One Hot Mess
“Had to pick the lock to the bathroom because this girl had not responded for some time. Coming in, we find her sleeping over the toilet, puke in the bowl. Her pants were down, but not the thong, and she had managed to s— herself, splitting the s— right down the middle” Source
“Someone s—-ing in a kettle and then switching it on.
Room cleared” Source
“It was one of my first college parties and a guy on my floor made the mistake of talking to a football player’s girlfriend while the guy was just a few feet away. He immediately came over and started screaming at the guy and shoving him. So he just ran off out of the party rather than getting his a– beat or thrown out and assuming it was over everyone just goes back to partying until a few minutes later when he returns and taps the big linebacker on the shoulder and as soon as he turns around slaps him right across the face. What we did not realize at first was that he had ran off and masturbated into his hand before coming back (no pun intended?). The football player is pretty much stunned and stands there long enough for the guy to run off one final time. The surprise on that football player’s cum smeared face still disgusts and amazes me” Source
“I was at a house party years ago, and there were about ten people crammed into a very small bedroom. A 16-year-old girl does her first beer bong, with room temperature Milwaukee’s Best (for non-Americans, one of the pissiest of pissy U.S. beers). She managed to finish it, wide-eyed and shaking her head in denial of what we could all see coming.
She proceeds to projectile vomit every drop of liquid she’d consumed, but for some unholy reason kept thrashing her head around as if to deny it or make it not-happen. I’ve never seen so much throw-up in my entire life, and since she was more-or-less in one corner of the room I don’t think there was a single person in there that didn’t get hit by the explosion.
My best friend (who’s room it was) took the brunt of it. The initial blast took the poor f–ker directly in the face. I managed to curl up into a terrified little ball and only had the side of my arm and leg hit. It was just the worse puke ever. This kid had to take at least two deep breaths in between puke-geysers.
“Blarghablarghablarg” – INHALE – “Blargalababa” – INHALE – “Blarrrrrrgidribble” – coughcoughcoughsobsob
It was an amazing, horrible thing to witness, like I imagine a poison gas attack would be. Everyone reacted as though someone had dropped a grenade. Some tried to flee, literally climbing over one another and jamming up in the doorway trying to escape at the same time. Some (like myself) just sort of hit the deck and prayed they would be spared. It was a g-ddamn warzone of barf afterwards. Furniture had to be thrown away. A GameCube was destroyed.
Afterwards, this poor girl just looks around in horror at what she’d done and breaks down into the most choking sobs I’ve ever seen. It took us a little while to feel bad for her but, of course, it could have happened to anyone.
tl;dr: Vomit Grenade” Source
The Final Exorcism
“One of my guy friends chugged 151 straight from the bottle for 10 seconds. He then proceeded to projectile vomit on everyone in a 3 foot radius Exorcist style” Source
A Foot Fetish?
“A girl once emptied the contents of a Ped Egg that she’d found into a bowl of potato chips as if it were a seasoning.
And then passed the bowl around.
People ate them” Source
“Some guy was just walking around naked carrying a poodle…he was erect” Source
Wincing So Hard
“My friend did a backflip on a trampoline while at a party and piss drunk, ended up clipping his chin on the metal part of the trampoline and opening it up. There was a bit of blood but not that much however he definitely needed stitches in his chin, so a friend who is an army medic thought it’d be a good idea to stitch said friends chin up with a sewing needle and some thread.
He actually did a pretty neat job of it as the friend who whacked his chin didn’t want to leave the party. All was going well until a person who had arrived to the party after the incident thought the person had a piece of thread on his chin and decided to yank it off, not knowing we had stitched his chin” Source
The Colenel, In The Bathroom, With The Corn
“Freshman year of college, 2011.
A guy ate a digested piece of poop corn from a toilet bowl for box of wine.
We called him “The Colonel” (Kernel) until he dropped out less than a month into the semester” Source
A Terrible Outburst
“In high school, I was at a party and there was a Chinese girl there who must have been about 4’9”. She was WASTED. I remember standing next to her and looking at her and she had turned a color that I can’t even describe. She then got down on all fours and threw up EVERYWHERE. The most horrid looking puke I’d ever seen, all over my shoes and the carpet. Everyone went dead silent. For some reason, I asked her “What did you eat?!” and she looked up at me from the floor, eyes bloodshot, puke dribbling down her face, and said, “Baja Fresh”, and then threw up all over again” Source
Well That’s Awkward…
“I watched my best friends dad put a 20 dollar bill in his daughters pants while she was pretending to strip. He encouraged her to take it off and watched as she made out with dudes” Source
Gag, Gag, Gag
Some dude was bet $50 to slam a cup that was 1/2 full of chew-spit, cigarette butts and two shots of vodka.
He got two quick swigs in before projectile vomit erupted across the kitchen.
…..The crowed roared.
He got the $50 though, so that’s cool.
