She Brainwashed The Child Into Hating His Father!
“My first wife and I had a son together in 2001. We divorced in 2003 because I simply hated her. I hated her before we got married, in fact. Don’t ask me why I married her because I don’t even know. As soon as we split up, she began having my, then 2-year-old, son start calling me by my first name rather than ‘Dad’.
She continued to brainwash him into hating me. I remarried and things got worse. I moved about 3 hours away for my job and would drive to her house to pick my son up for my visitation weekends. She would wait until I knocked on the door to tell me she wasn’t going to allow me to take him.
I’d call the police so that I had a record of my attempts at a visitation. Nothing the cops could do.
Eventually, I got my lawyer to file for contempt of court due to her visitation shenanigans on 5-6 different occasions.
After court, she allowed my visitation but got remarried too and had him calling his stepdad ‘Dad’ while continuing to call me by my name. He wouldn’t call me by my name in person but he would slip on occasion or I’d hear him say my name in the background when I’d talk to him on the phone.
Eventually, I had to move again for my job but this time it was 9 hours away. Our relationship got weaker and weaker and his mother’s influence got stronger and stronger. He began calling me and cussing me out for arguments I was having with his mother. That’s when I knew I had lost him. I stopped calling. I stopped trying to visit. That was 4 1/2 years ago and we haven’t spoken since. I pay my child support and that’s about the extent of my involvement. I don’t really feel bad about it very often. I love him but he was born out of a hateful marriage and I never wanted a child and definitely not with her.”
Divorce Ruined His Chances Of Having A Father-Daughter Relationship…
“I didn’t leave per se, but who knows what my soon-to-be 9-year-old daughter currently believes or will believe in the future. Maybe I’ll get lucky, and she’ll come find me in a decade.
Anyhow, I started a messy divorce proceeding about 6 years ago when my daughter was 2. I fought long and hard to stay in her life, but my ex made it as difficult as humanly possible, without physically moving away. There were allegations of domestic abuse, and other terrible situations — all without a shred of proof or corroboration. 2 years ago, after 4 years of fighting through professionally supervised visitation and repeated court appearances, I was finally awarded unsupervised time with my daughter.
I was then faced with the unacceptable prospect of an actual father/daughter relationship, my ex somehow convinced the court that my then 6-year-old daughter had PTSD directed toward me and was depressed at the prospect of seeing me. Mind you, I have her on video literally dancing in my living room the week prior.
Since then her mom has thwarted all attempts at a court ordered reunification, and I haven’t seen nor heard from her. I don’t even know what she looks like right now.
Like I said, I didn’t exactly walk away, but for all I know, that’s the story my daughter is being fed. So, same difference.”
She Got Pregnant On Purpose?
“Here’s a real one from me:
The woman slept with me after I said no and passed out on her floor after a night of drinking.
Next day I moved across the country to report for military orders.
I got a call, months later, saying she was pregnant, I did not believe her but went for the birth anyway. Long C section for twins, everyone was healthy, and I still didn’t believe they were mine. The paternity test confirmed that the twins were mine. I started paying child support while living across the country.
After a year, they were removed from her custody for endangerment and abuse and placed with her parents, who are good people. I transferred my payments to the new custodians, didn’t make contact for years.
Recently, I’ve visited them, made a few contacts, and made myself available for them to know, but am not pursuing any kind of ‘fatherhood’ for them, because I don’t claim responsibility for them. They have parents who have raised them and will continue to raise them. They call their grandparent’s mom and pop. I still provide support.
But since it started as her taking advantage of me and they have new legal guardians, I will not be stepping in as their permanent parent. It’s not the path I chose and as long as they are safe and healthy, I don’t think it’s my responsibility.”
He Didn’t Want To Shatter Her World…
“Typical story, I met a girl, we liked each other, did it on the first date, she got pregnant (I was young and she said she was on the pill, I learned my lesson about pulling out unless I’m wearing protection) and then we moved in together.
After a couple of months together, it was obvious we weren’t going to make it, so we split amicably (I thought) and talked once or twice a week after.
Well, she stopped letting me come to ultrasounds and doctors appointments. She didn’t want me to come to the parenting class she was taking with her and around the seven-month mark, she ceased all contact.
