You would think that after just having a wild night of fun with someone, you could go back to continue your normal life; Not the case with these stories. Sometimes you think someone is normal, but then they show their crazy side and you know it's time to back out...if you're lucky!
Don’t Remember How That Injury Happened
“My roommate and I met two ladies at a bar one night, early in college, while we were extremely drunk. The girl I was with wanted to go back to my place, not too long after meeting her. So I left the bar with her and make the short walk home.
We go upstairs and next thing I know we are clothesless in my bed making out. I notice her face is wet but it’s dark and I can’t tell what it is. A minute or two later, my mouth tastes like blood and realize that I have a raging bloody nose and it has gotten all over her face, myself, and my bed. I freak out and grab my shirt off the floor, wipe her face off, then come back in with toilet paper up my nose to finish the job. I still don’t know how I got that bloody nose or that girl’s name…”
He Thought He Woke Up In His House
“I was about 23… after my first divorce I kind of just stuck to hanging out in bars. I didn’t want to be around the house for a while blah blah…
Well one night, I meet this girl and things are progressing…we end up leaving the bar. Well I wake up the next morning, still drunk. And I can feel someone laying on my arm (quite cloudy at this point) and without really moving a whole lot, or opening my eyes I say, ‘Hey um.. don’t make this awkward or anything, but I think you should just go’ You know, fresh out of a failed relationship, I wasn’t looking for anything and tripped over a one night stand.
She replies, ‘You stupid son of a b—- this is my house!’ I opened my eyes, I know I’m in trouble so I just say the first thing that pops into my head, ‘I thought I said don’t make this awkward?’ Needless to say I waited outside for my cab that toasty July Arizona morning.”
What A Lie To Set Up
“20 years old, hanging with this girl I knew through friends in her dorm room. I knew she was into me and she was cute but I wasn’t really into her. Obviously, my 20-year-old self decides, ahh f— it why not have a good time.
We are in the middle of clothes being ripped off when I realize how bad of an idea this is. I’m typically a good guy and don’t want her to get the wrong idea. But of course I’m 20 and can’t just say, ‘Hey, let’s take this slow, or sorry I’m just not really feeling it.’ So…I tell her I have to run to the bathroom real quick.
While in the bathroom I send a text to my roommate telling him I need him to call me in 15 minutes and tell me there is an emergency back at the apartment. I get back, some light petting and smooches and then like clockwork, roommate calls. I pick up the phone, and proceed to try my best shot at an Oscar, ‘What do you mean our apartment got broken into?’ ‘Well, what the f— did they take?’ ‘Everything?’ ‘S—, check my desk, is my laptop gone?’ ‘F—, alright call the cops, I’ll be home soon.’
I turn back to the young lady and apologize that the night has to be cut short, but I promise I’ll text her when I get home (Why do we always say s— like that).
I get home and thank my buddy for helping me out of a jam and all seems good.
Until a week later when our other roommate leaves the door unlocked and we are robbed and the only thing stolen is my f—ing laptop…Karma…”
The Fry Guy
“I was on a night out with a few friends, got completely f—ed up. Met a guy outside McDonalds who I took a liking to. He was Australian, pretty hot, had long hair and had a bit of a beard. So I took him back to my flat. Then the next day I found loads of fries in my bed??!! Was pretty confused as despite meeting him outside McDonald’s, I didn’t have anything nor did he? I asked my friends and it turns out when I was talking to him, they had been throwing fries in his hair, which had obviously fallen out during…”
From Hookup To Married In Such A Short Time
“Went to a friend’s party. She has just recently started dating this new dude so a lot of new people were there that I had only met that night, along with a lot of old friends I had known forever.
I got super drunk and ended up waking up next to a dude that was super drunk as well. Apparently, we had both decided we’d had a lot to drink and fell asleep on the same couch, at different times. (Both fully clothed when we woke up). So we decided to talk for a little bit and drink a little more, ended up hooking up and then fell back asleep after.
I woke up about 3 hours later and decided I should just head home, so I left. I didn’t know the guys name or anything and didn’t really think much about it TBH.
Fast forward, and I went to a party there again about 8 months later and saw the guy. He walked up to me and said he’d tried to find me for a month or so after we hooked up, (not sure why he didn’t just ask his friend to ask his gf who I was but whatever lol).
Anyway, I said it was a good night and here’s my number if he wanted to text me sometime. As I say that, I notice a girl that he had his arm around who had been talking to someone else for those few minutes we were talking. She suddenly gets really defensive and asks why I was giving her husband my phone number…I spit my beer out.
