There are millions of reasons for why friendships end and never get repaired. But once you betray a friend in a destructive way, there's no turning back...
Anonymously Tweeting Rude Things About The Bride?
“Background: I’m a girl, moved to a new state in 7th grade. I met another girl and we became best friends for what I thought would be forever. All through high school, college, and most of my Master’s career, until just 2 months ago.
We already had one major falling out after my (at that point future) mother-in-law passed away and I found out my best friend (let’s call her Alison) was spreading rumors about how her death occurred and things she supposedly ‘told me’ before dying…things that painted me, my (now) husband) and my mother-in-law in a bad light. But I forgave her because people make mistakes and that’s what best friends do, right?
So, I got engaged January of 2012 and asked her to be a bridesmaid automatically. The wedding was scheduled for March 23, 2013. Alison’s birthday is March 24 (this is important). She also has another best friend (whom I hate because I think she is a terrible influence) and that girl’s birthday ALSO happens to be March 24 (also important).
The week before the wedding was spring break for many people, which is why I CHOSE that date because many of my extended family members live far away and are teachers, so spring break was perfect for them to have some extra driving time. And that was my spring break, so it was perfect for me to have that week off to do my last minute crazy running around details.
Now for a few months Alison had been telling me we should get an anonymous twitter together, but I never really responded because I don’t even use my twitter, and I have better things to do than gossip anonymously to other anonymous people, 140 characters at a time. So everything is going well…I was pretty low key during wedding planning, didn’t make my bridesmaids do anything abnormal. Just picked out the bridesmaids’ dresses (which were flattering on them all and I asked them all for any suggestions they might have), asked that they wear nude or silver shoes if they could, and offered them a makeup artist if they wanted but didn’t force them to have professional makeup, although we did all have our hair professionally done. I paid for the travel fees and the dress shipping costs, bought them pretty nice presents (included custom made Swarovski crystal jewelry), and paid for us all to stay in a suite the night before the wedding.
So as we’re in the suite the night before, Alison mentions having an anonymous twitter. I, being nosy, want to know her username so I can read what might be some amusing tweets. She refuses to tell me, so I just dropped it. Whatever, right? After everyone went to bed my curiosity got the best of me so I managed to find this twitter account (I’m a great creeper). It was an account run by her and the other best friend. Here are some of the tweets I read about myself:
‘A wedding next weekend is stressing me out…and I’m only a bridesmaid. I’m so over dealing with this psychotic bridezilla.’
‘My bratty best friend’s wedding has COMPLETELY screwed up my spring break AND birthday. #notselfishatall.’
‘Our birthday is Sunday…and I’m stuck at this dang wedding. At least there’s alcohol everywhere.’
‘Lesson of the week: don’t have a freaking wedding over Spring Break. You ruined it for everyone, you jerk!’
Needless to say, I was pretty shocked. I really tried my best to NOT act like a bridezilla and I asked my maid of honor constantly to tell me if I got crazy. So I left it alone the next day. No way was I going to remember my wedding day as the day I found out what a backstabber my best friend was. If she had acted mad at me at ALL during the planning process, I would have understood. But she never hinted that she was anything other than totally happy. I don’t get girls who are that two-faced.
After my honeymoon, she was texting me pretty often for a couple days and I hadn’t responded yet, because WHAT do you say to a person like that? Finally, I sent her an email that was super long, explaining everything and telling her I could barely bring myself to even be mad, I was just so sad that I now knew what she truly thought of me…poured my heart out like a loser.
The next day I got a paragraph back that said I was ‘mistaken’ and that it was the other girl who had said those things and she also happened to be in a wedding that weekend. I know that isn’t true…just from writing styles, there was never anything on the other girl’s Facebook about a wedding, never any pictures, nothing. After that one paragraph, nothing.
If it were YOU and that had happened and it really was a misunderstanding, wouldn’t you do everything in your power to prove the truth? At least try more than once to explain? That also tells me it’s a lie.
