You just never know what's going to come out of a kid's mouth. Parents share the funniest, saddest and most cringeworthy things that their kids have ever said to them.
The dark spots
“What are all those dark spots on the wall by your bed?”
I shouldn’t have asked (Source).
The heartbreaking smile
I told my blind son when he lost his first tooth at age 6 that he looks like a jack-o-latern. He immediately ran over to the full length mirror and twisted his head every way he could to try to see his mouth (he has a little peripheral vision). When he couldn’t see himself he climbed back in bed with me and said, “Daddy, I wish I could see my smile.” Broke my heart (Source).
My elder son was, at the time, 2. He walks up to me with this disgusted look on his face, grabs my hand, pulls it towards his mouth and spits out a chewed up turd. He then says “Daddy, I bite poo.” I wish to god I hadn’t seen, known of, or been nearby for that (Source).
Apparently, when I was around 7 years old, I told my mom that the reason her father had killed himself was because he didn’t want to meet me. I don’t remember it, but she says it made her really sad (Source).
The happy toddler
My significant other’s nephew (3) got some sort of rash on his doodle a few months back. As his mom was applying some ointment to it he goes, “that makes me feel happy!” So uncomfortable yet so hilarious (Source).
Never insult a man’s BBQ
My sister said our friend’s BBQ was the best she’s ever had right next to my Dad who makes the same BBQ all the time. I could see my Dad was a little hurt (Source).
A sad drawing
After a rough day of me being cranky because his behavior was driving me nuts, I went into my 7 year old’s room while he was in the shower and found a picture he had drawn, of a stick figure in the middle of two rows of stick man heads, the speech bubble for the heads said ‘ha ha ha ha ha ha’ and there was an arrow pointing to the middle stickman with a comment that read ‘(his name) the worst boy in the whole world’. This broke my heart. I ended up crossing out the ‘hahahaha’ bits and replacing them with ‘we love you’ and ‘your the best’ and crossed out ‘worst boy’ and replaced it with ‘most wonderful boy’ and left it on his desk for him to find. When he found it and came in to see me, the happy smile on his face made it all better again (Source).
An interesting development
My son once told me he was adopted. I was really taken aback (Source).
That awkward conversation
I have been very open with my daughter (18F) about relationships, sex. etc. I can’t say I really WANTED to hear today that she is having sex, but on the other hand, I’m glad she told me so I can get her some birth control.
It’s just really uncomfortable when your child (who is now an adult) tells you she’s having sex. But I didn’t express that of course, and talked to her again about birth control, condoms, emotional stuff with relationships, etc (Source).
“I hate my new gold-digging step mother and her two b_tchy rat-faced daughters”. My son then proceeded to detail words and actions of the three of the above. He was already in therapy, so I mentioned it to the therapist who wasted no time bringing them all in for a family therapy session.
My son repeated what he told me. His dad defended his new wife. She abruptly left the room after she told my son to f_ck off (he was 12) and my ex ran after her.
My son refused to ever live with/see/share any part of his life with his dad again.
I don’t so much wish he never told me. I wish it never happened how it all went down (Source).
The guy gets around
My son admitted to me that he had sex with 2 girls while I was in the kitchen baking him a cake for his 16th birthday. One was keeping watch at the door while the other had sex with him, then they switched. I remember them shyly leaving the house after I yelled down the hall to tell him his cake was finished. We have always had open dialogue about everything, but this was one piece I could have gone without knowing (Source).
A friggin awesome kid
My son told me he was tired of living in his body. He is 14 years old and has Spastic Cerebral Palsy. Even though he always has a smile on his face, I always questioned in my mind whether or not he was in pain. He is developmentally and mentally age appropriate, speech is normal, and his disability is mainly physical. He walks with a walker, wears leg braces, and is constantly fighting his muscle tone. The sentence that he spoke killed me. I wasn’t ready. We cried together, and because he’s a friggin awesome kid, he ended up wiping my tears and telling me it was ok. Most days are great, but the ones that aren’t are really sad. I love him, and I wish I could take away his pain (Source).
Losing touch with reality
Dialogue between me and my mom. I’ve been going through sporadic episodes of psychosis for as long as I can remember, but it was always dismissed as “typical asshole child syndrome.” When I was involuntarily admitted to inpatient from my university, my mom finally took me seriously.
“Mom, do I scare you?” “…yes.”
I got slapped with some perspective that day (Source).
The secret stash
I admitted to my dad I had a beer stash in my room. He was cool about it. Then my mom found it and lost her sh_t and almost kicked me out of the house (Source).
At 19 I told my mother I was addicted to coke. She took it better than I thought (she’s a pretty great woman), but she later told my dad and he didn’t talk to me for awhile. I was hoping he’d be angry and lecture me on how much of a dumbass I was, but instead I got the I’m disappointed in you treatment. I had to quit after telling her, too, and withdrawals were awful for little 19 year old me (Source).
Divorce is hard
My son has just started speaking complete sentences. Sometimes he doesn’t know how to convey his feelings. He hugged me the other day and told me he was sad. I asked him why and he said, “because you can’t put me night night today”. His mom and I are separated and I was dropping him off. I wanted to cry right then (Source).
Not an easy situation…
Had to tell my dad that I walked in on my mom making out with my friends dad. He had just come home from work and we were standing on the stairs that lead from the front door to the living room, the light from the morning sun was shining in his face and I couldn’t see him very well, but the sadness that swept over him didn’t leave for a very long time. I was 10 and won’t ever forget seeing that. I’m sure it’s gut wrenching to hear from your child, but having to tell a parent is crushing (Source).