Ever been cheated on? These people have! In this piece, ex-lovers share the lamest excuse for infidelity they've ever heard. Read these flimsy excuses and sympathize with the people. Keep in mind, all stories were edited for clarity.
Honey, I’m Home!
“‘YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO BE HOME UNTIL 6!!!!’ She screamed at me as she dismounted some bare, long haired, dirty looking dude in my bed.
I literally walked in on her hooking up with some other guy when I got off work early one day. Needless to say the engagement was called off and the wedding was canceled. Five years later and I still get caught up thinking about it.
Buzz off Laura, wherever you are. I would have loved you forever.”
Learning What Not To Do
“One of my best friend’s boyfriends told her that he was sleeping with another girl, so he could find out how to please a woman better. When she asked him why couldn’t he just ask her, he said he didn’t want to make her feel self-conscious by asking her.”
Knock Knock Neighbor
“I traveled for business a lot, and thought I had a solid relationship. Even cleared the travel job with the wife (now ex) before I accepted. I come back one evening, she picks me up at the airport, and everything seems normal.
I woke up in the middle of the night, and she was not in bed with me. I heard the headboard from next door hitting the wall that separated the bedrooms from the two apartments. Five minutes after it stopped, I heard my door open, so I pretended to be asleep. She came in and got back into bed and snuggled up to me.
Needless to say, her excuse was much the same. She told me that since I was gone so much, the guy that lived next door had been hitting on her, and she just couldn’t resist.
I left the next day.”
Exposed In Court
“I got married far too young and for all the wrong reasons, and we immediately went into the troubled marriage phase.
I was working long hours to make up for the loss of what little income she was making when she quit her job to play online games all day. What little time we spent together we spent fighting or ignoring each other.
A couple of months later, things are…better. Not good, but better. I decide to knock off work early to take her out on a ‘date’ – I open the door and hear the unmistakable sound of my wife moaning.
I walk into the bedroom and see some dude banging my wife and going at it good, so I just lean on the door and watch for a minute, then finally I clear my throat and panic ensues. He grabs his clothes off the floor and BOLTS out the window and runs to the car parked in my neighbor’s driveway in his birthday suit. My now ex-wife starts crying and begging and pleading. I just say ‘I’m going to my best friend’s house for a few days, be gone when I get back.’
She decided she doesn’t want to have an amicable, uncontested divorce. What she doesn’t know is the dude that banged her called me like two weeks later, wanting to meet and talk. He told me she had been flirting with a bunch of dudes in chat rooms, and was pretending she was single, which is why he was there. I asked him if he’d testify to that under oath, and he said he would.
When she saw him in court, her face went white, and she immediately started talking to her lawyer. After the guy testified, the judge gave her a ‘you’re such a tramp’ look and awarded me an annulment. I haven’t spoken to her since.”
“‘It was Christmas, and I was lonely.’
That prick was alone on Christmas because he refused to go home on the ticket his parents bought him, and he didn’t want to go see my family. So, clearly, the best option here is to pout all day, go to a bar with the girl that I told him was into him and I didn’t trust her, and then let her blow him.
But it’s ok, he called me right after because he ‘regretted it’ and it’s good for our relationship that he was honest, because he didn’t have to tell me anything happened.”
“My ex gave me her phone because she couldn’t connect to my new Wi-Fi. I scrolled down and saw that one of the networks she had saved was her ex’s house.
I checked the date and it was the previous weekend when she was supposedly out of town, so I asked her about it.
Her: ‘That was months ago when I went there.’
Me: ‘Really? Because the date here says last weekend.’
Her: ‘It must be when I drove past their old house.’
Me: ‘For the whole weekend?’
I opened her phone and didn’t even have to open the message because the preview said ‘I had so much fun with you, can’t wait to see you again this weekend,’ from her ex. When I confronted her about it, she lied saying they were working on a project together. I couldn’t help but laugh and tell her to pack her things. She sobbed the whole time while I made dinner plans with friends.”
Subject Line Reveals Secrets
“‘Maybe I wanted you to find out.’
He left his email up on MY laptop that was wide open. I didn’t even have to dig for it, it was literally right there. Caught my attention because the subject was ‘I love you’ and I most certainly didn’t receive an email as such. He tried to make it out that I was driving him away, and he wanted me to know to ‘fix it’ even though he was abusive and manipulative man for four years all while I wiped his butt for him, but sure it was my fault.”
