wasted at home, the flowers were the wrong color, my officiator/best friend got wasted, forgot the vows, forgot the rings, AND told us to ‘make out’ in front of our entire families.
Meanwhile, we did everything as cheap and quick as possible. I specifically asked to not say vows to avoid my soon to be husband saying anything embarrassing, and I didn’t want to spend any money because I knew, deep down, he didn’t want to do it at all.
However, just before I went down the aisle, I was backstage and my niece was sitting with me and asked if I was nervous. That’s when it hit me what a mistake I was making. This wasn’t MY wedding, this was someone else’s wedding that I was playing the bride in. This man didn’t actually want to marry me, he just thought he had to, more or less because I convinced him it was the only way to keep me, and he didn’t even really want to keep me that much he just didn’t want to seem like an idiot who promised to give me a baby and marry me but only hold up one end of that deal.
About a year in, everything completely dissolved. I mean, I could go on and on about all the messed up stuff, but we’re talking deeply messed up stuff. So much resentment on both sides. Our toddler and I now live in the unfinished basement of the home we bought that my mother rents from us, because living with him became too volatile a situation.
I should’ve just not gone down the aisle. I should’ve just pounded a bottle of chardonnay, grabbed my toddler, and run for my life, but at the time, I didn’t see how that would make anything better. But, holy cow, it would’ve been better. Two years later, we’re getting a divorce and I could’ve saved the last 4 years of my life had I just moved on.”
The Kids Were Even More Disappointed Than The Bride
“I was the bride. I was left at the altar. Small wedding in a beautiful local museum.
All was fine until I walked down the aisle to see he was not there. Not too panicked yet, he’s not great with crowds so we had discussed the probability of me being there before him if he needed a breather to calm down.
Ended up he’d decided nope, couldn’t go through a second marriage, and bolted.
His mom wanted to tell people that there would be no wedding but I gritted my teeth and said no, I’d do it, I owed people that much.
So while sounding like Yoda from swallowing sobs, I had to tell everyone that although there would be no wedding, there should still be a celebration at least, for the friendships that had grown over the years between the two families.
Dinner and (a lot) of drinks were had. I did have lovely dances with his dad and mom and even one with his ex-wife (very amicable divorce, stayed friends, she and I got on very well).
Called and texted him throughout the evening and night to no avail.
The worst part, aside from the love of my life disappearing?
Taking his two young daughters (10, 13) aside and trying to explain to them that the wedding wasn’t happening, all the while they are sobbing and I am trying not to start crying myself. The younger, in particular, kept saying she hated her dad and asked why he was being a dirtbag.
Did everything I could to assure them he is not a bad guy, that he loves them and is a decent person, despite what happened. They ended up staying in the honeymoon suite with me and we ate cake and watched Mean Girls. These beautiful sweet girls, whom I’d raised with him since the youngest was 3.
4 years later, I’m still not over him. No desire to date or see anyone else. Great relationship with the girls, though their relationship with him has been sadly strained since that day. Maybe someday I’ll get the nerve up to date again but at the moment, it puts me into a panic! I’m just happy the kids still wanted to be involved with me and are warm and loving enough to still be happy to have me in THEIR lives!”
“Yeah! Um…That Old Holy Spirit Is, Uh, Great!”
“A friend of mine got married to a girl he’d met on a Christian dating site after knowing her for only a month. She also lived 200 miles from him, so they really hadn’t gotten to know each other.
My friend has been a church-goer all his life, but he’s not a crazy evangelist or anything. It’s just a nice, boring Presbyterian church.
Anyway, the wedding was at the bride’s church. I can’t remember the name, but it was a small, country church out in the Midwestern corn fields.
In the church, we sat, as usual, friends of the bride on one side of the aisle, friends of the groom on the other.
The ceremony began and all went well for a time, until, during the minister’s prayer, the bride became overwhelmed with the holy spirit. She closed her eyes, raised her hands in the air and began speaking in tongues.
This caused most of the people on the bride’s side of the aisle to become similarly taken with the spirit, and they began standing and waving their arms and speaking in tongues.
So you had one side of the church (and the bride) standing up, waving their arms and shouting ‘Hubbala-boola-ahmabala-babbala-wabbala-bubbly!’ While the other side was full of slightly uncomfortable Protestants sitting there with frozen smiles, unsure what to do. ‘Yeah! Um…that old Holy Spirit is, uh, great! Sure thing! You go, girl…’ Looking at each other out of the corners of their eyes, wondering if it was rude not to attempt to participate.
