Whether a first date with someone you don't know or the guy you've been crushing on for years, dates can go one of two ways, really good or completely awful. These dates were definitely cringe-worthy!
“We talked about avocados for an hour because it was the only thing we had in common.”
First Date Nightmare
“First date-halfway through the date she mentioned her boyfriend (who I was unaware of). I ask if he knows she’s on a date with me and she says “Oh, it’s cool-he’s in Iraq right now so he doesn’t know or care.” Then tries to change the subject.
I turned the car around and took her home. Very awkward drive back.
“Wait, where are we going? Why are you taking me back? Who are you to judge me? We are basically broken up-I just haven’t told him yet.” Etc. etc.”
Gone But Not Forgotten
“I went to a dinner first date with a nice young lady. She was a little jittery but I just assumed it was first date jitters. Dinner is going great but she seems a little distracted most of the time and is fidgety. Again, I’m just thinking she’s super nervous.
Halfway through the meal she announces that she has to go to the bathroom. I make a stupid joke about “hope everything comes out alright” and it doesn’t go over too well. Dang, I screwed up.
My date is gone for what seems like an eternity. I’m starting to think that I’ve been ditched on a first date, and my joke earlier definitely sealed the deal. She’s still gone, and I’ve finished my meal. The waiter comes by what must be 5-6 times and asks if everything is OK. I calmly laugh and thank him for coming by so much.
But then she comes back! Ouch, that bathroom trip must have hurt I’m thinking. It’s kind of awkward but quickly she’s back into conversation like nothing happened scarfing down her meal.
Dinner is finished and we’re having a cocktail at the same table and it’s been about 15 minutes since she came back. Then, all of a sudden a police officer comes up to our table and says:
“Excuse me, Ms., is this your purse?”
She replies yes. He says, “Come with me.” She gets up and walks outside. EVERYONE in the restaurant is staring at me.
I can see outside through the front door restaurant windows and he’s questioning her. Then he puts her in the car. Then they speed away.
I’m left there in the restaurant feeling flabbergasted and really confused. Everyone is staring at me. EVERYONE. I’m sitting there with a s—– cocktail in my hand waiting for the check when the manager comes up to me and says:
“Hi. I’m very very sorry about this, the young lady informed the officer this was your first date together, is that correct?” I replied yes, and trying not to cause a scene I asked what the h— was going on.
“It appears that when she went to the bathroom, she left her purse behind when she returned to the table. One of the wait staff found the purse and opened it to determine it’s owner. While doing so he did locate her ID, but next to her wallet was a bag of cocaine.”
“We normally don’t call the police in these types of situations, and I truly apologize, but the wait staff in question did so without asking first.”
“Sir, I’m very sorry. We’ve saved you a spot at the bar downstairs. Your meal and all drinks are on us tonight. We’ve even made arrangements and called a cab for you whenever you are ready. All of this is on the house this evening. I hope you come back and see us again.”
“We met up at a local burger joint and he didn’t say a single word. I asked questions and he responded with head nods and occasionally a chuckle that’s more like a release of air. I was pretty sure he hated me so, I told him I was just going to go home.
That’s when he finally spoke. He asked me why and told me to please stay…so I did, and then he continued to sit in silence.
Looking back now I realize he was just nervous but, man…at the time I really thought that I must have been horrible to be around.”
“I thought it was a date and she thought it was dinner.”
Taking The Blame
“My friend made me go on a double date. I didn’t want to go. But he said the girl was really cool and seemed up for it. That his gf showed her a picture of me and she liked me. So I figured what the h—.
We went to a cafe for some coffee and dessert and then an arcade/bar. The WHOLE time at the cafe this girl wanted nothing to do with me. She literally said nothing. I asked her questions and she would nod her f—— head. At some point I wondered if she didn’t speak English.
To make it worse my friends were oblivious. Didn’t try to break the ice for her or anything. I clearly had been trying so obviously she wasn’t comfortable with that.
When we get to the arcade I figure she doesn’t like me so I’m just gonna do my thing on my own. Then my friend comes up to me and is like “Bro are you retarded, how you gonna ditch her like that?” So I tell him how she’s f—— mute or something and seems to actively dislike me.
Whatever we leave no problem. The ride back she is all talkative and s—- with them and when I ask her a question or chime in in any way she would give me this “Oh now you want to talk to me” attitude.
Till this day my friends think I was the a—– on that date.”