Now, I knew when the due date was, so about a week before I started calling, her phone was disconnected, I messaged on Facebook, I emailed, I messaged her little sister and even her little sister’s boyfriend, all trying to get in contact with her. Well, two weeks after the delivery I get a call from her. She said that the day after she and I slept together (I went away to Detroit to catch a football game that weekend) she had one last romp with her ex and it was his.
Obviously devastated I got off the phone. But we stayed friends on Facebook and I watched this kid that should have been mine grow up.
My mom asked me one day, about a year later, if I talked to her anymore, or knew anything about the kid, so I pulled up my ex Facebook profile and my mother and I were dumbfounded. The child looked exactly like my mother and sister when they were the same age – To a friggin tee. Same hair, smile, eyes and chubby cheeks that every baby in my bloodline has.
So, I go about trying to get back in contact with my ex. I message her on Facebook, call the old number and email again. Her little sister had blocked me by this point, so I couldn’t even get in contact with her. All I could do was send her a message on Facebook outlining my concerns and that I wanted a paternity test because the baby looked like my kin and I had to be sure. I was raised big on family, so if I have progeny out there I want to be involved in their lives.
Well, I didn’t have to wait long for a reply. It came the next day and went a little something like this; ‘I don’t care if you think the child is yours or not, I have a good thing going here (she got back together with her ex) and I don’t want anyone coming in and ruining our family. She’s happy and healthy, so please stay away.’
I didn’t know what to do, I asked advice from my parents and friends, some said to leave it, others said to go after her and my best friend said I had dodged a bullet. So I sat on it for another two years. By this point, seeing her pictures, I knew, my heart of hearts KNEW this was my child. So I messaged again, this time a little more forcefully and told her I was demanding a paternity test. I sent pics of my mom, sister and myself as a baby as proof, I wanted to be involved in my child’s life and I would take her to court if I had too.
Her reply wasn’t as cordial this time; ‘If you try and break up my family, I will tell your (she basically admitted she was mine) daughter that the reason why mommy ran away from you is that you’re a bad man who was in jail for inappropriately touching little girls. I’ll tell her you used to hit me, and that you hit the other children you have (which I don’t have any). I will totally ruin you in her eyes so even if everything is settled after court she’ll NEVER want to see you again.’
I wasn’t to be deterred, I talked to a close family friend who was a retired family court lawyer (handled my parents custody issues over me) and she said the cost of the court, the therapy, the supervised visits and integration therapists (for making sure her transition was smooth accepting my family as hers) was going to cost me around $300,000 over the 4-5 years we would be in court, not to mention back child support, and other bills I would be retroactively responsible for. I wanted to forge ahead, so I went and talked to another lawyer, who confirmed everything that was said to me by my family friend and I didn’t know what to do. I just knew I wanted to be involved in my daughter’s life.
So I go back on Facebook to talk to my ex about everything I had learned and she has either blocked me now or deleted her Facebook. I drove out to where she lived and she had moved. She up and left with my child. I do not know where she went and what was worse, I lost the only way of keeping track that my child was indeed safe and growing up healthy.
As well, I’ll admit, even though it’s petty, I enjoyed seeing pictures of her shunning her ‘father’s’ attention. She never looked happy in pictures with him, not like she was scared or anything, just indifferent to him. It might have been wishful thinking or seeing what I wanted to see. But it’s the little things that get you through something like this.
So, it’s the day I’m going to court to file my papers to get the ball rolling on getting involved in my daughter’s life and my mother sits me down. I had kept her up to date on everything, my mother has always been there for me, been a very supportive mother. She looks at me and says: ‘My son, do you remember the constant court battles with your father? How you felt after we went to family court every time? How much you hated that man when you were growing up?’ So I answered. yes. My mother continues: ‘Now imagine you didn’t know that man at all, he was a stranger to you, telling you that everything you knew in your life was a lie, that the man you knew and loved as a father wasn’t your real father and this man your mother is scared of and loathes is trying to take you from your family. Can you really say you love this little girl and want the best for her if you go and absolutely shatter the world that has been built for her?’ And it was then, I actually realized just what my mother was saying.
All of the years of court room drama, fighting in the waiting area, the feelings of being lost and not knowing why my father hated me so much all came flooding back and I realized I couldn’t put her through something WORSE than what I went through.”
