Ever have one of those conversations you just didn't know how to respond to? These people know that feeling all too well and boy is it AWKWARD!
You Are NOT The Father
“A girl that I had just broken up with tried to get me back by telling me she was pregnant. I made her take a pregnancy test in my presence, which came out negative. But she kept swearing on her life that she had taken four positive tests previously. I couldn’t find a way to catch her in her lie until she went to the OBGYN. I told her to put her doctor on the phone with me after she had been examined so SHE could explain to me what’s going on.
To my surprise, she completely complied with my request. She put her doctor on the phone with me. The doctor explained to me that my ex had indeed been pregnant, but that it had been too long since the two of us had sex (she was at another university far away, partly why I broke up with her) for it to have been mine.
She spent another five minutes on the phone with me trying to phrase it in a way that wasn’t explicitly “YOUR GIRLFRIEND CHEATED ON YOU AND THEN TRIED TO BLAME THE RESULTING PREGNANCY ON YOU.” That was a pretty awkward conversation.”
Avoiding At All Cost
“I have one person that I refuse to talk to anymore. I stick my foot in my mouth every time I talk to her.
The first time I met her, my husband and I invited her to our Halloween party. She said that they couldn’t come because their church Halloween party was the same night. I said, “Oh, come on! Those things are always lame! Just skip it!” She said, “We have to go. We planned it.”
Fast forward a year and we found out she’s going to have a baby. Two weeks later we see her and I ask her how everything’s going. She tells me she miscarried.
Those were the two most cringe-worthy. There’s so many more- inadvertently insulting her taste in music, hobbies, cars, etc. Now I find it safest just to smile and nod.”
As Awkward As My Order
“Standing in Subway at 9:50 (10 minutes before they close) with me and the girl behind the counter being the only people in the place. The silence was palpable and apparently “do you believe in dragons” is not the conversation starter I think it is.”
Remembering The Past
“My mother suffered a traumatic brain injury and when she woke from her 2 day coma, she just wanted to see my brother. The problem was that he died 5 years earlier of a drug overdose and she simply couldn’t remember. Everybody tried to deflect her requests to see him with various excuses hoping she would simply remember on her own. After two more days of this, I simply had to tell her because nobody else had the courage. That was awkward… as well as awful.”
A Brutal Discovery
“When I used to work as a funeral director sometimes I would get called into situations where the person had been dead for quite some time and the stages of advanced decomposition had set in. Sometimes family was there and insisted on wanting to see their loved one and I had to talk them out of it.
Usually I would tell them that the situation had advanced to an unpleasant stage and that they would find what they see to be very traumatizing and it is best to remember their loved one as they were not as they are now.”
“Between me and a male doctor. I’m female.
Doctor: “Open your mouth. Now I’ll push your tongue down with this..”(Doing his thing, and I don’t really have a gagreflex) After a while my doctor goes in a deeper voice: “You’re really good at that.”
“Sitting at the train station, reading, minding my own business. Guy comes up and sits next to me.
“Hey, what’re you reading?”
“Oh. I like to read about serial killers.”
Got worse from there.”
Bella Is That You?
“Explaining to my gynecologist that my bruises were bite marks.”
It’s Not You, It’s Me
“I’m ridiculously shy / awkward / afraid of confrontation.
I once attempted to break up with a guy, but was so unable to get the words out of my mouth that I ended up somehow getting him to break up with himself.”
A Joke Gone Wrong
“This isn’t the most awkward conversation I’ve had, but it’s an awkward conversation I heard on the radio this morning.
Radio Host: So, did you get anything fun for Christmas?
Caller: No, not exactly.
Radio Host: Did you get anything?
Caller: Yes, I got $50.
Radio Host: Oh… that’s not very fun. Was it a gift card?
Caller: Yes, actually.
Radio Host: giggling Well that’s an awfully personal gift.
Caller: I asked for it so I could buy my son a bike. I haven’t been able to provide as much since my husband passed away earlier this year.
Radio Host: Oh, uhhh, well I’m glad you could do that.”
A Smelly Situation
“Having to tell one of my direct reports that we’ve had complaints that he smells like urine. I assumed it was pets, so I told him that it was probably cat urine on a coat or shoes… He doesn’t have pets.”
“It was my second summer working at a summer camp and we were at the orientation on the campgrounds. Part of the orientation includes a 20 minutes session where all the counselors have to go in the pool while the camp owner goes over some safety tips and rules. People tried to bull— their way out of going into the pool (it was gross water and cold), but they were strict about the fact that everyone needed to go in.
I noticed one person sitting out by the benches while we had to go in. He was someone I knew from the year before, but wasn’t friends with. When we all got out of the pool, we proceeded to walk to the next part of orientation and I happened to be walking near the kid who didn’t go in.
I decided to be an a–/make a joke to him by saying “hey (name) why didn’t you go in the pool, do you have your period or something?” Him and his friend that he was walking with look at me like “is he f—— serious”. After a few seconds of awkward silence he nervously goes “uh no, I have cancer.” Apparently he just finished treatment for his cancer not too long ago which is why he didn’t go in the pool. I never tripped over my words so much in my life.”
“Friend’s grandmother in hospital.
“She’s is Dying.”
I heard it as, “She Died.”
“Oh I’m so sorry for your loss, Rest in Peace.”
“She’s not dead yet.”
“Oh, well hope she gets better.”
“She won’t she’s dying.”
“I was 14, and I ran into a guy, Bill, I knew from school (he was 18) at a used book store on the first day of spring break. We knew each other well enough that we couldn’t get away with ignoring each other, but not well enough to want to see one another.
“….Uh…How’s your spring break going?”
“It’s the first day. I don’t know yet.”
14 seconds of silent, prolonged eye contact.
“Well, nice seeing you Bill. I guess I’d better go.”
I turned around and literally ran away. I was not a socially graceful 14-year-old.”
“That would be the time my future mother-in-law sat my boyfriend (now husband) down and told us that we were living sinfully, that we should not get married because we really weren’t in love, and that god forbid we should actually have children because there was no way in h— our marriage would ever last. I didn’t know what to say during this conversation, and neither did my husband. There was lots of awkward silences on our side of the room.
She can go f— herself. We’ve been married 13 years now, while all her other children have divorced and remarried at least once during that time. We have 2 awesome kids.”
An Awkward Introduction
“I was standing next to someone when an acquaintance, who I had known for YEARS, approached us. I decide to introduce my acquaintance with, “Let me introduce my good friend…” and blank on her name for a solid 15 seconds. She eventually just said “are you kidding me?”
Something’s Wrong Here
“I was with my brother in a store and my mom muttered something as we passed a display of candles. We asked her what she said, and she ended up talking about a candle fetish she had; we shut her up pretty quickly before she could continue..”
Death By “Oh…”
“Told my boyfriend at the time that I loved him during conversation (such and such because I love you!). He was fairly shy and we had been going out for quite a while but his response was “oh” and then we had the most awkward conversation and silence for the next 20 minutes.
The other time I was buying something from this lady from Craigslist. At her house she proceeds to tell me she’s getting rid of everything as she does not expect to live much longer (health issues) and she has no one close to her. It was so awkward and uncomfortable for me, and I think about her every now and then and feel I could have checked in on her afterwards or said something more comforting then “oh…”
Dodging A Bullet
“My husband had to sit me down and tell me that I was going to have to pick up more shifts at work because he got fired for sleeping with his boss. That was really awkward.”