We haven’t spoken since. And the worst part is I still miss her every day. But she put zero effort into trying to explain, didn’t even respect me enough to tell me the truth, and there was definitely no apology.
So…yeah. I still feel like a loser for caring about her so much when it’s obvious she doesn’t care about me. And now I get to see her in all our wedding pictures so I’ll never ever forget what happened.”
Some People You Just Shouldn’t Live With…
“I moved back to the town I went to High School in, was kicked out of my parents’ house and moved in with my best friend and his roommates.
He paid for my meals until I found a job (less than 2 months) and I usually ate only 1-2 times a day, and even then only very small meals as to avoid having to take too much of his money.
I got a job and we usually went back and forth paying for meals, except that I would usually buy 2 to his 1, as to slowly compensate him for his money. These are not small meals either. I don’t complain, the man has shown great kindness to me, having let me sleep in his room while the other roommate vacated so I could have my own room.
Time goes by, all is mostly well, but now we’re doing our communal herb consumption (delicious Oregeno!) and my friend starts falling off in his payments. He’s also starting to slip up on bills. When asked about this, he claims he doesn’t know when they’re due. The freakin’ 1st and 15th dude. Every month. Yes, all 12 months. The roommate who consolidates the money and pays sends us a text about a week in advance to remind us/inform us how much each of us owes. It’s so easy, a caveman could do it.
Dude is constantly ditching me in the middle of our bro-gaming to hook up with girls. Honestly, not a huge deal, but when it’s nearly every night of the week, it gets pretty annoying.
Fast forward to when the lease is up, we move out, and into our own apartment. Figure that the guy was just going through a phase or something. He’s always been pretty decent with the ladies, and this is a just a fact of life. Nope, still cutting into bro time with his women…
I ask him if he would be cool if my girlfriend moves in. I talk it over with him over the course of a few weeks, and at no point does he seem reluctant or have negative feelings towards it (she’s also a gamer.) This would split rent three ways, once she gets a job, and will free up more money for fun, which is the ultimate goal in life. She moves in, all is good. Searching for a job, etc.
Meanwhile, the dude is missing payments again. It’s not like he doesn’t have the money, it’s not like he forgot to get a money order. He literally left it ON HIS FREAKIN’ DESK for a week until it was past due, which incurs a $150 late fee. Of course, this starts a snowball effect of not having enough money to pay the next month, more late fees, etc.
Angry managerial notices start arriving, demanding money or else. The girlfriend has gotten a few callbacks, and is waiting for interviews, but the guy is telling us that it’s now my job to pay 2/3 of the rent, since there’s 3 of us now, even though our previous roommates didn’t do this to him, when I was living there without a way to pay. We cook meals and tell him he has an open invitation to eat with us, but he’ll just sit at the table with a sad puppy look on his face, or go into his room, then complain that he’s starving. He gets upset that we don’t offer him food, as in, tell him every time we cook that he’s welcome to eat. That’s the idea of an open invitation, I don’t want to have to tell you. Just sit your butt down and grab some grub.
Finally, he says he wants a dog. I don’t like dogs. I’m not a dog person. I’m really not much of an animal person, but I can stand cats that don’t tear everything up and use the litter box, fish, reptiles, whatever. Just not dogs. Furthermore, he wants one that isn’t house-trained and is essentially a puppy. I counter with the fact that all the furniture in the living room is mine, and I don’t want a dog running all over it, peeing on everything and having that level of hyperactivity in such a small space.
After multiple rounds of back and forth, me adamantly stating that I do not want a dog in the apartment, he gets a dog anyway. He’s going to keep it in his room. Fine, be my guest, even if you’re blatantly ignoring the guy actually paying his rent, you can’t even afford rent or food for that matter, yet here you are with another mouth to feed.
Dog pees all over the floor, runs all over the furniture, and barks constantly when he’s not home. I ask the apartment complex to come fix our dishwasher and ask the manager if he’s paid the $500 pet fee for having a dog because I’m not getting screwed if they come in here and find it. He hasn’t.
