We all have had a first date with someone whether it went really well or was abysmal. These people share the time when every possible bad thing that could happen during a first date, happened.
This Is a Date?
“A regular customer of mine who knew I had a new bike asked if I wanted to go on a cruise with him later on in that week. Happy to have someone to ride with, I accepted. Friday comes and we meet up at my work (Starbucks) grab a few bottles of water and then we’re off. Halfway through the cruise we stop and grab a coffee at another Starbucks and chat for a minute. We continue the cruise and wind up at this beautiful part of the local beach I didn’t even know existed. Things began to feel a tad bit off at that point, but I didn’t think much about it. We parked the bikes and chill out on a log overlooking the water; there was no one else in sight, which was rather odd timing. He’s sitting on my left. There’s a long moment of silence. I look over to my right, gazing at the scenery, and I feel a hand on my leg. When I look back to my left he plants a wet one right on my lips. I stand up and scream out of shock. For some reason, he thought I was gay. (note to self: stop being too nice to customers) Embarrassed, he jumps on his bike and speeds away. It took us an hour to get there, but since I didn’t even know what part of the beach I was at, it took 3 hours for me to get back to my car. So I guess what I’m saying is that, the worst thing that happened to me on a first date is not knowing that I was on a first date” (Source).
Love at First Date
“I was going on my first date with someone I had met online. We had been talking a bit for about 2 weeks before we met. We went to dinner on our date, he wasn’t super talkative and it was mildly awkward. Then when he was dropping me off, I gave him a hug good night and he takes this opportunity to whisper in my ear ‘I love you’. I didn’t know what to do, so I laughed awkwardly, assuming he was joking. He wasn’t” (Source).
Shoe Shopping Date
“A guy I work with had an awkward one. He’s recently divorced and this was his first date since the split. After dinner they decided they were going to walk around the city. She says she wants to drop into this shoe store real quick. The woman then proceeds to try on shoes for 45 minutes, and then my friend just decided ‘I guess this is is my cue to leave’. Says his goodbyes as the woman continues trying on shoes, completely unfazed” (Source).
Movie Theater Blues
“I went on a first date with a girl I met/talked to on IRC back in the 90’s..she was also A LOT bigger in person. We stopped at the popcorn counter to get soda and popcorn and being a gentleman I asked her if she would like anything additional. Yes she did; she got 2 hot dogs and a side of pretzel bites with cheese sauce. She loaded up the hot dogs with mustard. While she was eating them in the packed theater, she spilled about a tablespoon of mustard on her white t-shirt and she raised her shirt up to her mouth to suck the mustard off of her shirt. During the movie, I thought she fell asleep, but it was her breathing. It was the longest 2 hours of my life” (Source).
Killing the Mood
“Met a girl in a college class and noticed she was looking at golf clubs on Ebay. Being a golfer myself I figured it was a perfect conversation starter and went with it. After an exchange of numbers and some conversation we had a golf date at a local country club for the next afternoon. So the first few holes went well but then the 7th hole happens. I’m about 230 yards from the green so I pull out my 3W. I see the pair of sandhill cranes they were about 150 yards down the fairway so I paid them no attention. I take my swing and to my surprise the ball was a low line drive that got no more than a few feet of the ground. And to my surprise one of the birds was in the way of the ball. It was a direct hit to the neck and the bird went down for good. Sandhill cranes mate for life so one of them dies and the other will sit there for hours crying for the other one. It was sad, but little did I know she LOVED these birds and the look on her face was horrific. She broke down in tears. We played the last 2 holes with maybe exchanging 10 words. Didn’t hear from her again” (Source).
“The only time I went on a date with a girl I met on the Internet was a fantastic failure. As I imagine in most cases, when I saw her in person, she wasn’t as attractive as her pics let on. No biggie, she was still cute and I hope I am not that shallow. However, first thing I disliked is she wanted to sit in the front freaking row of the movie theatre. Still, I decided, people have dealt with much worse. But then it got absolutely fantastic – a friend of hers shows up, and these two are pointing, laughing, and screaming their heads off and calling random characters ‘gay’ and whatnot. At this point I had decided my time had come, excused myself to the bathroom, and went home to play some Counter-Strike” (Source).
