Spoilers...it's a lot of food.
The Quest For The McDonald’s Pickle
“Wife wanted McDonald’s pickles. Not Vlasic, not DelMonte, not even Burger King but friggin MCDONALD’S pickles. So I went to the McD’s down the street and asked to buy like a pound of pickles. Girl said they can’t sell just the pickles, so I said give me 100 hamburgers, extra extra pickles, hold the everything. She goes and gets the manager. I tell him the wife is pregnant and I can’t go back without McDonald’s pickles. He goes in the back, comes out with an unopened tub of pickles and says, ‘Congratulations. On the house.’
Best McD’s experience ever.”
Mourning The Broken Ravioli
“Wife was craving Chef Boyardee ravioli. I was cooking it in on the stove halfway watching it when I glance over and it is at a hard boil. Oh great! I grab it and pull it off the heat and start vigorously stirring so nothing burns to the bottom.
Wife walks in… ‘YOU’RE STIRRING IT TOO FAST!! THEY ARE GOING TO BREAK APART!!!’ She left the room bawling.
They kinda did though.”
“Every Single Bit Of That Potato I Had To Will Back Tears”
“I was 8 or 9 months pregnant, and my fiancé had made me a baked potato. But he cut it wrong. I made myself not cry because I knew it was stupid and he was trying. Every single bite of that potato I had to will back tears. Because it was cut wrong. There was also Mother’s Day that year. I spent the whole day a ball of rage because people were telling me happy Mother’s Day. I was only 3 months pregnant so I decided I shouldn’t be celebrating it…
…but freaking morons insisted on calling or texting me it. Spent most of the day in my room cussing my phone out.”
The Meltdown Of The Century…And IHOP
“That time I thought my husband was dead, and/or sleeping with my best friend.
At the time my best friend was living with us. I came home from a nightshift, plopped myself down on the couch with my IHOP breakfast and watched the morning news. It was snowing lightly out, and I was enjoying a rare moment of not being completely and utterly exhausted. My husband’s car was in the driveway, and I assumed he was going into work late (he frequently does that when I work nights so we can see each other for a bit in the morning). After I ate my delicious breakfast, I went upstairs to go to bed. The bed is empty. And cold. I call my husband. No answer. I don’t hear his phone buzzing, but sometimes he turns it completely silent because he doesn’t like people. My husband has some mental health issues and took the news that I was accidentally pregnant pretty hard. All of a sudden I had this thought that he’s killed himself. I start crying hysterically. I run to the basement thinking I’m going to find him dead, hanging from the rafters. He’s not there. I’m crying harder, thankful he isn’t dead. I realize when I was upstairs, that Ashley’s (my best friend) bedroom door was closed. It’s almost never closed. Now I’m angry. That cheating bastard. He’s in there with her. Still crying I run upstairs, and open her door without knocking. I remember consciously opening the door all the way to the wall so he couldn’t hide behind it. She woke up and I cried to her to tell her I can’t find him. She tells me he was here late last night when she went to bed, but can’t remember if he said he had plans in the morning. Back to the living room, to look for more clues. His backpack is gone, and his computer is gone. I’m so relieved. He probably walked to Starbucks to work on his thesis. I log onto the desktop computer, to see if he’s online on gchat, since he hasn’t read my frantic texts yet. OH, MY GOD, HE HAS UNREAD EMAILS FROM HOURS AGO. Whenever he’s on the computer his email is open because he’s uptight about deleting and filtering his emails.
Now I’m back to thinking he’s dead. He walked to Starbucks and got hit by a car. Or he didn’t want the house to be the place he killed himself. I don’t know why he’d take his computer, but hey, emotionally unstable people do weird things. I finally remember that with creepy Google accounts, his cell phone search history is linked to the computer. He still doesn’t know I know this. I think I’ll keep it that way. I look at his search history. “School closing for XXXXX” Goddammit. I remember it all now. He had a shadow day at the local high school. The local high school is about 3 blocks away. He walked. He took his computer because he had a PowerPoint to present some of his thesis work.
I threw up my IHOP. I went to bed.”
