They make these things called "chill pills," people. You may want to take one. Or ten.
This Flight Will Be Delayed
Was on a plane from Denver to Baltimore. They get everyone in the tunnel to board the plane, then a situation happens. No one knows what. But there’s managers, attendants, pilots, everything. Then an air Marshall comes. And I’m like “f*ckkkkkk me……..” Thinking the worst. So 45 minutes go by and we’re now on the plane but delayed and sitting there. Turns out 3 young girls stole 200 dollars from an old woman who had her purse on her seat while she was getting her luggage situated. The woman eventually had to notify the attendants because the situation was escalating. The main girl who was being accused stands up and makes a scene. They escort her off the plane and talk to her. She’s screaming “ya’ll better be getting me back on this mother f_cking plane! This is profiling!” They call a few people who saw it. The Marshall had come to talk to her to which she sprinted back onto the plane and into the bathroom. And they had to take the door apart to get to her. (This was the 45 minutes) they check the trash can, 200 dollars is in it. I dunno why she didn’t at least flush it instead. But they arrest her and her two friends that helped. All while the girl is screaming how this is racist and this is profiling and she’s suing and “they better get her on a first class trip right now!” A thief was offended for being accused of stealing, because they thought it was because of their skin color. Turns out, they were actually just a thief. (Source)
You May Be Confusing Your Decades
I was at a hookah bar with my buddy and his girlfriend once, when one of her friends showed up out of the blue and started talking. It was all cool at first, I’d never met her but she seemed alright and she ended up sitting with us. Well about twenty minutes in we some how got onto the subject of toys, and how our parents had crazy dangerous toys in the 80s and the kids now had crazy foam swords and cool nerf guns. At this time I personally lamented “Man, I really wish I could’ve had those old toys.” This was my mistake. This girl suddenly explodes, saying how women couldn’t vote ‘back then’ (which confused me because I was talking about the 80’s) and that they had no rights and how awful I was for saying that. “I really don’t think you want that.” Was her final quip before leaving me defeated at the table, privilege thoroughly checked. I avoid toy talk now, because apparently I’m a sexist bastard for my interest in lawn darts. (Source)
Can’t You See the Wheelchair?
I worked with a guy that got offended I parked in a handicap spot (that I was legally allowed to use). I spend most of my time in a wheelchair. Though a few years ago even when I first started needing my chair I was able to walk short distances fine, but anything that was beyond a certain point I was in danger of falling because I couldn’t’ support myself that long. So I could drive to work ok, I could get out of my car an pull out my chair and get in. I could even leave my chair in my office to go to the bathroom about 10 feet away. SO this guy started working for the same company and things are going fine. I don’t know if he didn’t notice me in my wheelchair at my desk instead of a normal office chair or if he just hadn’t seen me make one of my many trips down the hall to my boss in my chair or what. He didn’t work in my department so I didn’t really pay much attention. He was leaving one day at the same time I was and saw me stand out of my chair to put it in my car. He started screaming at me about how I was taking advantage of both the company, the parking space, and everyone who is “really disabled”. I mean 5 minutes of a tirade while I am holding on to may car for dear life because he is preventing me from putting my folded chair into my trunk. I got a whole spiel about how his mom can’t walk and every time she goes to park in a handicap spot some assh*le like me is parked there and how dare I take away parking spots from people who really can’t get around. A coworker came out heard the yelling and called for security. Needless to say after a 10 minute meeting with my boss, his boss, their boss and HR he was fired. Seriously the guy got angry and offended because my disability seemed fake to him because I could stand up for moments at a time. Every now and then I think I should have sent him my medical bills to prove how real my condition is but I was shocked silent at the time and trying not to fall. (Source)
I’m Just Doing My Job
I have to ask to see ID when people buy any sort of high amount gift card where I work. Just policy, gotta do it for everyone.
The amount of white people that think I’m passively saying they look like a criminal and say I’m discriminating against them… I’d have to ID a 12 year old if they were buying 50 dollars of Steam gift cards, bucko. You’re not that special.
These are also the same people that get offended whenever I make sure a 50 or 100 dollar bill is real. Like I don’t care if you made it or just got it from the bank, sh*t gets through the cracks sometimes. Gotta check. (Source)
The Grass Isn’t Always Greener
My downhill neighbors took down the fence separating our yards because they said our yard was so beautiful. Then they complained that we were spying on them from our deck. Then we built a fence separating the yards again so we both had our privacy. Then they built a raised deck to see over the fence to our yard and complained again that we were spying on them. (Source)
The Most Offensive Halloween Costume
I had a girl lose her sh*t on me and my friend because for halloween we wore suits and said we were the 1%. This was during the whole occupy wall street crap. She got all upset and said we were f_cked up assh_les and that we were discriminatory, representing an oppressive regime. She was dressed as a 50s house wife. We told her that, based on her costume, she had no rights anyway and what us 1 percenters did didn’t concern her, and that we didn’t understand why she was out of the kitchen. She stormed off pretty quick after that. (Source)
That Is Not Paint So Your Complaint Is Invalid
This just happened. A few weeks ago some repairs needed to be done in my kitchen. They sent in a handyman to repair the sheetrock. I come home and there’s paint everywhere. It’s spilled onto my center island cutting board, one I bought. It was on the floor, on my refrigerator (I bought), sink, cabinets, foot prints on the floor tile, even some where he sat on my couch. I complained to the landlord and they asked me to send them pictures. And I didn’t hear anything.
