Everybody has a dirty little secret they usually keep to themselves. Some can be quite dark and twisted, especially when it comes to a person's past. As one user writes: '[We are all] complicated little creatures...' and boy, was he correct.
(Content has been edited for clarity.)
Unrequited Love
“My best friend and I are more than just friends. We’ve carried on an intimate relationship which was both physically and emotionally intimate for years. This has gone on for longer than both of our current relationships. We’re both women. She is absolutely the love of my life, but I’m unsure if I’m hers. I’d probably leave my current relationship if she were to ask me to. I go back and forth on whether or not she’d leave hers, but my gut says that she wouldn’t. It doesn’t matter anyway because there are other life circumstances outside of our relationships that would probably get in the way of us even considering it. We don’t really talk about it.”
Continuing The Cycle
“When I was little, I woke up in the middle of the night once due to some noises that I heard, so I ran to my parents’ room. I walked in and watched my dad strangle my mom to death. He didn’t see me at the time, and I hid in the closet. He turned himself in later that night. I still remember it as if it were yesterday. My grandma told me a lot more about them when I was a little older.
What haunts me the most is that I’m growing up to be exactly like him. I’m going to be another broken person who finally loses it and ruins the lives of those around me by continuing the cycle. I wish he would’ve just killed me, too.”
Hit And Run
“I was involved in a hit and run once. I had this big scrape on my car, and I told everyone it happened while I was turning too fast and slide on some ice into a guardrail. I envisioned it so many times I began to remember it as if it was a real memory. I mean both of them are memories, but I know which one is real and which one is not. However, the false one is more vivid. In my defense, the guy was illegally parked.”
Emotionally Detached
“I feel emotionally detached from most things in life. This is particularly challenging when socializing as I often voice my disinterest when not paying particular attention. It isn’t depression. I struggle to achieve emotional attachment, but I can and have achieved it.
For example, when I’m in a social situation… I’m detached, and it would take a lot to spur any emotional response out of me. I do have subjects I care about and enjoy, but outside of that narrow range, it’s mostly blank expressions and indifference.”
Traumatic Childhood
“My father tortured, starved, beat, and belittled my three siblings and me.
My brother died, and now, only two of my siblings remain. We are all so hurt and broken. Sometimes we would eat grass. Once we even ate some baby Aspirin just to have something in our bellies.
When I was old enough to sneak out, I would go to the store and shoplift food for us. We still had to pretend to be starving on those days, or he would beat us close to death. He burned my thighs and legs and broke my bones. He sealed me in a room for days on end with no light, or food, or water.
I still fantasize about killing him every single day, and I’m middle-aged now.”
My Best Friend’s Death
“My best friend of 20 years killed himself about a year ago. Since then, I’ve been using strong medications to numb the pain. I recently told my girlfriend about it, and tomorrow I’m going to a rehab clinic regarding it because things have just gotten way too out of control. It’s been every day for the last six months, and I basically can’t even go a day or so without feeling sick. If I stop taking the pills, then my withdrawal start, and I’ll have to feel terrible for the next few weeks/months.”
Nonexistent Grief
“I don’t feel grief like others do. Family members could die, and I would be sad, but I wouldn’t be depressed or angry. I would just move on. Honestly, it makes me feel like I’m a monster or something.”
Behind Closed Doors
“My mom was newly divorced and flocked to the church where she met a man who, by all outward appearances, was a devout pillar of society. Behind closed doors, though, he was a monster. He killed my dog by hanging it in a tree and abused his daughters and me. He also beat my mom and again me on many occasions.
He was responsible for breaking my arm on two separate occasions. He took a 3/8-inch wrench that was superheated with a butane torch and pressed it into my arm saying how ‘it was my brand and proof that he owned me.’ I lived in fear for seven years. After every assault and abuse, he would end it with a death threat. For seven years, I waited. I grew bigger, and I got stronger.