Exposed By The Other Woman
“I noticed that our daughter’s car seat had been moved to the trunk after he went out one night. I knew immediately that he moved it to do the dirty in the backseat. He claimed he was ‘driving his friends around’ but that was a lie because he didn’t have enough friends to need to move the seat.
He called me crazy, but two days later a random girl showed up to my house to admit they were sleeping together. They’re married now and I’m very happily living 2,000 miles away from them.”
Bank Account Emptied
“I was in Michigan putting my grandfather to rest while my fiancée at the time was at home in New Hampshire setting up an apartment for college. On my way home (driving through Canada) I noticed my debit card was being declined. Thankfully I had enough cash on hand to pay for gas.
I kept calling her to see if things were alright, if she needed help moving stuff, if she was still staying at her friend’s house.
Nothing. Finally, get to New Hampshire about 12 hours later and find that there is no trace of any money left in my account. Around $12,000 was gone.
I call the bank, and they say it was withdrawn from an authorized member of the account.
Call my fiancée and still nothing. Get a call like three days later with her crying saying she cheated on me.
‘You were gone, and he just reminded me of you so much.’
Well I bet you’re wondering what happened to the money. Well she withdrew it to invest in her new boyfriend’s budding (pun intended) pot business.
Boy oh boy. Then she had the audacity to say this kid of hers was mine when I was in basic and her mother was hooting and hollering at me saying ‘That’s why you ran away to the military, to avoid being a father.’
That floozy got knocked up and dropped like a rock then has the balls to say the kid was mine. (It wasn’t. We hadn’t done it for a month or two prior and unless the gestation period for redheads is 11 months there was no way.)
I decided to be the bigger man and not tell her mother about her transgressions, but I did help her do simple math. I suggested that maybe she should talk to her daughter.”
Blamed and Innocent
“I got accused of cheating with my ex-girlfriend of six years. I never did cheat, we were just going through a rough patch. We took a week or two off from hanging out with one another, but we were still dating.
When we hung out again for the first time in two weeks, she told me she had lied to me a week earlier about taking a nap, and she instead went and cheated on me with one of my best friends. Long story short, she said it was because I wasn’t showing her that I wanted a relationship with her.
All in all, she’s a liar that manipulated me into believing I was not attempting to love her the way I should when in reality she couldn’t handle the roughest time on seeing each other that we ever had in six years. So cheers to six years down the drain.”
The Perfect Housewife
“My ex-husband with one of his coworkers. She is there for me and does everything you don’t, like cooking three course meals a day, which of course I didn’t we had a 6, 5, and 3 year old, two of which went to school, and I worked a full time night shift job on top of, helping with homework, baths, laundry, and keeping a clean household, getting only a few hours of sleep in between getting kids to and from school and fixing the youngest one breakfast and lunch. When that didn’t faze me he decided to lay the blame on me, he knew I was already cheating on him.”
Between The Hours Of 10 And 4
“She went to a meeting (for a new job) from 11am to 8pm. When I called her on the phone, around 5pm and many times after, her phone was off.
She came back home, without a worry, saying that she went to meet her cousin and that I was insane to think she would bang him. Two days after, she left her Facebook open on my laptop. A guy messaged her if it was ok to call as she said, between 10am and 4pm, when I was at work.
Again, she said that it was because of me, that she knew I will get mad if she will talk with him, hence the calling hours. We broke up, even if I didn’t catch in the act.”
The Phone Mess Up
“‘Blackberry phones have this thing where when you’re texting someone, it actually changes to someone else as you’re scrolling and reading. I was actually sending those messages and pictures to you.’
I thought it was just raunchy texting, but found out later that he had been sleeping with her the entire 3.5 years of our relationship. I’m probably coming off as an idiot for not realizing it sooner, but he had told me she was his first cousin (found out then that they’re not related – just barely family friends) and I’m not one to assume that people sleep with their first cousins so yeah. That betrayal definitely messed me up for a while.”
Untold Stories In AA
“I was with a guy who I suspected of cheating. He had been in AA at that time for 25 years and enjoyed going to meetings to help others and for the comrade. He began going a lot more often than normal and me being a suspicious person anyway began to think he was doing more than going to meetings.