So they were all on the property yesterday and I wanted to talk to the owner, the manager, and the handyman. He wouldn’t talk to me, and was angry and avoided me. I then spoke to the manager and demanded to know what was going on and why he was acting like that, and why the mess hasn’t been cleaned up.
In the end, after they came in and we argued, the owner was mad at me too, and I still couldn’t figure out why. Well, it wasn’t paint, it was mud & spackle. They were mad at me for not knowing it wasn’t paint. Then it dawned on me that the handyman truly felt he hadn’t done anything wrong because what he was being accused of, splattering/spilling paint on my things, was a lie, because it was mud/spackle, so it didn’t happen.
Please Don’t Use Those Fancy Words
I had a student and advisee as a freshman. Kid had no social skills whatsoever, superiority complex, and no friends. I gave a creative writing assignment to write from the viewpoint of a pet, to which he replied that dogs are evil and he hates them all because he was convinced that his parents loved the family dog more than they loved him. Parent-teacher conference comes – his mother is the most emotionally cold, robotic parent I’ve ever met. She was upset at him for getting an A- in my class and asked what kind of punishment might motivate him to work harder. The kid was still annoying, still had no social skills, still thought he was smarter and better than everyone. But I saw his home life and realized that he’s learned it from his family. (Source)
Never Disagree With the Driver
After seeing Captain America Civil War at the cinema, some of us weren’t too impressed by the film and were discussing it. One of our friends who’d thoroughly enjoyed it decided that this was unacceptable, so with smile, he turned around and walked off without saying a word. He drove home without us, leaving us stranded at the Trafford Centre near Manchester, about 50 minutes from home all because we disagreed with his assessment of a film. (Source)
But It’s Not Spinach, Lois
Received a complaint from an “anonymous” co-worker (let’s be honest, we all know who it is in every workplace) that I had used the outdated and racist term of “collared greens” to describe what my grandma made for thanksgiving. Apparently, I was saying that because its popular with “colored people” in the south, never mind it’s because they come from the collard family of cabbages. So I was forced to apologize and call it spinach, which it is f*cking not. Goddamn you Lois for making me spread misinformation. (Source)
Please Respect the Bear Culture
I was talking to a coworker about the mating practices of Pandas and I said “Pandas are really dumb creatures,” and the woman next to me (not Asian in the slightest) stood up and said “You should respect other people’s cultures more.” I wanted to ask if there were any other bears in the office. (Source)
Keep Your Fashion Advice to Yourself
It was a beautiful and unseasonably warm fall day on my college campus. High near 90 and humid. As I was walking towards the library I saw one of my former professors (interpersonal communications) walking towards me. She was wearing corduroy pants and a thick sweater with a scarf. I said, “Afternoon Dr. Robinson! Oh my gosh, it’s way too warm a day for that sweater!” I was planning on following it up by asking if she had a cold classroom but she got right in my space and shook her finger in my face and snapped, “You have NO RIGHT to tell me what I can and cannot wear. It is NOT YOUR PLACE to decide my clothing.” I mumbled something incoherent and skulked away. (Source)
I Said Hook not Hooker
When I was in fourth grade I was horsing around during some class free time. I had a coat hanger in my sweater with the hook poking out from my sleeve. I was doing to whole pirate argh thing and I say near the new girl gar I’m Cap’n Hook! She FREAKS out and demands I tell her why I just called her a hooker. I didn’t even know what a hooker is and told her so. Apparently, that wasn’t the right answer. Teacher got involved, explained myself and apologized for the misunderstanding. Girl hated me after that. (Source)
You Should Be Ashamed of Your Peanut Butter Obsession
Friends with an allergy mom on Facebook. She takes it as a personal insult if you mention liking or consuming peanut products. I live across the country from her, but my peanut butter and jelly sandwich could kill her son, so I shouldn’t eat it. I bought the Reese’s candy variety pack to hand out on Halloween. It’s worth noting that I also had non-food items and was participating in the Teal Pumpkin Project. But the fact that I was handing out candy with peanut butter in it was an attack on her and her child. (Source)
There’s a Reason We Didn’t Work Out
Ex-girlfriend started talking to me after 2+ years of no contact. I was surprised, but whatever. 2-4 weeks later she explains that she’s going on holiday for her birthday to Disney World, I say cool and wish her a good time. She talks to me every now and again throughout that holiday, sending pictures, this and that, I never asked for any of this, but didn’t want to appear rude, threw in small talk here and there. One day, which happened to be her final day there, I had been out all day and been to bed early, she messages me: “No time to talk to me today then?” ‘Oh I went to bed early and then I’ve been out at the gym all day, lol’ “Is something funny? I take the time to talk to you while on vacation and you’re laughing at me, you’re still a d*ck” I blocked her shortly after and not spoke to her since. Crazy people man, they’re everywhere. (Source)