How come I never see anything this nuts at weddings I attend!
The Bride’s Family Sends A Message
“At Indian weddings, they sometimes do this thing where the groom and his boys show up late, and the bride’s people block the entrance. The groom’s best man then has to give a wad of cash to the bride’s people to enter and join the wedding. The best man usually gives a little wad first, then there is conflict, then a bigger wad is presented, and this keeps going on until there is clearly no larger wad left. The wad is usually then just spent to pay for the actual wedding but is meant to symbolize a dowry.
So this one wedding, the bride’s 18-year-old brother was at the front line blocking the entrance. He was being a total jerk and taking it too far. He took the first wad of about $500 and threw it at the best man’s face. Some people laughed, but the brother was legitimately angry. Then another wad was presented, which was about $2k. The brother took it, and then started babbling, ‘you cheap jerk. This is all my sister is worth to you? Screw you. You’re not good enough to marry my sister.’ This was clearly too far, and I’ve never actually seen cursing during one of these. Then another 2 wads were presented, each wad was about 4 inches thick in $20 bills. These were supposed to be the final wads. The brother took them and threw them at the groom who was actually outside. They burst apart, and there were $20 bills flying all around. There was a scramble to pick them up, but a lot were lost.
They finally let the groom in, because the little game wasn’t amusing anyone anymore. The party went on eventually. I didn’t know anyone there at all other than my sister and parents, so we just kept to our table, and people-watched. I distinctly remember seeing the brother refusing to eat, and he was always yelling at someone. He was clearly scheming up something. At the end of the party, the married couple was going to leave and go to their hotel or something. The best man pulls up in the husband’s Mercedes SL600 with the top down. The best man hands over the keys to the groom, who then opens the passenger door for his wife. Meanwhile, everyone else is ogling at the nice fancy sports car. Out of nowhere the brother rushes up and holds his sister back. He says, ‘I will not allow my sister to get inside this car. You must get her a limo.’ The bride is trying to push her brother off, but the brother is being quite rough, and it looks pretty abusive to everyone, so the groom physically pulls the brother’s hands off. Then the brother sucker punches the groom in the ear. Everyone rushes forward to break it up, and to aid the groom. My family decides its time to leave, to get away from the awkwardness. The marriage was over then next week.”
A Very Strange Speech From The Best Man
“A childhood friend of the groom stood up and held a speech about how the groom would never beat his new wife or his children.
The groom has no history of domestic abuse or being a violent person whatsoever. It was really weird and so embarrassing. The couple were mortified.”
Nothing Says ‘Class’ Like a Bride Flashing
“I bartend weddings so I get to see like 20-30 a year, and probably the craziest thing I’ve ever seen, was only a couple of weeks ago. The bride was absolutely plastered, the bar was closed, and she’s leaning against the bar. Some really dorky guy comes up to her and starts telling her how he thought they always more than friends, and they had a deep connection, and, as if to just shut this moron up, the bride pulls the top of her dress down, says ‘there,’ and then walks away.”
A Groom Gets Arrested
“I worked at a bar with an enormous reception hall people would often rent out for wedding receptions. It was pretty lavish with a huge winding spiral staircase, big dance floor, stage for the DJ and wedding party, all the usual fancy nonsense people seem to just need for their big day. This one wedding party spent an outrageous amount of money on their reception: 7 kegs of beer, 20 cases of wine, a full 3-course meal with their own private servers and bartenders, etc. They had about 300 people there and everyone was having an amazing time at first. I was behind the private bar and I noticed the bride running around frantically asking for help and all the groomsmen in a complete panic because they can’t find the groom! It turns out the idiot went outside with his best man to blow a line of drugs in the parking lot and got arrested and sent to jail like an hour into his own wedding reception. It ruined the entire event for everyone. The bride proceeded to get completely wasted and make a scene, causing about half of their guests to just sort of quietly leave, and they left 5 full kegs of beer behind, all of which they still had to pay for. It was so uncomfortable going up to the father of the bride and asking him to sign the credit receipt which included all of the stuff he still had to pay for but that they couldn’t consume.”