Dodging A Bullet
“I went out with a guy I met from OKCupid. He complained about how tall I was literally within the first minute and for the hour the date lasted felt it necessary to criticize basically every facet of my being, from the color of my skirt (“Do you think black makes you look thinner or something?” though I was average weight) to my favorites TV shows (“I can’t believe ANYONE likes that s—.”). I ended up ditching him in the middle.
In my opinion, he was either on the rebound but looking for things to find “wrong” with me, or some woman-hater looking for ammunition or maybe a one nighter if my self-esteem turned out to be bad enough. At any rate, that was the end of that.”
A Match Made In Heaven
“Back in high school my parents and my friend’s parents set us up on a movie date (X-Men 3; at the time we didn’t know it sucked). However, no one told ME it was supposed to be a date. I knew that we both liked nerdy stuff, but we hadn’t ever hit it off before, so I didn’t put the clues together.
We got to the theater, and lo and behold my two comic-loving friends were there. I sat next to these friends the whole time, making jokes and having a grand old time, all the while ignoring my “date”.
Didn’t put two and two together until that night, when my mom wouldn’t stop asking stuff like, “how did it go?” and “did you two have fun?” I was kind of dumbfounded, and I felt like an a——.
I ended up awkwardly apologizing for the whole thing to the girl later, but she was cool with it. We agreed our parents were weird for trying to play matchmaker (apparently, since we were both top of our class, they were hoping our children would be rocket surgeons or something).
So, in conclusion, that was probably the worst date she’s ever been on. I had a blast.”
(Not) The Happiest Place On Earth
“In ninth grade a girl I liked asked me to go to Disneyland with her. Her Father worked there so she got us free tickets which was sweet but a couple of days before we were meant to go she told me she didn’t like me and that she understood if I didn’t want to go to Disney with her anymore. Since I had never been to Disney before I told her I still wanted to go. The day comes around and we go to Disney. She surprises me by telling me her sister and her sisters friend are coming. The car ride there was the three of them gossiping while I sat there awkwardly. Once we got to Disneyland she made no effort to make conversation with me or keep any conversation that I made with her going. She didn’t want to go on any rides so we just walked around until we met up with her sister again and then she just talked to them. This made the whole day very awkward and as a result I had no fun.”
“He was 20 Minutes late, then took over the conversation. I think the conversation split was 80/20. His topics: How much money he makes, how much MORE money he will make in the future, how AWESOME his job his, how great his fraternity is, his views on foreigners. He ESPECIALLY explained to me how he believes that due to genetics black people can never be as smart as white people. Henceforth it is only logical that the living conditions in Africa are worse than in Europe and that they are only a few black people “on top”.
I am black.”
A Classy Date
“He took me to Arby’s. Whatever it was in the middle of the day and I’m chill. He didn’t pay for me which isn’t expected at all just it ended up being awkward because the cashier commented on it. He then began to ask really odd questions like if I liked fat guys (he was heavy but I mean I don’t have a fetish or anything so I don’t know what to say) and asked if I thought he should lose weight etc. He also wore the cringiest outfit of a t-shirt with a WoW reference over top of a collared shirt with cargo shorts and a fedora. I wish I was kidding. Then halfway through our meal he grabbed my hands and said, “I love you” and I noped the f— out. Oddly enough he found me awhile back on a dating site and said a lot had changed and asked for a second chance. I didn’t respond.”
I’m Better Than You
“Went out with a girl from Tinder to a board game bar (yes a bar that has a bunch of board games for rent). I’m new to town, she suggested it, it seemed like fun.
So we meet and rent scrabble. The first question I ask her is how was her experience at the university she just graduated from. She rolled her eyes and told me she hates when people ask her about it (this foreshadowed the whole date). Every time I tried to ask her a question or start up conversation, she would always reply with an I’m better than you attitude or completely disagree with me (not in a cute flirty way).
Some examples: I told her I like to travel and consider it a hobby. She replies with that can’t be a hobby and it doesn’t take skill to travel (after I rightfully defend my point of view). She told me she works at a bakery and I said I love red velvet cupcakes, they’re the best. She proceeds to roll her eyes and says I’m just like everyone else who doesn’t know a thing about cupcakes and baking. I told her I love to play volleyball and she tells me her university wasted space building a sand volleyball court…etc etc.
And by the way, this whole time she is super competitive and won’t let me talk during her turn at scrabble because she wanted to beat me.
We’re 3/4 of the way through the game and I’m getting fed up and suggest stopping the game and tallying up the score (I was winning comfortably). She goes “fine, do you resign?” I say, let’s just count the score again, and she goes, that’s not how it works, you either quit and I win or we keep playing. So I “resign” and she proceeds to tell the people next to us how she won and blah blah.