One night, he drank himself into a stupor, took a couple of pills along with some other assorted substances, and passed out on the couch. I tied him up with duct tape and rope, and I beat the ever living out of him. Coat hangers, belts, fists, you name it. He got it all and then some. When I finished, he could barely see out of his eyes because they were swollen. It felt great. At the end of it, I left him with the same death threats he had given me for seven years. I told him he had 24 hours to get out of the house, or he was a dead man. He left the next morning.
Why do I say this now? I saw him about a month ago working at some Home Depot as a clerk. I hadn’t seen him in 15 years. He didn’t even recognize me. I knew him, though. It made me fill up with rage once more to see him standing there, and I was even angrier that he obviously didn’t even know who I was. All I wanted to do was throw down and finish what I had started years ago, but I knew I would be throwing away my life in the process. A life that I had worked so hard build, and I wasn’t going to let him take anything else away from me. So, I walked away.
As I sat in my car, a horrific thought came to my mind. What had I done in the name of revenge? People like that will never stop. Ever. Through my selfish acts, I may very well have condemned another child, another family, and another mother to the same fate as my own. Years of undisclosed abuse, molestation, and fear. I felt ashamed. My revenge, as good as it tasted when my blood was up, was such a hollow victory.”
Not A ‘Real’ Person
“There are days when I wake up, and I feel like I’m not a real person.
You know that feeling you get when you’re at a wedding or a party, and you have your drink in your hand, and you’ve been walking around, and you’re blending in, and everything is cool, but then there’s also this strange melancholy in the back of your head because you feel detached from everything and everyone around you?
That feeling when you’re throwing rice at a wedding as the newlyweds drive away, and you feel happy for them. Everything it’s fine, but it’s also like…. not happening.”
An Empty Husk Of A Man
“One day when I was 15, I woke up and didn’t feel emotions the same way as I once did. It was like all of my positive feelings went from a 10 to a 3. As I’ve gotten older, I often feel less and less.
My mom has been in and out of the hospital with sickle cell-related issues, and as of lately, I’m not even sad anymore. My mother single-handedly did everything to make sure that I got everything that I needed. I’m not even upset at the idea that she could die alone in the hospital.
I’m afraid one day I won’t be about to feel anything, and I’ll become an empty husk of a man. I’m already at the point where I legitimately believe that no matter where I go in life, I will never be happy.”
Playing With Fire
“My boyfriend and I almost burned my dad’s truck down after delivering a desk to my grandmother’s house. We stopped at Dairy Queen to get lunch, and my boyfriend was playing with the buttons in the truck while we were waiting for our food. He accidentally pushed in the lighter. After a few moments, I heard a loud pop, looked and saw the lighter popped out. My dad hoarded receipts in his cupholder, so the light caught those on fire.
My boyfriend and I were freaking out at this point and smothered the fire with some extra napkins that were in the floorboard. The truck was fine, and we scooped the ashes out and drove home. I sprayed the truck with some air fresher, and my dad never said anything to me until this past weekend when he was trying to find a large receipt for tax refunds.
He told me to ‘never clean out his truck again,’ so he still doesn’t know about the fire.”
The Art Of Imitation
“I don’t think I’ve fooled anyone, but I’ve been diagnosed with Aspergers/ASD by three different doctors. I’ve never told anyone who didn’t find out through my parents. All my life, I would just watch other people’s successful interactions and then imitate them.”
Cheating Girlfriend
“I found out my girlfriend had cheated on me while I was preparing to propose. I was devastated. I gained 20 pounds in three months. My entire life was ripped away. She contacted me, and I’ve been seeing her ‘friends with benefits’ style for months. I’m addicted and depressed.”
Baby Weight
“I lost my baby weight after having my first child by throwing up all the food that I ate. It was also how I stayed thin in high school. My husband couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t lose it this time around, nine years later, when we had our second child.”
Monetary Satisfaction
“Having money and buying stuff with my own money are the only two things that make me feel happy. Not people, not relationships, and not my achievements.”
Attachment Issues
“I get way too attached to people quickly, and I sometimes wish I could just provide for all of them so they could do whatever they wanted to without having to worry. Also, I want someone to cuddle with forever.”
My Parents
“The only thing keeping me from killing myself is the fact that it would destroy my parents.”