American Girl Escapes Foreign Disaster
“After months of trying to text me late-night and me laughing him off with the ‘Yeah, you can buy me dinner first’ he offered to take me out for drinks. On a lark, I accepted – I was rebounding off another man and my standards were pretty low. His friend ‘just so happened’ to be drinking at the same pub we went. They stood at the bar not ten feet from the table we were sitting at, and every time this guy drained his drink (probably about 5 minutes to empty) he’d go up to the bar and chat with his friends. This was obnoxious enough, but on his third little chat, they were all wasted and started talking about me – my looks, my accent, whether I’d be any good in bed. I was 10 feet away and it was not loud enough to drown out their conversation. He was so distracted talking about how this American girl was not as easy as he’d thought that he didn’t notice me walk by him and out the door” (Source).
Time Is Relative
“Story time. When I was 15, I was on my high school cross country team. There was this freshman girl (I was a sophomore) and I thought she was cute. Numerous AIM (I didn’t have a cell phone) conversations later, and we’re going on a run together. That sounds nice, right? Two things that I did not know about this. First, she had her watch set to the wrong time (it was daylight savings time and her watch was set to the opposite, or vice versa, I can’t remember), and she did not tell her parents where she was going. We run to a small private beach near my house, and proceed to talk for a while, about everything. It seemed like it was going great. She looks at her watch and says, ‘Oh, it’s five! I need to get home!’ Only it wasn’t five. It was six. And her parents (mostly her psycho mom) had already filed a missing persons report on her. Were jogging back to her place when a police cruiser pulls up and the cop insists that he come with her. She obliges and they leave me alone, so I start jogging home. When I get home, I’m greeted by two cops and a detective who seems convinced that I took advantage of her. Mind you, nothing happened while we were at this beach. Her mom couldn’t prove anything had happened and the detective couldn’t find any inconsistencies in our stories, so all was well. We date for about five more months before I let her go for being just like her mom” (Source).
“For this date, I suggested we go to a local restaurant that I frequented. The manager and staff knew me, and they knew it was a blind date. A few minutes after the waitress got our drink orders, she came back out to our table. With a pained and serious look on her face, she said ‘The manager wanted me to tell you that you left your prescription for [Insert Name of STD Medicine] here last night. Want me to go get it for you?’ It took me a second to realize what the manager, my friend, was doing and I was shocked — because I didn’t have that problem or a prescription for it. My date just stared at me like a surprised owl. I finally was able to pick my jaw up off the floor – just as the manager came out of the kitchen, laughing his butt off. The waitress apologized profusely, saying that he told her if she didn’t play along, she’d get fired” (Source).
Working at Cross Purposes
“I was on a first date with a cute girl that was going really well, when suddenly I was overcome with a violent case of Montezuma’s revenge. I calmly excused myself and walked to the bathroom as fast as I could without it being obvious that I was sprinting. I managed not to destroy any of my clothes, but it took me about 10 minutes to clean the bathroom up and douse myself with the air freshener spray they had in the bathroom. When I came back, she was gone and the waiter was standing next to the table. He had asked my date where I went, and she started crying and stormed out. She never returned my calls or texts after that” (Source).
First Date Girlfriends
“My first date was a blind date with some girl my friend said was hot. Turns out she was hot but utterly stupid. All throughout the date all she wanted to talk about is how school is stupid and that it doesn’t matter in the real world. She literally said, ‘If school is so important why do people watch smut?’. We then started to get in an argument about smut. She told me that since she was my girlfriend now that I couldn’t watch smut. I told her that she was in no way my girlfriend and I left the restaurant right there” (Source).