Never, NEVER, Touch The French Fries
“My then pregnant sister was craving McDonalds fries. Got her a large fries and she would immediately flip it all out on the tray and start picking at the crispier ones and save them for last. Before we left, I was collecting the garbage including her tray which had honestly, maybe 4 crispy fries left on them. I has assumed it was ‘garbage.’ Big mistake. Threw out the garbage and came back to help my sister, and she had the most miserable look on her face. Asked what’s wrong, and she slowly went from a low whimper to heavy breathing in between cries.
‘I had thrown out her favorite pieces that she was keeping for last and I made her sad because she will never get to know what the last fry would’ve tasted like, even though she is sure it would’ve been great since she kept it for last.’ I felt like an idiot. Over crispy fries. SMH.”
The Pickle Tantrum
“It was around 2am, and I suddenly NEEDED a pickle, not just any pickle. A dill Vlasic pickle. My loving husband ventures out to get me one and came back with one of those gas station pickles in a bag. I have no idea what came over me but I LOST IT. I went into straight maniac mode. I remember saying ‘DOES THIS SAY VLASIC DILL PICKLE ON IT? NO IT SAYS FREAKING PICKLE IN A BAG!!!’ The worst part was that he actually went out and bought me the correct pickles, and when he got back, I had eaten the one from the gas station.
Pregnancy hormones are freaking serious.”
Mourning For An Ant…
“After hearing the shocking news that I was, in fact, pregnant and not suffering from weeks long flu symptoms I was in a confused daze, borderline crying borderline laughing. Out of kindness and understanding my fiance pulled over on the way back from the hospital, threw a blanket onto the grass in a nearby park, laid down with me and let me freak out a bit in his arms. I was silently tearing up. Instead of just relaxing and finding comfort in him I spent the entirety of the time trying to blow itty, bitty, curious ants off of the blanket and into the safety of grass.
At one point I accidentally rolled over one and killed it… It felt like I just ran over a puppy. I burst into tears babbling-
‘I killed it! It did absolutely nothing wrong and I just snuffed it!’ My fiance stared at me with a small smile and tried reassuring me that it would be okay, it was ‘just an ant, after all, right?’
I looked back at him, horrified. ‘All it wanted was some freaking crumbs to bring back home to her family and now her poor sisters will have to carry her little carcass away!’
Just as I finished my sentence, my finger pointed at the tragic scene we both looked down just in time to see that sure enough, there they went; after a little antenna dance, they carried my victim’s tiny corpse away which threw me into complete hysterics.
Pregnancy is a riot.”
RuPaul’s, Ducks, Beds…It Was Quite A Day For This Mom
“This all happened in one day. I was silently sobbing when watching RuPaul’s Drag Race, which btw is a very emotional show when my husband asks whats wrong? ‘Do you know how long it takes them to do their make up?? I HATE SEEING QUEENS CRY!’ (Howl) Then there was the great emotional day of June 2015 where I cried because I realized I was no longer was a size 2. Then I cried because I couldn’t remember why I was crying earlier. Then I cried because there was a photo of a black woman on the hospital’s website (I live in a very ethnically homogenous country and we just had elections where the anti-immigration party gained a lot of power), I thought it was nice that it was inclusionary. Then I cried because I saw a picture of some ducks, because apparently I love ducks that much. Then I cried because I didn’t know if the maternity hotel has good beds or ‘cruddy hospital beds.’ My poor husband, he had a good sense of humour about it though.
Last weekend I sat in a hammock and it broke and I cried then too because ‘I’ve never broken furniture before.'”
The Awful Experience Of Fat Free Soy Ice Cream
“This happened the other week. At night I sometimes had a craving for something sweet, a slice of cake or ice cream or something, but usually so latw at night all the shops were shut and you’re not supposed to have soft serve ice cream. So next time I went food shopping I bought a litre of ice cream so that whenever I had that craving I just had to go to the freezer. I bought chocolate syrup and everything. That night I went to go eat my deliciously sugary treat and got my husband some too. Got nice and comfy in bed and my husband is just staring at me saying ‘try the ice cream’.
So I had a massive spoon full (making sure I got heaps of syrup too) and practically spat it out. IT WAS THE FOULEST TASTING THING IN LIFE! I go to look at the ice cream tub only to realize it was 99% fat-free, gluten free, cholesterol free, soy milk AND dairy-free ice cream. WHO EVEN MAKES THAT CRUD! Was so upset with myself”
“…And Asked My Husband between Sobs Why The Baby Didn’t Want Us To See Its Gender”
“It was the annual sale at a baby store, so my husband and I got in line an hour early so we could find some gender neutral clothes. We were supposed to find out the gender the week before, but the baby didn’t let us get a good look.. so we looked through the store for 2 hrs and found maybe 3 outfits. I was so disappointed we didn’t buy anything and I cried the whole way home (a good 1 hour drive), and asked my husband between sobs why the baby didn’t want us to see it’s gender.
