We all have some pretty crazy memories as kids and these people take a trip down memory lane reliving those crazy memories.
A Little Known Fact
“I used to get a hard boiled egg for lunch in school when I was a kid. Nobody had explained to me that you were supposed to take the shell off.”
A Money Scam
“When I was in elementary school we created a pinecone-based economy on our playground. My school had woods instead of a normal playground, plus scattered play structures made out of tires, barrels, etc. I’m not sure how it started, but different types of pinecones were worth different amounts–green ones were 50, intact ones were 10, ones that the squirrels had gotten to and stripped were only 1.
We used pinecones to buy things that other kids had found on the playground–cool rocks, sticks, etc., all the way up to tires, which went for 1000 or so. My friends and I started a business unscrewing these little wire fasteners from the chain link fence and selling them for a couple hundred a pop. I was the proud owner of two tires, plus a substantial amount of green pinecone savings.
Then it got ugly. There was fraud, there were raids, and, when a new tree would drop its pinecones, all-out war.
And that’s how picking up pinecones got banned on my playground.”
A Curious Mind
“When I was four or five I remember going to the bathroom with one of the girls at my daycare (it was the cool thing to do at the time). She took a dump while I sat on the edge of the bathtub and watched her. When she was finished, instead of flushing the toilet, she stood up, picked a small turd out of the toilet, and plopped it in her mouth. After a second or two she made a weird face, spit it back in the toilet, and flushed. It wasn’t even weird to me at the time, but now when I think about it I’m like what even…”
Peaking Into The Darkness
“When me and my best friend at the time were about four, we did a bathroom trip together. Then we both discussed how we’d never seen a butthole before. Then we proceeded to take turns bending down and showing each other our buttholes.
Doesn’t it suck when the most vivid memories from your childhood are the oh, God, why??? moments?”
“On my first day of play school (kindergarten) I went around the whole class, lifted up my top and made everyone pat or rub my belly. When I had gone round the whole class, I remember feeling very pleased that I had made new friends.
I was a strange child.”
“When I was about 4 our family car was this hideous old green Buick LeSabre which we kids had imaginatively named “Greenie”. One day the car finally broke down for good, and my mom told me that a tow truck was going to come and take Greenie away and we were going to get a new car. I was beside myself. I didn’t realize that people didn’t keep the same car forever. I vividly remember sitting on the hood of the car, weeping inconsolably, certain that Greenie was going to some sort of car orphanage where he’d miss me and be lonely forever. And then, right before the tow truck came I ran into the house, grabbed my favourite marble, and hid it in Greenie’s bumper so he’d always remember me.”
Total Black Mail
“We had this neighbor, Rich, who looked exactly like Ned Flanders. It was uncanny. He and his wife had these two schnauzers that were show dogs, so they would push them around in a stroller so they didn’t exert themselves too much, and they would run obstacles courses in their driveway. Me and my brother would joke that Rich f—– the dogs.
We shared a fence wall with them, and one day my friend, my brother, and myself were doing little kid stuff like digging a hole in the backyard or something. We heard these bizarre noises from the other side of the fence so we peeked over to find Rich running undressed through the sprinklers with his prized schnauzers chasing him while he giggled all the while.
If I wasn’t there and two other people didn’t see it, I never would have believed it. From that point on whenever he would ask us to stop doing stupid s— 12 year olds do, we would say “Whatever man, we saw you undressed with your dogs.”
In Case You Didn’t Know…
“So I’m in third grade, going to the bathroom, by myself. This popular kid, Patrick, comes in and uses the urinal next to me. About halfway through the pee, Patrick turned to me and said ‘Hey Aureliano, do you know what an excited member is?’ I reply ‘uh, no’ his response is forever with me, he says, in the most proud, confident and self satisfied of voices, ‘It’s something racecar drivers get.’
To this day I have no clue where he got that idea.”
One Strange Kid
“We came home from church one day to find that a pack of my baby brother’s diapers had been mysteriously opened and left in the middle of the living room. There was a diaper sitting open next to it which displayed a small poopstain, as if from an aborted attempt to fill the diaper. Investigating further, we followed a trail of maybe six similarly-poopstained diapers which led to the basement. At the end of the diaper trail we found our neighbor, a boy of maybe seven, hiding undressed behind some furniture. When I discovered him and yelled his name, he burst forth and tried to attack me with his pants, then fled through the back door.”
The Phantom S—–
“Some kid at school took to s—– in books, lunch boxes, old 35mm film capsule, anything really. And then leaving them secretly around our lockers.
He was like a Turd Ninja. The first you knew of it was always the smell.
There was an investigation of sorts. And the school never said who was the guilty pupil but a kid did disappear at the end of the year.