A Bride Has a Shocking Revelation During Her Wedding
I was best man for a wedding. I was standing next to the couple at the reception and the bride was tipsy ( the groom was sober). She told him aloud “I’m not really that in love with you…. but I think you’ll be a good husband.” The look on his face sucked all the joy from me. He tried to laugh it off and told her to hush but he was tearing up as they walked away.
I was so sad for my friend. They are still married after 5 years but I never know what to think about them and had never spoken to him about it until recently. After a few beers, I asked how they were doing. I also slipped in the memory of his wedding day and how it affected me afterward. He was pretty quiet for a while. I mean, we normally talk about pretty shallow stuff like playoffs and whatever geek tech is out. He said he’s basically living a decent life but she is in fact not truly in love with him like he is with her. And it’s true… he is a good husband and she is a good wife in that she does every expected thing as a partner. He said they are like two friends who live together…. and sometimes do it, so he figures that there are much worse ways to live. They don’t yet have a child but have planned on it and hope to someday. When they’ve each needed some support (mentally, financially, sexually, socially, etc), they try to help each other out so that’s been good.
Is he happy? Yes.
Does he wish that he was with someone that adored him like he adores her? He doesn’t think that anymore because he’s made his choice and it’s at least ‘not sad’.
So we drank a little more and I wished him a good night later.
A Knife Fight At A Wedding
“My Cousin’s wedding was held at a hotel in a grand ballroom area that was adjacent to the hotel. The weekend of her wedding was also a pretty busy time due to an event that was being held the next day. So there were a lot of people walking around the hotel, and every now and again someone would poke their head in to see what was happening on that side of the hotel.
As things were winding down and we were getting to the last song (‘Celebration’), some drunk guy who had been coming in and out of the room throughout the night, came running in with a guitar and making an embarrassment of himself. My dad and a couple of my cousins asked the man to leave and tried to lead him to the door. The guy apparently didn’t really like that because he pulled out a knife and swiped at my dad. Once they saw the knife everyone who was trying to escort him away just went off on this guy. My cousin had the guy in a choke hold, my dad was hitting him wherever there was an opening, the bride’s brother was kicking the guy, it was messy. Eventually, we were able to pull everyone off the guy and he ran away but left the knife. The police were called and they searched the premises for the guy and eventually caught him several hours later and he was arrested.”
Half The Family Walks Out In Disapproval
“To understand the story, you’ll need some background. I come from a typically strict and Asian family. All of my family members only married other Asians. My aunt was the black-sheep of the family. She dated an Italian co-worker and my family really didn’t like that. They talked behind her back and excluded her from many family get-togethers.
Fast forward a year or two, she announced to the family that is going to be married in a couple of months. She said that she would feel happy if they would come and attend the wedding. This was the first time that the majority of my aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins would be attending a “non-Asian” wedding. My aunts and uncles were furious at the fact that this was not a traditional Asian wedding and decided to “teach her a lesson” she won’t forget. During the middle of the wedding when my aunt was walking down the aisle, about half of my family stood up from their seats and walked out of the building. My aunt saw half her whole family walk out on her wedding. She started to cry but the wedding continued.
I’m glad I stayed for the entire thing. We talked afterward and my immediate family told her not to worry and tried to comfort her. I still get sad thinking about how she must have felt when she saw everyone leaving”
Not Time To Stop
“At my parent’s wedding, my mother’s brother passed out in the ceremony and hit his head on the ground so hard it was bleeding. Then in response, another of her brothers passed out at the sight of the blood. They kept going with the ceremony.”
A Grandmother Blames Her Grandkids For Something Awful
“It was at my own wedding. A few months before, one of my aunts committed suicide. This was the first family event after that happened. My grandmother approached my late aunts two daughters. They were age 16 and 19 at the time. She proceeded to blame them for their mother’s death. Needless to say, they both headed to the bar along with the rest of my cousins. Kinda put a damper on the start of my wedding dance. The alcohol helped everyone loosen up. My grandmother lost two grandchildren that day and many of us cousins do not look at her the same.”