I’m only 23 weeks though, so I’m sure I’ll cry over much sillier things this next trimester!”
The Mint Pattie Had Disappeared…From The Trash Can
“My dad told me this story about my mum when she was pregnant with me back in the late 80s. Mum saw an ad for peppermint aero bars on tv and so told my dad she needed one. So he had to go out diving at night to try and find an open shop to get this chocolate from. After going to a few places, they didn’t have them anywhere so he just got a mint pattie because mint chocolate will be the same right? He gets home and gives it to mom and shes like “WHY WOULD YOU BUY A MINT PATTIE!? YOU KNOW I HATE THEM” and chucked a tantrum and my dad was like whatever, screw it and threw the chocolate in the bin (which had papers and stuff, not garbage).
Next morning he gets up and notices that the mint pattie was gone out of the bin.”
It’s Always The Animals That Do Them In…
“I ran over a snake inthe road. I ugly cried for 2 hours thinking about his snake family waiting for him to come home and him never showing up. Those poor snake babies. My husband was just like, ‘what?’ Which made the snot bubbles intensify.
The kicker: I hate snakes. And they don’t even live in families!”
“My daughter was born at 26 weeks. I didn’t cry while I was hospitalized and on strict bed rest, I didn’t cry when she was born and her head was the size of a clementine (she was fairly healthy for her size). I didn’t even cry when I learned I had gestational diabetes and would have to use insulin early in the pregnancy. What made me cry, however, is this stupid Fenton the dog video. I thought that the clip was hilarious, but I couldn’t stop crying (complete meltdown). My emotions got confused a little.”
“When I was newly pregnant,I held my dog and sobbed because I felt bad knowing she’d possibly get less attention once the baby came.”–
“Was folding laundry a few weeks in while watching tv. A Cottonelle commercial with the puppies came on and two seconds later I’m on all fours sobbing. I went downstairs and my husband thought something was wrong with the baby.
Nope. Laundry and fictional happy puppies just don’t mix for a preggo.”
“I saw a cat catch a bird, I ran after it and grabbed the bird from the cat’s mouth. Its back was kinda scratched up but I was dead set on taking care of it. Brought the bird home made a little nest for it, gave him some food. Next day I come home from work check on the bird and its dead. I sit on my front steps and held that bird and cried.
Broken Over A Burrito
“Well, I went to get a burrito at my favorite place… Got there 15 minutes after they closed, but I had thought they would be open another hour. No burrito. I was beyond devastated.
I couldn’t even cry; I just stood in the parking lot with my head against a wall, barely able to go on with my life until my husband finally managed to get me to move.
He bought me some fried chicken, but it just wasn’t the same.”
“Then I Started To Cry…Because They Were Delicious…”
“It’s an average Wednesday night, and my boyfriend is making dinner because I have an awful headache. We decided to have mashed potatoes as a side and a salad. Now when he makes mashed potatoes he likes the skins and I don’t, I deal with it for him but really I’m already dreading dinner because of the skins. Fast forward to the mashing of the potatoes and I see him go to the fridge and grab the cheese. Okay, no big deal he will put it on his when he serves his plate. Nope. Decided to throw half a bag of cheese into the mashed potatoes without consulting me first. I feel the rage and sadness build up and fight the urge to cry. I get over it as much as I can. Once he gives me my plate I sit down and avoid the potatoes for a few bites. Finally mustered up the courage to eat them…….. Dangit…… They are DELICIOUS. And then I start to cry because they were delicious…..
Thank you pregnancy.”
Entertainment Becomes A Hazard
“I watched the Matthew Perry movie ‘Fools Rush In‘ every day for three months at the end of my first pregnancy. I cried every time. I was almost watching it back to back. I LOVED that movie! Tried to watch it the other day couldn’t get thru it.”–
“My husband found me lying in bed, sobbing while listening to ‘Danny’s Song’ by Anne Murray on repeat. ‘It’s us, honey, this song is about us! Are you listening?'”–