I said oh! What? – turns out he’d met her a month after we hooked up and had been dating her for awhile and they’d recently got married…So uh…awkward…”
Abandoning The Creepy Girl
“I was in a bar, having a beer and this girl starts talking to me. She seems OK, but the bar is dark. Hard to tell.
She asks me if I want to go out to her truck and smoke. I say ‘yes.’ When we wander out of the bar, the bright lights outside illuminate her face in a disturbing way. I ignore what I am seeing. She says, ‘so where is your car?’ I say, ‘I thought we were going to your truck?’ She says, ‘No, we are going to your car.’ OK. I can deal with this.
We get to my car, and she says ‘Where is the cigarette?’ I say, I thought you had the cigarette.’ She says, ‘No. Take me home.’ OK. I can deal with this.
So, I start driving her home. As I am driving, she starts rambling, ‘you can do anything you want to me.’ OK. Maybe I can deal with this. As we approach her apartment she says ‘I sure hope my boyfriend isn’t home.’ Oh, f—. Can I deal with this?
She points to a convenience store and says ‘Pull in there. And go buy me a 12 pack of beer.’
I say, ‘I’m not buying you a 12 pack.’ So, she gets out of the car to buy beer. I definitely cannot deal with this, slam the car into reverse, and race off into the night. I didn’t go back to that bar for a year. Creepy girl.”
Things You Should Never Say When You Barely Know The Person
“One time a guy asked me mid-sex if I was on birth control. I said I was. He said, ‘So there’s 1% chance I can get you pregnant.’ I f—ng ignored him and a few minutes later he says, ‘I can’t wait for you to have my babies.’ I told him to stop saying that. He says, ‘You better be staying over tonight. You’re my future wife.’
I NOPED the f— out of there and ignored all 20 of his messages and calls since then. “
The Guy’s Car Got More Action Than They Did
“Decided to meet a guy near a nightclub. We meet, decide to have sex in his car that was in the nightclub’s driveway. Just as we were taking our clothes off, a dude comes in and enters the car JUST beside us, and just sits there for a few minutes.
We sit in the back seat of a car, waiting for the other guy to get lost already cause we don’t wanna see anyone watching us. But this guy stays there.
Finally, after a few minutes, he starts the car and drives away…and a few moments later parks right there. He then pulls out of the driveway again, and parks back again, and so forth a few more times, just going in and out of his parking spot repeatedly.
Meanwhile, the guy I was with got bored and decided it’s best if we just part and go our separate ways. Oh well.”
Looks Like He Did The Color Run Too…In His Own Special Way
“Slept with someone who was covered in blue paint after doing a color run. Didn’t know that the paint was almost impossible to wash out of the really short stubble on my face.
The girl was one of my flatmate’s best friends from uni and they did the color run together – we’d gone to his to get a takeaway after and he didn’t realize we both went back to her place… I got absolutely shredded in the group chat when I met up with him to look for houses the next morning…with a faintly blue face…in the previous day’s clothes.”
Her Last Hurrah Before Quitting…Early
“When I was 20 I worked with this girl who had a thing for me. She had only worked with me for about a week until we hooked up. The morning after I woke up in her bed, the next morning, I got dressed and noticed she was staying in bed. I asked her if she was coming into work, she said no.
She was going to quit after the first day but wanted to sleep with me before she did. She said thanks and to tell our boss she quit.”
When The US Meets The UK
“I met a girl on Tinder. She was in the UK, studying in London, originally from Atlanta. We both had no plans and decided to meet for the first time on Valentine’s Day, f— it. Ended up meeting in a bar in Covent Garden.
I’m macking pretty hard because why not? We are both slamming drink after drink, end up making out in the club. We left the bar pretty late, considering that the tube shuts at 12.30am. In my drunken state, I’m adamant that I’m going to take it as far as I can and end up getting the bus with her. I’ve got a thing about accents and all the way back she was whispering with that Georgia accent in my ear. I’m pretty turned on. Managed to get back to hers with minimal incident and a fast food break.
She’d mentioned early into the evening that she had a housemate but assured me that she’d probably gone to a friends’ and to make sure, would text her to let her know to not be around when she got back. We manage to climb the million of steps to her room and… You can see where this is going. Her housemate is asleep in a bed like 6 feet away from her own (across the room). For some reason, this s— turns me on enormously, and I’m raring to go.
