"Don't just give up on your significant other" is a piece of advice that has been heard throughout every relationship. Seems like a pretty reasonable piece of advice. Why give up on a loved one? However, for some relationships, this piece of advice has been pushed to the limit. These woman have tried again and again to be patient and understanding with their partners but nothing got better. These women share the last straw that pushed them to break up with their significant other. All stories have been edited for clarity.
What A Waste Of Space
“The second major relationship I’ve had ended for a lot of things all coming together at the same time.
I got fed up of going home after work upset because I hated my job, getting home to find a flat that was disgusting and a boyfriend that was unemployed for almost a year. The only thing he’d do was cook because he enjoyed it, but washing up/cleaning/washing clothes/etc. was all ignored all day in favor of being on his computer. He also cooked in a way that made more mess and he’d just flick crumbs onto the floor.
After about a year he finally got a job (because his mum applied for him and made him go) and I thought, ‘Yes awesome, with two wages we can just pay for a cleaner to help.’ I had a lot of health issues so I was struggling to get through a 40 hour a week office job, anything else on top was really difficult for me.
He came home every day crying because he hated his job and he was going to quit. Excuse me? I’ve not quit yet after 5 months of hating my job so you better not. Well he actually got himself a different job, I think his mum and me were piling on enough pressure that he didn’t just quit until he found himself something better. And low and behold, he hated that one too. Suddenly everything overwhelmed me and I realized what a waste of space he was, he was just lazy and depressed and wanted to live off his parents money in the flat they paid for, so I broke up with him.”
I Should’ve Known He Was A Bad Guy
“He was a womanizer.
I didn’t see it as a red flag when we started dating, but gradually, it fell apart. He lied about cheating on me, almost gave me an STI, was uncomfortably dominate during physical relations, was good at pushing me into breakdowns/gas lighting me, and then making me feel like he was the only person who could emotionally support me. Stuff like that.
I was really angry for a long time after we broke up, but I realized our flaws and insecurities aren’t compatible – and I think that ultimately creates a healthy relationship. He needs someone to call him out on his nonsense (like lying about leaving town and then showing up to the same college party as me, along with other big communication issues), and I found someone who doesn’t take advantage of all I have to give in a relationship. The reality is that I show love by being supportive, and he doesn’t. We both had abusive childhoods, mine led me to be more submissive, and his led him to be absent. I couldn’t do anything but chase him, and he couldn’t do anything but run away. We were both fundamentally different and unintentionally toxic to one another.
It took longer than it should’ve, but I dumped him. And then it took longer to shake him after the break up. I only felt like I finally shook him off me after I moved countries. I’m now out of college, back in the US, living in a different state, and back together with my boyfriend from high school. I swear, looking at my boyfriend now, I can just see all the love I have for him reflected back in how much he loves me. If that makes sense!
It was a dark place, but I grew from it and now I’m really happy.”
I Wasn’t Faking The Pregnancy
“One day just after our 5 year anniversary, and 1 week before my 21st birthday, he randomly got off of work for the night and sent me a text saying that he didn’t want to be with me anymore. It was so random that I assumed someone had stolen his phone and was playing around with us both. It had been a perfectly normal day. He had texted me just fine on all of his other work breaks and I’d stopped over at his house the night before. There was literally ZERO sign that this dude was about to break up with me over a text.
The thing that hurt the most was he said in this text that he had been ‘unhappy for years’ with our relationship. That stuck with me for a long time. Why didn’t he just tell me at the first instance he started feeling unhappy with us? I felt as though he had lead me along.
And there is a kicker here. 1 month before he dumped me, we found out I was pregnant. It was an accidental pregnancy of course as we were both still living with parents. As soon as he dumped me he started claiming the pregnancy was all one big elaborate lie so that I could ‘get him back’ even though he had been there with me when I did the test and got a blood test with my doctor to confirm.
He told all of our mutual friends, and his family that I was a psychopathic liar. This messed me up hugely. Nobody wanted to speak to me anymore or be my friend, I even got messages from his older brother abusing me. He also switched occasionally from ‘She’s totally lying!!!’ to ‘The baby can’t be mine.’ I don’t think he could make his mind up. I’ve never been more messed up in my life. I’ve not heard from him since.