They issued him a notice to pay the $500. He moves out, leaving me with about $1000 a month in rent/bills, and work has been cutting hours so that I make about $250/week on a good week. So basically I had to move, tell the apartment complex I’ll try and work something out with them, and they slap me with 100% of the charges because my name was first on the paper (the lady passed me the paper first. It’s not like I asked to be first in line).”
He Stole His Best Friend’s Fiancée?
“In December of 2011 I was diagnosed with cancer.
A year and three months prior, I dropped down on one knee in what I thought was the most beautiful proposal I could ever pull off. She said yes, and although we battled through some of her PTSD and depression stemming from childhood abuse (in the worst ways possible), we were doing extremely well.
As we were anxiously awaiting the final results on what we hoped was the final biopsy, we received the defining call in what is arguably some of the worst timing ever.
While out on my ex-fiancée’s — we’ll call her Sam — birthday dinner, the doctor called, informing us of the specific type and stage of cancer. Both of our families were there celebrating what was meant to be a rather joyous night, instead we were hammered with the heavy news, which we all knew was on its way, but didn’t sink in until the phone call.
Skip ahead to February. I’m four sessions into chemo and although it’s kicking my butt, I’m pushing through. I attempted to go to school Spring semester, albeit my body was far from being able to handle it. In leaving school, Sam befriended some of my close friends. In particular, a male friend whom I considered my second best friend — we’ll call him Joe — at the time. As the weight of my diagnoses hit her, my family, and everyone around me, Sam managed to slip back into what is without a doubt the worst depression she was ever in.
In such a dark time, she resorted to doing stuff she would’ve never done before and really started to go off the deep end in many regards. In her vulnerable moment, Joe managed to spark up interest, albeit hiding it extremely well. I saw it coming and there was nothing I could do about it as I could barely stay awake more than a few hours a day, let alone try to intervene on what I saw happening right in front of my eyes. I warned her though, stating Joe was getting flirty, but to no avail as she just ‘saw him as a friend’ being there for her in a time of need.
One Friday night while I was at home recovering from the week’s chemo session, Sam, Joe, and other mutual friends went to a little house party they planned. After knocking back a ridiculous amount of alcohol, it happened. Joe and Sam hooked up, at Sam’s house, where thousands of hours were spent together with her and me.
In the following days, Sam would reveal to me what happened, despite me already concluding after noticing her behavior the day after. I was speechless. There wasn’t a thing I could do. I remember night after night pacing back and forth, laying out in my driveway, and just doing anything I could to forget everything. I saw the train-wreck from miles away and all I could do is watch in slow motion as piece by piece the cars which were once everything to me derail. This kept going on.
After the second time, the ring came off, the engagement was off.
However, day after day Sam and Joe would go around our (relatively small) campus side-by-side. Week after week for two months straight they kept at their shenanigans, all while chemo was killing me just enough to keep me alive. I could go into much more detail and honestly I’d love to as it’s therapy of sort, but I’ll leave it with the following…
As one could expect, we’re no longer together. We tried to recover from it, but we just couldn’t. I’ve learned more lessons at my age than I ever hoped to and many moments in those eight months defined who I am today.”
She Called Child Protection Services On Her Friend!
“We moved in together. First mistake. She was the biggest slob on the planet. Never cleaned once. Then she got a dog that wasn’t house trained and was too lazy to let him out so the dog ruined the carpet. The whole place stunk. I had a 2-year-old kid at the time and had multiple talks with the roommate about how I can’t raise a kid in this disgusting environment.
Finally, she told me to just move out. I paid her a full month’s rent for next month when moving out, as well as the fee for breaking the lease early. (Our relationship was still amicable, though strained at this point).