Poor Life Choices Led Him To Have No Say In His Son’s Life
“I didn’t leave because I was never really there.
I was a dysfunctional, budding substance abusing, nonempathetic, toxic, terrible person. I spent the first 3 years of my son’s life careening to rock bottom and the past two trying to be someone I didn’t hate (with a lot of bumps in the road and painful reflection). Just a few months ago a judge ruled that I have no say in whether I get to be in his life because I didn’t get my stuff together fast enough. I won’t deflect the blame I deserve whenever I get to see him again. I failed. And now for some indefinite amount of time, I’m nothing to him.
He probably doesn’t even know I exist.”
She Was Seeing Her Ex The Entire Time
“So this might be me, but I’m not sure.
Some time ago, when I was living abroad, I was in an abusive relationship with a girl who seemed sweet and caring on the outside, but inside was toxic and manipulative and would do just about anything to get her own way. I found out that the entire time we were together she was also sleeping with her ex, and after not being able to take any more and breaking down myself, I moved back home. We broke off all contact with each other and haven’t spoken since.
9 months after I returned home, her friends began posting pictures on Facebook with a baby girl, who turned out to be hers. She was back together with her ex, the ‘father.’ I didn’t want to open old wounds, and so I threw my suspicions to the wayside and moved on with my life.
Fast forward another year and my curiosity gets the better of me.
I asked her friends about the baby and although none of them spoke to her anymore, as she had driven them away the same way she did me, the general consensus was that the baby was indeed mine and that after being unable to conceive themselves, they had conspired to bring in an ignorant outside party to help them get the baby they wanted.
At this point, I had moved on entirely and was in a happy relationship. As much as I wanted to know if this baby was mine, I was also very much aware that both of our lives had moved on and I didn’t want to make it harder for anybody. Not to mention the fact that I knew that I was 100% not in a position to look after a child, especially one that was pretty much as far away as it could be. So I left it at that and moved on.
I might have a daughter somewhere, I might not. Either way, I don’t think I’ll ever consider myself her father.”
Leaving Because Of His Last Name?
“My great-grandfather was a good man who wanted to be better than what he felt he was. But he was the son of a convicted murderer in a very small community in, Depression-era, Georgia, and he couldn’t escape his last name. His son, my grandfather, was a brilliant young student, but he was told by the local committee that managed college funds there was no way a McCullough was ever going to get a scholarship.
So ultimately, I think my great-grandfather felt that, based on the toxicity of his own relationship with his father, the best thing he could do for his children was to extract himself. So he took a job as a prison guard in another county. Ultimately, he took a train to California with another woman. Once there, he called his wife and said he was sorry for everything, and a few days later he finally succumbed to health issues relating to his service in the first world war.
After he had left home, but before he went to California, his son went to a Junior College in the same area my great-grandfather was working. Seeing his father walking toward him, he crossed the street to avoid him. He hated himself for it the rest of his life, and never knew whether his father had seen him or not.
He never saw him again.”
Infidelity Caused A Lot Of Issues
“We broke up due to her infidelity before finding out she was pregnant.
She moved 2000 miles away before we knew – and yes, a paternity test was taken.
I’d very much like to be in my child’s life, but she was not keen on having me around (at the time she was trying to rekindle things with an ex and generally do her own thing). She has since gotten married and had another kid – I figure this is probably a healthier environment for my child than having two parents constantly fighting. I’ve only gotten to see my child once – he is 8 now. I pay about $1100 a month in child support.
I don’t know what she is telling my kid. He might feel abandoned. Maybe there’s hope for a relationship (with him) in the future.”
His Mother Pulled Him Out Of The Relationship?
“I left my ex-girlfriend a few weeks after we found out that she’s pregnant.
I lived with her and her parents. She physically and emotionally abused me to a point where I wasn’t myself anymore. I had to give up all my friends, I was only allowed to go with her and nowhere else. I found out she cheated on me but forced me to stay with her. She forced me to do it with her. Otherwise, she said she’ll kill herself and I was too young (19) to realize what was happening at all. Only when I told my mother what happened in the 8 months I was with her, she had to pull me out of the relationship.
She found a new boyfriend who she treats as his new father and my son is now 2 years old. I hope he’s alright.”
