"I went on a first date with a very strange woman. About 15 minutes into the date, her parents showed up at the restaurant where we were eating dinner. It was very awkward. Her parents lived an hour away and no, it was not a coincidence. She wanted them to meet me, but she didn't even tell me that they were coming. Also, during that same first date, she told me that she had herpes, but it would be okay if we used condoms. She was a total psycho."
"This date was my worst and WEIRDEST. I still can't figure this girl out. I met her in class and after we talked for a few weeks, she told me she had an annual pass to Disneyland. So we made plans to go one night, and the entire time we were there, I felt like she was trying escape. Like she just ran everywhere from me. I had to chase her to every ride we went on. When I asked her what was going on, she told me that she always runs.
What? B*tch don't go to Disneyland with me and make me chase you like a goddamn squirrel."
"I went on a date with a girl and it was cool. We talked and ate dinner. After the date, I asked if she wanted to go out again sometime. Her exact words were, 'No thank you. You're too ugly for me, but thanks for buying me dinner.' I wanted to smack the shit out of her, but I just went home and cried instead.'"
"My date actually went well until the very end. I went in for the kiss, except I didn't meet her lips. Somehow, I ended up inside her mouth because she was trying to eat my face. I didn't know a woman's mouth could open that wide, and I've never seen someone kiss like that. Maybe she should've ordered more food."
"In 10th grade this cool, popular girl asked me to the movies on a Friday night. I was totally psyched when I picked her up and drove her to the local theater. I bought her a popcorn and drink and we went into the movie. When I stepped aside to let her into the row I had chosen, a guy close to the front stood up and she went and sat with him instead. It was at that point that I realized I was just her ride to the movies. I sat there by myself until the movie was over and the two of them had the nerve to ask me for a ride home.
I drove them to a dingy truck stop outside of town and left them there. The girl couldn't even make eye contact with me for the next two years of high school. That tramp!"
"I happily participated in a long conversation about all of her interests and hobbies. I asked her endless questions, occasionally sharing one of my own experiences or telling a joke. After a lull in the conversation, I asked her if she wanted to ask me anything and she immediately said no. There was a long awkward silence after that."
"I picked up a girl at her house and briefly met the parents. The girl and I started talking as we walked out to my car and when I went around to my side I noticed her standing with her arms folded, glaring at me from the curb. She told me that if I was a real man, I would open the door for her. Our conversation had been very pleasant, so I was completely taken aback. But I thought she had a point—I was pretty young and inexperienced—so I offered an apology and told her I would get the next one. I started the car and she still didn't move. Her mouth fell open and she actually stomped her foot on the ground with her arms folded over her chest and glared at me with disgust. Great. I made a U-turn and left to play mini golf with my friends.
She could explain to her parents why her date was so short."
"My date left me sitting at the bar while she chatted with friends that she ran into by the pool table for 45 minutes. After that she sat outside and talked on the phone with her ex-boyfriend for another half hour. Then she came in and started crying to me. I stood up and left and when she asked where I was going I just kept walking."
"A few years back I was set up on a blind date. After I got ready I decided to get a cup of tea from the fridge—someone had made a new container and placed a single glass in front of it. I figured they made more and there was only a cup or so left. So I headed off to my date and it was going well. We started with lunch, but by the time the food finally arrived I had a case of the bubble guts. I let about one minute pass before I decided my next move. But the move had already been made for me because I nearly shit myself. I got up so fast that I knocked the table a bit and spilled her drink on her. I ran to the restroom and with the force of a warhead I lost my load. I didn't even get a chance to say anything to her. I just ran and spent the next 40 minutes dropping bombs.
Turned out the glass of tea had my grandfather's laxative in it."
"This girl said I should meet her for drinks at like seven or eight. Turns out she went to happy hour at five. When I got there at seven she was bombed. Completely wasted. She kept trying to unzip my fly at the bar, and swapped back and forth between being horny and crying. She asked me to buy her a drink, and I said she should probably stop drinking because she was already pretty drunk. She took offense to that and tried to get the bouncer to throw me out by saying that I hit her. Thankfully, the bouncer was one of my roommates.
He ejected her, and I went back home. She called the next day to apologize and asked if we could go out again. I agreed (everyone has bad days) and went to dinner. She showed up drunk...again. I may not be the smartest man, but even I can see a red flag THAT large."