It’s been 4 years now and I’m married to the most wonderful man. I thank my ex in my head every single day as he lead me to my husband.
He Made Me Miserable
“We dated for 4 years and a couple of months.
We had been friends for 3 years (give or take) and always had kind of a goofy kinda flirty friendship.
When we started dating I was interning and was only home for a weekend every two weeks. He would only want to see me when we were going out with friends and would tell me that he didn’t miss me when I was gone. When the internship ended, I moved back home, started working but we would see each other more often.
2 years into the relationship, he started taking my debit card out of my wallet and keeping it for weeks without my consent. Sometimes I would miss it and ask for it and he would give it back only to take it out a few days later.
In October 2017, we had holidays planned to Poland but he told me he wanted to cancel them so we could move in together. I was over the moon, I gotta be honest. We asked for a credit for several thousand euros so we could buy furniture and appliances and everything we would need. That money lasted about 2 months and 6 months after we had moved in, we were already 2 rents behind.
At that point he told me he was gambling our money away but that he wanted to stop and needed help. My help. Cause he loved me so much. And I tried to help him… for 6 more months. At that point, there wasn’t a month where my bank account would have any money on it by months end. He didn’t gamble anymore (I can’t quite prove it, but at least not with large sums of money) but he would spend it on everything else and I barely had money to keep us afloat for the whole month.
I ended it after those 6 months because I was severely depressed and just couldn’t take it anymore.”
How Was Work Today?
“For an entire year, my ex claimed to work at Home Depot. He would make up schedules, make up people he worked with, fake managers, fake stories every day until one day I went to his apartment after he left for ‘work.’ So I was chilling with his roommate and I was like ‘Does (my ex’s name) let you use his Home Depot discount??’ And he goes, ‘Woah..he gets a Home Depot discount?’, and I go, ‘Well yeah all employees do!’ He starts laughing and I ask what’s wrong.
He tells me that not only does my ex not work at Home Depot, but that he doesn’t work at all. He is also $1500 in debt with his landlord. So I was in shock and I was like, ‘Wait, so where is he right now?’, and my roommate goes, ‘I thought he said he was here but was just in his room sick all day…’, so a couple minutes later he walks in the door and I asked how work was in front of his roommate. He went cold. Then I asked to speak with him alone. He confessed he never had a job and that I was the reason he lied because I never would date someone without a job. He projected it all on to me and blamed me for his lying actions for an entire year. For his long made up stories. For his fake coworkers and fake managers that never existed.
He also punched me in the rib cage and kicked me out of his place. I never saw him again, but found out that he was also cheating on me with his best friend.
The roommate called me to make sure I got home okay and talked with me over the phone to make sure I was alright and told me I could do better. A month later he moved out.”
Better As Friends
“I was in nursing school at the time he and I got together. I was in a transitionary period in my life where my career wasn’t set, so I rationalized that it was okay that he worked a minimum wage job at 30 years old. After all, I wasn’t sure where my life was headed either. A few years into our relationship, and we talked about marriage a lot. He was still working a low wage, dead end job but his 6th such job in two years, with no clear plan at all. Any such attempts to lead him into a well paying job was always met with negativity and dismissal. He could work overtime, though, at his pizza job.
He told me that he was going to save up money to buy me a ring. Instead, he bought a $2000 mountain bike that sat in our garage. He never worked out or enjoyed active things, so it was a purchase that didn’t make sense. He never saved for my ring but still talked about marrying me. I hated going into my garage after that.
Fast forward a year later, and I’m a nurse. He is working a new minimum wage job (his 8th in 3 years) and spending all of my money on things like weapon parts, a clunker of a car he was going to ‘fix up’, and a ton of other hobby items that he never used and eventually sold for half its value. It came down to the fact that I knew I’d have to support him and any kids we might have, which would be no easy feat with his reckless spending habits that put us in the red every month. It also didn’t help that he refused to do household chores, and spent his free time playing video games while I hiked, kayaked, and went out to social gatherings that he refused to go to. We grew apart.
I know my career growth had a lot to do with it, and I think that maybe I was too distracted during school to really see that we weren’t right for each other. A month after we looked at rings together, with these tiny shards of diamonds he got from his father that he wanted to incorporate into a ring but were too small and old, I decided we were better as friends and called it quits. I still feel terrible about it because we had so much fun together! We simply weren’t compatible enough to go long term.
