We all wish men could be smarter about a lot of things, especially these things that women are sick of!
Settle Down, Gentlemen
1. “Stop interrupting women, especially at work. Seriously, whatever you have to say isn’t automatically more important than whatever I have to say just by virtue of your gender.”
2. “Stop complaining about the friendzone, I have male friends who I am not interested in dating and they are ok with it. You should be too or move on from the friendship.”
3. “It took me so long to stop myself from crying at things, I’m not undoing my effort.”
4. “Take ‘no’ for an answer. It shouldn’t take screaming, crying, and the intervention of a third party to get you to lay off.”
It Doesn’t Matter How Much It Cost, She Doesn’t Owe You
5. “Paying for things does not mean I owe you and acting like you make a lot of money does not make you desirable.
Even though we would usually split the check, sometimes me or my ex would pay in full. Whenever he did he would go on about how nice he was for paying, complain if I didn’t finish my meal or joke about what I would do to pay him back. For Christmas, he bought me perfume and tried to say he spent so much money on me and I should be grateful. He shut up after I reminded him that his gifts cost easily 2-3 that, not counting the gifts from my family.
I’ve had guys buy me a drink and then ask how I would make up for it and I’ve just handed them cash and walked away. Others have ‘casually’ mentioned how much things cost or hinted at how much they make and it’s just a huge turnoff. No matter how much I may struggle to make ends meet sometimes, I will still never date someone just because they want to pay for dinner.”
Sometimes It’s Just Creepy What Men Do
6. –“Asking if I’m PMSing or on my period every time I’m upset, you have instantly invalidated every woman’s emotions about anything. If something is upsetting me, I am allowed to be upset about it.”
7. ‘Stop calling me honey, sweetheart, and any other terms of endearment unless you are my SO or a close family member. It’s not cute. It’s condescending.”
8. “Posting pictures you received consensually. If a girl trusted you enough to send them to you, you are the scum of the earth for posting them anywhere. I don’t care how wrong she did you, that’s terrible. I’m glad that kinda thing has recently been made illegal in some states.”
9. “Dancing near you is not an invitation for you to touch me without asking or to whisper comments in my ear. If you want to dance with me, ask me. To my face, not from behind.”
Leave The Shy Girl Alone!
10. “I am a quiet girl. I am fairly shy. I do NOT want you to tell me ‘Oh yeah. All the shy girls are freaks.’
I have been told that every single year of high school. I’m minding my own business. Mind yours.
and also, if you know a girl who is lesbian/bi, don’t ask if you can watch. I came out in high school and it never failed to have a guy come up to me and ask if he can watch me make out with random chicks.”
Just A Few Small Things…
11. “Yes gentleman. I am aware that I am a giant. I know I’m a 6′ 1″ woman. I don’t need you telling me I am an Amazon woman or calling me ‘hoss’. Why is height something that is free game to tease about?”
12. “If I say no, I’m not interested, leave me alone. Don’t question me about why or if I have a boyfriend: it doesn’t matter. I said no.”
13. “Catcalls. It scary when you are walking at a safe distance from the road, minding your own business, and then someone in a passing car decides to shout something at you.”
14. “When someone tells you they are in a relationship, STOP trying to get with them. It’s disrespectful and just shows they have no respect for you or your choices in a partner.”
She Doesn’t Want You, Dude
15. “Seriously. When I tell men I’m a lesbian while they are hitting on me, I have never even once had them drop it there. Literally 100% of the time for me, they say something to the effect of ‘well, you haven’t been with the right man.’ I know not 100% of guys are ignorant like that, I’ve just had bad luck.
I struggled with my sexuality. I was raised by a Southern Baptist deacon. I spent the first 26 years of my life trying not to be gay. I had a lot of sex, trying to find that magical thing that would be desirable before I realized I was just gay as Christmas. I was more willing to believe I just thought sex was a repulsive act than to think I liked girls.
The magic thing in your pants doesn’t exist. You don’t have it. I don’t want men. Took me a long time and a lot of pain to figure that out. It’s so disrespectful to just dismiss all experience and swagger around, telling me I just need the right action to want a guy.”
Stop Being Creepy Old Men!
16. “This is probably going to get lost or have already been said, but older guys (40+), you don’t need to give younger girls way too long once-overs or hit on them to make yourselves feel like you can still get ‘it.’ That may sound harsh, and I’m totally aware that this applies to a very small portion of guys, but it is so uncomfortable and violating for a younger girl.
