So, you might not be dating Einstein, but you would at least assume that the guy or girl you're seeing has even just a shred of common sense, right? These people weren't that lucky.
Wordsmith
Apparently, this Reddit user didn’t got over elementary grammar on the first date:
She got me Mad Libs and when it was her turn to do a noun she asked “What is a noun?” I said “it’s a person, place, or thing.” There was a long silence as she thought. It went on for so long that I thought she must be thinking of the best noun I had ever heard. Then she said “place.”
Directionally challenged
Somebody buy this person a compass:
Was on a hike and was following a trail I had read up on online. We get to a fork and I say “Okay now we need to go north”. She says “haven’t we been going north this whole time?” Confused, I look at her and ask why she says that. She replies “north is the direction in front of you yeah?” Still not entirely sure about the origins of that logic…
Life in plastic, it’s fantastic
We’ve got ourselves a nature lover over here:
When I saw her water her plastic plant for the third time. The first two times I was sort of stunned and curious. The second time she actually said, “The water goes right through.”
Burgundy boyfriend
Well that escalated quickly…
(In my defense, this was back in 2004) I found it charming and endearing that he did funny voices, made funny idiosyncratic jokes, and occasionally called me “m’lady”. Then I saw Anchorman. Oh my god he literally was doing a 24/7 Ron Burgundy impression, eclipsing his entire personality. I’m not sure I ever really met him.
I got the message
Here’s hoping you had a really good phone plan.
My ex thought that whenever I missed his call, the phone would still be ringing even after it went to voice mail. I got at least three voice mails a week that consisted of silence and the odd annoyed, impatient sigh.
Secret alien
That‘s actually… really surreal.
When she pointed up at a bluish star and sincerely asked “Is that Earth?”
Festive feline
I kind of want to live in her world, where animals buy presents for humans.
I had been dating this girl for a few months and it was Christmas time. We weren’t super serious but it was serious enough that I was buying her Christmas presents. I found something for her that was perfect and it had a connection to some funny event involving her and my cat. So I made the present from the cat. I thought I was being cute and she would make the connection. Instead, she got pissed that my cat got her a present and I didn’t. I thought she was joking. To make matters worse we were at her parents’ place and they backed her up. It was extremely awkward and I realized it wasn’t going to work out.
Gun control
This dude probably (definitely) shouldn’t own a gun.
He shot himself in the leg twice while cleaning his gun. The same gun. 2 weeks apart. Shot himself in the calf the first time, then took out his kneecap the second time, same leg. Took months of surgeries to fix it.
Bread infection
You can stop avoiding bagels now!
My wife reminded me that I used to think yeast infections were a result of eating too much bread. Yeah…
Get with the times
Maybe he wouldn’t sound so dumb if he was born a century ago…
He insisted that women cannot be doctors, only nurses (and vice versa.) He said that the two are the exact same thing except one is male and one is female. He was in his early 20s.
Born again, and again, and again
Well, okay. That‘s certainly a unique perspective…
He truly believed that you regrow your virginity after 6 months of no sex. His belief had nothing to do with the hymen or religious constructs. He just thought six months of no sex = poof virginity!
Hot and cold
Doesn’t she have a thermostat?
I cant get my girlfriend to understand that celsius and fahrenheit are the same thing… she thinks celsius is cold and fahrenheit is hot.
Branching out
Let me guess: He‘s a vegan?
When he told me, quite seriously, about how people with enough willpower can survive by photosynthesis.
Moo-staken
In her defense, most people’s perception of cows is pretty black and white.
She was out for a run one day and when she came back she said an animal charged at her, so she cut her run short. I asked her what it looked like, and she said, “Like a cow, but brown.” It was a cow.
Wine expert
Maybe just go to Applebees or something for your next date…
Boyfriend took me to a fancy restaurant and we ordered wine. When the waiter came back, he gave my BF the cork to sniff. My BF grabbed it, sucked on it and licked it like a lollipop all excited while the waiter looked uncomfortable, poured our glasses and slunk away.
Airhead
More power to her.
Said her dad told her the giant wind farm fans in central California were to cool things down and she believed him. Me: when you were a kid? Her: no, last year.
Provocative pasta
What a saucy, saucy man.
He called lingerie “linguine”. As in the pasta.
Organic boyfriend
He was just scared to give his heart away.
He was getting his license renewed and they asked him if he wanted to be an organ donor. He said no. When I asked why he told me it was because he didn’t want the government to come knocking for any of his organs when he still needed them. He really thought that becoming an organ donor meant that, at any time, his organs could be taken.
Not just horsing around
She must not be very revered in historical circles.
My girlfriend at the time genuinely believed that it was the headless horseman that ran though Lexington and Concord shouting “The British are coming, the British are coming!”