I think the final nail in the coffin was when he told me he wasn’t sure he wanted to have kids anymore, and he knew that was a deal breaker for me, who desperately wants them.”
I Thought It Was A Fairytale Come True
“This ended roughly 4 years ago.
Hindsight is 20/20. When we first started dating, I noticed how insecure he was and how much he was trying to hide it. I brought it to his attention to offer comfort and support. He said he wasn’t, and I believed him. I believed nearly everything he said because I loved him.
Later I realized I loved the story of him more than the man himself. We met in the fourth grade playing Pokémon. Grew up in the same borough. Went to the same high school. And reconnected after college. This kind of history has become fairytale to me. I was struck. What more could I ask for in a passionate handsome lover whose interests matched mine so nearly completely, who’s smart with a career in medicine, and who has such a long shared history with me? And so, as one does when in love, I turned a blind eye to his faults.
I looked the other way when he created a divide between me and my friends of 17+ years. The guilt trips, the character assaults on them and myself, the emotional abuse, the heavy drinking. One night after drinking, I put us in a cab home. He reached the point of blacked-out and started throwing up in the cab. I put his weight on me and carried him to the tub, washed him, and even cleaned the cab we took together (all while inebriated myself). The whole time he wouldn’t stop telling me how much he hated me. That was the beginning of the rose-tinted glasses coming off.
He apologized the next morning, but it was short lived. The emotional abuse escalated, and he began creating a divide between me and my family. He wanted it to be just us and his friends. My anger and frustration bubbled. We would argue often.
Nearly at the end, he was asked to be the best-man/brides-maid at his best friend’s wedding. She had found the love of her life, and together they made a beautiful lesbian couple. He choreographed their wedding, put in a lot of work in the planning, and was all around a joy. We even began talking about our own wedding.
Shortly after he got an STI. Immediately he blamed me. I believed him then, too. Before we met, I had been a bit promiscuous, tests can miss things, I could have been carrying it without symptoms for all these years, and we had recently begun trying new things in bed.
Hindsight is 20/20 as I said. How blind I was to believe him.
I got tested. Results were negative. I knew the truth then. The rosy glasses came off.
He completely flipped on me. Accused me of getting treated without his knowledge and lying to him. He said many more hurtful things I’ve mostly blocked out.
And so I ended it.”
I Just Hung Up
“The day before Valentine’s Day, which is a holiday I’ve despised even while in a relationship, I had a massive test in a class that I was struggling to pass. He lived 2 hours away at a different university (early college long distance: 0/10 – Would Not Recommend) and wanted me to drive over, skip classes, and spend the day with him so we could be all couple-y on Valentine’s. He was broke and couldn’t afford gas to come see me, so I would have to come visit him. I told him I had study sessions planned and would not be able to come over, since I needed to keep my GPA up to maintain my scholarship. I had already planned to go over there that weekend, but apparently that wasn’t good enough. The ensuing phone call consisted of him bringing up every time I had put something before him. How dare I prioritize school, visit my mom instead of him (she was going through chemo at the time), make friends in college, etc. Let’s just forget about the 6 months that I commuted 4 hours (one way) every other weekend to see him. A light bulb went off, and my brain ran through every time he’d done this to me over the 2 years we’d dated. Anytime things weren’t about him, some sort of breakdown would ensue complete with crying and guilt. I realized that all I had to do was hang up and I could be done with him and our dysfunctional relationship. It was extremely liberating.”
“He was way too clingy. He would leave me 25 text messages and 10 missed calls if I didn’t respond right away. I’m also a night shift worker, so those long periods of no response would warrant his behavior. He knew that I worked nights and if I didn’t respond at a certain time of day I was sleeping. Thank god for the “Do Not Disturb” setting on my phone. I live with my sister and her husband. If my ex was over, and if I was talking with my sister, he would poke me and keep asking over and over to go upstairs to my room and cuddle. This happened several times.
He was also obsessed with physical touch. If we were watching a movie (and not holding his hand/arm around me etc) he would pause the movie and whine that I’m not touching him. I would just ignore him since I would like to watch my movie in peace.