A Real Girl
“My worst first date and worst online dating experience: I started talking to a girl on OKCupid. She was pretty, seemed down to earth, liked Skyrim and Game of Thrones, and generally seemed cool. We planned to meet tonight for dinner. I get to the restaurant at around 7. As I’m sitting outside, I hear ‘Hey!’ I look and have to do a double take. This is definitely the girl I was talking to, but she was much bigger in real life than her pictures lead on (she had a lot of those angle and close-up shots) and not that great looking. She was wearing a Pokemon shirt that was too small on her, and her gut kept falling out. But hey, I wasn’t going to back out, so we started talking and went inside. I noticed when we were sitting down that she never closed her mouth, and breathed loudly out of it. She would just stare at me while mouth-breathing. It was so weird. When we were choosing appetizers, she claimed that she couldn’t eat mozzarella sticks because she ‘self-diagnosed’ herself with Chrones Disease since cheese made her gassy. Then she started insulting our waitress (a really pretty girl), saying ‘I bet she likes Twilight and Jersey Shore. I’m probably the only girl who likes gaming around here. I’m real.’ She kept making grunting noises and heavy breathing noises, and at one point she got sauce on her double chin and never wiped it off. When the waitress brought out our dinner, my date went “A wild steak appears” and the waitress and I just sort of looked at her. It was awkward. Towards the end of the meal, she farted really loud and started crying because she was embarrassed about it. Everyone was looking at us and I just sat there” (Source).
I Love You in the Heat of the Moment
“First date I ever went on was when I got my first kiss. After we smooched I looked at her and said ‘I love you’. After that we just stood there for 30 seconds and then I just said good night and left in the most awkward way possible. The next day I explained that my response was a ‘heat of the moment’ kind of deal; and things were fine after that. I was 15 at the time. I still look back on it and think to myself what were you thinking?!” (Source)
Dating the Committed
“We arrive at a nice restaurant for dinner -Idle talking while we’re waiting to be seated ‘Oh that’s a nice ring.’ ‘yeah I love it. My boyfriend gave it to me for our anniversary yesterday.’ LOL NOPE” (Source).
No Second Dates for Whiners
“I went on a date where the boy planned to take me to some small fancy restaurant. I hadn’t seen him in a while, we met at a friend’s party, but we had been texting for a few weeks and he seemed awesome. He picks me up, spends the entire time driving to the restaurant complaining about his day. We get to the restaurant too late and its closed, so he complains about that. His friend calls him while we’re looking for a new place, he answers and complains about how this date is so bad. We ended up eating at IHOP, all the while he’s still complaining about how terrible that date is. Now I know he meant it was terrible in that we didn’t get to go to the other restaurant and ended up at IHOP, but in my opinion a date is good or bad based on if you have fun with the other person, so I took it personally. At the end of the night he drops me off and tells me he had a great time even though it was a terrible date and he would like to see me again. Didn’t happen. Maybe if he hadn’t whined the whole time I could have had fun too” (Source).
Sports Are in the Eye of the Beholder
“I go to a large university, so it can be hard to meet people in class. Luckily, I had a couple of small discussion sections one semester and hit it off pretty well with a guy in my Shakespeare class. We decided to go on a date to a local cafe. He and I had nothing in common outside of liking Shakespeare. He only talked about weightlifting and ‘bulking up’- his only hobby was weightlifting, which I know nothing about (though I asked a lot of questions). He started berating me for not weightlifting and asked what sports I played in high school- I was a cheerleader and ran track, which he said ‘didn’t count’ and that he ‘couldn’t date a girl who didn’t do sports’. I can run a half marathon, know all sorts of elaborate jumps, and I’m pretty flexible but no, those aren’t sports” (Source).
“First date, dinner with a girl I really liked. When leaving, I back my car into another persons car. Embarrassed, but I handle the situation, exchange info, etc. While driving her home, I hit a deer. I got out of the car to evaluate the damage and discover that the deer is alive and suffering. No animal control to euthanize, so I did the humane thing and ended its suffering (in a quick and respectful manner). Awkwardness ensues. We never had a second date” (Source).
Spooky Pizza Date
“When I was in college, I had a blind date with a guy from out of town. I wasn’t overly familiar with the area’s attractions and relied on him to pick a place. BIG mistake! He offered me pizza for lunch, but wanted to eat it somewhere romantic instead of inside the pizza shop. Apparently his definition of romantic was a cemetery, so for my very first ever college date I had pizza in a cemetery” (Source).