I don’t regret what I did next. I told her basically what I wrote in the second paragraph and that she made it so I didn’t even want to say something to her because I was expecting a snarky comment or disagreement. I paid for our drinks, told her I was leaving, and took the metro home. The weird thing is, she looked genuinely surprised and upset when I revealed this to her.”
At Least You Had Burritos
“She asked me if I would try to fight someone off or catch a bullet for her on the first date. Without think I said “h— no you must be out your d— mind”. Tried to apologize but she didn’t seem to accept it. Who asks that on a first date anyway. She got offended and we both ate our burritos in silence.”
A Nosy Mom Saves The Day
“I was 15 and very awkward & shy. A fellow 15 year old, who was also very awkward & shy asked me to be his date to this Fireman’s banquet thing to honor his father. I had no idea what to wear and ended up being incredibly under dressed. I also did not know the guy very well and we really didn’t have anything to talk about. I didn’t know anyone at this banquet except for him, so.. even more awkward. After many hours of silence and awkward comments from his family/friends about our “date”, it eventually came to an end. His brother dropped the both of us off at my front door while he circled the block to give us some privacy. As my date was saying goodbye and leaning in for the inevitable goodnight kiss, my mom opens the front door and asks why we’re just standing there. The one time I’ve been thankful for her nosiness.
We never really spoke again afterwards.”
Digging Through Trash
“I went on an OKC date once.
The girl and I drove past a mattress and box spring hand wrapped in plastic.
I drive a truck.
She asked and then insisted that I stop and get the box spring. She wanted me to put it in my truck and then help her put it in her second story walk-up apartment.
I politely said no, I do not think that is a good idea. That there is a pretty solid chance of bed bugs because sealing an item is what you try first when you have those nasty little things.
She was having none of it.
I refused. She started crying, telling me that I don’t know how it is to not have things and that it is easy for someone born with a “silver spoon in their mouth” to write off a free box spring.
She didn’t know me at all and made these assumptions based on who knows what.
It was hard to hear since I came from absolutely nothing and worked my a– off to get to where I am.
We pulled into the restaurant, she settled down a bit.
We ordered our food.
She answered a phone call at the table; It was a friend that had an extra ticket to a festival.
She reeeaaaalllyyy wanted to go but had just started a job serving food at a restaurant.
I suggested that she not call her boss and ask for the days off. I worked in the restaurant industry when I was younger and I knew that her supervisor would not let her call off from her fist weekend.
She called her work anyway. She started crying when her boss said “no.” I felt bad for her boss, not her.
Her boss fired her on the spot.
I paid the check with both of our meals still steaming and untouched.
On the way back to her house we reached a stop sign. She jumped out of my truck and ran towards a trash pile. She came back with a hand day-glow painted end table and threw it in the back of my truck.
When I got to her house I said nothing. Just put it in park and hit the unlock button.
She then took both of our to-go bags and ran off with her “new” end table.”
A Fearful Man
“My first date with my current girlfriend of 9 years. We were both 16 and I was picking her up at her house… My girlfriend was quite the nerd (still is) and I was known to have a bit of a wild side. While waiting for her to get ready, I meet her dad for the first time. He is a tall man who has his gun safe right behind his favorite chair. He’s pretty much a regular bad a–.
He says to me: “You that football player she’s been talking about?” “Yes, sir.” “You intended to take advantage of my daughter?” “No, sir.” “That’s too bad, she needs to loosen up a bit. That girl won’t succeed being as stuck up as she is… show her a good time.” “…….” “You hear me? Show her a good time. Keep her safe, but show her a good time, stay out late if you want, just be safe is all I ask.” “…..” *girlfriend comes down the steps, I’m staring blankly at her dad- “Ready to go?” “I… ummmm…yeah let’s go…”
I was so shocked and scared by her dad that I didn’t really talk but during that first date, which made the whole thing super awkward.
Luckily I got to know her dad and I realized he’s generally a great guy and a good man. Obviously things went well and we’re still dating today. I’m going to ask her to marry me soon and I’m legitimately nervous to ask her dad. He’s a man I fear and respect.”
All Your Fault
“Not so much a date as a hangout with romantic intentions- I reconnected with a girl I used to be friends with a few years before, and went to her apartment for drinks and a movie. While there, she confessed to me that after I never made a move on her, she developed an eating disorder, went to/got kicked out of rehab, and was basically an alcoholic. She then tried to hook up with me before passing out. I noped out of there soon after.”