Also, my friend, the groom, was similarly unsure of how to respond to his new bride, standing there in her wedding dress, waving her arms and shouting in his face. Remember, he’d only known her for a few weeks, and they’d had only a few dates since it was such a long drive.
He waited out the storm politely and–after a few long minutes–things settled down and the ceremony continued.
I talked with him at the reception and he mentioned being surprised at the speaking-in-tongues from his new wife. ‘I knew she was religious, but I didn’t know she was that kind of religious.’
I didn’t say anything, but all I could think was, ‘This is why you don’t get married to someone you met on the internet after only a month, idiot!’
It’s been a year and they’re still married. Happily, I guess. I see him on Facebook occasionally and they look happy. I don’t know if she’s got him speaking in tongues now. I wouldn’t know how to ask.”
Good Aunt Goals
“My niece was 27, top tier lawyer, beautiful woman, marrying a thrice-divorced 42 y/o who has somewhat mysterious means of support. He was a very attractive man, seemed aloof, and her parents were gritting their teeth – they didn’t like the guy and told her their concerns, but she said she was going through with it. We flew in the day before the wedding and after the rehearsal party I had a few minutes alone with my niece, I have always been her favorite aunt, all I did was ask her, ‘Are you sure you want to marry this man?’
The floodgates of emotions erupted, she started bawling, she wasn’t sure, she didn’t know what to do, she hugged me sobbing. I calmed her down, got a glass of chardonnay in her and she told me that about a week ago she had an epiphany, she realized this guy was not right. But now she was afraid to back out with all of the money, travel, and planning.
Long story short, we had a midnight meeting with her parents and she called off the wedding. Yes, it was very difficult, the groom’s family went ballistic, thousands had already been spent by the guests and my sister, but all of the people close to her were relieved.
Instead of a wedding reception, we had a family reunion with all the food and stuff. She later told me I was her backbone that day – there was no way she was going to go through with it herself. She married a nice guy a few years later in a civil ceremony, has 3 kids with him, and a good marriage..”
A Wasted Heart Speaks A Sober Mind
“My wife was a bridesmaid in this wedding. I videoed and was going to edit the footage together for them. After the wedding and much drinking, the wedding party went to the couple’s favorite bar for more ‘celebrating’ with the core group of friends. Few more hours of drinking and the bride was so messed up that the truth started coming out.
She started trashing the groom and anyone else that got in her way (my wife included). She ended up calling her ex-husband at 2 am and telling him she had made a huge mistake (I took the phone and told him she was wasted – he understood). The night ended with us shoving them in the limo that was supposed to take them to their hotel and hoping for the best because we were all sick of it.
They are still married from what we know. We are no longer friends with the wife and I still have their unedited wedding footage on my computer.”
A Marriage Fated To End Badly
“My friend was getting married to his neighbor. I hardly knew her, didn’t know he was into her and the wedding was rather sudden.
They were both from very religious families, and she got pregnant after they had slept together once in ‘a moment of weakness and inebriation.’ Their families pressured them into the marriage. At the wedding, they barely looked at each other, they argued (though with enough taste to do it quietly and away from most guests) over several details, and the bride got wasted (had I mentioned yet that she was pregnant?). The baby was born with dark hair though both my friend and his wife were blonde. The DNA test confirmed the baby wasn’t his and they divorced, less than 8 months after the marriage.”
“WE WON’T HAVE PERFECT LIGHTING IF WE WAIT FOR HER!”
“My cousin’s soon-to-be-husband was more concerned with perfect wedding day photos than her grandmother. Her grandmother was 90 years old, walked only with assistance, and was having trouble getting to the spot where everyone was standing for the wedding photographer. While my cousin, dress and all, is trying to get her grandma over to stand with everyone else, her groom is screaming, ‘Forget her! Forget her! WE WON’T HAVE PERFECT LIGHTING IF WE WAIT FOR HER!’
My cousin is a very family-oriented person and it mortified her, especially because–in her words–he had never yelled at her before. What mortified her worse because they did take pictures without her grandmother, who died a few months later.
They’re still married, somehow, but not exactly happily. He keeps trying to make her cut contact with my side of the family and even his dad pleaded with my cousin to get a divorce when they found out she was pregnant. Told her that, ‘Having no father is less damaging than a crazy one.'”
Never Marry A Man-Child
“This was a friend of mine. All of her Snapchats and social media posted photos in the final weeks leading up to the wedding were of her running around doing every last errand, staying up until 2 am finishing decorations, making all the final phone calls and organizing stuff while he watched sports. Then on the weekend of, she was running around setting up everything while he got wasted with his groomsmen in the hotel for the entire day before the wedding (it was a destination wedding so everyone was there a day early).
