Wine Will Go Anywhere With You
Getting another human to go places that you're interested in isn't always easy, but wine will go to that family reunion or weird art show with you without complaint. Sure, you might have to hide it in a jacket to get it in some places, but it will always be close to your heart.
Wine Always Knows How To Make You Smile
Sure, you might hate wine the morning after you spend your whole night with it, but you just can't stay mad at it. Once you're back together, you'll be smiling all over again.
Wine Never Judges
Want to sit on your couch for a whole day watching an entire season of "Game of Thrones?" No problem! Maybe you want to order an extra large pizza just for yourself? Go for it! Wine won't tell you that you're wasting your time or try to get you to do annoying things like "go outside," "be social," or "just show some general zest for life for once."
Wine Never Has Ulterior Motives
Wine just wants to get drunk and have a fun time — simple as that. You never have to worry about wine trying to get into your pants.
Wine Will Make You Dinner By Just Existing
A boyfriend or girlfriend might make you dinner on occasion, but with wine, you always have dinner right away. Bottoms up!
Wine Likes All Your Friends, And They All Like Wine!
It's no easy feat to get your significant other to like your friends, and vice versa. But with wine, you already know that there's going to be no awkward tension between it and your friends! And wine will never make you put it before your friends — it's totally cool hanging with your crew.
Wine Is Good For Your Heart, Unlike Dating
Studies have found that red wine actually improves your heart health, unlike the dating world that has been scientifically proven to cause massive deterioration in your heart. Live a longer and happier life by choosing wine.
You Don't Have To Dress Up For Dates With Wine
Wine will love you no matter what you look like. You could be wearing your nicest clothes with your hair done meticulously or have just rolled out of bed in sweatpants and wine wouldn't care. Wine just wants to hang out with you!
Wine Is A Cheap Date, Or A Fancy One If You Want
Wine can be whatever you want! Splurge and indulge yourself in a night of decadence with a fine wine, or save your money and spend the night with a reliable bottle of Two-Buck Chuck. With wine, you're always in control of what you want.
Wine Is There For Your Highest Highs And Lowest Lows
You can't always count on a person to be there for you when you're down in the dumps or high in elation ready to celebrate some big news, but you can always count on wine to either ease the pain or start the party. It's seen you at your worst and at your best, and it's still there for you.
Wine Is OK With You Fooling Around With Other Alcohols
Wine is never jealous or overprotective of you. If you want to spend the night with something more dangerous, like vodka, wine is totally OK with it, and it'll be there for you the next day no matter what happens.
Wine Thinks You're A Great Dancer
Let's face it, not everyone is going to be happy to dance with you, but wine will never leave you alone on the dance floor. In fact, it will up your dance game exponentially (or, at least in your head).
Wine Gets Better With Age
People age, but wine is forever. In fact, it gets even better as the years go by. While many relationships crumble or become stale with time, wine will only be getting more complex and fulfilling.
Wine Can Be Whatever You Need It To Be
People only come with one personality, which isn't always what you want to be around, but wine comes in various diverse flavors. Tired of pinot noir? Switch to zinfandel. Or maybe a rosé. There are so many types of wine to choose from.
Wine Will Encourage You To Do Things You Never Would Otherwise
Taking risks and going on adventures are some of the most memorable moments in someone's life. And sure, you may not remember all of the nights you spend with wine, but the ones you barely recall are sure to be true gems.