One day this guy was messing around with his phone and asked me to take a look at it to see if the phone had navigation on it. He sat at the dining room table him across from me. I thought, this is my chance. I went straight to his text messages and bazinga. Hit the jackpot. This guy had been sending love messages to an old girlfriend, texting one of his ex-wives, sent several messages to some women from AA and one in particular message that was very cringey. His message to her was, he wanted to get to know her, but he’s shy and warms up quickly. He asked her if she wanted to get ‘coffee’ with him. No response from her.
I began reading out loud all the messages and of course he said they didn’t mean anything. I told him to pack his stuff and get out. He did. Never saw him again after that.”
The Classic Excuse
“‘We were on a break’. My soon to be ex-husband went out and hooked up with two women less than a week after we separated to cool down after a particularly nasty fight.
I asked him to stay at his grandmas for a few days, so we could think about things and work on our relationship. He took that to mean he was free to do what he wanted with whoever he wanted.”
“We were in bed together and I thought I saw her send a promiscuous picture, but my phone didn’t make a sound. I asked her if she just sent a photo, and she said no it was something else.
After a night of not being able to sleep, I looked at her phone when she was sleeping and my suspicions were correct she had sent a picture with the text ‘can’t wait to do the dirty with you again when my boyfriend is away.’
I got super upset, woke her up and broke up with her immediately (here’s where the excuse begins).
She got upset and tried to defend herself but all of a sudden pretended to fall asleep, changed her defense tactic and asked why she was so upset. She did this a few times and tried to explain that she had some glass shards in her head from a childhood accident, and she gets memory lapses. I actually believed her at the time and I felt bad for yelling and being upset”
Too Close For Comfort
“The biggest red flag was when she left her previous boyfriend for me but I missed it. Three and a half years later, she’s banging the ‘brother she never had’ who worked for her dad.
Her excuse was ‘You’ve changed, and he likes the same things as me.’ Girl, we liked the same things until you started listening to country music and asking me to spend money I didn’t have. It’s ok though. Recently married the greatest woman I’ve ever met. The previous girl did me a favor.”
A Dodged Bullet
“‘They came over and wouldn’t leave until we did it!’
One of my exes said that when she had a threesome. I literally laughed out loud and hung up the phone. She called a week later (when her parents got back in town) while I was at work and stupid me answered without looking at who called. She told me she couldn’t call me because he took her phone and said she could only get it back by giving him endless mouth jobs, but she was sorry blah blah blah. It was long distance at this point, so I just hung up without saying a word blocked her number. She was crazy.
She threatened me over MySpace and some online gaming servers we played that she would hurt her self if I didn’t unblock her number and talk to her. I called her dad and told him, and she got some help but yeah, bullet dodged there.”
Innocence Is Key
“My ex just refused to admit that she was cheating.
She decided that she didn’t need me anymore (a bit of a story there) but instead of leaving me she just started cheating. The guy was someone who she used to work with but got fired from the bookstore.
She and I were mid-20s but this guy was mid-30s, unemployed, no degree or job skills or training (hence being mid 30s working in and getting fired from a bookstore), a big smoker (which she said that she could never date), and MARRIED. She knew that he was married. He knew that she was engaged to me.
I worked late nights at a job which was 75% of our income. So I slept during the day. His wife worked during the day to support both of them. So when I was sleeping and his wife was at work they did their thing. She’d drive over to meet him after his wife left, they did their thing, and made sure to get him home before his wife, and she got back before I woke up.
But, nope. She denied cheating. She didn’t want me anymore, was sneakily spending as much time as possible alone with him and lying to me about where she was which is how I caught her, and leaving me for him, but according to her she totally wasn’t cheating on me with him.”
Foul Play With A Coworker
“I came home after class one night, and she was wasted hanging out with her male coworker. No biggie. I drank with them, and she ended up cuddling him instead of me when we all sat on the couch. She grabbed his junk through his jeans and he bolted. The next morning said she doesn’t remember it.
Over the next week I had a couple breakdowns where I asked her if anything else ever happened. She got really defensive and angry with me for ‘even thinking I (she) could do that.’ During the last breakdown I went over a list of shady stuff she’d done in the past that I didn’t even think twice about but was now questioning:
1. Male coworker calls her at like 12:30am on a weekday to hang out. I didn’t have a problem with it since I just wanted to go back to sleep. She came back to our apartment in like an hour.