Seriously. If you’re between 16-22 (or whatever), you’re adjusting from being a kid to being a grown woman. It’s really upsetting when you’re 17 and a guy who’s older than your father is staring at you and making crude remarks. I’m all for embracing your sexuality and being body-positive, but sometimes a 17-year-old girl doesn’t feel like having to grow up so fast and be seen as a sexual object just because you want to stare/ try to pick her up. Maybe this is just my personal view, but when I was 16-17, I really had a hard time with no longer being considered innocent and being ‘up for grabs’ for any older guy.”
Men Open Their Mouths Far Too Much
17. “Interrupting me. Sometimes I like to get two whole sentences out before people decide they know what I was about to say (when they absolutely don’t).”
18. “I get that it’s supposed to be a compliment, but ‘you’re hotter than she is’ doesn’t make me feel very good. I don’t want to be compared to other women. I also don’t want to worry about my boyfriend thinking another woman is hotter than me.”
19. “Stop pressuring me to do something I don’t want to do. If I said no the first time, I’m not going to change my mind. Furthermore, being drunk will not change my answer. Don’t buy me a drink. It’s not going to help your cause. I will not drink it.”
20. “Laugh and call me cute when I start getting angry and passionate about a subject I’m talking about. It degrades my opinion and embarrasses me.”
Don’t Tell Them To Smile
21. “I hate it when men tell me to smile. I have resting ‘witch’ face, I can’t help it. Just because I’m not smiling doesn’t mean I’m unhappy. Besides, nobody owes it to anyone else to smile. For all you know, my cat just got run over, or I’m sick, or just don’t feel like smiling. My female friends complain about the same thing sometimes, but I’ve never heard a man tell another man they should smile.”
Just Act Like A Normal Person and Enough With The Dumb Comments
22. “Stop it with the unsolicited commentary on what you think of our looks, particularly in a workplace context where we can’t get away. The memory of that guy who told me ‘you’re the best looking so I give my money to you’ when I was working as a cashier in a supermarket as a teenager still makes my skin crawl.
Please do not state your opinion on anything below the neck (edit: to clarify, I mean BODY PARTS below the neck) and I mean ever unless we’re in a relationship. First dates are not the place for commenting on my ‘very feminine physique.’
Don’t ask stuff like bra size upon first acquaintance, and no (private part) pics, ever.
I repeat, NO (private part) PICS!”
The Rules Women Feel They Need, They Shouldn’t Need
23. “I dress modestly, don’t go out to bars or clubs, and have never gone on a date with someone I didn’t already know well. According to even the most conservative people, I seem to be following all the rules to not get unwanted advances.
At a high school dance, a guy who always bullied me walked up to my boyfriend and asked him if he could dance with me. Never so much as looked at me to see if I cared to dance with him. When my boyfriend said no, the guy offered him a trade wherein my boyfriend could dance with a girl that the bully was friends with if the bully could dance with me. During the whole negotiation, no one once even indicated that I was more than just a football card to be traded.
I have been trained since I was probably about 8 on how to stay safe in situations where men don’t accept my ‘no.’ Neither of my brothers was ever made to sit down with my parents and discuss getting or giving consent in relationships.
I honestly cannot even count how many times in my life I have had males I don’t know pass me by in (or on) their preferred vehicle and call out comments to me.
I regularly have men and women alike – many of whom I hardly know, if I know them at all – comment to me about my physical appearance, about the acceptability of various parts of my body.
If it helps, think of it like driving. Most other drivers on the road won’t actually drive out into the middle of the intersection when they have a red light and slam into you, but all it would take is just one. Anyone who’s been driving for more than just a year or so has likely had an experience where some crazy driver made you feel unsafe by cutting you off in traffic while you were driving at a high speed or pulled out into traffic without looking. And all good drivers have learned that it’s simply a matter of safety to assume that any driver on the road might do that at any time; it’s just defensive driving.
Well, when it comes to dating, every woman I know has just learned defensive driving. Not that everyone out there is willing to put us in harm’s way or act aggressively towards us in order to get where they want to be a little bit faster… but it only takes one, and pretty much all of us have had at least one near miss, because some guy out there was too busy thinking about himself and his wants to think about our wants or even our safety.”
The List Is Endless
24.”Complaining about the amount of toilet paper women use… I can’t really control it I have to wipe when I pee. And it’s not even like tp costs that much.”