Now I find it difficult to see an old style film capsule without thinking of The Phantom S—-. A bewildering combination of dedication and precision…”
Why Oh Why?!
“When I was in 2nd grade?, I had this big crush on this girl that I completely forgot. My mom drove me to her house so we can hang out and I casually asked her, “let’s make love!” So we took off our clothes. We just stared at each other and then her dad was about to walk in so I hid under the bed. Then my mom came and dragged me to the car while I was yelling I love you’s.
Oh god why.”
A Planted Seed
“In elementary school a friend and I stuck a penny in a grape and planted it hoping we could make a money tree. I still live in the same town while he went off to university. Each year since graduating high school, during the holidays, we make a pilgrimage back to that spot and get trashed. No money tree though.”
Like Mother Like Daughter
“My very first memory I have was sticking my hand in my diaper and playing with my s— then seeing my mother with her her giant glasses and permed hair open the door and freak out. Fast forward and I get a knock on my door telling me my daughter has ripped down her blinds and is undressed in the window painting with her s— on the window.”
“I was hiking a trail with a friend of mine and our moms when we were about 12. It’s important to mention this kid was seriously attached to his mother. No sense of independence, at all. So we’re hiking up when I smell something f—— nasty, but I didn’t think too much of it. Lots of bad smells in the old forest. So I get to the end of this trail slightly behind everyone and yet no one is there. I then heard some rustling behind a huge boulder near a waterfall. Then out of no where came the shrill sound of my friend yelling “MOM YOU POKED ME!” Turns out the kid halfway shat himself on the way, went behind the rock to finish his business then his mom cleaned his a– up with a leaf and evidently poked him.
He is now 22 and still lives with her.”
Aren’t These Stories Unbelievable?
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A Look Of Disappointment
“Ok this is going to sound weird, but I swear it happened!
I was about 5 years old and I was playing with my moms friends son named Scott. Well we were standing on this wooden platform in the play ground when Scott says, “If I show you my wiener will you show me yours?” Being the idiot I was back then, I didn’t know what wiener meant but I said “Yeah sure!”. Next thing I know Scotts 6 year old wiener is in my face! I ran and ran and ran until I go to my mom. Poor Scott felt cheated.
I still see him sometimes now; he always gives me this look disappointment.”
Boys Will Be Boys
“My brother, my next door neighbor, and I use to wrestle in our front yard and my brother would pin down the next door neighbor, pull down his own pants and fart in his face.”
Wanna See A Magic Trick?
“I was a very gullible child, the older neighbor kid would find it very amusing to see how gullible I was. He walks over and asks if I’d like to see a magic trick, I say “yeah I like magic”, he proceeds to put a penny in his mouth, then without opening his mouth he pulls a penny out of his ear. I was fascinated. I run home and grab my brother and ask him if he wants to see a magic trick, he says yes. I grab a penny and place it in my mouth and swallow it, but no penny came out of my ear. The part I can’t forget is how my dad had me drinking olive oil so that I wouldn’t have any problems passing the penny through toilet session.”
“When I was 4-5ish. I remember going to bible school, and my mother was the teacher. Before the lesson starts they ask for the boys to take off their coats and hang them up. Now little miss me wore a dress for the first time at church and threw it off, and hung it up. It wasn’t until I turned around to the class that I knew I did something wrong. I just remember crying and clinging to my moms leg.”
An Honest Mistake
“When I was in preschool I liked to draw army stuff: helicopters, airplanes, tanks, you name it. My dad was a big history buff so I spent hours trying to copy the pictures I saw in all of his books, although my wobbly tanks were probably difficult to distinguish from my jagged airplanes.
One day at preschool, I decided to draw this cool symbol on all my army stuff that I had seen in my dad’s books, it looked kind of like two letter “S”s stacked one on the other, somewhat like a cross. I was so proud of my creation that I immediately showed the teacher who, to my surprise, met my innocent search for approval with stone silence. Later on that day when my parents came to pick me up, the teacher and my parents gravely explained to me that the symbol was a swastika and belonged to the bad guys who killed a lot of people. I cried.”
A Terrible Epiphany
“One time when I was about 7 or 8, I was with a friend running around the neighborhood. We got tired and went to go play with my toys instead. So we’re walking around the outside of my house and I look through my parents window to see if they were home, but I saw them making love. I didn’t know what it was until I was older.”
Look Mah No Hands!
“It was when I started wiping my own butt after s— so I was quite young. So one day my mum was making my older brother and cousin do some revision. My mum must of heard me flush the toilet as when I came in the room she asked me something regarded whether I wiped properly.
So my young brain decided to pull down my pants turn around and spread my a– cheeks to prove that I did!”
Such Interesting Memories!
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