An Emotional Roller Coaster
“I became a father in September 2013. I have only seen my baby girl once.
Throughout the pregnancy, the mother and I had conflicting views on what we wanted to do. Maybe it was selfish of me, but I did not think it was possible for us to raise a kid at 17. I had too much growing up on my own to do: I played sports, was head of clubs, worked part-time, and was accepted into a prestigious college with honors. I was also suspicious because she was talking to her ex and I had used a rubber. I advocated for adoption. It escalated, and soon it got to the point where she told me, ‘Either you are there 100% of the time, or not at all.’
This caused a huge emotional struggle within me. Do I give up everything I have worked so hard for (first family member to go to college) to raise my child in a toxic situation with the mother? I’m obviously biased, but I chose the latter option. Since that day, the mother has blocked all forms of communication with me.
This has something that has always bothered me even 4 years later. I am about to be a senior in college. I ended up going to college halfway across the country, partially because of the great program they had, but also partially because I wanted to get away from it all. As a Sports Management major, I have really redefined myself here. I have worked for the professional sports team here for 3 years. I have interned at a sports agency, and I have actually been working on starting my own venture.
However, this whole situation hasn’t failed to come back around to me. Just two weeks ago, I received a letter from the state government, asking me to put my baby that I haven’t seen on my medical insurance.
Throughout this whole process, I, as the father, have been through an emotional roller coaster. I love my baby girl so much, yet when I see the only picture I have of her, I feel…nothing. There is no bond I have because I have not been able to see her due to the mother and her wishes. I wondered back then if I was ever going to get out of this God-forsaken town and begin my life. Turns out, it already had begun.
When you are faced with a situation as sensitive as this, you can either let it destroy you…or you can let it define you. Since this whole thing has happened, I have become an advocate at my school.
I hope one day I will be able to hold my baby girl in my arms and tell her I love her. That is all I want.”
He Ghosted The Entire Family!
“When my ex-girlfriend got pregnant, I thought it was mine.
There was no doubt, so we did what we thought we were supposed to do – get married. I’m in the military at the time and she vanishes with the baby, apparently having a breakdown. Shortly thereafter I get an anonymous phone call, sister in law’s husband, telling me the baby may not be mine. She brings herself back around a few hours later, but now there was the phone call to deal with. I told her I’ve been gone for a year, accidents happen, and we can make our family work. Again, up until she bolted it was straight up Suzy homemaker. So we get a paternity test, sealed envelope shows up in the mail and goes straight into my lock box. I didn’t want to think about it or care.
1 year later, I was going home on leave and staying at my parent’s house she makes a booty call. My parents recorded all the calls because my brother had just deployed and his creditors were angry when the soldiers and sailors relief act kicked in, mom got called a few nasty words. We had fair warning about the recordings, sure they were snooping to find it but oh well. I left her at home and went back to base. Surprise! She beat me there, I get the paternity test, 0%, confirm booty call was the real father and lawyer up. Then the decision, there’s now another dad, another grandfather, and myself. My lawyer looked at me and said: ‘Sure we can fight this, you’ll pay child support, and I’m not sure what judge would award you visitation with another father.’ So I just moved on, ghosted the whole family. I do owe the brother in-law a drink.”
Signing Over His Parental Rights?
“I very seriously dated a girl for about 2 years, first ‘love’ type stuff.
Well, she was always crazy, like true mental issues that really showed up the last year of it. I then found out that she had been cheating on me essentially the whole relationship, so I broke up with her.
She stalked me and basically all the standard crazy stuff.
Fast forward I get a call: ‘I’m pregnant.’ Panic set in and I told her I couldn’t be a parent with her and asked if she would consider ending it. She said no. After 9 months I get a call asking for everything. I told her no I can’t. I was broke, I had just met my future wife and I was only 20. I knew I wouldn’t be a good dad to this child, especially due to the hostility between her mother and I.
I signed over all parental rights so she would leave me alone. Fast forward to the present: I am in an amazing marriage with an amazing woman and I have a 9-year-old daughter. But, at least once a week, I still have fear about what I did, that one day this girl will show up saying I am her dad, and having to explain to my daughter and my family.
I am terrified of this one person, who has never met me and may not even know I exist. I pray I never get that knock on the door.”