He was so hungover that he almost missed the wedding. His vows were a single sentence and hers were uncomfortably intense and long-winded about how she ‘loved him more than life itself’ and ‘he has her whole soul now.’ She had prepared thoughtful surprise after surprise for him during the reception (which again was uncomfortably overkill), while he wouldn’t even help her set up his own wedding. Also the juxtaposition of the speeches. Her friends and family all talked about how great a wife and mother she was, and how special it was to finally see them become an official family (they already had kids), and all of the speeches about him were about how he was such a great party bro, and how ‘he should maybe stop putting so much up his nose now, but we’ll definitely keep drinking as hard as ever!’
Then the next day when they had to start cleaning, taking things down, and packing up, again she was running around doing everything while he was sitting around visiting with his guests and groomsmen and going on about how it was his day, and the hotel should do everything for him because he just got married. Even though he didn’t hire anyone to help take down everything, he’s broke, so he wanted the cheapest package where they just rented the room and needed to set up, take down, and clean it themselves to prevent getting charged more fees they couldn’t afford… So like always she did everything because now she was officially married to this man-child. It was so horrible to witness. It’s only been a couple weeks since the wedding, so we’ll see how this goes.”
You Can’t Pretend Your Way Into A Happy Marriage
“From the beginning, she wasn’t really involved or excited about the wedding plans. She just didn’t care. The groom planned most of the wedding which was at a mountain resort across the country (her home state). It wasn’t an easy wedding to get to. His friends and family had a long flight and then drove three hours to get there.
They were doing pictures before the ceremony and the bride disappeared into the woods. No one could find her for about an hour. People started to panic. The groom was thinking he’d have to call it off. He was planning a speech. Finally, the wife of the best man tracks her down. The bride is crying and we all assumed it was cold feet. The wife of best man said, ‘Don’t marry him if you’re not sure, who cares what people think. It’s not fair to him!’ But the bride shook her off. After all, everyone made such an effort to be there she didn’t want to disappoint people.
So they went through with it. Most everyone close to the groom (including the groom) knew they should not have married. But it was like being on a train at full speed and not being able to get off.
They pretended to be happy for about 6 months, with him doing most of the pretending. Got divorced. He had the wedding annulled (this mattered to his parents) and then she came out. She’s a lesbian.
In the end, he met a super cute gal, they got married (she planned it down to the last detail) and now they have a couple of kids.”
But I’m Supposed To Have An Unhappy Marriage That Ultimately Ends In Divorce!
“Complete disinterest from the groom about anything to do with the wedding. He wanted zero to do with the planning and would get grouchy if he was even asked for an opinion. Day of, he asked to be told what he needed to do and when, as he planned on spending the rest of the time drinking in the alley with his buddies. He did exactly that: what was required, with the least possible enthusiasm, and became more and more obviously tipsy.
The rest of the wedding was awesome. Food, music, open bar. He was the only turd in an otherwise awesome punchbowl. Maybe too awesome, as I woke up on the couch in the bridal suite and the first thought I had was ‘why am I wearing pants?’ (the last I remembered, I was still in my bridesmaid dress).
Fast forward till 3 days before their 1 year anniversary…she comes home from work and he’s moved out. Before the wedding, they’d been together for 7 years and owned a home together. Turns out, he’d been cheating for last few years and continued after the wedding. But he doesn’t get all the blame; she had very much drank the kool-aid of ‘supposed to.’ Supposed to go to college, supposed to buy a house, supposed to be married by X age, supposed to have kids after a year. It’s not a coincidence that she was engaged on her 29th birthday and married a week before her 30th.
After the divorce, she ended up selling the house, buying one of her own, and is incredibly successful in her field. He’s a fat, balding bar-fly who decided to cash out his retirement and quit his job at 33 to spend a year getting tickets for driving under the influence.”
Rain, Rain, Go Away
“It was raining outside (in Southern California no less) and the groom was in the hallway screaming and yelling at the bride that they would still have the wedding out in the rain. She kept saying over and over, ‘We can’t do this to our guests…’ and he refused to back down. The venue kept saying they could have it inside (there was a lovely room all set up) but the groom refused. And it wasn’t just a light rain, it was the once-every-few-years rainstorm that causes mudslides and major flooding.
We were there for several hours while this went on and all of us awkwardly hung out in the reception area listening to the echoes of the argument.
The wedding was called off that day. By the time we left, we went back out to our car and we were one of the fortunate ones who had parked in an area that hadn’t fully flooded so we could reach our car and leave.
Unfortunately, they ran off to Vegas and got married the next weekend.”