Complicated Little Creatures
“I’m 49-years-old and have never held hands with a woman.
I work in technology. I’m apparently well-liked and good at my job. I’m fit enough, and in case you’re wondering, I’m not religious. I did have a severely mentally ill parent and another who was a distant and heavy drinker. My sister is probably undiagnosed but has a histrionic personality disorder. She went on to become a ‘lady of the night.’
I guess I grew up in such a way that I was rather afraid of other people’s emotions and would automatically shut down.My guess is I went off the rails quite early. I lived far enough away from my grade school that I took the bus. In the fourth grade, our driver arranged for us to sit in specific seats rather than the usual procedure of having us jumping around and screaming the entire ride. As it happened, I sat next to a rather aggressive personality. Rather than requesting alternate seating arrangements, I walked. I didn’t take the bus again until I graduated and went to junior high.
I wince writing this, but I guess I just assumed from a tender age that no one cared. I remember turning 25 and thinking as I got off the bus that I really ought to get a girlfriend. Well, decades later, and I’ve just busied myself with work instead. Life is a funny thing, and we are all complicated creatures.”
Liver Damage
“I have liver damage from multiple suicide attempts involving pills. My family doesn’t know this, and I have no plans on telling them.”
Family Ties
“I hate my family.”
A Protective Sibling
“My sister will never know the real reason why our mom beat me, and she never was. It was because I took all the blame for every bad thing that she ever did. I’m the oldest, so it was my job to keep her safe.”
Dental Problems
“I’ve had many teeth problems stemming from bulimia that I suffered from years ago.
Over the past few years, I’ve had some repairs done, but they’ve fallen apart again because my insurance couldn’t keep up with all of my health needs. I’ve lost a few and had a few more crumbling away. However, I couldn’t afford to get any of them fixed.
I’m beyond embarrassed, but there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it. Maybe in a few years when I’m done paying for my children’s daycare. Unfortunately, it’s just going to have to stay on the backburner for now.”
Bear Witnessed
“A friend of mine from college committed suicide in front of me. He shot himself in the chest and held eye contact with me during the entire process. Only three people currently know about it. They are his mother, a psychiatrist I don’t see anymore, and someone I met on Reddit due to their own suicidal post. If I tell people about it, they will have questions, and then it will be real. I can’t let it be real.”
Keep It Professional
“I slept with one of my professors. I don’t regret it because he was extremely hot for his age, and it was after I had finished his course.”
Role-Playing
“I love to wear a nice french maid’s uniform, wig, high heels, and serve my wife who is then dressed as a successful businesswoman or some rich lady.”
Switching Majors
“I switched majors from mechanical engineering to becoming a high school math teacher. I never told my family, and I believe when I graduate they will hate me.”
Memory Problems
“I’m worried that something is very wrong with my brain. I’ve been having horrible memory problems, and I’m too young for that to be happening. I’m terrified of finding out the truth. I have no repeated head trauma. I just forget conversations, events, entire days….it’s scary.”
Paying The Price For My Reckless Years
“My drinking career in my early to mid-20s led to irreversible damage to my pancreas and me developing chronic pancreatitis. The pain is excruciating at times, and I now take 30 pills a day to help me with digestion and pain management. My pancreas will eventually burn out, leaving me diabetic, and fully incapable of digesting fat/protein without the medication mentioned above. I’ve told no one but my wife due to all of the shame that I’ve felt for those selfish and reckless years of my life.”
Massive Debt
“I’m in massive debt. I always end up estimating it, but excluding my student loan, I would guess I owe somewhere around $7,000. I have two payday loans for which I owe $4,000 and $,1400, respectively, both with 50% of annual interest rates. I have a combined $3,500 in credit card debt, $700 in overdraft fees in my bank accounts, and $40,000 in student loans.”
Loveless Marriage
“I secretly want to just up and leave my life, but I love my two girls so much. For 12 years, I have slowly fallen out of love with my wife. Loyalty and family values keep me married, but if I had one shot to bail, take the kids, and start fresh I would.”