Has your significant other ever said something so mind-numbingly stupid, that you could draw no better conclusion than "yep, I'm dating an idiot."? If so, you're not alone.
Doesn’t She Know Only Dogs Give Presents, Not Cats?
I had been dating this girl for a few months and it was Christmas time. We weren’t super serious but it was serious enough that I was buying her Christmas presents. I found something for her that was perfect and it had a connection to some funny event involving her and my cat. So I made the present from the cat. I thought I was being cute and she would make the connection. Instead, she got pissed that my cat got her a present and I didn’t. I thought she was joking. To make matters worse we were at her parents’ place and they backed her up. It was extremely awkward and I realized it wasn’t going to work out. (Source)
What Was on His Ceiling as a Kid?
We were laying out under the stars and he asked why some were brighter and others dimmer. I told him that there were different sizes, brightnesses and distances away. Confused silence. “You mean, they’re not stuck up there?” I’m lying there thinking this can’t be true. But oh yes, it was. Upon further questioning I found that he believed the night sky was a big dark blanket like thing with stars stuck on it. The fact that our sun was a star also blew his mind and that just like our sun, other stars could have planets? Too much. I was crushed. I almost broke up with him there and then. But he was very earnest and wanted me to “teach him.” So I tried. Two years later and a whole lotta stupid later, we broke up. (Source)
Someone Sure Slept Through History Class
Asked him what event resulted in WWI. His response was 9-11. He was serious. (Source)
Someone Tell Her That the Red Nose Is Fake
We were watching Django, and during the winter training montage there is a moment where the camera pans over a herd of reindeer. At that moment, my ex said something about how she thought it was weird that they would include reindeer in the movie because it kind of breaks the immersion. I was confused and asked what she meant by that. She went on to explain to me how reindeer weren’t real animals and just make believe like characters in a fairy tale (aka Rudolph & the rest of Santa’s reindeer) (Source)
Well, Technically, She’s Actually Right
She got me madlibs and when it was her turn to do a noun she asked “What is a noun?” I said “it’s a person, place, or thing.” There was a long silence as she thought. It went on for so long that I thought she must be thinking of the best noun I had ever heard. Then she said “place.” (Source)
Don’t Give This Woman a Compass… or a Map
Was on a hike and was following a trail I had read up on online. We get to a fork and I say “okay now we need to go north”. She says “haven’t we been this whole time?”. Confused, I look at her and ask why she says that. She replies “north is the direction in front of you yeah?” Still not entirely sure about the origins of that logic… (Source)
It’s Not Clear Who’s the Idiot Here
(In my defense, this was back in 2004) I found it charming and endearing that he did funny voices, made funny idiosyncratic jokes, and occasionally called me “m’lady”. Then I saw Anchorman. Oh my god he literally was doing a 24/7 Ron Burgundy impression, eclipsing his entire personality. I’m not sure I ever really met him. (Source)
Note to Self: Don’t Clean a Loaded Gun
He shot himself in the leg twice while cleaning a gun. The same gun. 2 weeks apart. 9 mm. Shot himself in the calf the first time, then took out his kneecap the second time, same leg. Took months of surgeries to fix it. (Source)
Someone Give This Woman a Map
She thought Scotland was its own island, as in separated by water. We live 30 mins from the border. Saw a few questions, we live on the East of England. And some guy thought it was from someone outside of Europe, we have both lived in England our entire lives; which makes this even more shameful. (Source)
Sadly, There Are Reasons Other Than Dumbness for This
He insisted that women cannot be doctors, only nurses (and vice versa.) He said that the two are the exact same thing except one is male and one is female. He was in his early 20s. (Source)
But Disneyland Is Its Own Country, Isn’t It?
When she told me that she’d never been to France. I knew for a fact she went to Disneyland Paris every year. “Paris isn’t in France!” She insisted. We live in the UK, not the USA or somewhere else. You can literally take a train to France. (Source)
You Can’t “Agree to Disagree” on an Actual Fact
He thought the Nation of Islam was a place. When I explained to him this was not the case, he responded with, “agree to disagree”. (Source)
Look It Up in the Dictionary
When she flipped out because her third grader came home with “erect” on a spelling list, and was on the verge of calling the school. She honestly had lived her entire life not knowing “erect” had any other use aside from describing a penis. (Source)
Did It Occur to You That She’s an Alien?
When she pointed up at a bluish star and sincerely asked “Is that Earth?” (Source)
So How Many Kids Does She Have Now?
We were 16 at the time and went to go have sex. I realized I didn’t have any condoms and that’s when she told me I didn’t need one because “I trust my body not to get pregnant”. I asked her what she was talking about and she told me it takes conscious effort to become pregnant and if she didn’t want to be she would never conceive. (Source)
Run, Don’t Walk, Away From This Guy
I dated a guy for about a month until I found out that he didn’t realize that women’s breasts made actual milk to feed their babies. He thought “breast feeding” was just a way to hold a baby while giving it a bottle. I told him he was an idiot and he said, with a disgusted sneer, “I didn’t know that because I have never known any woman, who had or would, breast feed their child.” I told him that I had breast fed my son and he called me a child molester. (Source)
Are You Sure She’s Not in Congress?
When she told me that babies could only happen if there were love, and the only way to get pregnant from a rape is if you loved your rapist. (Source)