A Mother Turns Stripper
“Well, my cousin was having himself a shotgun wedding at his bride’s parent’s trailer. Out front, we had the wedding, and then we went to the back for the reception. There were a few makeshift tents back there. This wedding was ‘bring your own everything’–food, chairs, tables, utensils, etc.
Anyway, after everybody eats the potluck stuff and had a few fine beverages, the bride’s mother exclaims that this party needs some entertainment. She then tried to convince her very pregnant daughter to do a pole dance/strip tease on a tent pole. Her daughter refused. And that’s when she decided to take matters into her own hands.
It is remarkably awkward watching a middle aged, white trash woman doing a strip show surrounded by your family.”
A Cheating Husband, Has A Side Piece At The Wedding
“Two of my friends got married. The groom cheated on his bride quite often, including the night before the wedding. An anonymous text was sent out and spilled the beans to the bride. A fight ensued, but the wedding continued as planned. Also, the girl that did the bride’s makeup for the wedding…well, that was the girl who had been sleeping with the groom. I have never witnessed a more awkward situation in my life.”
Punchup At A Wedding
“I worked at a banquet hall for three years when I was younger so I’ve seen my fair share of wedding disasters. I’ve seen the worst of the worst best man speeches, fainting mothers/fathers/groomsmen/brides you name it, and I can’t count the number of times I’ve walked in on people getting it on in the basement. But I’ve got one story that stands out the most.
To start I have to tell you that it was an Italian banquet hall, so almost all of our clientele would be Italians, typically marrying other Italians. No problem though, Italians like their wine and dancing and could get pretty rowdy but they would always keep things under control out of respect for the occasion.
But one time we had an Italian-Polish wedding. This was an absolute horror show. As soon as the family of the bride and groom showed up you could sense the tension between the fathers. I’ve never seen so many dirty looks tossed around in one night, but that was about all that happened for the most part of the night and it was actually pretty amusing to watch. But then dinner and dessert had been served so it was time to open up the dance floor. So the drinks start flowing and everyone appears to be having a good time, only one problem, the fathers are nowhere to be found. In comes an old Italian woman screaming ‘THEY’RE FIGHTING, THEY’RE FIGHTING!’ and before you could say ‘love’ the whole hall had emptied and everyone had rushed the parking lot. Outside 400 people were swinging their fists anywhere they could. Italian men fighting Polish men, Polish women fighting Italian women, there were even some kids throwing punches at each other. There was nothing any of the employees or owners could do but watch and wait for the cops to show up. Cops came, people scattered, those that couldn’t get away fast enough were arrested and I and the rest of the staff were stuck cleaning up the biggest mess you’d ever seen. Needless to say, the wedding was ruined.”
Mom Gives An Awkward Toast
“My mom toasting the groom… (not me, thankfully) and saying how thankful she was to have the bride come into his life, thereby removing any questions about the groom’s sexual orientation.
Booze may have been a factor.
No way in hell did that women get within 10 paces of the microphone at MY wedding.”
The Bride’s Friends Aren’t Cool With Her Groom
“I used to work weddings. There was a Russian bride whose bridal party didn’t approve of her groom-to-be, and they had literally beat the heck out of her and locked her in a trunk the week before the wedding in attempts to change her mind. Heavy makeup couldn’t hide the bruises on the wedding day; her sister wore a white dress. AND she had to get a motley bridal party with similarly colored, mismatched dresses, as she obviously didn’t want the old group there anymore. What amazed me most: she was still so very happy to be committing herself to her partner, and those bruises could hardly be noticed after the ceremony, as her smile was so bright.”
A Really Good Time
“Our wedding and reception were at a golf course. While we were outside taking pictures one of the golfers drove their golf cart to return it then handed the keys to one of the groomsmen thinking he was some sort of fancy golf cart valet or something (he was in a tux). The groomsmen instantly put that key in his pocket.
Fast forward to the reception (my friends and I were all bartenders, servers, musicians, drunks etc) people keep leaving then reappearing. They were all taking rides throughout the golf course. After a few hours of these shenanigans, one of the groomsmen comes running in covered in blood.