We end up going a few times that night, trying to be as quiet as possible. Although I’d wager on the 2nd go, that her housemate was possibly feigning sleep. Almost definitely sure she was awake for the 3rd time. Ended up half dating for about a year before breaking it off. Up until now, probably one of the coolest chicks I’ve dated. I was a bit of a d—–bag to her, but I had just got out of my first real relationship (not that it’s an excuse).”
Basically In Front Of Family And Friends
“I’m in the navy stationed in Hawaii and my two sisters came out to visit about a month ago. We stayed with one of my sister’s friends who is also in the navy but lives in the town with a few roommates. We got there and I wanted to go out to the club with the friend we were staying with. Expecting nothing to happen, I started drinking.
My sisters didn’t want to go out for some reason so they stayed home and slept on the couch. Anyways, out at the club, I was pretty awkward which somehow caught the attention of an absolutely gorgeous Norwegian girl. She came over and we started messing around. Being the awkward guy I am, it took her inviting me bak to her place to go anywhere with it. Of course, I agreed.
While in the taxi, she tells me we have to be quiet because there are people sleeping in the living room. Thought nothing of it. Checks with chart. Turns out she’s my sister’s friends roommate and the people on the couch were my sisters. And it also turns out that I wouldn’t have changed a thing. 10/10. Would do again.”
Never Lower Your Standards Ever Again
“I was once at a dive bar back in 2011 and in my drunken state, I lowered my standards a bit and hit it off with a scruffy looking dude. I also decided to go back to his place…
What hit me first, was when he took off his shirt and I finally saw my deal breaker. The scruffy guy had one of those ICP hatchmen tattoos on his chest. I started laughing and I left without explanation. I guess it was the awkward one night stand that never happened. Thank goodness the lights were on. “
One Night Stand Turned Weekend Stand
“I hadn’t gotten laid in a while… So I started up a text conversation with a guy I’d had a couple college courses with and had thought was very cute at the time.
Turned out he was going to be back in town to pick up some stuff from his old house, so I invited him over to end my dry spell. So he comes over, we throw on a movie and almost immediately get to it, and it’s only okay. Not a lot of skill, but enthusiasm made up for it, so 7/10. I was thinking, ‘Well, I had fun and it was cool to see him again, but I’m glad it’s late now and he’ll be going home soon.’
PLOT TWIST: He WOULDN’T LEAVE.
First, it was cool, it was a Friday night, we spent pretty much the whole time in bed and ordered pizza, I could live with it.
Then it’s Saturday morning, he’s called his old housemates to say that he won’t be over for a while and I’m thinking maybe he wants to go get lunch or something? Nope, he’s dedicated to cuddling and following me around my apartment. I tell him that I have things I need to do, he says I can run and do them and he’ll wait there. Being extremely awkward and non-confrontational, I reluctantly agree and leave him with my roommates.
I come home and the second I walk in the front door, I can hear him laughing at something on Netflix, and he has the most obnoxious, braying laugh. It’s like a million bad impressions of the sounds of a mentally challenged person all rolled into one serious annoyance. My roommate pokes her head out of her room and frantically mouths ‘he’s still here???’ I shrug and apologize and go back to my room.
He wouldn’t leave until Sunday afternoon, told me he was so glad I was his girlfriend now and called me that night to tell me that he had told his parents that we were dating and they were so excited to meet me.
It took me a week to get him to understand that it was a one-time thing, and then he’s hit me up periodically over the five months since to see if I want to be his girlfriend yet. My roommate still teases me about ‘the obnoxious one.’
She brings it up when I complain about not getting laid to keep me from making bad decisions.”
The Living Room Right Next To The Front Door Is NOT The Right Place
“Met a girl in a college town while I was visiting a friend. Turns out she was visiting too and was staying at her brother’s place. We both are ready to go and end up going back to her brother’s place; he had apparently passed out before she left for the bar and my friend had like 10 guys crashing at his place so it was a no-go.
We get there and the brother is passed out still (thank god). So we start going at it on the couch. Now the couch was directly in front of the entrance to the house, but we were both all hot and bothered and didn’t think much of it.
10 minutes into the session, we are both butt naked going at it on the couch, when the door opens, and in comes 5 of her brother’s friends.
I’m like a deer stuck in the headlights (who also happens to be with their friend’s little sister) and after what seemed like forever I grabbed my clothes and bolted for the bathroom. She eventually came into the washroom, we finished up, and I got the f— out of there.”
Only A Fur Coat
“This was about a decade ago and I was in my mid-twenties. I think her name was Amanda but I could be totally wrong on that. I can’t remember where we met or how we started making out but like magic, we were.