2. She had a habit of staying out much later than she said she was when she hung out with coworkers and would come home much more inebriated than she usually gets with me.
3. When our problems were first starting, our buddy had an open mic night at a local brewery. I ‘wasn’t going to make it’ because I had class that night. I left class early to surprise her. She was there with male coworker from point #1.
She literally screamed at me to stop when I was listing off these things saying I was hurting her. That was when I realized she didn’t respect the fact that I had my doubts and suspicions. In fact, she resented me for it.
I set a boundary to not hang one on one with male coworkers until trust is restored which she agrees to without any resistance. A couple weeks later she texts to tell me she’s getting off work early and going to hang with a male coworker. I told her I was upset, but we’d talk when I got home. She doesn’t come home until pretty late and goes straight to bed (I was on the couch).
The next morning I ask what that was about, and she said she, ‘I didn’t want to deal with you while you were angry’ and she, ‘wasn’t doing anything wrong.’ That was the last straw. I moved out a week later.”
There Was No Other Option
“My ex-wife had a pretty bad excuse. We’d been together since before university, been together through university (different uni’s, same city), then got engaged and married after uni. When I got my first actual big job after my graduation job a couple of years later we had to move across the country. She had been excited about the move, found a new job and got really involved in choosing the apartment we’d rent whilst we got set up and planning kitchen items she’d buy with my extra pay… it all seemed good, and she genuinely seemed pretty excited for it.
About two weeks before the main move (I was already working there and commuting), I find out she’s cheated, and then that she’s cheated in the past and then that she cheated a year or more ago.
Her excuse: stress. She was worried about moving to a new city? Bone a guy. Worried about your new job? Bone a guy. Worried about exams? Bone a guy.
She genuinely tried to make me feel sorry for her that she got so stressed that she had no option but to go and sleep with other people. I agreed with her that if that were true she had real problems and needed help, but disagreed that it was going to be my problem anymore.
It was a long time ago now, but a real eye-opener about other people. Can’t be too angry though as we got married too young and the years that followed my divorce were some of the best of my life. Plus if it weren’t for that I wouldn’t have met my wife or have the family I have now, so all for the best in the end.”
Desperation Is Calling
“My ex girlfriend and I moved into a new place and a week later I found out she was cheating on me. When one of my buddies got a message from her asking to ‘come party’ he immediately let me know what was going on.
I confronted her and her excuse was ‘my mother died of a coke addiction and I wanted to find someone I could get coke from, so I could experience what she experienced.’ She was apparently boning this dude for coke.
The awesome part of this story is she threw an OP at me to get the apartment, made my work fire me (we worked at the same place) so there wouldn’t be any chance of seeing me there, and then kept half of my stuff because apparently ‘if we live together it’s both of our property’ as the cop put it.
The only up side to this story is it gave me an excuse to go back to school and start getting my teaching degree.”
Picture Not So Perfect
“I went on a trip, and when I got home all the pictures featuring me were under the bed. He told me that ‘the wind was blowing them around,’ but apparently it was only the pictures I was in, and not the posters or art inches away from them. Keep in mind, he was staying in MY apartment, and they were under MY bed.”
It Just Happened
“My ex in high school cheated on me twice in one weekend with the same guy (I was away for the weekend). It was a childhood friend of hers, so I didn’t see it coming honestly.
The first time it ‘just kind of happened.’ The second time she figured since she knew I was going to break up with her, she might as well do it again, ‘that way he totally has to break up with his girlfriend now.'”
Fortune Telling Delusion
“My buddy’s dad was diagnosed with colon cancer. He starts going to chemo and his wife starts going out with some other guy.
His sister found out his mom was cheating on his dad, so she told my buddy, and he sat his dad down and talked to him.
Dad confronts cheating mom, and she says (paraphrasing) ‘my fortune-teller told me that the best way to get over your death would be to start something new with someone else’
Now mind you, his dads not dead, or really even close. The cancer is responding well to chemo, and he’s been slowly getting better.
She literally tried justifying cheating on him because he might die….
She no longer lives in the house, and she, best to my knowledge, has been ex-communicated from the family.”