Being a parent is down-right hard work. From the constant cries to swapping out
There’s only one clear winner here.
And that winner definitely doesn’t involve hearing a baby on the other end. That is, unless it’s your hubby’s baby talk trying to turn you on. And that shit is down-right disturbing.
Wait, how many kids do I have? Two or three?
Oh yeah, your mother named you Kaitlin because you’re a girl. That’s right.
In the end the joke’s on you, kid.
My future burial is in your hands. No pressure.
And our parenting job is complete!
Get ’em to pre-school and the rest is history. Am I right or am I right?! You’re on your own kid.
Gotta get our money’s worth.
Would you like to build a snowman? How about one every day for the rest of your young kid life? ‘Cause that’s what a twenty dollar movie will get you!
Just trying to hide our laughter.
Let the farting wars begin….poor mom.
Just gotta put your head down and focus.
I’m watching you Baylen. “What’s that for? I didn’t do nuthin’!” “That’s in case ya do and I’m not around!”
Otis has left the building!
Surprise, that building is my uterus.
It’s goin’ down, we’re yelling timber.
It’s like a bad game of holiday dominoes.
She sits peacefully, waiting for her moment to strike.
If that is calm, we don’t want to see what a wild Harper looks like.
Kids, they do the darndest, and most definitely cruelest things.
It’s like the damn cats and their toys. You could buy them the nicest things and they’ll be more amused by a stupid cardboard box.
Now my life is just one big bag of shit.
Where’d all the whiskey go? The closest thing to whiskey we’ve gotten a taste of lately is the firing squad coming out of a dirty diaper.
That savage.
Didn’t you know the kids are the boss?!
Teachin’ them young.
And this is all the ice cream that will inevitably be taken from you, every day, for the rest of your hard working life.
I have so much natural talent for this motherhood thing.
Not my house, not my problem. Am I right, or am I right?
Just go to sleep already!
Mommy needs a drink…or five. And her bed, most definitely her bed.
‘Cause you best believe I’m going to be a MILF.
And I’m going to prom whether he likes it or not. I’m going to SLAY in my dress.
Claps for every boy out there.
You guys are the real MVPs.
I’d do anything for you…well, except…
Some things are just way too important, right Ryan?
The game is on.
Watch out my pretties.
Well, his daughter won’t be bringing all the boys to the yard.
Not with a creepy smile like that. Maybe that’s the goal of all fathers of daughters out there.
Welp, son, now you know who your real dad is.
Savage.
Twinkle, twinkle, little death.
‘Cause sometimes they just need a healthy dose of reality.
Now you want to sleep?!
Maybe I’ll start screaming so you get woken up just like mommy did this morning.
What an evil, evil genius.
Yep, that’s it. She will be my demise.
Half eaten chicken nuggets with a side of slobbery mac n cheese, please.
That sounds like a meal fit for a queen.
Someone has to take care of the kid, HONEY.
Aka, wake your butt up and take care of your damn kid, babe.
Just call me Betty the cow.
Would you like some milk with that bowl of cereal?
That will be a sad, sad day indeed.
Sweetie, there is no such thing as Santa’s penis….proceeded by bloody curdling screams.
We just want our sloth days back.
But no, it’s mommy this and mommy that. Just let me watch one episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians will you please?!