Killing Time Before a Date With the Boyfriend
“I liked this girl when I was in high school. We talked and joked around all the time. Well, I finally worked up the nerve to ask her out to concert (we saw Saliva; please don’t hate me). We go to the concert and everything’s going pretty cool, she leaned up against me for a while and we hugged a few times. When we left, I asked her if I could take her to get something to eat, and she says, ‘Nah, my boyfriend is waiting for me.’ My stomach dropped, and it took everything I had not to let my anger show. I never talked to her again” (Source).
Online Dating Gone Wrong
“I was at a bar (large venue, large capacity, always cops present) with my SO and her roommate once and saw this little dude dancing wildly with a woman who looked uncomfortable. She later started talking to my SO’s roommate and said it was their first date (some online website) and he kept grabbing and basically fondling her. He literally stepped in between the girls and tried pulling her on the dance floor. She looked terrified. She said, ‘I need to leave’ and actually ran for the door. I normally wouldn’t, but something told me to step in. Luckily, I’m quite large, so he backed off, but the look on his face was as angry/insane a look as I have seen in a long time. He went back through the dance floor and made his way to the door. A police officer was standing near and I didn’t even have to say anything. He saw the woman run and was already on the radio with the officers who stand out front. My SO and I joked that she could end up on a dateline murder special or an episode of disappeared, but we knew the police had it under control. It was serious there for a second” (Source).
Turn About Is Fair Play
“I decided to meet up for coffee with a girl that I had been talking to online. We talked for 45 minutes or so – normal first date topics like family, travel, etc. She then asks, ‘where did you do your undergrad?’ Now, I have a pretty good job, but that question sets the bar pretty high for a guy who didn’t go to college. She is not only assuming that I went to college but is also assuming that I am taking part in some type of post-graduate school. When I said that I went to technical school and then straight into the workforce she looked at me as if she’d never heard of such a thing. Apparently, I didn’t pass all of her minimum requirements to be considered human. After a brief pause, she broke off her shocked stare, placed her hand on her forehead in a fashion that covered her eyes, inhaled briefly and followed it by a valley-girl, ‘eew!’ She took her Blackberry out of her purse and whispered to herself as she typed, ‘he didn’t even go to college’ I then saw the left thumb hold the shift key as she deliberately pressed the exclamation point key once! Twice!! Three times!!! In reality, each one of those keystrokes was a simple tapping of a small piece of plastic, but, in my head, it sounded like a metal bank vault door was repeatedly slamming shut. She pressed a few more buttons on the phone, presumably sending this text message to her total BFF. She put the phone away, looked at me, and after taking a deep breath said, ‘well that is okay. Not everybody is capable of going to college.’ She put on a fake smile followed by an awkward laugh and just stared at me awkwardly. I couldn’t believe that she’d react so rudely to something and then try to act as if it didn’t happen. Perhaps she still believed that, like a child playing hide and seek, if you covered your eyes you would disappear. After staring at each other awkwardly for a few seconds, I finally broke the silence by saying, ‘Wow, okay. So, yea I, uhm guess it is about time to get out of here?’ I stood up and took my trash to the trash can and she followed me out the door. I turned and began walking down the street and she followed closely and said, ‘how far away is your car?’ This girl was expecting a ride! So, I stopped and turned around and said, ‘oh, I am about a block this way. Where did you park?’ She replied, ‘Oh, I took the bus here. I don’t have a drivers license.’ Now, I am normally not a rude person. Even in that situation, I was going to just walk away and let that be that, but I just couldn’t pass this opportunity up. I looked at her right in the eyes and said, ‘eew!’ Pulled out my cellphone and typed, ‘she doesn’t even have a license … ! … !! … !!!’ I then put my phone away, looked up at her, smiled and said, ‘That’s okay! Not everybody is capable of driving a car! Lucky for you, the bus stop is right over there. I hope you don’t have to wait too long!’ I wish I took a picture of the look on her face as I walked away. It was priceless” (Source).
Broken Hearts and Fingers
“In 4th grade, I used my birthday money from Grandma to take the lovely Karen H. roller skating – not just a 1st date – my first date, ever. Once we got there (thanks for the ride, Mom) we went around a couple times, then she started skating with an older boy, I fell down (1st time skating, too) and somebody rolled over my fingers. She never said ‘thanks for a lovely time’ or anything” (Source).