25. “Seriously, DO NOT become friends with a woman if you are not okay being just friends. Just don’t do it. You can even think it’d be great if she dated you. Just as long as your intention in being her friend is to BE HER FRIEND. Not to make her slowly fall in love with you or to have her owe you something because you shared your lunch that one time.”
26 “Asking for a picture. These are guys I know in person; I have never met someone online. But any guy that is interested just wants pictures of me all the time. It usually starts with ‘let me see that pretty smile.’ But it’s still gross, because they will always want to see more than just my ‘smile.’ I always tell them my smile is on facebook and hasn’t changed in years.”
What you Say You Are Is Probably Not True
27. “Pointing out that they are a ‘Gentleman’ or a ‘Nice guy.’
So you’re a well mannered, normal member of society. What do you want, a cookie? Good for you, join the other 5 billion functioning adults with manners.
The ones that usually point it out are the ones that are neither gentlemanly nor nice. Women that don’t notice that you are a nice person are not worth your time.
If you have to point it out, that generally means it is not seen in your normal actions, therefore you are NOT, in fact, a nice, gentlemanly person. FYI.”
It’s Everything Men Think Women Are Impressed By….But Aren’t
28.”It does not impress anyone when you drive fast, burn your tires, blast your music in the drive thru. DISCLAIMER: All of these things are ok to do and I do not mind them, but it is not a good means of impressing women.”
29. “Don’t take it personally if I’m a little on guard around you when we first meet, especially if you’re taller than 5 foot 6, and/or weigh more than 150. I’m smaller than that, and chances are, you could really hurt me if you wanted to, so I gotta scope it out first. Nothing personal.”
30. “Ignoring sexist or demeaning comments towards women, in public or private, from your friends. Tolerating it makes it seem okay and you share that line of thinking.”
31. “Please, please don’t rate us using a number system. Do not say my face is a 7/10 or my chest is a 5/10. It makes us feel terrible, regardless of the number, and it makes the men who do this look like complete and total jerks.”
The Golden Rule
32. “Treat a woman the same as you would treat a man. Get to know their individual likes and dislikes and try not to apply them to the whole gender. Women are not a collective group with the same thoughts. Just like men we are all different. Some women like attention. Others don’t. Some women like body hair on a man. Some don’t even like men. Some women don’t like to talk a lot. Some women like some one night fun. Some will stay pure until marriage. Some women will like you simply because of your personality. And some won’t. Just like men. Some like games. Some like science. Some don’t. Some have weird fetishes. Just like men. We are not a different species. We are all human.”
33. “This obviously isn’t all men, it’s probably a select few, but please stop with the manipulation and fear tactics when it comes to that one woman you feel belongs to you. Every girl I know… Yes every girl, including myself, has at some point in her life been stalked and harassed by a guy who she either rejected or dumped. I thought my situation was unique but the more I learned about other girls going through the same thing, the more I realized that it’s actually very common. Internet stalking, showing up at their house, blowing up their phone with threats, and trying to go through other people to get info on the person are all inappropriate behaviors. Everyone gets their heart broken and it sucks but letting it turn you into an obsessive psycho doesn’t help anybody. This definitely applies to some girls too but I mostly hear about guys doing these things. I’m sure there probably isn’t even anyone in this thread that this applies to that will read this, but just in case, if you have or are currently doing any of the things I mentioned above, please seek professional help. You may feel like such behavior is normal considering the situation, but it’s not. All you’re doing is making the person terrified of you. And if that was your goal, then you’re a jerk… forget you.”
34. “Treating me like an object way early on in the dating stages. Dude, I get it. You’re going to ask me back to your apartment on a first date. I’m never going to do it (mostly because of safety reasons, like who the eff are you?) but I know you’re going to try. But do you have to ask me 10 times in 10 different ways? Do you really think my answer is going to change? Also, whatever happened to nice PG-13 rated compliments. I had a guy say to me on a second date that he was having trouble looking me in the eyes because he kept staring. Couldn’t you have said, ‘that dress looks great on you!’ And the first time you kiss me good night, is it necessary to grope my behind too and shove your tongue down my throat? I mean, dude. We live in the city, and you just gave the cab driver a show.
And to be honest? The guys who do this sort of thing usually think they’re slick, but I am way less likely to have relations with those guys because their ‘moves’ or ‘lines’ reek of desperation and sexual frustration”