She was thin and had nice curly dark hair and she was unapologetically wearing a fur coat. We made it back to my apartment and we proceeded to do all the filthy things that you would want to live out in a one night stand. Oh, the majesty of the chance encounter where you can embody a porn star, go by a different name, work in a field different than your own, lie about every aspect of your life and feel damn good about yourself. You are willing to go beyond your typical repertoire because there is simply no judgment. I tossed her around into all the different positions that I could imagine and we just genuinely enjoyed our awesome time.
When it was over, I made the mistake of trying to go again…but I had a lot of whiskey that night and I was writing checks that my body couldn’t cash. Needless to say, the spark was gone. About halfway through my attempt at a round two, she suggested that we take a break and go outside and have a cigarette. I was thankful. I quickly threw on a pair of pants and a jacket and by the time I got to the door, she was just wearing her coat she didn’t have her skirt or underwear, just her fur coat and everything else was naked, it was kind of sexy.
Anyway, we get out to my balcony and she starts telling me that she forgot her cigarettes. I offer her one of mine and she was like ‘no way, those are menthols’ and I was like ‘cool, I’ll go find yours.’
I go back into the house for a few minutes looking for her pack but can’t find them or her purse. I then go back out to ask her where she could have left them when I see it. She climbed down my fire escape to the ground level and was running across the street completely naked (except for her coat), without shoes or anything in the middle of winter.
She hails a taxi and gets the f— out of there. I never saw her again after that. She left her clothes and shoes in my apartment. She had her purse the whole time. As I was watching her naked a– run down the sidewalk I remember wondering if it was because I was that bad of a lay. But then it dawned on me….I don’t give a s—.”
Maybe He Shouldn’t Drink That Much Again
“Went out drinking with my Korean friend and his boss. We were given 8 shots of Jager in 40 minutes. Could never drink anyway, so I was all sorts of f—ed, and well on my way to white girl wasted. A girl stopped me on the way to the bathroom, telling me I was cute – and I felt it. The moment where I could’ve said thanks and jogged on. But the thirst was real.
She was ok – definitely looking decent after 8 shots of Jager, and to her credit, she was a friendly girl. Wind up hanging with her all night, making out at the bar (the shame), took her to my car, shagged in the backseat while in a very busy roundabout. Dropped her home…
Then I woke up next morning to missed calls to my friend at 4 am, so messaged him to apologize for bothering him so late at night.
The reply I got? ‘Lol I had a good time last night, don’t worry.’ Then the gears started to click, and I realized I had saved the girl’s number under my friend’s name, for whatever reason.
Wound up texting her for days after because I didn’t know how to get it, until I finally had the balls to man up and say I wasn’t interested in hanging out again. I suck at one night stands. This isn’t even my worst one…I just get really sl–ty when I’m wasted.”
A One-Night Stand Legend
“One night a girl from down the apartment complex came and knocked for a visit. So we did it and then she said she was hungry and we got pizza and went to bed. We never slept together, more a FWB.
Anyway, at about 1:30 AM, I get this call from a girl who I had tried to hook up with for a year. She had driven 100 miles and was at the mall, looking for my apartment complex. I told her how to leave town.
As soon as I hang up, the other girl in my bed gets out of bed, dresses and leaves.
That was my one and only chance with the out of town babe. And I miraculously got with two women in one night. “
A Case Of The Ex
“What was going to be a one night stand ending up being me comforting the guy while he cried about missing his ex. Awkwardly held him in my chest while he told me about how his high school sweetheart left him. Yes, that sucks, but it wasn’t exactly the right moment for a heart to heart.”
A First Time For Everything
“The summer after I graduated high school, I started talking to one of my former classmates. We flirt a bit over Snapchat until he decided to invite me to a party. We go, we drink a bit, end up being the first people to go to the pool. We make out and flirt with each other until the rest of the party-goers join us at the pool.
After the party, we go to my place to chill. At this point, we try to hook up. Problem was, it wasn’t working out. So we just lay down together.
After a few minutes, he decides to walk home but left me his half empty bottle of fireball. I drank about a quarter of what was left after he left.
That was the night I got absolutely wasted for the first time.”
The Needy Man Baby…Who Abuses Indian Food
“Took a guy home after watching some local bands play. He had tackled the male bassist of one of the bands and made out with him and then danced with me. I find bi guys to be really hot, so after all the bands were finished playing I invited him over to my place.