They had a bunch of people hanging on the golf cart and when they went to make a turn it flipped over. These idiots had cocktail glasses and when they crashed it sliced everyone up, very badly. EMS was called and there were emergency surgeries and the like.
Fast forward about a year and a half. My wife is getting her hair done at this new place and the hairdresser tells her that her brother is a bartender at this golf course. My wife tells her that we got married there and the hairdresser goes on to tell her some funny stories that her brother had encountered while working there. Then she says, but the craziest thing he’s ever seen there was… and goes on to tell my wife about the drunkest wedding reception he’d ever bartended and how it was so crazy they stole a golf cart and crashed it… My wife pretty much got a rundown of what happened at our wedding. She was so embarrassed she didn’t tell her that was us. When she came home and told me about it I was proud.
A Frantic Search For The Ring
“All was going well until my 5 year old cousin, the ring bearer, takes the cushion with the ring on it and spins it above his head, throwing it at the flower girl, my 4 year old cousin who had been making faces at him– leaving the bride’s ring nowhere to be found. It took all of the bridesmaids and groomsmen a good while of crawling around on their knees to recover it.”
A Quick Stop Off Down The Pub…
At my brother’s wedding, 3 of the 6 ushers disappeared between the church and the reception hall (they were the bride’s brothers). The bride was frantic because the taking of the pictures was being held up, which would also delay the meal and pretty much the whole reception. They finally show up 1 1/2 hour late rip-roaring drunk. They had taken a detour to the local bar. Why, nobody knows, since the reception had an open bar.
Getting Married In A Kiddie Pool
“My Father’s wedding when he remarried in his backyard.
My father is an alcoholic, and borderline white trash. The wedding theme was a Luau (not sure why, as everyone is as white as snow, but I digress.) I was required to wear board shorts and a mesh tank top to the affair, and everyone else was dressed similarly as well. My father’s new wife was in a bikini, and my father was also in board shorts and a tank top.
Most everyone was drunk, which made for some mild laughs, but then the true terror occurred. It was time for them to read their vows and swear to treat each other properly, etc. Lo and behold they step into a pool to be wed, but this is no ordinary pool, this is a whale shaped kiddie pool. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, they asked all of their children (me, my sister, brother, and soon to be step brother) to step into the pool with them.
So at this point I was dressed in swimming apparel, reeking of sunscreen, standing in a whale shaped kiddie pool while my father was remarrying.”
A Little Something Natural, Like A Fart
“The worst thing I ever saw at a wedding was something I did. I was at a friend’s wedding a couple years ago. It was me, my brother and another friend attending together. Full Catholic mass wedding, in a church with hard wooden pews.
The service dragged on and on, and by halfway through I was bored out of my mind and not remotely paying attention anymore. In my boredom, I tried to relieve a little pressure and ease out a quick, silent fart. Well, it wasn’t quiet and it wasn’t quick, and instead of being covered up by the loud music it went off in a dead silent part of the service. No music, no talking, nothing but The Fart. It bounced off that wooden pew and echoed through the silent church. We were sitting about 15 rows back and my friend getting married up front could hear it. You can hear it on the wedding video.
My brother and friend stared at me in shock, and all three of us quickly started pointing at each other as everyone started looking our way, all of us beet red, all us trying not to laugh out loud. The three of us spent the last 30 minutes of the ceremony just trying to keep our stuff together. We were all hunched over, staring at the floor, snorting as we held in our laughter. Just when we would get it under control we’d look over at each other, see the other in a similar state and get set off again. We all looked like we were having a stroke trying to hold in our laughter.
To this day, the thing everyone remembers about that wedding is my fart.”
An Actual Objection!
“I photograph weddings, so I’ve got a million stories. The most notable were when one of the groom’s men said ‘I object’ and pulled out a speech he had written on an index card as to why. However, he’d had a bit too much liquid courage preparing to read it and stammered through like a nervous child giving a power point presentation. It boiled down to calling the groom lazy, ungrateful, and saying he’d probably cheat on the bride in the first year. He saw himself out after saying his piece, but the rest of the wedding everyone seemed extremely uncomfortable.”