The new place I moved into had a malfunctioning water heater and (to make a long story short) a week after I moved in, my kid got badly burned by the water heater. While in the hospital with my kid, I called my friend and cried because I needed someone to talk to. After I hung up with her, she called Child Protection Service (CPS) on me and told them that my kid was abused and should be taken from me. Mutual friends of ours confirmed that she was bragging that she had done it at work the next day.
CPS temporarily took my kid away and put her in foster care.
My child and I had to go through extensive psychological and intelligence tests, as well as parenting classes and therapy. They concluded that the charges were unfounded and finally returned custody of my kid back to me. It took 7 months.
Petty Jealousy Over Other Friends?
“In 8th grade, this girl who was my best friend had moved away the year before. I was spiraling into a really traumatic depression and having panic attacks multiple times a day at the time. I had no other friends besides the girl who moved away. Home life was horrible, the school was terrifying, and I was pretty depressed.
Eventually, as the school year gets into gear, I make friends with two girls. One shared my history class. The other I just saw between classes. It was incredibly awesome to have friends, to feel like people could like me. I can’t even put into words how much it meant to me.
During all this time, my best friend who had moved away wasn’t answering my calls, never called me back when she said she would, or would get really angry and take it out on me. I shrugged it off, figuring she was my best friend, and I wanted to support her when she was having a tough time.
Middle of the school year, the girl in my history class leaves school. We e-mail back and forth all the time. But, suddenly her emails became more and more curt. She didn’t ask about me. She barely told me what was happening with her. All our rapport was gone. Then, she stopped answering altogether.
At the same time, the girl who I saw between classes was drifting away. At first, we would pass notes between almost every class, and we would walk out to the buses together. Then, she stopped writing notes. Didn’t answer mine. Stopped waiting for me to walk to the buses. Way too many times, I waited for her, just to see her walk right past me, even though I know she saw me and heard me calling her name.
Losing both of those friends really tore me down, but I couldn’t even talk to my best friend about it because she was still ignoring my calls. Eventually, I found out that my best friend was angry that I was making other friends, contacted both of those girls and threatened them and told them to stop being friends with me.
I still get angry when I think about it.
That was a really horrible time in my life, and it was only the first of a continuing series of horrible years. It would have hurt less with friends. Some of the worst stuff might not have even happened, had the domino effect caused by losing all my friends not been started.”
Creating Drama Between Her Best Friend And Her Boyfriend…
“Her then-boyfriend and I didn’t really like each other, I was fine with it though considering he treated her really well and made her happy. I tolerated him when I had to and he did the same, a sort of unspoken agreement.
One day out of the blue, this guy (her boyfriend) calls me and tells me off. The only word I got in was ‘Hello’ in the 2-minute phone call. He’s saying things like, ‘Only a massive brat would talk smack about her best friend behind her back,’ and ‘You’re a freakin’ jerk for ignoring your friend while her parents are getting divorced.’
Now, she and I hadn’t really been talking a whole lot recently, I figured she had a new boyfriend and the infatuation was still in full swing, I’ll give them some time. I was by no means ignoring her, just giving her and her boyfriend some space. And I never said a negative word about her to anyone.
After I finally snap out of my shock and hang up on him, I call her and ask what the heck that was all about.
She then proceeded to agree with his entire rant, calling me a jerk several times before hanging up on me. She ignores all of my phone calls/texts for the next week when I give up and cut my losses.
Fast-forward a couple years, she and this guy had broken up. We start talking again for a couple months, when all of a sudden she flips out on me again, quits her job and moves to California with a guy she’s known for 2 months.
At this point, her ex and I are working together at a Jimmy Johns, actually getting along pretty well, so I decided to ask him about that phone call.
She had apparently been telling him that I was flat-out ignoring her and talking smack, all the while, she had also been telling me he had been trash talking me (I didn’t think twice about it at the time).
Turns out that she WANTED us to hate each other…”
Neglecting Her Best Friend’s Birthday?