We were having fun, and all that good stuff. But it goes on and on and on and after awhile the fun wears off… I was done, but he wasn’t done. And, man, I was tired. I had been awake for over 24 hours and needed to be somewhat coherent somewhere at 10 am (it was currently 5 am). I tell him I’m gonna need to catch a little sleep. ‘Can I hang out here until you’re rested enough to take me home?’ he asks me. I don’t understand why he can’t take an Uber but I say fine. He tucks me in my bed and goes, ‘Shhh… Rest now. You do so much for others…’ and attempts to exit my bedroom but gets confused by which door to use (I have two closets and a balcony off of my bedroom).
‘Why does your bedroom have so many doors?!’ he screamed after trying the second wrong door. I point him to the correct door and he exits. I’m drifting off to sleep when I heard CRASH BANG CRASH followed by a sharp sound I cannot easily identify.
I come out of my room and homeboy is sitting totally naked on my kitchen counter with one of my big knives, stabbing the s— out of the cover of a Trader Joe’s frozen Indian dinner while my freezer is wide open and the contents lay on the floor. I stand there, completely exhausted, sore, and frankly a little confused. The only words that manage to escape my mouth are ‘My Indian food…’ He looks at me like a deer in the headlights and then starts crying. ‘Oh my god, this was your food! And I’m eating it! I’m sorry! I’m still really messed up from California!’ I sigh and tell him to eat the food and get dressed because I’m gonna take him home.
I drop him off, never to see him again…except I still saw him out a few times in the following months.
He got a girlfriend. I guess he found someone who doesn’t place a ridiculously high value on her Trader Joe’s frozen meals.”
The Man Who Was Actually A Cat
“Took home this huuuuge muscly guy, super alpha. He was picking me up and kinda throwing me around the place, and I was thinking, well why not! It’s fun to feel a bit submissive sometimes. So it was fun, if a bit cheesy-try-hard.
But THEN… He starts purring. Actually purring like a large cat. He would then sound like a really loud steam engine. I couldn’t take it seriously anymore because it made me laugh SO much.
My flatmate heard it from her room underneath mine as well. I feel like it must have made the whole house vibrate…”
From Single Free Man To Dad Mode
“As a server, you occasionally cross a table or two where you get hit on. I happened to serve one where this really hot girl I knew back in high school was eating with her sister and her baby in a highchair (adorable kid, too) and we did the usual back and forth conversation.
I think nothing of it but as they are paying their tab she asks me if I’m doing anything later. So we go out and grab a drink while her sis watches the baby back home. End of the night and she invites me in to watch Pitch Perfect (getting hot yet?), but by the time they have their first sing battle we are tearing each other up on her couch. So hard that that white ceiling popcorn stuff was falling down onto us.
Cue the morning music. Everyone is dead asleep but I needed to get home. Only I heard the baby wake up too, so I check the crib and… It reaches out for me. I’m not afraid of babies, so I pick that sucker up and do my best to help her calm down. Feed her a bottle of formula. Change a diaper. Danced with the baby to some Harry Belafonte from my phone. I was in full blown Dad mode when she woke up.
It went so well that we would’ve killed to keep seeing each other but we went back to reality.
I started my next semester at school and we both eventually met other people. It was a nice little precursor for the future, though!”
How Did I End Up Here??
“Went out boozing big style, my friends said I was barely standing by 11pm, so they told me to get a taxi home (taxi rank was directly outside the club). Woke up next morning in a strange bed with s—loads of dollies and stuffed animals on a shelf…uh…ok.
I managed to put my trousers and jumper back on, when a woman around a decade older than me came into the room carrying a fried egg sandwich. She smiled at me and said, ‘You need to eat this then leave. Quietly.’ Then she left the room.
I quickly scoff the sarnie in a vague attempt the quieten the monstrous hangover that was starting to build as the last of the booze wore off. I went into the hallway and she was standing at the front door holding my coat smiling slightly.
I try to ask her what happened last night but she simply shook her head and motioned to the door.
As I get outside I realize this is a really really posh estate. I’ve not got a damn clue what happened but it left me really weirded out for a long time….”
Threats From Tinder Girl’s Brother
“Went in a public park in the city, went back to her’s. Later on, I went home, got up in the morning, told a mate at work what happened, he told another guy at work.
It turns out it was his sister I was with. He was NOT happy! He approached me and threatened me… So I told my boss what he did, he got fired.
Then I went home from work, found a box at my doorstep, took it inside and opened it, there’s a letter (cool), open the letter, it says ‘WE’RE WATCHING YOU’ in capital letters, looked inside the box, found a ‘gift’ with my name carved into the side…
Yeah, I won’t be dating on Tinder for a bit.”