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15 Party Goers Share The Most Hilarious Thing They’ve Heard A Drunk Person Say

By Kelsey Stoskopf
January 12, 2017
ZoFot

New Year's Eve brings out the best (or worst) in us. These party goers sure had a night that they'll never forget; that is, if they even remember it.

The Only Pea In The Pod

My friend started belting out the theme tune to an old British kids show called “poddington peas”. Then he started crying, and said “when I was a kid there was an episode, about a f—ing pea who was too fat to get out of his house – all the other peas tried to help him, but they couldn’t get him out – I remember identifying with that pea – that pea was me!” He cheered up once we bought him a kebab. Source

Ooo Burn!

She called her husband a sad fat dragon. He’s really not sad or a dragon. Source

If It’s Broke Throw It

My bestfriend went over to the keg to get some beer. He pumped the keg and preceded to spray beer all over his phone which he thought was a cup. I was so stunned I didn’t say anything for like 10 seconds and when I did he looked at me like I was stupid then looked back at his phone and threw it across the room. Source

Cleaning Up

My friend was hosting a party, and got pretty tipsy. As the night wore on, he changed his shirt 9 times, and took 3 showers. attempted to drink water and spilled it all over himself, then tried to take another shot (someone stopped him because he was pretty far gone.) When I left, he was laying on the floor soaked in water with his headphones on, not plugged in to anything.

Edit: I showed this comment to a friend of mine who was also there, and they reminded me that in addition to all of this, he kept finding wrist watches as the night went on. He was wearing like 5-6 of them when I left. Source

And You’re Cut Off

“STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO, I HAVE NEVER DIED BEFORE.” a friend who got kicked out of 2 clubs and wanted to keep drinking and partying. Source

Returning To The Sea

I found my friend hiding a statue of a mermaid in the top of a toilet. His reason? It needed to be back in the ocean. Source

Never Again

On our way home after the party we got pulled over by a cop for taking too wide of a turn. It was raining pretty hard and our DD wasn’t super familiar with the area. This is when the drunk asshole laying across the back seats starts panicking and screaming, saying he knows we are getting pulled over because he wasn’t wearing a seatbelt.

Long story short cops don’t appreciate it when they can tell someone’s freaking out in the back of a car they’re walking up to. Luckily he was a cool guy, ended up giving our DD a sobriety check and sending us on our way. We apologized for the actions of drunk people but it was pretty late and the cop just seemed glad we had a sober DD. But I don’t recommend reaching out through another persons window to try to grab at a cop, even if you’re just trying to get out a drunken apology. Source

Sh—– Full

This weird Guy showed up and refused to touch or be touched by anyone (hand shakes etc.). Then he got really drunk and someone caught him shitting in a flower pot. His name was grant and he claimed to have been an f16 stunt pilot for various films, but another guy at the party knows him and said he’s a plumber. Source

Twice Drunk

We asked our friend how drunk he was, he responded, “twice.” Source

Hey Now, You’re An All Star

The most drunk person at my party was my friend’s sister who went missing half-way through the party…that is until everyone got a snapchat from her in the bathroom,on the toilet,singing the lyrics to “All-Star” by Smash Mouth. Source

A Hug Says It All

So I spent New Year’s Eve at my girlfriends place. For a little bit of background, her entire family mostly speaks Spanish. I, on the other hand, speak next to no Spanish. Anyways. At midnight everyone starts hugging each other, and one of her uncles comes over to me and speaks, in very broken (and slurred) English, that he doesn’t know me, and I don’t know him, but that’s going to change. That he can see that I make my girlfriend happy, and that makes him happy. That he respects me a lot for spending 8 hours with people when I don’t understand at all what they’re saying. That I’m now a part of his family. Probably not the type of comment you all were looking for, but it was incredibly touching to me. Source

Beer Goggles Never Work

Somebody ran through a closed door. Source

Carbs Kill

My friend made pasta but forgot that boiling water was hot so he grabbed the noodles out of the water and got third degree burns. Source

Baby They’re Fireproof

The brother of the partyhoster came to party with us. So after some brandy shots, he told us that his shoes are fireproof up to 1600 Celsius, and of course no one belived him. So he stepped in the campfire and stood in there for 10 minutes. They were indeed fireproof. Source

It’s 5 O’Clock Somewhere

Not a party but I saw a guy peeing in the middle of a busy road, flipping off the cars driving by. It was only about 9pm at the time. Source

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