I take the bus to work. He works the typical 8-5. I would get on the bus right when he is off work. I don’t like talking on the bus because it’s too loud and I don’t want others hearing my conversation. He usually called while I’m waiting for the bus for at least 10 minutes. If our conversation was less than that, he would get upset that I wasn’t talking to him long enough?
I broke it off with him soon after.”
We Were High School Sweet Hearts
“He was emotionally abusive, controlling, lacked motivation, untrustworthy. We were high school sweethearts and when I went to college he became extremely controlling. I was finally becoming me, discovering myself, developing confidence in who I wanted to be, and he didn’t seem to want that to happen. He was a grade older than me and went out of state for a semester, failed out, then moved back to my college town once I went off to college too. He stayed there for a year with his mom paying rent, and never got a job. He would just stay home and try to “make it big” streaming league of legends. Finally, his mom made him move back. This is when it got especially bad. He wanted to know where I was at all times. If I didn’t text him back within 5 minutes he would freak out. I was studying to become a mechanical engineer and many of my study group sessions were all guys with me being the only girl. This drove him nuts. At one point, I cut and dyed my hair, even got a nose piercing, and he said that I was now (and I kid you not) “Too attractive and all the guys would be jumping on me while he was gone” and tried to get me to change it back. When I got a dog, he said she would get between us and take up all my time from him. After a while, he would try to prevent me from even going to study group sessions or anything really, because I must be cheating (and he was the one who tried to multiple times, not me).
After a while, I just was at my breaking point. He was too controlling, I couldn’t do anything. It was never about me, always about him. When he visited we never got to do what I wanted to do, I’d just sit and watch him play video games. If I asked to join, I was told I’d mess it up. I was also going through some chronic health problems and he just couldn’t or wouldn’t even try to understand or help me care for myself. During really bad pain episodes he would force me to do things that made me worse. I didn’t trust him and he was living back home with his mom and showed no motivation to succeed in anything.
So I dumped him, finally. I matured, came to my senses, and realized that I didn’t have to keep clinging to someone who would never truly care or support me like I would them.”
“I just couldn’t deal with his lifestyle. Out 4 to 5 nights a week and he worked nights so he’d get in at 3 or 4am and pretty much sleep until he had to work again. When we met at 21 this was ok but now is 30 and my priorities have changed.
Also he did nothing around the house. I saw him like a few hours a week. He was more like a roommate, a crappy roommate at that. It made me so sad. He wouldn’t help with wedding planning either. He was financially insecure and I was a grad student so that was really hard. We always split everything in half but in my last term we new he would have to help more. We knew this a long time in advance so I had to take out a massive loan. I also started catching him in little white lies. And no he was not cheating.
All of this just wore me down after 9.5 years. I tried everything at the end, counseling and etc, but I came to the realization he is who he is. He wants to hang with friends and sleep instead of have a fiance let alone a wife. We cancelled the wedding and its now been 9 months. I still love him and he loves me. I do not regret cancelling the wedding. We have talked a few times but clearly he has stuff to figure out. He said his plan was to get his stuff together and then hope we would work out. He did not and got a girlfriend that dumped him and he called me for support. I have mostly let go of any hope we will reconcile. I have moved to a new city so just trying to focus on that. I still feel heart broken but the reality is these issues where there from the start.”
I’m Not A Baby Making Machine
“Got really got tired of him behaving like a kid. I worked more hours than he did, I had two little girls that wanted their mommy and I spent more time cleaning after him. Seriously – pick up your clothes, make the bed once in a while, do the laundry, put the dishes away. I am not your mother and I am not your maid. It was not a partnership. And the dude kept wanting me to have another kid – which means he wanted to have a son. Apparently, his two adorable little girls were not enough (you know the whole, throw the ball with the son and go to games to root for them nonsense). I told him that 2 children were all I could handle and what we could afford.
We divorced. He remarried and had 3 more kids. 2 sons and 1 daughter. Neither ever ended up being the boys that he wanted – oldest is super weird and the younger had some birth defects so no sports for them. Ended up divorced again. He is working well into when he should be just enjoying life and taking it easy – but he is still working and having to pay a ton of child support and for college (for kids that suck at it).
I remarried. All my kids are adults now. Hubby is amazing. He is a full-fledged adult living an adult life. I wouldn’t trade him in for the world, I have never ever picked up clothes just left on the floor.”