EDIT: the red-plastic cup was about 2″ high, full of spit.
The Vodka was added as a “dilution”. .._gag gag gag _Source
Is It Cute?
“My friend’s ex came to crash his house-warming party at his new apartment. At some point she got incredibly drunk and took a s— in the elevator. My friend had long passed out, so I took a bag, picked it up and tossed in the garbage chute. I could feel the warmth through the plastic.
In the morning after someone let her know what she did, she asked me if it was at least cute. She wanted to know if her poop was cute.
Call Him Betty Crocker
“I was at a party in high school at a girls house and no one there was showing the house any respect. Holes in the walls, broken s—, stolen s—, the works. Anyway, this one guy decides to take a s— on a cookie sheet, put it in the oven, and bake it at 350. Incredible. Never in my life have I seen or smelt anything quite like that” Source
A Party Surprise
“This is definitely not the response you were expecting, but…
One time, when I was 9 or so, my parents hired this reptile guy to host my birthday party.
He brought this huge lizard and it projectile pooped all over our living room”Source
A Night To Remember
“I got a lap dance from a meth mouthed, obese, energy drink chugging chick on my 21st birthday. I turned in, and as I drifted off to sleep, crash she belly flopped onto and subsequently broke down through the slats of my Ikea bed. She was wasted, and she just rolled around on the disabled furniture repeating “ahm gonna steamroll ya” Source
Doug The Drunk Lives On
“Had a New Years Eve party in a hotel with a bunch of my friends. This was going into 2000, so we felt the need to party extra hard. We had a guy come in, take shots with every person there, pounded vodka out of the bottle, 10 minutes pass and he is in the bathroom puking and peeing on himself while people throw tortilla chips at him, telling him he needs something on his stomach to combat the vomiting. Only 1 person knew this guy. Never saw him again, but Doug the Drunk’s legend lives on in my circle of friends. It all happened in the span of 15 mins” Source
One Hot Mess
“I was at this chicks 21st birthday party, and she proceeds to get obliterated drunk. She then loudly demands a Taco Bell bean burrito. Someone acquiesces and gets her one. She proceeds to unwrap the burrito, open the tortilla, and starts to scoop beans into her mouth. Her face ends up being covered in beans. She then proceeds to cry because she missed her dog that was sitting next to her.
I married her 2 years later” Source
This Girl Jennifer
“This girl Jennifer came to the party and then pooped where people could see” Source
A Raccoon Problem
“A raccoon who must have came into the window at a party drowned in the toilet (idk how else there could have been a dead one in there) Imagine that, plus probably 12 freshman college girls vomit on top of that. The WORST smell I have come into contact in my young life. The clean up was unearthly. Refused to use that toilet for the rest of my residence at said abode” Source
“Outside of the house where the party was being held, there was an unfortunate fellow barely conscious lying on the lawn. He was surrounded by a few guys who were laughing at him while throwing dirt on him, pouring their drinks on him, and then one guy pissed on his face” Source
A Working Hazard
“Watched a kid funnel a few beers out of a dirty traffic cone that had been brought out from the road. It was winter in Upstate NY. That thing was CAKED in mud / salt / sand / who knows what else” Source
Hey It’s Back!
“I was at my friends place, with maybe fifteen other people drinking, and at that time, the McRib was back.
This one guy Rob had brought one with him and devoured it, probably in under 30 seconds.
About ten minutes later, he went wide-eyed and began to regurgitate it. In one piece, roughly the same size and shape as the original McRib he had just eaten, but reconstituted out of McRib pulp pasted together with Busch Lite.
It landed on his stomach and sat there for a second until someone went “…Hey! The McRib is back” Source
“My friend cheated at monopoly” Source
A Sanitary Problem
“I saw a girl dip some chips and lick ALL of her fingers after eating the chip. She then preceded to do the same thing again. She did this for most of the night. It was like watching a dog try to lick clean it’s puppies. I didn’t get anymore chips or dip for that night” Source
I Love College
“New Brunswick, nj circa 2008. I was a high school kid hanging out with some friends’ friends. We went to some bro party. The attic was dedicated to beer pong. One bro kept winning, I was spectating, people watching, realizing I don’t ever want to go college when the beer pong champs runs over to the window to vomit out of. He open the windows and begins projectiling. A few moment later I hear people screaming. He puked on all the cigarette smokers outside BUT never pushed up the window screen. Liquid vomit on smokers, chunky vomit all over his face. The smell filled the attic, about 4 other people puked….. Needless to say, I love college”
What A Weird Day
“Not nasty, but weirdest. I was at a party at this lake, and this dude was f—ing wasted. He was caressing some speakers as they were playing music, and then he proceeded to say “my baby needs fuel” and pours beer into the speaker. You can just hear the speakers break. Then he proceeds to shout “OH S–T THAT WASNT MY BABY” and throws the speakers 10 meters away and then walks away as if nothing happened” Source