“I decided to give online dating a try, as I had been pretty busy with work and hadn’t had the chance to meet anyone. Started messaging a girl who seemed nice; mid 20s, little big but I don’t mind that. She suggested stopping by my house when she was in town the next day. Next day arrives, and so does she. All 5 foot nothing of her. I thought I could just feign niceness for a few hours, but after she confessed she was actually only 17, and 3 months pregnant I just made her leave. Didn’t think too much of it, until an ex of mine texted me to ask what I was playing at. Turns out, this girl had been telling her ultrasound technician (my ex) that we had been dating for a few weeks and how great it was. Never used online dating again!” (Source)
A Hot Date
“My roommate’s girlfriend was a dancer at a adult entertainment club, and he and I would go on slow nights, get a couple drinks and she and her coworkers would sit and hang out with us when they didn’t feel like being pawed at. During the course of one of these hang outs, I struck up a conversation with a dancer who turned out to be extremely well-educated and a would-be symphony composer. She was also ridiculously hot (of course) and we just sorta clicked. It took a while, since we met at the club, but I eventually got a date with her. We started our evening at a local coffee shop that was famous for having little s’mores platters with flaming cans to toast your marshmallows. We got a couple of lattes, a s’mores platter, and proceeded to flirt. She was wearing velvet stretch-pants, a bustier-top and bolero jacket; it was just on the line between trashy and classy, and she looked fantastic. Things are going swimmingly, until one of the marshmallows I had on a skewer caught fire. I had a mouthful of scalding hot latte at the time, so I panicked a little, and just waved the marshmallow to put it out. It promptly sailed through the air like a sticky, flaming meteor, and landed on her lap. She looked down with horror as her velvet pants caught fire. She shrieked. I wanted to throw a glass of water on her, or blot it out with a napkin – but the only napkins I had were paper, and I had no water. Just scalding hot latte. I think you see where this is going. She looks at me panicky and says, ‘Do something!’ So I did what I could. I doused that fire with scalding hot latte. She went to the bathroom. Returned with scorched pants, and burns on her thighs. There are so many great ways that might have happened that would have been super hot. This wasn’t one of them. ‘Let’s call it a night’, she said. I did not get a second date” (Source).
Check Her ID
“About 4 years ago I went out with this girl I met at a summer camp we both worked at. Camp had ended and I had agreed to drive the hour between our houses and pick her up for a night of teenage romancing. I had spent a number of hours deciding on which restaurant I would take her to, then where to go after, even down to what time I would take her home. When I arrived to pick her up, I was surprised to see her out on the side of the street, rather than in her house, but I paid no mind and had her hop in and we were off. Dinner passed and was uneventful, consisting of me trying not to make a fool out of myself so that I would have a chance with her at the end of the evening. After dinner I suggested that we go to a cafe around the corner for dessert. We ended up splitting a slice of cheesecake, which was how I knew I was doing well with her. It was starting to get more than a little flirtatious, hand holding and the sort of thing that set my loins on fire. I have noticed the entire time that she kept ignoring a phone call from someone, but once again I still didn’t think to question it. I remember being so excited (not physically haha) when we got up to leave, ready for the passion of the night to begin. She told me about a place on her street where we could park and be alone, which sounded perfect. I put the pedal to the floor, driving with the heart of a Nascar champion, intent on getting to her street as fast as possible. As we turn on her street, we are greeted with four cop cars parked outside of her parents house. Her response: ‘Oh, I didn’t think they would do that.’ I pull up to the house, in time to have 4 armed police officers tell me to step outside of the car with my hands up. In the next 15 minutes I learned that the girl was not 17 like she had said she was, but actually 15. She had 2 moms who were extremely prejudiced towards men in general so they had disallowed her to see me, so she had snuck out to go on the date with me. Her parents had called the cops informing them that their daughter had been kidnapped, and so there I was an hour away from home being questioned by the police trying to hide my quickly dying growing friend. Eventually everything was dropped and I was allowed to go” (Source).