“After fifteen years of never having been in the same city at the same time for either of our birthdays, it finally happened! My best friend was in my hometown on one of my ‘milestone’ birthdays, attending a work/social convention, where I was acting as her assistant.
After I spent several days helping her with a bunch of work stuff, on my birthday, she declined to go to dinner with me, saying she, her daughter (17) and the two people they brought with them, were tired and just wanted to eat leftovers and go to bed. No problem, I understand, it had been a long week. I put on a smile, went home and had ramen and waited for my parents to call (they never did, they forgot).
When I joined them the next morning, they were all laughing with a ton of new inside-jokes that had been formed over the nice, leisurely, sit-down dinner they had the night before without me. Seems they caught a second wind and decided to go out, and for some reason, no one thought to invite me.
She never did even wish me a happy birthday.
It’s been two years and it still stings.”
Too Selfish Of A Person To Even Bother To Be Friends With
“My ‘best friend’ spent years only thinking of me last minute in most situations, making sure she was the center of attention in EVERY situation (including my birthday!), making others miserable when she couldn’t be, and generally just making me feel like a terrible friend and lesser person. I chalked it all up to her desire to be the center of attention and figured that’s just how she was.
Fast-forward many years later and we end up living together.
She turns into a huge passive-aggressive brat when she’s cranky and tries to make me feel like I’m being a bad person. The day I realized it wasn’t me was the day I told her I was interested in someone (someone she had already admitted to disliking) and just to spite me, she hit on him all night and spent the night with him. In our apartment.
Two days later, she admitted she did it just because she thought she wasn’t getting as much attention as me (not true) and that she was jealous. Nope. Nope, you don’t try that hard to hurt people you care about. Just NOPE.
Living a much more peaceful and crazy brat-free life since then!”
Typical Middle School ‘Friend Breakup’
“My best friend in middle school ‘broke up’ with me via a horrible note.
In the note, she said how I was really annoying, and only holding her back from becoming popular. Along with saying that, she told me she didn’t want to ever hang out with me again, but I should still pretend like we’re cool or else people would talk.
Then on top of that, she threatened to tell all of my secrets if I told anyone what happened. Blindsided me completely. I cried for days.
Luckily for me, some other girls welcomed me into their group. Whereas for her, the popular girls were already established and paired off, so she was outcasted for a while. Serves her right.”
Bullied And Betrayed…
“I was in secondary school in Northern Ireland and a bit of a social outcast as it was a 95% Protestant school and I was brought up Catholic.
One of my only friends, Ian, who was a little bit chubby but always friendly, was one of the few people I trusted. We would go round to each other’s houses and play video games and I’d help him with his homework sometimes. One day, when I was getting picked on by some of the regular bullies, they started trying to shove me around. I rarely responded to that kind of stuff and was walking away, as normal, when suddenly Ian decides to join in and shoves me into a wall. I was stunned and, just looking at his face which contained not a trace of remorse, felt completely, irreparably betrayed.
I pushed him back, hard, knocking him sliding across the floor and stood over him. He looked terrified. I never spoke to him again.”
All Communication Ties Were Cut
“The worst thing my best friend did to me was the same worst thing I did to him, in that we just stopped talking. Just stopped.
We had an argument one time over some stupid stuff (I don’t even remember what it was anymore) and then out of spite I just didn’t talk to him, and he didn’t talk to me.
A few weeks turned into a month, and then several months. I don’t know where it stopped and where it started, but eventually, it just became a thing, and we just didn’t communicate. The anger was gone, then it was replaced by anxiety and confusion, and I just accepted we could never be friends again. Then that was it.
Honestly, I’ll always blame myself for it. He was a shy kid, and I’ll never know if he really hated me or was just afraid to speak up like I was, but I should have said something. I took that friendship for granted, and once it was gone I realized how vacant my other relationships were. He was the only friend I ever had where I could talk to him about anything, and his family was practically an extension of my own. Then he, I, both of us, I don’t know…we just threw it in the trash and forgot about it. I still miss him.”